Chapter Five
AWK-WARD.
Seth walked beside Lindsey toward that mother-fucking fabulous car. Neither of them said a thing. Ever since Seth’s big revelation to Jazz, Lindsey had been taking deep breaths and not saying much. Not even “darling.” Hell, he would have thought the guy would be thrilled to know he was gay. Validation and all that crap. But Lindsey didn’t look thrilled. He looked—what? Scared. Weird.
They walked up to the Tesla and Seth crossed to the passenger side and slid in. Lindsey got in beside him. Tense.
“Uh, by the way, man, if I didn’t say it on the way over, this car is bitchin’.”
That got a smile. “Yes, she’s my baby. I’m not really a car person, but an electric car that goes really fast? My idea of a good time.”
“I’d have thought you’d get the sports car version.”
Dimples flashed in those lean cheeks. “I have that one too.”
Seth rolled his eyes. “Holy shit, I’m out of my depth in your lifestyle.”
“It’s all right, darling; most people are.” Strange. His voice sounded sad.
Lindsey started the car and pulled from their parking space. Seth looked out as they passed the entrance to the polo club. Westerberg and his son both stood there. Talk about daggers.
Ahead of them on the driveway, a big school bus puffed fumes into the air. Kids peered out the window at their car. The kids waved and made faces and Seth waved back. Then in the rear of the group, he saw Jazz. Seth gave him a thumbs-up and so did Lindsey. The boy nodded but he looked pretty unhappy.
Seth sat back as the school bus pulled out onto the tree-lined road and Lindsey turned in the opposite direction. “I really like that kid.”
Lindsey frowned. “Me too, and I’m worried about him. He doesn’t seem to get on well with that woman, and I think she’s one of his counselors.”
“Do you think the kid might be homo-curious? He sure asked a lot of questions about being gay.”
Lindsey glanced at Seth, then back at the road. “I hadn’t thought of that. It’s certainly possible. He’s moving into adolescence so it would come up, so to speak.” He laughed. “At least he got to see that there are all kinds of gay men, so he can be whoever he wants to be.”
Seth snorted. “Maybe in your rarified air, baby, but in the real world, being gay is a bitch. Especially for kids, before you’re big enough to fight back.”
“Bad childhood?”
“Sure. Me and a lot of other people. There was this guy in middle school. Shit, that poor kid got beat up every day. Finally he dropped out. His family couldn’t afford private school, so I don’t know what happened to him.”
“Did you help him?”
Seth blew out his breath. “No. I was fighting my own attraction, and couldn’t admit I was just like him. The best I can say is I wasn’t one of the guys beating him up.”
“When did you come out?”
“College. I was too scared in high school. It was a tough school and those guys were mean mothers. I was big but I knew I didn’t stand a chance. Then I got a football scholarship to State and finally felt safe, more or less. Even so, I stayed low-key. Still do. Being gay on the force is a bitch. Hard to get anyone to take you seriously. So I don’t hide it, but I don’t advertise. I’m not even sure why I told the kid.”
“You wanted him to know that all gay men aren’t like me.”
Holy crap, that was way too close to the truth. “You’re his hero.”
“Only while I’m on a horse.”
The sadness in that voice pressed on Seth’s chest. “You’re an amazing athlete. You’re—amazing.”
Silence.
Lindsey turned onto the road that led to his private drive. “Well, I hope I can do something for Jazz. He’s such a great kid and deserves better.”
“What will you do?”
“I’ll start by inviting him for a day out. Maybe take him to the stables and introduce him to the ponies.”
“He’d freak.”
“Yes, I hope so.”
Lindsey drove up the long private road in silence. What was with the guy? He seemed restrained. Not like his usual overdramatic, funny, flamboyant self. He passed the house and drove straight into a space in the enormous garage. She-it. Talk about automotive wet dreams.
As soon as Lindsey turned off the car, Seth hopped out and rounded to the other Tesla. The Roadster. Oh man. He ran his hand over the smooth fender. The car was green. “Wild color.”
“It seemed appropriate.”
Seth looked up. “Holy crap, what’s that?”
“An Inizio. All electric and even faster than the Tesla. It will do 170 if you give it optimum conditions.”
He looked at Lindsey. In his blue-green sweater that hugged his torso, the man was edible. “I thought you said you weren’t a car freak.”
