Isa changed from a black dress to a pink dress. Then to a white dress.
She peeled off the white one and groused at the discarded frocks on her bed before pulling on a pair of slim jeans, a ruffly blue top she’d bought because it matched Eli’s eyes, and a pair of black heeled boots.
There.
Whatever he told her tonight, she was ready. He’d phoned earlier in the day and invited her over, saying, “I have dinner handled, Sable. Bring yourself and your appetite. I have big news.”
“Business or pleasure?” she’d asked, trying for cheeky while her heart thundered.
“A bit of both.”
She had no idea what he’d meant, but she was prepared to hear whatever he had to say. Including a profession of his feelings. Oh, she hoped it was a profession of his feelings. Things had moved fast for her, but she wouldn’t second-guess herself. Not when everything felt so undeniably real and right. He’d asked for time, and she’d granted it. Maybe he was as ready as she was to step things up between them.
She regarded her outfit in the mirror on the closet door and bit her lip. Nope. Better go for the dress instead.
She peeled off her boots and started over.
* * *
Isa arrived at Eli’s house wearing a skinny black dress and high heels. She wore a coat. As October grew to an end, there was no “showing off the dress” without also “freezing off her ass.”
She slid the elevator door aside to reveal a heart-stopping table setting.
Candles.
Flowers.
Eli had never struck her as the flowers and candles type, aside from the time he’d dug one out of the back of the pantry for their shared bath. But there they were: two elegant, slim tapers nested in crystal holders.
“Hello?” She was smiling as she slipped her coat from her shoulders and walked in.
“Have a seat. Out in a sec,” he called from the direction of the bedroom.
The flowers were hodgepodge in a glass pitcher. The ends weren’t cut, and the iris in the center had a dead petal. Eli hadn’t hired a florist. The fork and knife were on the wrong side of the plate for a formal setting, and the napkin was a paper towel.
Her smile grew even wider. He’d done all of it himself. Which meant he’d gone to the trouble to impress her. She gave up trying to calm her excitement as her heart galloped. This was clearly a romantic gesture—and she was ready to hear him out.
“Hey,” she heard behind her. Eli strolled out of the bedroom buttoning the sleeves on a white dress shirt, his black slacks and shiny black shoes throwing her off. This was much different from the man in torn jeans and a tight gray T-shirt, yet he was as appealing either way.
“Wow, you look…”
He lifted his face and she lost her breath. Just gone, like a vacuum had sucked it from her. She could see his face. All of it.
“You shaved your beard. Completely.”
He brought up his tattooed arm and scrubbed his cheek with one hand. “Yeah. Is it weird?”
“Different, not weird.”
God, he was gorgeous. The dark angle of his jaw sharp and leading to a strong chin and perfectly firm, kissable lips. His hair was trimmed and neat, a little wavy on top—just the way she liked it.
“Wow.”
“You said that already.” He grinned as he approached, his steps shortening when he came close. His touch was familiar and welcome, blazing a trail along her waist as he tugged her close. “Want to see how it feels and make your judgment call after?”
“Mmm-hmm.” Since she wasn’t capable of words at the moment, she went with an affirmative hum. He kissed her and she made the sound again, only it was more of a moan, and turned her knees to jelly. His warm tongue traced hers and instead of feeling the rough texture of his facial hair, she was met with a smooth face, caressing lips, and his ever-present wandering hands.
He smelled like pine and cedar. Tasted like mint.
Felt like heaven.
Every part of her leaned closer and before she knew it, she was standing on her toes absolutely devouring him as she shoved him toward the bedroom. When she went for the buttons on his freshly pressed shirt, he didn’t bother stopping her. Good thing. She wasn’t in the mood to be dissuaded.
“What about dinner?” he asked between kisses, but he didn’t wait for an answer. He palmed her neck and kissed the sensitive spot behind her ear.
“You sound like a good dinner to me.” When he raised his head, she kissed then nipped his bottom lip.
With a growl, he took over, deepening their connection, his hands on her face, his tongue stroking hers at a torturous, languid pace. Fingers on the waistband of his slacks, she was hit with a sudden desire—an absolute need. Him, raw and naked and under her.
