Chapter Sixteen
Sheridan had painstakingly avoided Elijah for most of the week. Well his bed at least. She’d told him she was on her monthly flow. But slow fear had been building inside her during the last few days. Everything had been going so well. They had fallen into a comfortable routine. He’d spent the days working on the range with the men, overseeing new hires and when not on the range he had poured over the accounts with her, and planned expansions and investments. He dined with her every night, but wariness had slowly seeped into his eyes whenever she spoke of the future. He had been carefully withdrawing from her since his visit to town to deal with Mr. Sullivan.
And while she had been waiting for the axe to fall, she never imagined it would happen in such a manner. Her monthly courses had in fact not appeared. She should have been ecstatic, but all she could do was dread Elijah’s reaction. Sheridan did not want to leave Whispering Creek now when it seemed that Sullivan had finally heeded Elijah’s warning. Not when Elijah had been so carefree for the first time in years. It was far too soon. He still woke in the night with terrors chasing him, and he was still tight-lipped about the past. He refused to say anything about Emma or Nathan since leaving the cabin. And she understood. She was patient and she would wait for the day he unburdened his heart to her. The rage he must feel toward Emma, and his own guilt. Sheridan would be there when he was ready.
She sat with Beth in the parlor, gut churning with apprehension. “I think I may be with child.”
A dazzling smile split Beth’s lips to disappear at Sheridan’s lack of obvious joy. “Why are you not happy? Sheridan, you look very pale.” Beth hurried over to her.
“I—” Sheridan thrust a hand through her hair, her breath sawing harshly from her throat.
Beth grabbed her hands and squeeze. “There are times when I miss my monthly and it does not mean anything. Do you have any other signs?”
Sheridan swallowed. “My breasts are sore…incredibly so, and I chucked up my food this morning. That was when Mrs. Murphy said I may be with child.”
Beth nodded. “That is what happened to me when I carried Grayson.”
The room spun and Sheridan weakly leaned against the settee. “I cannot be,” she moaned. How could it have taken just one night in the cabin?
“I do not understand, Sheridan!” Beth cried. “Is this not what you wanted? To have a babe with Elijah?”
“Yes! No! Not until he loves me,” she murmured in anguish. “Not until he himself wants another child, not until he sees me as a strong woman that can stand by his side.”
Beth stared at her with rounded eyes. “He has a child?”
“Had. A boy of four years, and he lost him in the most vicious way.”
“Is that why you were so silent at dinner? I thought it unusual how little you responded to the conversation.”
“Yes. What am I going to say? I…I—”
“You’ve always wanted a child, cherish the blessing you were given. I think you should—” Beth broke off at the slow closing of the door.
Sheridan turned around in the settee and her heart stilled. Elijah strode in with Grayson in his arms, his face a neutral mask. Had he heard Beth? She searched his face wildly, looking for signs of anger. Her fingers clenched in her skirt until her knuckles ached. Nothing was said, but tension stole into the room and Sheridan despised the dread that filled her.
He handed Grayson to Beth and then looked at her. Elijah’s mask slipped and the look in his eyes frayed her. She turned her attention toward the open windows unable to meet the condemnation in his gaze. She heard the door closing quietly as Beth slipped out.
“Sheridan.”
He said her name too softly. She glanced at him and almost fainted. His eyes smoldered with unnamed emotions. He moved toward her with a cold air of lethal efficiency and sat on the settee opposite her. She desperately wanted to move and could not.
“Are you with child?”
Buried underneath the question she could hear the fear and pain, and in that moment, she wished she had just packed and leave the ranch. It became difficult to force air past the sudden tightness in her throat. “No.”
The distance in his eyes grew, and Sheridan could not move despite the frantic racing of her heart.
“Are you lying to me?”
Her heart clamored. “Maybe.”
Confusion rushed through her at the slant of his lips. Why was he smiling? He certainly did not seem amused.
“Why do you think you are with child?”
He waited for her answer with a patience she admired. Her nerves were shattered and she felt as if her hope was destroyed. She had sworn to herself she would never lie to him again, but the truth was unbearable to speak. Heat crept up her face. “I missed my monthly…and I have been feeling queasy.”