“I rather like electric cars. They’re a tiny freak-out for me.” He smiled.
“Not exactly the Leaf we’re talking here.”
“Oh, I have one of those too.”
Seth just shook his head. “Thanks for taking me. I know it was a problem for you with your boyfriend.” Seth held his breath.
A crease shot between the arched blond brows. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”
Exhale. “Coulda fooled me. Mr. Possessive looked pretty pissed to see me hanging around. His father was damned annoyed too.”
Lindsey stared at his manicured hands. Not a good sign. “You mean Bruce. He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Oh?” Another inhale and hold.
“He’s just a man I’ve been out with.”
Not the most satisfactory answer. “A man you’ve had sex with?” Shit, where did those words come from?
Lindsey speared him with his gaze. Wow, he might be a flaming queen, but the guy could be damned formidable. “I can’t imagine why you think that’s your business.”
Seth held his palms up. “It’s not. I’m out of line. Sorry.” But something about that deflection felt like an affirmation. Damn. “I guess I better be going.”
“I guess you better had.”
He turned and stalked toward the door to the garage. Well, damn. He stopped and turned. Lindsey still stood by the Tesla sedan. Seth puffed his cheeks. Why the fuck was he doing this? “Look, I know I’m way out of my depth here, but I thought that guy and his dad were a little creepy, and I think you can do way better.” Lindsey opened his mouth and Seth held up a hand. “I know, I know. I should shut the fuck up and mind my own business.”
“No. I was just going to say that I agree. I could do better.”
Seth opened his mouth, closed it, and stared at that complicated, sad, gorgeous face. “Good.” He turned and walked out of the garage. Funny, Lindsey said he could do better, not that he would.
LINDSEY WATCHED Seth walk out of the garage. So that was it. Gone. Good. He pushed away from the car and walked through the covered walkway to the house. He felt weirdly sad. Usually he distracted himself from all he was missing with his work, his sports, and his adventures. But distraction was pretty hard with Seth in his face. Jesus, why did the man have to be gay?
I could have dreamed in peace when I thought Seth was untouchable.
Now dreaming, yearning, longing was not only stupid but downright dangerous. What if Lindsey pushed Seth too far and the human took Lindsey up on his invitations? He could maintain his distance and equilibrium with somebody like Bruce. The guy was barely exciting enough to get Lindsey erect. But Seth? What if they had sex?
He shuddered. Good grief, he got hard just thinking about it. Scratching, biting, howling. At the least, the guy would find out more about Lindsey’s real nature than it was smart for him to know. At the worst, Lindsey might actually hurt Seth. Not happening. He sighed.
He plodded through the hall from the kitchen to the staircase and started to climb.
“Lindsey.”
He smiled and turned on the stairs. “Hi, Pop-Pop.”
“I heard the polo match was quite the Vanessen show.” His strong white teeth flashed. At seventy-five, Casper Vanessen made most forty-year-olds look weak, slow, and boring. He still headed Vanessen Enterprises and commanded with a combination of wisdom and strength. Lindsey adored him.
“Probably not as much as might have been reported, but we did win.”
“Did you enjoy the event?”
“Yes.” He looked down at his feet, then back at Pop-Pop. “I met a great boy who’s from the home for abandoned kids that the event was supporting. He loves polo, and I thought maybe I could take him over to see the ponies, maybe get him out of there for a while. He doesn’t seem to get on too well with one of the ladies who runs the place.”
“Troublemaker, do you think?”
“No. Just an energetic, inquisitive adolescent.” He smiled and looked down again.
“Lindsey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing, sir. I’m doing well.”
“Come talk to me.” His grandfather turned and walked into the living room.
Did he want to talk? He’d have to be careful, but yes. Pop-Pop was a smart man. He walked down the stairs and into the large, comfortable room. His grandfather sat on a love seat at one end of the room, so he took the identical seat across from him. He leaned back and crossed his legs. Look relaxed.
Pop-Pop sat forward. “Romantic troubles?”
Wow. The old man had a way of diving to the truth. “Not exactly.”
“I heard you had a date with the Westerberg son. Your mother’s doing, I believe.” The old man could have been talking about a date with a girl, he was so comfortable with it.
“Yes, sir.”
“Did you like him?”