Button open, zipper drawn, she slipped his pants and boxers down narrow hips. Hard and ready, his cock landed heavy in her hand and she stroked once.
Twice.
A desperate sound left his lips as his fingers trailed into her hair. “Isa.”
She shuddered. Hearing her name on his lips was sexier than the nickname he had for her. She bunched his shirt and slid down his body, lifting the material and kissing his flat stomach. He was toned and hard and she explored the many dips with her tongue and teeth. Especially when she drew lower.
She paused to look up at him from her position on her knees—to take in the hunger in his nighttime blue eyes, the muscles in his abs taut as he cradled her head with gentle pressure. Then she took him in. Inch by inch, she slicked her tongue past the head and down the shaft as the most glorious sound of pleasure left Eli’s lips.
He rocked, hips tilting forward as he shifted his weight.
Air hissed through his teeth as she bobbed and sucked, licked and kissed.
“Sable.” A groan. “I have to…” An exhale, short but powerful. “Sit down.”
She let him loose and he swore as he plunked down on the bed, his eyes filled with dark intent, his fists wrapped around the bedding.
She started to lower to the floor and he cupped her elbow.
“I’m not done,” she argued.
“No?” His voice was a wheeze.
She shook her head, tugged the skirt of her dress up, and lowered to her knees in front of him. Then she dove in again. This time, she heard his swearing clear as day.
“Fuck, Isa. God. Dammit. Fuck me.”
Each word was a rust-covered rumble paired with his hand massaging her head. He bucked his hips, so close now. She could feel him coiling, every muscle in his thighs tightening. She kept going. Kept pleasuring him until he surrendered his release on a shout.
She swallowed him down, every drop, and only then did she let him loose with a soft pop before laying a reverent kiss on his shaft. She stood to find Eli had collapsed on the bed, arms overhead, shirt open and revealing his stomach and heaving chest. She admired him for a few seconds: the shadow his lashes cast on his cheeks, the newly shaven jawline she hadn’t yet grown accustomed to. Tanned skin and slim waist, thick thighs, and the way his pants were bunched around his ankles.
Knee on the bed, she trailed a hand over his stomach and up to play with one flat nipple.
“You are the most stunningly handsome man.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, pleased when he barely had the strength to pucker.
Eyes open and honed in on hers, he gave her a lopsided grin that made her heart flip. “I never imagined someone like you existed.”
Her hand froze on his chest as she let the words soak in. The love she felt for him intensified, saturating her very being. She was sure he could see it. Feel it. How could he not when she absolutely radiated with it?
“Wait until after dinner.” His hand brushed her cheek, pushing her hair away from her face. “I’m going to make you come so hard I’ll render you useless.”
Her teeth speared her lip and Eli reached up to free the flesh from her bite.
“Do you want that? Me rendering you useless?” His eyes darkened with wicked intent. “At my whim and command? Shaking and pleading with me to stop because you can’t take any more pleasure?”
Well. Look who’d found his voice.
“Yes,” came her broken whisper. Broken because she wanted all of that. All of him.
“Good.” He lit her up with a long, wet, warm kiss. “I wasn’t going to give you a choice.” His slow blink reminded her of a big cat in the sun. Pleased with himself and his kingdom. In control and he knew it.
She wanted to be under Eli’s control. She trusted him. Not only with her body—with her heart.
Once upon a time she’d fought for every inch of power and ground she could gain. And now? Now she found herself wanting to sacrifice it for the man she’d fallen for. It was probably why they called it “falling” in love. At some point, she’d let go—an out-of-control tumble in the hopes Eli would catch her.
“Come on, sleepyhead.” She pushed off the bed and offered a hand to help him up. “You owe me dinner.”
“It’s in the oven. Lasagna.”
“You made lasagna?”
He sat up and ruffled his shorter hair with one hand. With the clean-shaven jaw and the outfit, he looked so…businessy. It wasn’t how she was used to seeing him and wasn’t a bad look on him at all. He finally looked like a billionaire Crane brother.
He took her hand, but only to kiss it, then stood on his own. He pulled his pants over his legs and tucked his shirt into his waistband.
