Adele

The birth of a baby should've been a happy thing, but given the multiple murders in the pack, it was hard to feel buoyant. The deputy ordered to watch over me didn't help. His name was Todd, and he kept glaring at me like he'd already judged me as guilty. His reaction drove home just how precarious my situation was. The shifters of Huntsville could turn on me at any moment and leave me nothing more than a smear of blood on the forest floor.

On the up side, we'd stopped at Marie's small cabin on our way to Jackson's house. I'd helped Marie gather her supplies and then we'd both changed into some real clothes. At least I no longer looked like I'd been to a really rough slumber party.

I'd even been able to comb my hair and tame it into a pony tail. My new outfit consisted of black yoga pants, a plain white T-shirt and a light jacket in case I got cold. Not knowing how long the baby would take, I wanted flexible clothing that moved with me. My jeans were of the so-tight-they-were-a-second-skin variety, and they didn't make it easy to bend my knees.

We entered Jackson and Chloe's house, a brick ranch with airy rooms. Marie pointed to the deputy. "You. Sit over there and stay out of the way." She nodded toward the couch in the living room.

"But—" he started.

A loud moan from the back of the house cut him off. Chloe was on the cusp of screaming.

"Shush. This baby comes first. Do you understand?" Marie stared him down until he nodded. A chill iced my spine at the power emanating from her. Marie was an alpha in her own right. It shouldn't have surprised me, given everything I'd seen her do so far.

The deputy settled into the leather couch and crossed his arms, a sour look on his narrow face.

"Boil some water." Marie addressed that to me. "Lots of water."

I nodded and headed for the kitchen. The ranch had an open floor plan so I could see the living room and dining room from the kitchen. Deputy Todd watched while I searched the cupboards, looking for pots. From the back of the house, came more high-pitched moaning.

"I'm not going anywhere," I told him. I left out the part where I didn't have any place else to go. Sure, my sister would take me in, but I wanted to live my life without mooching off her. At some point, everyone had to grow up. I was doing my best to get my shit together. Running to her would be a step backward.

"Hmph." He remained unconvinced.

I rolled my eyes and ignored him. Let the guy stew. I had other things to do.

"When the water is all set, get every towel you can find and bring them to me." Marie was in full-blown healer mode, which meant she barked out orders like a drill sergeant on meth. Woe to anyone who thought they didn't have to listen. I'd seen her grab a pack elder by the ear and march him off for his medicine.

I gave her a little salute. "Go take care of Chloe. I'll manage the water and towels."

Marie disappeared into the bedroom just to the side of the kitchen, following the sound of Chloe's labor. Low moans turned into eagle-cry shrieks and I winced. Shifters were a stoic people. No one cried unless it was really bad. Listening to Chloe sing her pain, I kind of wanted to sew my vagina shut. No babies for me. Nuh-uh. No way.

"Sounds like a really bad LSD trip," I muttered to myself as I filled all the pots I could find with water.

The deputy shot up off the couch. "LSD? Are you on something?"

I shook my head and moved a fruit basket—heavy with bananas and apples—out of my way. I needed more space to work.

He beckoned me over. "Let me see your pupils."

"I'm kind of busy here."

Before I could blink, he'd stormed into the kitchen where he grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me against the fridge. "I gave you an order."

I went still and avoided direct eye contact. The fridge shuddered at my back from the force of my hit. "I'm not yours to order around."

"Yeah. You are. I'm not letting some druggie hang around the first alpha born into this pack in over a decade." He grabbed my chin and dragged my head up so he could stare into my eyes. I stared right back, defiance making my spine rigid.

"See? I'm not on anything." I twisted my chin out of his grasp. "Do you always punish people who get clean? Is that like, a thing around here?"

Deputy Todd backed off, but lingered in the kitchen, watching as I put the pots on the stove and turned on the burners. "People are dying because of you. Even if you're not using now, that life is still with you. You should be a stray. Cast out and cut off so no one else gets hurt."

His words stung me. I closed my eyes, pushing back against the darkness he'd turned loose. Just like that, all the hard work I'd done with Marie evaporated. The full weight of my worthlessness came crashing down. I'd pushed it back, but I hadn't killed it. All this time it had been waiting for its chance to come back and sweep me away.

Staggering out of the kitchen, I headed for the bathroom where I closed the door in the deputy's face. Breathing hurt, as if someone had filled my lungs with tiny needles. They pricked my chest with harsh rebuke. My hands shook and a need I had never wanted roared back to life like a bonfire fed gasoline. In that moment, I wanted all the wrong things and didn't care what it would cost me.

But then the shadow in my mind became big, curling around my wolf who snuggled into it and the sharp ache in my chest eased. It was weird, but I didn't have the energy to question it. All that mattered was the craving had stopped. I hadn't run off looking for drugs. I'd held on.

