A giggling maid set up a simple dinner for Ivy. Following that, a full bath was in order and although the effort was surprisingly draining, it was well worth it. An opportunity to wash away the memory of Brandon’s touch from her skin.

Ivy managed a smile when Alan poked his head inside her room. It seemed Sebastian was not coming to visit her and the disappointment annoyed her. From what she derived from the talkative maid, he had retired to clean up a bit and get some well-deserved sleep.

“He’d demand my head if he knew I was intruding,” Alan said, giving Ivy a wide grin. “I merely wanted to be sure you have everything you need.”

“I cannot thank you enough for your kindness, Lord Bentley. There is no better care than what you’ve provided.”

“We shall practically be brother and sister when you and Sebastian are wed, doubly so when Sara and I exchange our vows. As family, we must look after one another. But, your gratitude is misplaced. Sebastian has hardly allowed anyone else to come near you.” He winked conspiratorially at her. “It’s quite remarkable to see a man of his character so out of sorts. I thought I may need to knock him senseless just to have the physician examine you.”

“I would like to observe Sebastian being knocked senseless,” Ivy murmured.

“Well, don’t worry. There is something about you…it regularly puts him out of sorts. Plenty of opportunities abound to knock him silly. Your father, Sara, and Lord and Lady Morgan arrive tomorrow afternoon. You must be pleased they are bringing a few personal items for you.” Cocking his head, he remarked, “I know this is all moving terribly fast, my dear, but Sebastian, once his mind is set…I’m afraid he is not to be swayed.”

Ivy knew the earl’s flaws. Unfortunately, her father’s pending arrival only complicated matters. Jonathan would not understand her refusal to marry Sebastian, especially when he wanted her so desperately and she once wanted him with equal urgency. The possibility of a pregnancy further muddied the issue, to the point that screaming with frustration seemed a wonderful idea.

“I’ll say good night then.” Alan’s expression was sympathetic. “Do not fret, Lady Ivy. All will be well, you’ll see. Sebastian is one of the finest men I know, if you look past his unfortunate arrogance.”

Ivy nodded, throat tight with sudden, unshed tears. Alan closed the door behind him and the maid puttered about the room for a few minutes more, turning the lamps low before she exited the room as well. There was no dismissing the depths of loneliness swamping her at that moment, fear assailing her for what the following days might bring. Lying on her side, she watched the light from the fire cast gold, red and black shadows.

The chatty maid said the whole house was atwitter with the earl’s romantic actions. The girl oohed and aahed, relating how tenderly he took care of her, the concern he showed, the look of fear upon his features as the physician explained the effects of both physical and mental trauma, and how Ivy suffered both.

Ivy wanted to shriek with frustration and reveal everything Sebastian had done. The man was untrustworthy, his actions simply for show. Like images reflected in the still waters of a shallow pond, there was no substance to any of it, his words and actions meaningless and empty.

There was no escape from this impossible mess. Unless she bolted, as she threatened so many times in the past. To France. America. Anywhere other than England where marriage could be forced upon her.

Even as the prospect of running flashed in her mind, it was somberly dismissed. Sebastian would follow her. He would never let her go now that he’d made up his mind to have her. There was no eluding him. Intense anger sizzled through her with that reality. It wasn’t fair. Once, she willingly gave him her heart. He carelessly trampled it. He did not deserve it a second time.

With the special marriage license, there was no need to elope to Gretna Green. Bentley Park possessed a lovely chapel and the wedding would take place in two days’ time. Her father was on his way. Her dearest friend and Sara’s parents would also be there, sharing what should be a joyous day. Their host was a gracious, kind man, deeply in love with the sister of her heart. And Sebastian vowed it impossible to live without her. It could be the loveliest, sweetest wedding imaginable, if you allow yourself to be part of it.

Ivy hated the insinuating weakness slyly suggesting she give into Sebastian’s seductive trap. It was so much easier than fighting him.

* * *

With the fire’s glow and the help of a turned down lamp, there existed just enough light to make out the curves of Ivy’s face. She lay curled on her side, one hand tucked beneath her cheek, the other folded beneath an elbow. Like little fans feathering cream, long, dark sable eyelashes brushed the tops of her cheeks. Her hair streamed across the pillow like chestnut hued banners in the wind. That mouth of hers, lips flushed pink, haunted Sebastian’s sleep. He was restless, pacing his room with the intensity of a caged animal. Driven from his bed to her side, he found it no use fighting what pulled him there.