“I did not make lasagna,” he said as he ran his hands into his hair again. “Benicia’s Italiano made lasagna. “I heated it in the oven.”
“Smart.”
“Yeah, well, when you’re a bachelor you learn a few tricks.” He sent her a wink that beckoned another heart palpitation. Then another when he lowered his lips to hers for a sweet, brief kiss.
* * *
Dinner was divine, Benicia’s vegetarian lasagna an amazing feat.
“Was that eggplant?” Isa asked after having savored the rich flavors of basil and garlic and robust tomato sauce.
“And portobello mushrooms,” Eli answered.
“Why don’t you eat meat?” She’d always wondered.
He swiped the napkin over his mouth and watched her for a second. Candlelight flickered on the angles of his face, making him look mysterious and gorgeous.
“Truth?” he asked.
“Always.”
“It’s not dinner conversation.” He reached for the wine bottle and refilled her glass.
“I have a strong stomach.”
“You have a strong everything,” he said with a smirk of approval. She liked that he saw she was strong, especially since where he was concerned she felt like a kite in the wind.
“After witnessing the mess left behind when I lost my foot and part of my leg…” He shook his head and met her eyes. “Well, without being too morbid, let’s say my appetite for flesh went away instantly.”
“That makes sense.” And had her questioning her own penchant for a juicy hamburger every so often.
“Yeah. Not manly, but there it is.”
“Trust me, Eli.” She rested her elbow on the table and fed him a line similar to the one he’d delivered on their first date, “No one would ever look at you and see you as ‘not manly.’”
She felt like he was dancing around the real reason he’d invited her, and after silence settled between them, it must have become obvious to him, too. The next thing she knew, he brought it up.
“Now for the reason behind this celebration,” he said.
Finally.
He refilled his wineglass and Isa lifted her own and took a long drink. Eyes on hers over the candlelight, his smile was at once nervous and sure. Her heart slammed relentlessly against her ribs. She was unable to keep hope from blooming in her chest and spreading down both arms.
“Corporal Benjamin Hough, Junior,” he said.
Well, that threw her off. Totally not what she’d expected him to say.
“Known as Benji to me and to his wife, Michelle.” Eli’s smile faded. “He was the one who shoved me when Christopher dove on the grenade. He shouldn’t have died from the blast, but a piece of metal shot out like a dart.” Eli pointed at his temple. “Hit him here.”
She winced, her skin zapping her like she’d been pricked with a thousand needles. That strong stomach of hers did a somersault.
“If that stray piece hadn’t found his head, he would have been lying on the ground next to me missing a leg. Maybe two since he was closer.” Eli spun the stem of his glass. “We probably could have bitched our way through rehab together.”
His smile didn’t last.
“I went to see his wife and met her baby—one she and Benji had planned on adopting.”
“You did? That’s amazing.”
“It was. And it started me thinking about what I was doing with my life, whether I was living it to the fullest. I thought long and hard about what Benji would want. About what I would want for him if I was hoeing a row in heaven instead of down here on the pavement.”
Eli met her gaze and Isa realized she hadn’t taken a full breath in a while. His speech seemed to be leading to something big.
“I don’t want to have any regrets,” he said, his voice quiet. “I have been holed up alone since I returned. I’ve challenged everyone I’ve come in contact with. With the exception of my family, you were the only one who challenged me back. The only one who stayed.”
Her breath left between her pursed lips as she mentally talked her blood pressure down to a reasonable level. This was it. He’d had a life epiphany and she was part of it. This was huge.
Massive.
Everything was about to change.
Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his. “Isabella Sawyer. You asked me once if I believed I caused people pain. The answer was yes. But you let me off the hook. You said you were fine with me retreating, but you aren’t, are you? You want me to live up to the promises I make. You push me to be a better man.”
Oh God, here it comes.
She couldn’t speak or keep the tears away. She blinked rapidly, hoping the dim light hid her reaction.
Eli squeezed her hand.
Isa gave him a watery smile.
“I’m stepping in as COO at Crane Hotels,” he said. “The official announcement is happening at the Royale London event.”
With bated breath, she waited for more but he released her hand and sat back, raising his wineglass.
