Keira barely focused on the food in front of her. It tasted good, but beyond that, nothing mattered except eating enough to satisfy Dmitri so he’d have her for dessert. He never took his attention off her as they ate in comfortable silence, and she couldn’t help replaying his filling her plate over and over again in her mind.
He was…taking care of her.
There was no other way she could explain that action. She was functioning just fine, so there was no reason for Dmitri to be overly concerned with what she ate or her weight, but he obviously was—and not in a creepy douchey way, either. He wanted her healthy. He was offering to give her tips to help her get her muscle mass up to par, for God’s sake. That was not normal.
Or, rather, it wasn’t normal if he was thinking of her as a sexy lamp like she’d originally feared. It could be a manipulation tactic, but really, why bother to go through the trouble to lie so thoroughly? She was here, exactly where he wanted her. He didn’t have to put forth an effort, because she wasn’t going to leave as long as he kept his word and did everything in his power to maintain peace between himself and her family.
And yet he was making an effort.
She finished her pork chop and sat back, pleasantly full. The whole dinner had been so comfortable, she worked up the courage to ask him something she’d been wondering about since she got to New York. “What was it like growing up in this house?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just…” She waved a hand, trying to find the words. “It’s intimidating and kind of over the top. I mean, our town house in Boston is, too, but it’s a totally different feel from this place.” It might be the color choices—the walls and carpet skewing toward the darker end of the spectrum—or the furniture, all heavy and made of dark wood, or the striking lack of windows, but it kind of felt like she was in a modern-day gothic mansion. “You don’t have your first wife locked up in the attic, do you?”
He snorted. “I’m hardly Rochester.”
Of course he knows I’m referencing Jane Eyre. “I don’t know. You both have the brooding loner thing going for you. Being compared to Rochester isn’t a bad thing—he’s sexy in that should-definitely-be-in-therapy-but-is-still-a-hot-bad-boy kind of way.”
Dmitri shook his head, though his gray eyes shone with amusement. “I’ll take your word for it.”
“Do that. My word is excellent even if my taste in men is questionable at best.” She rolled her eyes. “Anyway, back to the original question—Child Dmitri and this big, scary house.”
“I never found it scary.” He shrugged. “It’s home. It’s always been home. Though I suppose it looks that intimidating from the outside.” He hesitated as if considering imparting something else, but finally nodded almost to himself. “It reminds me a bit of my father, to be perfectly honest.”
A piece of personal information? Talk about striking gold! She strove to keep her tone nonchalant. “Oh?”
“He was forbidding. It’s not easy to hold a territory, let alone to build one, and he wasn’t interested in compartmentalizing. Everything was for the good of the family, whether it was good for the individual or no.”
“I’m familiar with the sentiment.” Her father had been the same, though she didn’t get the same angsty feeling from Dmitri that she got from most of her siblings. Seamus O’Malley was a piece of shit, and he was more than happy to pave his way to more power on the backs of his children. Their mother wasn’t much better, but she at least threw them an emotional bone every once in a while. “You loved him?”
“Love is a strange word. It calls to mind a particular feeling, which I don’t associate with my father, but I suppose I did.” Another shrug. “I respected him. I realized early on that his actions ensured the safety of our family and our men, and I watched closely so that I would be able to do the same when the time came.”
So much responsibility to toss onto a kid. “How old were you?”
“Ya ne znayu. Eight. Perhaps ten.”
Keira froze. “You…That’s very young.” At eight and ten she was still firmly a kid and enjoying something resembling an idyllic childhood as Devlin’s sidekick. Her older siblings had felt the weight of their duty earlier than she had as youngest, but even Seamus held off screwing with them until they were old enough to be useful—high school, at least.
“Don’t pity me, Keira. It wasn’t a bad life as such things go.”
“Sure, but saying that it could be worse is silly. It could just as easily have been better.” She did some quick math in her head. “Was Olivia around at that point?”
“Da. Though her mother was kept away for the most part, so I didn’t see much of her until years later.”
How incredibly lonely. At least her house had been filled with her siblings. Dmitri had only had himself. Keira gave herself a mental shake. He didn’t want her pity, and whatever his childhood had been like, it was the past now. She couldn’t go back and change it. She shouldn’t even want to.
Dmitri swirled his sparkling water. “In a way, it’s a good thing that Olivia fled to Cillian. They’re bound to give Hadley more siblings to grow up with. There will be cousins as well.” He met her gaze. “Your brother isn’t your father.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.” Not too long ago, she’d wondered if Aiden would follow in Seamus’s footsteps—his actions had sure as fuck indicated that he’d do exactly that—but he’d shifted gears and was taking steps that she’d never expected. “It’s only a matter of time before he and Charlie start popping out kids, too.” Though they wouldn’t start until the biggest threats to the O’Malleys were taken care of. She knew Aiden well enough to know that.