“Well enough.”
“Ah, so he’s not the issue.”
Lindsey grinned. His grandfather was enjoying the guessing game.
“So if it’s not exactly romantic troubles, what exactly is it?”
“I guess you could call it unrequited romantic interest.”
He rubbed his hands together. “Now this is interesting. I’ve seen you with many men over the years since you returned from school, but none of them lasted more than a few dates, and none of them ever sparked what I would call romantic interest. How odd that you should affix your affection on one who doesn’t care about you. Have you considered it might be a form of self-protection? Only wanting the ones you can’t have has a way of keeping you single.”
Lindsey grinned. “I guess that’s possible sometimes, but not in this case. He’s just highly inappropriate. A tough cop I met while helping Dave with the kidnapping issue. Dave asked if I would take him to the polo match to give him a chance to investigate among people we know without being too obvious. So I did it.” Lindsey shrugged.
“And got caught in your own trap.”
He smiled, but it hurt around the edges. “Yes, I guess. I found him attractive from the start but assumed he was straight, so it was just a harmless flirtation. After the match, I found out he’s gay, so that made the vast expanse between us more real.”
Pop-Pop frowned. “It’s not like you to discriminate based on class.”
“Nothing like that, sir. He’s the one discriminating, I’m sure. I’m simply not at all his type. A bit too lavender silk for his black leather, shall we say.”
His grandfather steepled his fingers and stared over them. “You’re not just one thing, Lindsey. I’ve know many men in my life and you’re one of the very best. Smart, decisive, action-oriented, kind, and basically good. Unlike your father, I might add. You need a man who sees that. But you’ve got good judgment, so if you think this cop is romance-worthy, then my bet is there’s something there worth pursuing. Ride him down, son!” He laughed that big robust sound that had comforted Lindsey since the day he was born.
Lindsey smiled. “Thank you for your counsel, sir. I’ll take it under advisement.” He got up and gave the old man a big hug.
SHIT. FUCK. Crap. Motherfucker. Seth sipped the beer and picked at the label on the bottle. Do not call. Do not call. He stared at his cell phone sitting in front of him on the bar like it was a snake.
The bartender wiped the condensation from the polished wood when Seth picked his bottle up for a sip. Nothing better to do. It was early for a gay bar crowd.
Sunday noon sun peeked through the tightly closed blinds. Seth turned and leaned his back against the edge of the bar. A couple of guys sat at a table holding hands, and two singles perched farther down the bar. One of them was a big bear and the other a tiny twink. Talk about your study in contrasts. Like looking at a Great Dane and a Chihuahua. Hard to believe they were the same species.
Which one did he like? Hell, something better take his mind off the fucking queen. He shoved his package forward just a bit. Advertising.
Bam. The bear got up and ambled over toward Seth. He lowered himself onto the barstool next to him. “Buy you a drink?”
“Still got one, thanks.”
“Anything else you’d like?”
Seth turned back around toward the bar. His fucking phone stared him in the face. “Maybe.”
The guy outweighed Seth by fifty pounds at least and topped him by two or three inches. Hair sprouted from the top of his T-shirt in contrast to his shaved skull. “Name’s Aaron.”
“Seth.”
He stuck a fat finger out and pushed the edge of Seth’s cell phone. “You waiting for this thing to ring?”
Seth chuckled. Aaron was a smarty bear. “Not exactly. Trying to keep from picking it up.”
“Yeah. Been there.” He sipped from his own beer bottle. “Who’s winning?”
“Not sure yet.”
“Hey, I’m hoping for a power failure because I think you’re gorgeous.” He tipped the bottle toward Seth, then swigged.
“You’re pretty gorgeous yourself.” There it was. Aaron was his type down to the ground. He liked big, hairy guys he couldn’t hurt with a little unnecessary roughness. He liked guys you’d never think were gay. Shit!
“Want to spell it out for me?”
Seth shrugged. “There’s this guy.”
“I kinda knew that part.” Aaron grinned and flashed white teeth and a tongue stud.
“He’s not my type at all.”
He nodded his big bald head. “They never are until they are.”
“No, I mean really. He’s all silk scarves and ‘darling’ this and ‘darling’ that. A flaming queen. It’s embarrassing to be gay with guys like that around.”
“There must be something about him you like.”
“I need him.”