“Ah,” His gaze pinned hers. “So you lied to me about bleeding?”
“Yes, but I—”
“Be quiet.”
She lifted her eyes to meet his at his cool command. His eyes were curiously devoid of any emotion. Her hands shook when she realized she looked at indifference. “I panicked when I realized I was late. I thought if we made love you would notice the difference in my breasts and how painful to touch they were for me. I wanted time before I told you. I do not want us to be married like this—”
“Take it. Go east. Assume widowhood. If you chose to stay at the ranch I will not oppose you remaining. This land belongs to you as well. Sullivan has been dealt with, and I have hired over eighty ranch hands. Miguel is fully recovered and you will be safe. I had already decided to go back to the mountains.”
He spoke flatly as if he had not just shredded her soul and destroyed all the hopes that she harbored for a home and a family. She welcomed the surge of anger that pushed away the pain. “Our child is not an ‘it’.”
Nothing flickered in his face. “I will be leaving tomorrow.”
“What are you saying?”
“I was not speaking in parables. I am leaving.”
“Because of the baby?”
“I decided days ago I would not stay. It was never my intention to stay. You knew that, Sheridan.” He rose and walked away.
“You are a coward,” she snapped.
His frame jerked and she slowly stood as he turned to face her. Tears tracked down her cheeks and she did not care if he saw them and thought her weak. “I will never be able to imagine the horrors you endured losing Emma and Nathan. And I don’t expect you to just move on. I expect you to hold them in your heart and keep them there for the rest of your life. But I am not a weak woman that you need to run from, one that will suffer if you are not there. The very fact that you are leaving the ranch shows that you believe I can handle myself, Elijah. I love you and I believe you love me. But you are too much of a coward to reach for what is in front of you.”
She stepped closer to him. “I will be there when the nightmares are overwhelming, and the pain is so much you cannot cope. I will also be there for the happy moments. The joy and wonder of our child, or children. I would never dream of replacing the memories of Emma and Nathan, but allow me to help you cherish the precious ones and to heal. I am willing to fight the memories, the doubt, the nightmares, and men like Sullivan for a chance of happiness with you. Do the same for me, Elijah, and our baby.”
She bit back a cry as his face shuttered and he walked away without a backward glance. Sheridan remained frozen, pain ripping at her insides. She would have to let him go. She might love him with her entire heart, but it would be pointless to fight for a man who was not willing to let his past go and embrace a new future. She had never felt such pain and loneliness as she did in that moment. She rested her hands against her stomach and closed her eyes. She really might be pregnant. And she would never regret it. She may have lost the battle to win Elijah, but at least she would have his child and a home.
If only her victory did not feel so hollow.
***
Elijah shifted in the saddle, staring into the inky blackness of the night. No stars loomed. He gritted his teeth, dismounted and quickly built a fire. He kept the fire small, using the driest wood. He spread his blankets and bedded down. It was impossible for him to spend the night in the house with Sheridan. For fear he would go to her and do something foolish. Something foolish like telling her to hold him tight, conferring some of her strength and warmth to him.
How could he retreat back to the mountains now? But damn it, how could he have her stay in a place as vicious as the West. Not just Wyoming. Anywhere in the west was not good enough. She needed to go east or sail the oceans and return to her homeland. But he knew he could not do that to her. This was her land. But damn it…he could not stay either.
He had stayed a couple more weeks on the ranch watching for Sullivan’s next move. Joshua had been keeping watch on Sullivan’s ranch and word had slowly filtered into town that Sheridan Galloway was off limits. She was under Kincaid protection. Elijah knew it was more than the beating he’d given Sullivan which had done it. Some of the cowhands spoke of Joshua’s intimidating presence in the saloons in town, and the hints that he had dropped in the right ears. Many a man had scrambled to reassure him that they never knew Mrs. Galloway was under the Triple K’s protection.