Her slumber was peaceful and sweet, and raw emotion rose unexpectedly in his throat to choke him. When he slid onto the mattress, Ivy did not stir as it shifted to accommodate his weight. Slipping a hand through the hair at her temple, he smoothed stray curls back from her face.

She did not wish to marry him. That reluctance to place her life in his hands was understandable. After all, he’d done precious little to gain her trust but provided countless reasons to hate him. It was impossible to go back in time, to erase all the hurtful things, but he would make her understand he could not live without her. Life without her would destroy him. It would be a mere existence and nothing more.

Sebastian knew the instant Ivy came awake, although she gave no indication of consciousness until her eyes slowly lifted to his. In silent question, she regarded him. Taking her hand, he folded her fingers within his own. They were warm from her breath. All tension left his body with a simple realization.

She’s alive. I’m alive. And I love her.

“I did not love Marilee Godwin.” He pressed kisses to her knuckles. Her skin smelled of soap and lilies. “I’ve never loved another soul as I love you.”

He traced the lines of her slender fingers. “I was infatuated, but not in love. I pursued her for a year before she finally agreed to marry me. We were engaged precisely one month when she suddenly decided our wedding could not wait. Nor our intimate relationship, which up to that moment, consisted of nothing more than kisses. Of course, I reacted in typical fashion. Shocked and suspicious.” His smile was crooked, reliving the memories. “A terrible argument ensued over my refusal to do what she wanted, which inevitably led to a revelation. She was nearly four months pregnant, and quite inconveniently, I was not the father.”

“Who was it?” Ivy whispered. “Did she say?”

Sebastian sighed heavily. “She screamed it at me loudly enough. Lord Nicholas Harris March, Earl of Landon, heir to the Richforte dukedom. My closest friend, and Alan’s as well. Since Marilee’s greatest aspiration was to become a duchess, I saw no reason not to believe her. Nick had refused to marry her however, which was the only reason she accepted my offer. It seemed even he was unsure who the child’s father could be, which left Marilee only one option. To deceive me into going through with a hasty wedding and pray I was stupid enough to accept a premature infant as my own.

“Thank God, I never slept with her. I wanted her, but I had the foolish notion of saving that for our wedding night. Nicholas often questioned my infatuation with her, if I truly loved her. I thought he was ensuring my happiness, but after Marilee’s confession, I suppose he was merely playing his damned games with us both.”

Sebastian’s hand tightened over Ivy’s, the lines around his mouth turning deep and harsh. “The man was my friend! I know his secrets…things endured, things he suffered, things no man should be forced to bear. I entrusted him with my life and would have given mine for his. We were as close as brothers, but I wanted to kill him when his betrayal came to light.” His laugh turned mocking. “Yet, I could not. In a strange way, I was more enraged over his disloyalty to me than by the fact he slept with her. If only he came to me, told me he loved her, perhaps I could have accepted it, lived with it. I would have hated him, but I would have respected the fact he loved her. But not this…not this treachery and Marilee’s deception too.”

He rubbed his eyes with his free hand. “That morning, I aimed for Nick’s leg, to wound him before he killed me. God, how quickly he could have dispatched me. I’ve never known his equal in swordplay or pistols, then or since. But the fool spun about at the last second. His shot went straight up into the air. He never aimed at me, and I have never been able to reason why. In all the confusion, Marilee received word Nicholas died on the field. She hung herself in her father’s library. Damnit, despite it all, I actually pitied Nick. Although it was said I broke the engagement for no reason and he championed Marilee because of my cruelty. I was sorry because it was his child- although I suppose he never knew for certain - and an innocent child did not deserve to die.”

A long stretch of silence filled the space between them, each contemplating the sad tale and its effects on their lives now. How the actions of one woman could touch so many with such devastating results.

“Marilee took her secrets to the grave and Nick kept his silence, although I always wondered why he betrayed me for such a faithless creature. If she deceived me, she would have betrayed him too. Sooner or later.”