I turned on cold water and leaned on the sink with one arm, and splashed my face with my other hand. I hadn't had a flashback like that in weeks.

Now is not the time for this.

My wolf whined in my head, sad and worried. My asshole brain shoved a memory of how blissed out I could be on marijuana. Just one joint, it whispered to me, and this all goes away.

"Gah." I slapped myself hard enough to turn my cheek pink. Why did my brain never remember the aftermath? The way I let people down? The money I stole? The promises I broke? "I don't want to do that anymore." Now I was the one whining. Pain throbbed in my head and I rubbed my temple. Tears burned in my eyes. I blinked as fast as I could to keep them at bay.

Loser.

The deputy pounded on the door. "What are you doing in there?"

"Getting towels," I shouted back, louder than I intended. Maybe I could 'out shout' my brain.

Sniffing, I yanked open the door to the linen closet and grabbed the pile of towels inside. I slammed the linen closet shut and then flung open the bathroom door so hard, it bounced off the wall and hit my shoulder. The pain was good. It gave me something else to think about.

Maybe that's what I need. A good beating to keep me in line. It's the one thing I haven't tried. Bet Deputy Todd would be happy to help, too.

Hiding my face behind the towels, I headed for Chloe's bedroom. The deputy trailed behind me, sticking close. When I slowed down, he ran into me.

"Watch it," I said.

"Next time, we go into the bathroom together."

I whirled around to face him. "You like to watch girls pee? Is that it? You're disgusting."

His eyes widened at the accusation and then narrowed. "I want you where I can see you."

"Fine. You can keep me company while I poop." I marched, stiff legged, into the bedroom. Deputy Todd trailed after me, a determined shadow full of animosity.

Chloe lay on the bed, her chest heaving and her brow shining with sweat. Jackson hovered to the side, a blend of panic and worry on his face. Marie sat at the end of the bed and ducked under the sheet covering Chloe's legs to check the baby's progress.

"Almost there. Just hold on." Marie sat up and gave Chloe an encouraging pat on the knee.

"Here are the towels," I said.

The deputy lurked at the threshold, a shadow I couldn't shake, but at least he had the decency to hang back. He didn't belong in the bedroom. If he pushed it, Marie would probably do unpleasant things to him.

"Set them here." Marie pointed to the end of the bed. Catching sight of the deputy hovering in the doorway, she said, "Didn't I tell you to sit on the couch?"

He opened his mouth to answer, then thought better of it and pressed his lips into a thin line. Spinning on his heel, he left us.

"The water's boiling," I said. I'd caught the steam out of the corner of my eye on our way to the bedroom.

"Good. Keep it hot. I'll let you know when we need it."

"What should I do now?" I asked.

"Go eat something and take a break. It's going to be a while."

I nodded and went to raid the kitchen, locating some lunchmeat and bread. I made two sandwiches and made a point of sitting in the dining room away from the deputy.

Things quieted down after that. I peeked into the bedroom, curious to see what was happening. Chloe and Jackson appeared to be sleeping. For whatever reason, labor had stalled. I wanted to ask why, but Marie waved me off, and I retreated.

Deputy Todd had put in a movie, some cop drama I didn't care about, but it was better than nothing. I sat in the chair and watched, tapping my toe with impatience. Drama in slow motion had never been my thing.

Day had turned to dusk and I'd suffered through more than one cop movie by the time Marie stepped out of the bedroom, her face lined with fatigue. "The babe's slow. I have something I need you to do."

I stood and followed her into the kitchen, curious as to what she wanted. We'd discussed the stages of birth and her general philosophy on bringing a new life into the world, but Marie hadn't given me an outline of what she wanted me to do.

In the kitchen, Marie washed her hands and then grabbed a notepad and pen. Scrawling something down, she tore off the top sheet of paper and handed it to me. "We need herbs."

I looked at the list. "All of them?"

She nodded. "It's going to be a hard birth. We need to be prepared."

"Is everything okay?"

"So far and we're going to keep it that way." She tapped the list with a finger. "You remember the herb patch I showed you with these?"

"Yeah."  Under Marie's guidance, I'd mapped out the different spots herbs could be found in.

"Good. Now get moving. I want these as soon as possible."

I moved toward the door, but the deputy stepped to block my way. "Not so fast."

"Deputy," Marie said, her tone heavy with warning.

"She can't go alone."

"Of course not. You'll go with her." Marie picked up the fruit basket I'd moved earlier and emptied it, setting the bananas and apples it held to the side. Handing the basket to him she said, "Make yourself useful and carry this for her."

Deputy Todd drew himself up to his full height. "I'm not working for you."

She fixed a hard gaze on the Deputy."Yes, you are. We all are. That baby is the most important thing right now. Nothing else, do you hear me?"

He held his posture for a long moment and then sighed, deflating a bit. "Yeah."

"Excellent. Now go. There's not a lot of time."