With the threat to Sheridan taken care of, the urge to leave had been eating at Elijah’s gut. He despised the false sense of being at home which he felt with her. Her lure was so damned potent, and he knew he needed to move on when he started wondering what the future with her might be like. He only had to wait a few minutes before visions of her raped and broken swam into his head. No, he could not deter her from staying, but he would be damned if he waited around and witnessed her death, baby or no baby.
Emotions roiled in him and he looked at his trembling hands. A baby. His baby. He had been so careful since the night of the cabin. So damned careful always withdrawing from her when everything inside him clamored to be with her completely. But he could not cope with the ramifications of family again. The agony of his loss still felt so fresh to him. Too real even though all those months had passed.
You are a coward.
Her words had stung but he could not hide from them. He was a damn coward. When he’d heard her telling Beth she was pregnant the elation that had filled him had been profound. Then the nightmares had risen and the claws had been brutal. God he didn’t want to hurt her. The last thing he wanted was the pain that savaged her face.
But he did not know how to be the man she clearly wanted and it gutted him.
Elijah’s carpet bag rested on the oak desk in the library. He’d spent the night on the open range despite the bone biting cold. He had needed the physical and emotional solitude to be able to stick to his decision. The sense of loss that he felt was like a rip tearing through his soul. His night had been restless as he fought against his fear. He only needed to reach for all she offered so sweetly and without reserve, and then fight for it. Grabbing the carpet bag, he slung it over his shoulders.
Joshua had been staying away from the ranch because of Beth, so Elijah had sent word to the hotel in town informing his brother of his retreat to the mountain cabin. Elijah grimaced, painfully aware that he lingered. He had packed his belongings and a few books into his carpet bag, but he had still made no effort to depart.
He damned well knew the reason. The coldness Sheridan treated him to in the breakfast room had shaken him. She had neither looked at nor spoken to him. His heart had lurched when she ran away from the table her face green. He’d followed and looked on tensely as she emptied the little she ate into a basin. She’d glanced up and saw him in the doorway, and had only slammed the door in his face.
Hell.
The door opened and Elijah glanced over to see Beth closing it with a militant look on her face. “What is it?”
She inhaled deeply and clasped her hands to her middle. “Sheridan loves you. And if you do not marry her she will endure scorn from everyone in town. They are not stupid. They will realize the child is not Thomas’s own.”
His gut tightened and his heart rebelled against the idea of her being hurt further. “You seemed to adjust fine,” he said calmly.
“I beg your pardon?”
He observed her bloodless lips. “You do fine with a whelp that is not your husband’s.”
Raw fear chased across her features before she masked her expression. “I have no idea what you are referring to.”
She remained frozen and he watched the struggle. He smiled slightly when he realized she had decided to stay and fight for Sheridan despite her unease.
“My child will not grow without my protection. I will always be there for him or her. My family will always be there.” That was the only certainty he knew, in the mess of confusion that lingered inside.
“But that protection does not extend to Sheridan?” Beth asked softly. “You are breaking her heart.”
“There is one thing I have discovered about Sheridan that I did not before. She has the heart of a lion and she needs no man to stand in front of her.”
Beth frowned. “I’ve always known of her strength, but do you really know of it?
Sheridan turned to you out of more than loneliness. She had been married to my brother for a year and he never touched her. It was not in honor or respect for her innocence. It was simply because women were not capable of attracting him.” She lifted her head proudly and continued, “From the moment he brought her West I knew it was for her wealth and I pitied her. Then I began to pity Thomas for he did not comprehend what a truly wonderful person Sheridan is. I don’t know if this is important to you, but she tried to leave him for you.”
Elijah froze.
Beth rushed on as if sensing her opportunity. “She was so young and had to make a decision that would forever change her way of life. But she was willing because she loved you. When he taunted her that a divorce was impossible, she still thought to leave and come to you. She knew she would have to endure scorn from everyone, shacking up with you as a married woman, but she did not care. He taunted her that she would be thought of as a loose woman by all in Blue Lagoon and Cheyenne when he was through.”