“Da.” He slid his plate aside. “Do you want children, Keira?”
“Do I have a choice?” she fired back—and instantly regretted it. They were actually having a nice time, and she had to fuck with it. Every single time. I am not a possession.
Dmitri watched her closely. “I won’t force you there any more than I’d force you to have sex. It’s your choice. It’s always been your choice.”
He might say that, but it couldn’t be clearer what his priorities were. The dynasty. The family. Though, for the first time, Keira had to wonder if Dmitri’s insistence on children was motivated—at least in part—by growing up alone in this massive house. A family would fill up the echoing space much more effectively than all his men combined.
She had to look away and then felt like the worst kind of coward for doing it. “Not yet. Not while the Eldridges are still out there and gunning for us.”
“I won’t let her have you.”
She glanced back at him. “Which her?” Mae was scary, but she seemed to look at every problem as if it was a nail for her to hammer. One size fit all. Alethea had cunning if she was able to outsmart Dmitri for this long, and that was a special kind of terrifying because it meant they didn’t know where she’d strike next.
The fact he thought they’d be coming for her spoke volumes. She frowned. “Why do you think they’ve focused on me?” There had been the drive-by shooting back when she was still living in Boston, but that could have just as easily been aimed at Charlie—or Carrigan for that matter.
This time, Dmitri looked away, which sent alarm bells pealing through her head. She straightened. “Something happened that you haven’t told me about.”
He sighed. “Mae had a gift delivered last week.”
A gift. Whatever it was, he’d gone almost pale when he mentioned it, so it had to be bad. She took half a second to consider whether she really wanted to know. Yes, I have to know what I’m facing. If I want to be an actual partner, I have to be able to handle it. “Tell me.”
He hesitated, but almost immediately relented. “She killed a girl who looks remarkably similar to you…and sent me her head.”
“Her head?” Her voice squeaked and she had to take a shallow breath. “That crazy bitch cut off some poor girl’s head and sent it to you.” She tried to process that, tried to wrap her mind around the level of evil Mae Eldridge had to possess to think that was a legitimate step. Keira stared at the half-eaten food on her plate, feeling sick. “Have you ever done something like that?”
“Killed an innocent to threaten another? Nyet. Murder is a last resort—never a threat.”
Which wasn’t to say he hadn’t murdered someone before. She considered that, and then compared it to what she knew of how her family operated. Keira couldn’t say for sure that Aiden’s hands were perfectly clean of blood, and she knew for a fact Cillian’s weren’t. “Would you have killed Olivia’s ex if you’d gotten to him before Cillian did?”
Dmitri met her gaze steadily. “Do you want to know the truth or the pretty lie?”
“The truth.”
“I would have made an example of him thoroughly enough that no one would have come near her for the rest of her life.”
She should have been horrified. But all Keira could think was that maybe that would have been better than Cillian shooting the fucker. Killing him had left its mark on her brother, and she would have spared him that if she could have. He had protected Olivia and Hadley—and he would have done it all again if it came down to it—but the killing had changed him.
She set her napkin aside. “You almost killed James Halloran because my sister chose him over you.”
“Nyet.” A sharp shake of his head. “She broke her word to me, and I clearly outlined the consequences of doing so.” He shrugged one shoulder. “James’s brother would have struck regardless of whether he thought he had my support. If your sister hadn’t broken her word, he wouldn’t have had my support. It’s a simple as that.” His lips quirked. “I can’t say I’m sorry she did, though.”
If she hadn’t, it would have been Carrigan sitting across from Dmitri right now instead of Keira. Maybe she should be bothered by that, but what-ifs didn’t matter—only what actually happened. Dmitri and Carrigan hadn’t so much as kissed, and who gave a fuck even if they had?
Me. I’d give a fuck.
She swallowed hard and stood. “Then there’s—”
“Moya koroleva, are you going to insist on laying every one of my sins out in the open? There are many, even if you’re only listing the ones associated with your family.” He stood as well. “The O’Malleys were a threat and I proceeded accordingly. It became personal over time, but it didn’t start that way.”
She licked her lips, her gaze dragging over his suit. It fit him well, hugging his shoulders and tapering to his narrow waist. She wanted it on the floor. Keira took a deep breath and tried to focus. “If you could go back and do it again, would you?”
“I don’t make a habit of second-guessing myself.”
“That’s not an answer.” He always spoke like that when he didn’t want to answer a question directly, and it made her crazy. He made her crazy, though she still wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing.
Dmitri shook his head. “I don’t have an answer for you. Did I underestimate your family repeatedly? Da. But if you think for a second that I regret the path that brought us to this moment—with you as my wife—then you’re mad.” He rounded the corner of the table and took her hand, tugging her against him. “I would commit unforgivable sins as long as it ensured this same endgame. I will make no apologies for that, Keira. Not a single fucking one.”