The look of horror on her face opened a fiery pit inside me. I’d caused it. She was in pain, and I put her there.

From the moment she’d ordered the hemlock, I knew her plan for escape. I’d wondered if she intended to kill me or simply immobilize me. Given the amount of hemlock she’d dropped into my glass, it was the latter. I supposed I’d have to count that as a win on some level.

She trembled, but otherwise sat motionless on the ATV I’d left conveniently placed for her. It was sick, but I wanted to see how far she’d take it. I should have known Camille would do nothing in half measures.

As she lay in my arms that morning, I’d had a revelation. Beyond the simple fact that I loved Camille, I realized that perhaps she was right. My desperate need to keep her close seemed to be killing what little trust I’d built. And if that died, so would any chance of her loving me in return. That sort of finality wasn’t something a person could come back from.

Dad stood beside the grave long after everyone had gotten into their cars and left the cemetery. I stood next to him, unsure if I should say something. Low clouds hovered overhead, promising rain but never delivering.

The gravediggers leaned against a mausoleum in the distance, smoking and talking, but most of all, waiting. As soon as we left, they’d finish the job of burying my mother.

I had a lacrosse match with the boys from town in a couple of hours. If we didn’t leave soon, I’d miss it. I had to say something. “Dad?”

He didn’t respond. The heavy silence weaved between us, straining what had always seemed like an unbreakable bond. His rhyme played through my mind: When in doubt, wait it out. Emotions will always show what they’re about.

Another ten minutes passed, and even the gravediggers fell silent and simply watched us.

“When I first saw her, she was with another man. Did you know that?”

“No.” I’d never asked about their life before me. It didn’t seem relevant.

“She had a boyfriend. He was popular, smart, richer than I was at the time. We all went to college together.” He smiled, and I was certain it was the sort of smile that meant he was sad but had a happy memory. “I saw her at a dance. We still had those back then. Awkward, terrible affairs really. But not the night I saw her. She was on his arm, smiling and laughing with some other couples that had gathered around them just to soak up all the glory that shone off her like a beam of light.”

“What did you do?”

“I decided that she was going to be mine.” He wiped at his eyes.

“Makes sense.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders. “It did. It sure did. So I asked her on a date. She turned me down.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.” His smile returned. “She told me she had a boyfriend and wouldn’t go behind his back.”

“What did you do?”

“The next time I saw them on campus, I walked right up to him and punched his lights out.”

I looked at him, unsure if he was serious. My dad barely raised his voice, much less a fist.

“I did.” He nodded. “I laid him out right there on the quad.”

“What did she do?”

“She called me a psycho and said she never wanted to see me again.”

“Oh.” That didn’t turn out quite like I expected. “So how did you two end up together?”

“After that, I did little things for her. Left her notes, took her flowers, sent her letters over the summer. I never missed a week. I’d send one like clockwork.”

“And it worked?”

“It took a little over a year, but eventually, she saw me on campus and walked over to me.” He laughed. “She said, ‘You sure are persistent.’ I said, ‘When something’s worth it, there’s no other way to be.’ We were married a year later. And now—” His voice failed on a sob.

I wrapped my arm around his waist. “And now, you’re still in love, but she’s gone.”

“Yes.”

“And it hurts you?”

“Yes.”

“Was it worth it?”

“What do you mean?” He swiped at his face once more with his handkerchief and tucked it in his pocket.

“Was the time you had with her worth all this pain you’re feeling now?”

He stared down at the dark casket as the promised rain finally began to fall. “No question about it.”

Timothy climbed out of the car and walked toward us, but I couldn’t look at anything except Camille. Her sad eyes peering up at me, the fear written across her expressive features. What had been a fissure inside me opened into a chasm that could only be filled by her. But in order to get what I wanted, I’d have to let her go.

I held my hand out to her. She took it, and I pulled her off the ATV and into my embrace. Her arms hung loosely at her sides as she trembled.

“Camille, please, don’t be afraid.” I’d never cared if someone feared me. I rather enjoyed it, actually, but not Camille. Never her.

“What are you going to do to me?” Her whisper carried a dread that settled inside me like a weight.

“I’m going to set you free.” Just saying the words ripped me apart.

She stepped back and stared up at me. “Don’t taunt me.”

“It’s not a taunt.” It’s my death sentence.

“You’re just going to let me ride out of here?” She glanced behind her at Timothy standing in front of the limo.

“No.”

Her knees buckled, and I caught her before she hit the pavement. Scooping her into my arms, I held her close and walked toward the helicopter. “You’re going to fly out of here.”

She shook her head. “This isn’t real.”

“It is.”

“I poisoned you.”

“You thought you did.”

“But the hemlock—”

“Did you really think you could order a lethal plant and I wouldn’t know about it?”

She gasped. “You knew all along.”

“Yes.”

“Why did you let me do it?”

“I guess I needed to see if you would. It was the only definitive proof I could get that would show my plan was unworkable.”

Her eyebrows knit together. “Are you saying the only way you’d let me go was if I tried to kill you?”

“Something like that, yes.”

She just shook her head, disbelief in her eyes. “But what if I go to the police?”

“Then you go to the police.” I shrugged. I had a strong hunch that she would do no such thing, but it didn’t matter. This was the only chance I had.

“This has to be a trick.”

I stopped at the helicopter and put her on her feet. “It isn’t.”

“But why?”

“Because I love you.” I leaned down and kissed her, tasting her for what could be the last time. Tangling my fingers in her hair, I slanted my mouth over hers, taking more than I should, but damned if I could stop myself. She clutched the lapels of my coat as the pilot started the rotor.

I broke the kiss, though tested my resolve to do it. Then, before I could change my mind, I lifted her into the helicopter. “Buckle up. The pilot will take you to the Trenton baseball field. Shouldn’t be anyone there. All your things will be delivered to your cottage tomorrow. Also, I’ll have Timothy send someone over to remove all the surveillance.”

“Surveillance? Are you—”

I twirled my finger in the air, and the pilot raised the engine noise. She frowned. I wanted to yank her back down and carry her back to our house. But I’d tried that already. I took her hand and kissed it, then pointed to the seats.

She scooted back and scrambled into a seat. After buckling the belt across her hip, she stared at me. Tears brimmed in her beautiful eyes, and I wanted so badly to know what she was thinking.

The engine noise grew louder, and I backed away. Step by step, I gave up what I wanted more than anything else in my life. Once I was far enough away, the helicopter lifted off the ground, and I lost sight of her. They flew off into the night, the blinking lights dimming until they disappeared in the distance. Something deep inside me fractured, and the fear of never seeing her again brought me to my knees.

I watched the sky for a long while as the chill wind blew past. It didn’t bother me, all the warmth I’d ever had was long gone. She’d taken my heart, my soul, with her.

“Sebastian.” Timothy’s voice startled me. I hadn’t realized he was behind me. “We should get back. It’s below freezing out here.”

I struggled to my feet, my body leaden. “You take the car. I’ll walk.”

“It’s at least three miles to the house. Take the ATV.”

“I said I’ll walk.” I strode past him, my thoughts with Camille as she flew back to her life—the one that didn’t include me.

“Fine.” His frustration didn’t matter to me. “I’ll just stash the ATV and come back for it later.”

I didn’t care. My feet carried me. One step after another. Eventually, Timothy drove past me in the car at a snail’s pace. I ignored him until he took the hint and disappeared ahead of me.

I replayed the months since I’d first seen Camille, analyzing each moment, trying to find at what exact moment I’d failed. The frozen air burned my lungs, and I couldn’t feel my face. But any pain my flesh endured was nothing compared to the torment that ripped and raged inside me.