My friends had deserted me. I considered running, but that wasn't really my style. The last time I tried it, I’d wound up in Mexico. I needed to stay here and face this. I needed to face Roman and what happened between us, especially if I was ever going to get over him. But as soon as I turned to him, I regretted my bravado. My knees weakened and my stomach flipped over. It was that peculiar combination of happiness and nerves I’d always felt when I ran into an ex for the first time after a break-up. But this wasn’t as simple as hoping he was a mess without me or that he wanted me back. We hadn’t been there for each other. We failed an important test, and there was no coming back.

Roman didn't look like a mess—much to my chagrin. He looked perfect. Sure there were dark circles under his eyes, but he probably got them staying up late to read, and he'd always looked better when he'd let his 5 o'clock shadow turn into sexy second day scruff. I could have eaten him up with a spoon if I wasn’t frozen to the spot. Instead I stood there, feeling silly and girlish, while I waited for him to say something to me. For him to say anything.

“I assume that was Lillian,” Roman said.

It was the last topic of conversation I expected him to broach, but it was a safe one nonetheless. I was less likely to break down sobbing if we talked about my sister. I smiled as I answered. “The one and only.”

“Why didn't it occur to us to point out that we were both students?” he asked.

“Because it was too easy of an answer. Lillian makes her living by finding the simplest argument to present to a jury and then intimidating them into buying it,” I reminded him. While the rest of us over-analyzed, worrying about every little decision we made, people like Lillian saw the simple answer that was right under our noses.

“I guess you're right.” Roman paused, providing me with a clear invitation to change the subject, but I still couldn't think of anything to say, so he continued, “but maybe part of the attraction was feeling like we were doing something wrong.”

The butterflies in my stomach turned into a hive of pissed off bees. My anger practically wafted off of me. I hadn’t expected that we could fix things, but did he have to make it worse? “Was that it? Tapping a student felt dirty to you?”

“Jess.” Roman's voice was low with warning. “You know what I meant.”

“No, actually, I don't. Not anymore. If you really think it was wrong of us to hook up, to, to...” I tried to find the words to describe what had happened between us, but I couldn’t. “…then you're right, I guess that was part of the attraction.”

“Maybe it was at first,” he said. “You deserve to know that much. A man's mind isn't always the most chivalrous place in all the land. But we both know that it's more than that now.”

“Wrong again,” I said. I didn't even feel like crying as I confronted him. Instead, I wanted to scream at him or slap him or curse or throw his shoes at him.

Great, I'd turned into Cassie without the fabulous sense of style.

“You know how I feel about you!” His words were angry, passionate and unreserved, and his eyes reflected a stormy interior that he rarely allowed to break through to the surface. I’d glimpsed it before.

“I do?” I asked. It wasn't a question for me. It was one for him.

“Staying away from you and letting you go through this alone almost killed me. But I had to protect you. I couldn't let you walk out on everything you worked for here, Jess. I couldn't let you take the fall so I wouldn't get in trouble. If I had to lose you—if I had to lose everything—to protect you, I would have.” Roman's hand shot out and grabbed my wrist, but I tried to wrench free. My anger churned into confusion and I didn't want him to see it any more than I didn't want to feel it. The only way to ensure neither of those things would happen was to get away while I still could, but Roman wouldn't release me.

“You let me walk out on you again,” I said in a cold voice.

“I didn’t want to.” His words were whispered vows. There was no mistaking the truth of them.

When I asked my next question it was in earnest. “Then why did you do it?”

“Because giving you up hurt, but I had to face the idea once before that I'd ruined your dreams. That was one time too many for me. I wasn't about to let it actually happen. You will graduate college and go to med school and continue to be amazing. But the only way you were going to do that was if I let you walk out that day.”

“What about what I wanted?” I asked. “I could have transferred. I wanted to.”

Roman shook his head as though this was impossible. “I couldn't let you do that. In fact, I came prepared today in case the board found you in violation of the university's ethics code.”

He thrust an envelope into my hands. I turned it over, but the only thing on it was the school seal.

“It's a letter of withdrawal. I was going to drop out of this semester of course work. If it came down to me staying at Olympic State or you, I knew exactly who needed to be here.”

“But you just defended your dissertation.”

“Yeah,” he said. “And that's a collection of pages. It’s nothing compared to you. I will always choose you.”

He had been prepared to abandon his own success for me. The knowledge stuck in my throat, impossible to swallow. If things had gone differently, he would have given it all up for me. We’d avoided that fate, but I couldn’t allow him to risk everything for me again. It wasn’t his job to save me.

“I think it’s too late for that,” I said, willing myself to stay strong.

“I know you’re hurt and I know I’ve screwed up, but I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you.”

My lip quivered, but I bit down on it so he wouldn’t see that I was near tears. “I’m sorry, Roman. I can’t.”

Maybe our relationship was never meant to work. Maybe it wasn’t too late to face facts. I’d been a never-ending source of drama since we got together. He deserved someone better.

“Can’t what, Jessica?” he called after me as I fled from him. “Can’t forgive me or can’t take a chance?”

But this time it wasn’t about can’t. It was about knowing what I should do, which started with letting him go.