CHAPTER 11

Brock

Sun was pouring in the window when I opened my eyes again. In all of the chaos of the night before I’d forgotten to close the shades. I glanced down to see Amanda’s lashes lying softly on her cheeks. Throughout the morning, she was restless in sleep. Whatever she dreamed about, her mind was having a hard time letting go. With her finally in a peaceful sleep, I didn’t want to wake her, so I climbed from the bed as carefully as I could, hoping she was tired enough not to wake. When I was sure she’d stay asleep, I pulled an extra blanket over her to make up for my heat, then went to take a shower. Last night was just the beginning. I knew we still had to deal with Jimmy Delgado and worry about what he would do when he realized she was missing.

I also knew I needed to talk to Malcolm. With Marcello dead, it wouldn’t take them long to point the fingers at the Haweses when it came to ‘Isobel’ being missing. Once Malcolm heard her story and we could verify it, I knew he’d be willing to help. But I wouldn’t blame him for wanting to see facts and not just take Amanda at her word. Her former husband was a ruthless bastard and with her reputation in town, Malcolm would need proof that she wasn’t just trying to fuck us over.

I flipped the shower on, steam eventually filling the room. With only a few hours of sleep, I knew a hot shower would help to wipe away the last bit of fog in my brain. I needed a clear head to deal with the fallout from last night. I let the room fill with steam, as I thought about the biggest problem down the hall. Last night might have been fun, but if we were going to get out of this I needed to keep my dick away from Amanda and in my pants.

The water had begun to cool when I stepped out of the shower. Once I finished getting dressed, I quietly made my way to the kitchen to start breakfast and coffee. The moment the pot turned off, I filled the mug, half tempted to add some brandy, but didn’t, knowing I had too much shit to deal with. I grabbed a mug from the cabinet for Amanda but left it on the counter. So many things had changed for her in the last few years, it wouldn’t surprise me to find out she’d given up coffee.

The eggs sizzled in the pan. Not that I was that great a cook, but I knew enough to get by. The toaster popped while I was scraping the eggs onto two plates.

“I’ll get it.”

I turned to find Amanda wearing one of my shirts. The fabric only covered her to mid-thigh. Long, tanned legs peeked out from beneath the hem. The blood rushed from my head and I thought about leaving breakfast on the counter and taking her back to my bedroom for a few hours. That was one thing that hadn’t changed in all the years we were apart—my need for her. I couldn’t get enough. Every touch, every taste was exactly like I’d remembered, but so much more. I did my best to remind myself of the resolution I made in the shower to keep my hands to myself.

That thought alone brought me back to my senses. I’d already been to hell and back because of the woman before me. I’d help her get out of the mess she was in then send her on her way.

“Like what you see?”

Even though I told myself not to, I glanced over my shoulder only to find her directly behind me, a sexy smirk pulling at her lips. Groaning, I looked away.

“I do. But if I take you back to my room, I’m tying you to the bed and keeping you there all day.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her head for the toaster. “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing.”

I grabbed a plate from the cabinet and handed it to her before taking the eggs to the table. “It was a means to an end.” Not that I really believed that was the case, but I needed Amanda back out of my life. I wasn’t going down that path again. With her gone, I could go back to my routine. I’d go to help Ashton at the games and find someone to keep my bed warm at night.

Her gaze fell to the basketball shorts covering my hips. She picked the toast up and set it on the plate. “That’s not what your dick is saying. He looks like he’d be more than happy to join me in bed all day.” She set the plate on the table and took the seat across from me.

“Well, for once I’m not listening to my dick. I’m listening to my brain, who’s telling me we have a million problems to deal with.”

She shook her head. “I have a million problems to deal with.”

“Back to being stubborn, I see. I told you I want to help. Why are you fighting me on that?”

“Not when I tell you everything. After that you may not be so willing to fight for me.” There was something in the tone of her voice, but with her refusing to look me in the eye it was hard to place.