“Hell, that’s everything.”
“No, no. I mean professionally. He can do stuff for me that will help me in my job.”
Aaron frowned. “Hey, buddy, there’s a name for shit like that, and they write it on bathroom walls.”
Seth ran a hand through his escaped curls. “I’m not explaining myself very well. I’m a—a cop, and this guy can get me access to some places that I need to go to investigate. I’m working on a big case, and he could be the key to solving it.” Yeah, that was it. That’s why he needed to call.
“Oh, I see. You had me going for a minute. So you’re a cop? Should I be worried?”
Seth glanced at the guy and waved a hand. “Hell no. I’m just sorting through shit. You’re helping. Thanks.”
“Okay, so this guy can give you entrée to important, uh, informants.”
“Yeah.”
“But he’s this queen and, what? People will think you’re a couple?”
“Yeah. They could.” Shit, would that be awful? Yeah, awful.
“A lot of cops don’t like fags.”
“I can’t ever let the guys on my team meet him. Unless they know he’s part of my investigation. Shit, it’s tough enough being a gay cop without them thinking he’s my, you know, boyfriend.”
“So you don’t really like this guy, right? You just need his contacts and you don’t want to call and ask.”
Seth dropped his head in his hands.
“Uh, or maybe not?”
He raised his head. “Who am I kidding? The fucking queen turns me on.” He took a drink of his beer. “He rides horses. You should see it. It’s like poetry in motion. Erotic poetry. But the real shitbag is that he even makes me hot when he’s prancing around like a movie queen. And the shit is, I’d probably bust the guy in half with the first fuck. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
“Bad news for me, but I think you’re in lust, man. You better fuck the guy and get it out of your system.” He took a big drink. “And then come back to old Aaron and I’ll make you feel good.”
Seth looked up at Aaron. The man ought to be just what the doctor ordered. A quick trip to the men’s room or a nice walk to the alley and no more ball clog. No more head full of Lindsey Vanessen. He sighed. But his cock was not interested. The damned thing just lay there. Traitor.
He pulled some money from his pocket, tossed it on the bar, nodded at the bartender, and pointed at Aaron. “Please give my friend another beer.” He turned to the big man. “Thanks a lot.”
“Shit, man, I just talked myself out of a good blow job.”
“How do you know it’d be good?” Seth smiled.
“Because I’d be giving it.” The tongue stud flashed.
“Whoa. You really know how to hurt a guy.”
“So good luck figuring out what this guy does for you.”
“Yeah. Thanks again.” He grabbed his phone, stared at it, and walked out into the early afternoon sun. Okay, shit. He was a cop; just the facts. No matter how he felt about him, Lindsey could gain him access to places he would have trouble going on his own. Or more particularly, he could go, but only as a cop. Lindsey could get him in undercover. That access could get him on top of this case. It wasn’t about being on top of Lindsey. Whoa. Cock wiggle on that thought.
He needed Lindsey. He sighed. That was his story and he was sticking to it.
He stopped beside the bike, pulled up the number on his phone, and hit Send. One ring. Two rings. Three—
“Hello?” The voice sounded unsure and tentative. Like the Lindsey he’d left in the garage.
“Uh, Lindsey?”
“Yes.”
“This is Seth.”
“I know.”
“Uh, are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“You haven’t called me darling yet.”
Silence. Then he started to laugh, a musical sound that traveled down Seth’s spine and made three circles of his groin before diving to his balls. “Yes, darling, what can I do for you?”
“I hate to ask you to help me again since you’ve been so cooperative, but I sure could use an entrée into that country club of yours. Is there any chance you could, uh, go there with me?”
“You mean take you there?”
“I’d pay. I mean, the department will.”
Pause. “My oh my, how could I resist a meal compliments of Connecticut’s finest?”
“So you’ll go?”
Another pause, longer this time. “Yes, I’ll go. When?”
Seth swallowed and pressed a hand against his overactive cock. “How about tonight?”
“Lieutenant Zakowsky, what kind of man would I be if I didn’t already have a date for tonight and jumped at a last-minute invitation?”
“Uh, a man who wants to help out the dedicated efforts of his local law enforcement?” He held his breath.
“Yes, that describes me precisely.” This time the laugh didn’t bother to circle Seth’s cock. It just dove.