Having served every day of an eight-year prison sentence, you'd think my family would be on time to pick me up. When you consider that I only got sent down for protecting my family, a more unreasonable person, well they might have expected that family to even get there a little early.

But when you've been locked up from the age of fifteen until you've turned twenty-two, you learn to live without expectations. Still, I've been out for twenty minutes and this is taking the piss.

The prison gate opens up behind me and I look over my shoulder. Oh great, it's bloody Kylie Fisher.

“Hi Jo, you still here? I thought you'd be long gone.”

I'm about to give her a look to remind her who she's talking to, but then I realise that out here those rules don't apply. Not if I want to stay on the outside. Of all the self-centered cows that I've ever met, Kylie here is by far the most selfish of the herd.

She pulls out a packet of cigarettes from her handbag and lights one with a gold plated lighter and inhales to the full extent of her over sized lungs. She closes her eyes and holds it in with this stupid grin on her face, before finally breathing it out, just a little too closely to me.

“Oh that feels good!” she says as she reopens her eyes.

“I thought you'd quit.” I say.

She shakes her head as she takes another drag.

“No that was just whilst I was doing my time.”

Doing her time? The stupid posh cow was only here for a fortnight. And this place was a holiday camp compared to some other places I'd been in. You should have seen her on those first two nights as well. You'd have thought she'd been sent to San Quentin the way she was carrying on.

As an old hand I'd ended up with her in my cell, when she finally realised that none of us wanted our evil way with her, she calmed down and got to be really annoying. She'd do all these pretend yoga poses and was all about detoxing her soul and cleansing her soul.

I'm sure the governor was testing me, to see if I could lose it this close to freedom. I nearly snapped when I entered the cell to find her topless doing a headstand against the wall. Her tits completely obscured her face, so I just had to take solace in the fact that she was silent for once.

Now she was all dolled up in her designer labels and was ready to step back into her life like she'd just spent a couple of weeks away at a health spa. Which I suppose it was for her, to be fair. Still, at least her lift's late too.

As I think this Kylie screams and starts waving like a demented eight year old. An big black SUV is pulling in. She clip clops off towards it, arms stretched wide and squealing, in danger of falling flat on her face with every step she takes.

Her husband has opened up the passenger door for her and he has to catch her as she throws herself at him. I'd like to say that he doesn't live up to her constant descriptions of him. He's one of those men who benefits from a shaved head, he looks like a young Jason Statham. I look away as they start kissing.

I don't think anyone's coming to pick me up.

“Hey Joe!” yells Kylie, “Ben wants to know if we can drop you off somewhere?”

From the look on his face it certainly wasn't his idea to offer. I don't blame him either, in my grey sweats and hoodie I look like someone he'd only meet if they were hustling for spare change.

“No you're alright.” I say.

“Oh come on, I can hardly leave 'The Boss' behind, can I?”

“I see the fear creeping into Ben's expression as I walk over to them.”

“I'm a big Bruce Springsteen fan.” I say to him as a way of explaining my nickname. “Yeah okay, thanks. Could you drop me at the train station?”

He nods and we all get in.

Kylie sticks her phone into something on the dashboard and stops Ben from starting the engine.

“Just a minute, I promised myself that I'd play this as soon as you got here.”

She taps the screen and suddenly Robbie William's 'Angels' is blaring out. They start snogging the face off of each other and I look out the window back at the jail. I wonder if they'd let me back in and I could try leaving again tomorrow.

Eventually, Ben breaks free from her and we finally start moving.

Kylie can't take her eyes off of Ben as he concentrates on the road and scowling at me in the rear view mirror.”

“She really was called the Boss in there. I wouldn't have come through it, if Jo hadn't had my back.”

She places her hand on her husband's thigh and it's very visible that he dresses to the left.

“I've told her about every little thing I'm going to let you do to me when we get home.”

She's not exaggerating either. Kylie's one serving grace was her dirty and detailed sex talk. She'd talk late into night about all the things she'd done as well as all the things she was going to do.

She was going to have him dress up as a prison guard and have him strip search her. Then she was going to get him to tie her up and whip and spank her until she confessed all her lesbians fantasies to him. Then he'd correct her behaviour with nipple clamps a butt plug a dildo and an enema. I wasn't too sure what order these came in as she'd be rocking her bunk too hard by this point to be making much sense.

I knew she thought I got turned on by all of this and I didn't say anything to let her think otherwise. I'm not saying I didn't get turned on by any of her stories, but she didn't do the type of things that I thought would turn me on.

I see that she's rubbing her hand up and down his cock. I'm not sure if she's doing it for him or putting on a show for me. I suddenly remember her plan to suck him off in the car. I'll certainly be jumping out if she starts on that.

I bet the silly cow thinks she's turning me on again, she hasn't noticed I'm only interested in the lump in Ben's jeans. I'm trying to steal glances without him catching me and I watch as it flexes beneath Kylie's fingers.

Thankfully, Ben keeps it under wraps and they drop me at the train station. Kylie blows me a kiss as they pull away and I realise that most of those lesbian 'confessions' she's going to be making are probably going to be about me.

Well, she's not the only one with plans for tonight. You see there’s two reasons why I let people think I'm a lesbian. The first is, I don't give a fuck what people think about that and it's not as if anyone ever asked me to my face. And the second was that no one was going to call the Boss, the Boss if they all knew she was a virgin. Never mind that I'd been banged up since I was fifteen it wouldn't have done my rep any good at all.

That's why I'd wanted to hear all Kylie's stories. I needed ideas to form my own fantasies because I'm on a mission. I may have left prison this morning, with my virginity still intact, but I have no intention of waking up tomorrow and that still being the case.