“Good thing you already RSVPd yes for me, right?” he asked with a casual smile.
That was…it? No I love you, Isa, and can’t live without you? She tried to keep the disappointment at bay, but it crashed into her at warp speed.
“You were right to push me toward Crane Hotels,” Eli continued, unaware she was completely devastated. “You were right to encourage me to get involved. I’m working hard to learn to go all in, and this gets me another step closer.”
Going all in? Another step closer to what?
The rug had been pulled out from under her—no, not pulled. It was like the rug had zoomed hundreds of feet over the city with her on it.
“To you, Isa.” He raised his glass in a toast. “Thank you for helping me find where I belong. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
She didn’t raise her glass, too stunned to move. That was the big announcement? He didn’t notice her shock. He tapped his glass against hers and drank.
“Isa? Are you all right?”
No, she wasn’t all right. She’d expected him to confess his feelings for her, not to announce that he’d accepted the position of COO at Crane Hotels.
“Is this your way of being open?” she asked.
He frowned, his brows pulling over his nose.
“When I asked you to be open, I meant with your feelings, Eli, not your business plans.”
His chin jerked on his neck. Good. He deserved to feel as stunned as she did.
“You know I don’t make it a habit to mince words—or keep my opinions to myself.” She dug for the courage to say what she needed to say. “The truth is…”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat—because she had no idea how he would react when she throttled him with this information.
“I’m falling for you, Eli,” she blurted. “Hard. The kind of falling where you don’t want to be saved.”
He went completely still. Eerily quiet. She kept on anyway. What more did she have to lose?
“I want a future with you. I want to see who we can be when you’re not holding back. I want to come home to you. Have dinner together and spend holidays together. I want to text and call and see you. I want you. All of you. Not just your body. And I definitely don’t want you to withhold part of yourself from me.”
Silence hovered in the room like an angry spirit. When Eli finally spoke, it was with a heartbreaking, but not surprising, response.
“I asked for time, Sable.”
“I know you did. I thought tonight you were ready to tell me how you felt about me. Not that you were going back to work for Crane Hotels.”
“I thought you’d be happy,” he said, anger eating into his voice.
“I am! It’s wonderful,” she managed, fighting with her emotions as she tried to be fair. Going back to Crane Hotels was fantastic for Eli, for his whole family. But…“I thought there would be more.”
“More,” he growled.
“Yes. More.”
“There is no ‘more.’” With his flared nostrils and flat line of a mouth, Eli looked more like the man who had run off ten of her best assistants. She’d uncovered warm, solid, happy Eli, but that version of him had retreated in an instant.
“Crystal complained I couldn’t go all in,” he said. “She always said I’m incapable of committing all the way. I want to. God knows I’ve been trying. I’ve been finishing my unfinished business with Refurbs, with Benji’s widow, with Crane Hotels.” As he talked, he rose from the table. “Goddamn, Sable, I thought you’d celebrate with me.”
“I did! I am!” She stood, too, shaking now. Like a freak flood had hit, everything between them was eroding. “This has nothing to do with Crystal. This has to do with us. Are you incapable of giving yourself to me before everything else in your life is tied in a neat little bow?”
His eyes darkened. “What if I am?”
The words were a slap across the face.
“I asked for time because I need it,” he said. “I thought we’d agreed.”
“And I thought you’d see what we have.” Tears burned her nose but she refused to give in to them. “I have to go.”
“Isa, wait.”
She heard a pinch of regret in his voice but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t give her more and she didn’t want him to lie and say he was ready just because she was angry.
“Wait! Dammit, Sable.”
“It’s Isa,” she corrected. “You’re out of time, Eli.”
She slammed the elevator door and rode down to the parking lot. As she marched to her car, a burst of guilt mingled with her own anger and suffocating, heart-rending sadness.
Leaving was the right thing to do.
She loved him and she deserved to be loved in return. She deserved more than half measures from him. She at least wanted the assurance that there was more to come.
She’d given him everything. It was Eli who had held back—or worse.
Maybe the reason he didn’t profess his love for her was simple. Maybe he didn’t love her.
Maybe he never would.