“There’s nothing you can tell me that I haven’t seen worse of and I already know about all of the rumors. What else could there be? Does this have anything to do with your nightmare?”

“There’s a lot more and it has everything to do with it.”

I had a feeling whatever Amanda hadn’t told me wouldn’t shock me. Whether or not she knew about everything her husband did, I doubted she’d witnessed anything I hadn’t seen myself and there was no way she’d participated in any of it. This was a woman who couldn’t handle the gore of a horror movie much less the kind of shit that happens in this life. And unlike the Hawes family, Marcello wouldn’t have bothered to keep her away from it.

“How do you take your coffee?”

Her head popped up. “Coffee?”

I stood from the table. “Yeah, coffee.”

Her brows drew down. “Umm . . . sugar, no cream.”

“Got it.” Another thing that was the same. I tried to push those memories back down. Those were the kind of emotions that would get one of us killed. I filled the mug I’d left on the counter, added some sugar, and brought it back to the table.

Amanda wrapped her hands around the mug, bringing it to her lips like it was her lifeline, saving her from saying whatever was on her mind. Not wanting to push her for more than she was ready to tell me, I started in on my eggs. The silence stretched on. Eventually, she picked up her fork, pushing the food around on her plate.

“At first he made me watch.”

I set my fork down, giving the conversation the attention it deserved. “Made you watch what?”

“All those people he tortured for money. He made me watch every single time.” She looked up, a frown creasing her brow. “And none of them deserved it.”

She paused, and I took the opportunity to reassure her.

“I know. He liked to torture family members instead of the people who borrowed the money.” I had a feeling Amanda had gotten very good at putting up a cold, hard front. All of it to stop Marcello and the rest of the world from seeing how much all of it got to her.

She leapt from the chair. “Do you know he made me watch as they beat a pregnant woman until she miscarried there on the floor in front of me?” Her feet carried her swiftly back and forth across the kitchen. “That when I begged him to stop, he took me home and beat me so badly I was bedridden for weeks? Another time, when he sliced a man’s fingers off inch by inch until only his palm remained because his brother owed Nathan money and I puked after seeing the blood, he broke two of my ribs. After that I stopped doing anything. I’d bite the inside of my cheek just to save myself from being punished when we got home. Every time, every single time I was there he told the person bleeding on the floor it had been my choice on how they were punished.  Said he wanted to make me as tough as he was. That he’d find a way to teach me. And he did. I did things I never imagined myself doing. Eventually, I became immune to the violence, to the blood, to everything. I went and kept my mouth shut.”

The rambling continued until I stood and stepped into her path. The desire to punch something was overwhelming, but since Marcello was already dead, I turned to slam my first into the wall. Pain shot up my arm.

“Dammit, Brock,” she screeched, grabbing my hand and examining my knuckles.

“Just a few scrapes.” I pulled from her grip.

She filled the kitchen towel with ice and placed it over my knuckles. “At least ice it.”

Avoiding an argument, I held the ice to my hand. “You are not a monster. You made the best of a bad situation. A situation you had no choice in. A monster doesn’t recognize that what they did was wrong. They just keep doing it because they think it’s fun. I knew most of it already. I didn’t know how badly he beat you. Hell, I didn’t even know it was you. I’d kill him if he wasn’t already dead.”

Her shoulders dropped. “You may not think so, but I have a feeling you don’t know half the shit I did.”

“I know more than you think.”

“Really, so you know I branded one of Nathan’s men when he ‘lost’ a payment to remind him who he worked for. That I smashed the bones in both feet of another man who drew a knife on me during a drop. I had a gun, why didn’t I just shoot him? Because I wanted him to suffer for attacking me. I’d become exactly what Nathan wanted me to.” Her nose pinched up and disgust laced every word.

“Because he made you do that. And I’m fucking pissed off that you had to deal with any of that.”

She shrugged. “I found a way to survive.”