Pain slashed Beth’s face as she squared her shoulder. It warned him he would not like what she had to say. “She did not care so she packed and gave him her decision. That was the day he broke her wrist.”
Elijah surged forward. “You lie,” he growled.
“I do not.” Beth raised trembling hands to her hair and patted it in an apparent nervous gesture.
Elijah thrust his hand through his hair and grimaced when he noted his hands were shaking. His mind had been stuck on the idea of Sheridan’s wrist being broken. Why had she not said anything? He was aware that he never tried to speak of Thomas, but God damn it! “No one defended her?”
“She did a good job herself. She took the poker iron and bashed his head in. He never touched her again. Instead, he tried to break her down with fear and vicious words. He taunted her daily that if you’d wanted her, you would have fought for her. He knew you. You grew together. He convinced her that you only fucked her.” Beth flinched at her crudity. “And the doubt ate at her every day. You had never told her words of love. You only took what she gave you so trustingly.”
“Hell,” Elijah snarled.
“She still tried to leave, but he ordered no one to provide her with a horse or a wagon. She became a prisoner here even unable to go into town. But she still did not buckle. Thomas was my brother but I hated him for it. Because he did not want her. It only gutted him that you did. She took over the book-keeping for the ranch and plotted for when she could leave. Then he upped and died.”
Beth stepped in a little closer to him and met his gaze. “You were cold and cruel and she deserved better.”
Tears ran in rivulets and he knew the worst was coming. He wanted to stop her but he forced himself to listen. “Sheridan never had a home but the Whispering Creek. She became invisible to her father, the second he acquired another wife. Shipped off to a boarding school, she never went home for the holidays or Christmas time. She was one of the only children to never have a visitor in the years she boarded there. I cannot imagine such loneliness. At the funeral, you shunned her but stupidly she still wanted you. Many came calling, but she only had thoughts of you. When Sullivan threatened her, scared her, she only thought to turn to you. I do not know what happened with your wife and son. Sheridan only said you have no more love to give. But I do not believe that. I see how you watch her, I see how you smile when she laughs, I see how you touch her at every opportunity you can. Sheridan does not deserve the pain I see in her eyes and if you do not remove it, I will take the Winchester and shoot you down myself.”
Beth fumbled for the door, hands shaking violently. The door opened and she paused crossing the threshold. The brownest of eyes held his, raging with emotions. “Sheridan was willing to fight for you, and do things that I even cringe at now, for your love. For a place to call home and yet you hurt her.” Her voice broke as she continued, “Mr. Sullivan will never give her up. You may have beaten, and humiliated him, but Sheridan is too wealthy for him to leave her alone.”
The contempt that lashed from her eyes burned Elijah, but he made himself hear it all. The woman that his brother obviously wanted was not as weak or frail as Elijah had thought at all. At least not when it came to protecting those she loved.
“A woman that was not born for this world, and is in need of protection, stands alone against the predators of our land with your baby.” Then she slammed the door.
Elijah slowly walked from the library to outside. He looked around the beauty of the Whispering Creek farmstead and easily understood why Sheridan would feel at home there. He looked into the distance to see a rider trotting with her hair streaming behind her. The knowledge of what she endured ripped through his soul, burning him with flames. He wished he could bring back Thomas from the dead and beat the shit out of him. When Elijah found out she was married, all he had thought about was that she had lied to him. He had chosen to overlook the hunger, the innocence and the loneliness that normally fled her eyes when he took her in his arms.
Guilt rode him. He had wanted her, needed her more than anything, but he had left her with a man who whipped her. After threatening to rain devastation on Thomas if he ever lifted a finger to her again, Elijah had never imagined that Thomas would dare be cruel to her again.
Elijah walked toward the barn and saddled his horse. Hell, he was not sure what he would say to her. But he needed the quiet of her presence, the sweetness of her smile, the acceptance in her gaze. He needed Sheridan.
He swung into the saddle and cantered toward the range. A crack echoed across the canyon and rolled down the mountain. Elijah knew. He surged his horse into a flat run, his mind blanked shutting down all emotions as he raced across the prairie to Sheridan.