Ivy squeezed Sebastian’s hand, her eyes wet with tears. “Thank you,” she said. “For telling me.”

Sebastian’s eyes dropped to their clasped hands. “Ivy, I am no more to blame for Marilee’s death than you for Timothy’s. What they did, they did to themselves.”

“I’ve grown accustomed to holding myself responsible for it,” she replied simply.

“I wanted so badly to punish you,” he slowly admitted. “I wanted to punish you for Timothy. And for Marilee too. I wanted to hurt you for making me feel things I never wanted to feel. I believed you cut from the same cloth as her, using men to get what you wanted. I was wrong. You are not like her…how I ever thought that…I cannot…”

“You don’t have to explain -”

“You don’t understand, Ivy.” Lifting his gaze to hers, Sebastian’s eyes were tortured flames. “I was wrong and how I’ve suffered for my belief in your guilt. You deserve so much more than a mere apology. You should have my heart on a platter. My head in your hands, my blood at your disposal. What I’ve done to you is destroying me. I can apologize for how my aunt treated you, and for Timothy’s actions, but what I accomplished is far, far worse. You hate me. I do not blame you. But Ivy, I’m begging you…you must forgive me. For the night I took your innocence, for the evening of the Faringdon Ball. Every time I was crazed with jealousy and rage and used words to slice you. For each time I hurt you…”

Taking a deep breath, Sebastian brought her hand to his lips, kissing it over and over, a man begging for alms. “I’m probably not making much sense, but I love you. Do you understand, Ivy? I love you, I can’t live without you. Hell, I cannot breathe without you and I’ve no wish to. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I cannot tell you how many nights I drank myself into oblivion, but even that was not enough to erase your memory. You haunt my every waking moment, you invade my dreams, my nightmares, and when I wake, I want you in my arms. Ivy, Ivy, damn it to hell, I’m in absolute misery without you.”

He leaned forward, breathing against her pale lips. “Please. Marry me….so I may spend the rest of my life taking care of you, spoiling you, cherishing you. Worshiping you. Adoring you. I want to make love to you. Have you angry with me, and then smile at me in forgiveness. I want to wake beside you so I can kiss you every morning.” A desperate kiss pressed to her mouth. He licked her bottom lip, soothing the cut Basford inflicted in his cruelty. “Marry me before I lose my mind. Before I go insane. Goddamn it, marry me because I love you, because somewhere, hidden deep down inside your soul, you still love me too. Marry me because the next time the world crashes down around us, I might be too late to save you and that would utterly destroy me.”

Ivy did not fall into his arms and confess her love in return. Tears streamed down her cheeks. A thin, brittle shell of ice encased her. His determined gentle tapping was hardly enough to shatter the frosty exterior.

“Dear God, don’t cry,” Sebastian whispered brokenly. “Don’t cry because of me, little butterfly. I cannot bear it.”

“Sebastian, do not ask this of me. Can’t you understand? Don’t you see? Someday, you will discover this is a mistake. Then, you will hate me for being your wife…” Ivy’s voice cracked. “What you feel right now, it’s not real. It’s not real. We both know you will change your mind.” She stiffened as his arms wrapped around her. He would not allow her to retreat behind a fortress of icy indifference. He trailed tiny, soft kisses to her forehead, her cheeks, and her chin until Ivy squirmed in silent protest.

“I will spend the rest of my life proving how precious you are to me. You do not have to love me right now; it’s enough that I love you. In time, you will trust me again.” Cupping her jaw, tipping it until her distrustful gaze collided with his, his thumb rubbed the delicate curve of her cheek. “Say yes, Ivy. Let me protect you and take care of you.”

Ivy sighed, her eyes fluttering shut as his words entranced her. She wanted to give in. She wanted to so very badly. Sebastian kissed her again, and she moaned, a weakness within her that she must hate beyond all reason. She could not resist him forever. The opium laced laudanum made everything so much easier as he pushed his will upon her.

“I told you once I am a patient man and I’ll prove it to you, if you say yes,” Sebastian murmured, folding Ivy close so all she could hear was his heartbeat. He wanted her lulled into a warm cocoon of security she could not bear to give up. “I can wait for you to trust me. I can wait for you to love me again. Forever, if I must.”