I guided her back to the table to sit down, afraid if I didn’t sit down, I’d break something else. Surviving is getting by on the streets. No one should have to survive in a mansion surrounded by money. “You shouldn’t have had to. You deserve someone to give you everything you want on a silver platter.”

She shrugged, playing it off like it didn’t matter. “Not what I got, though.”

Knowing she’d be able to find someone, but I was no longer the man for her, I gestured toward her breakfast. “Why don’t you eat, then we can figure out what we need to do now.”

“I need to find a way to end this marriage to Nathan and get rid of Jimmy Delgado before he comes after me.”

My first instinct was to tell her she was out of her fucking mind. That there was no way in hell I was letting her deal with Jimmy Delgado on her own. I knew it would be a pointless argument with her refusing to listen to reason. I picked up my fork and went back to eating. The room was quiet after that, the only sound of forks hitting plates.

“What? No trying to talk me out of going after Jimmy?”

“No, I know it won’t do any good. Doesn’t mean I can’t find other ways to stop you when you try it.”

“I wouldn’t give you the chance.”

I looked up to see what Amanda was talking about. “Think you’re that good?”

“Maybe not as good as you, but I have some tricks of my own.”

“I guarantee I’ve seen them all.” I narrowed my eyes.

“I’m not going to get into a pissing contest with you.” She rolled her eyes and went back to eating her breakfast. The room stayed silent while we ate. Every once in a while I’d catch Amanda watching me.

“What is it?” I finally asked.

“Where did you send my mom and Michael?”

“To a friend of mine in Texas. She’ll give them a place to stay until they can find something else.”

“Do you think they’re in danger now?”

“I don’t think so. They’re gonna blame the Haweses for your disappearance and Marcello’s death. That’s why I had to go last night, before they gave them extra security to keep me away from them.”

“Only means they’ll come after you.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “Those fuckers can come for me anytime they want. Show ’em what it’s like to fight someone who’ll fight back.”

“No. I won’t allow you to get hurt protecting me.”

“Getting hurt is part of the business. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

I didn’t expect or want Amanda to have to deal with the violence, but I wouldn’t let her think for one moment it wasn’t part of my life. Or that I couldn’t handle that part.

She mimicked my stance. This time I didn’t think it was the facade she portrayed around Marcello and his fucktards. “Yeah, but those other times didn’t have a damn thing to do with me.”

“And this time won’t either,” I snapped. “My boss had me bring your husband to him last night to slaughter him.”

She flinched at my statement, but I didn’t let it stop me.

“You know better than anyone to think that’ll be the end of it. They’re going to retaliate even without knowing you’re here and it’s my job to protect the family.”

“And what happens when they come after you?”

The dishes rattled when I slammed my hand onto the table. “Goddammit! That’s my job. And that’s not gonna change just because I know you’re alive. If they come after me, they come after me. I can guarantee they won’t get very far.”

She placed a hand on her hip. “You better check that attitude ’cause I don’t need it. I don’t expect things to change because you know the truth.”

I stood with my plate, knocking her hand off me, and dropped it into the sink. “You can stay here until we can figure out how to keep you safe.”

She followed me over to the sink with her own plate. “I told you, I don’t need you to keep me safe. Nathan had his men hired to keep an eye on how my father was running the company. I have a feeling he was using their contacts to hide his money and I’m gonna take everything from them.”

“With you missing, someone will take his place to keep the business running. There’s always one asshole waiting in the wings.”

“Jimmy Delgado would be my guess. He was always the sleaziest bastard on the payroll.”

Jimmy was a world-class prick. Almost as vicious as Marcello, but without the arrogance, which made him even more deadly than Marcello. He expected people to come after him, always keeping one eye in front of him and one in the back.

Her small hand slid around my waist from behind to cup my balls through my shorts. Even with all the conversation about business, the slightest touch of her fingers had me rock solid in seconds. I turned to face her. Her eyes were blazing.

Fuck it, I wasn’t a saint.