Alistair’s insides contracted like an accordion, painful wheezes of emotion that nearly doubled him over as he hiked along. He’d woken up early that morning, far too early, beset with a sudden headache. But as soon as his feet touched the ground in the darkness of the early morning, the memories came flooding back. It was as if he could look around inside the vault of his mind and all the blank spots were suddenly filled. Whatever he thought back on, it was there.

Including his new memories.

Including the biggest betrayal of his life.

Shame lashed at him, sent heat into his cheeks as he wrestled with the embarrassment for what felt like the billionth time already. Whenever his mind circled back to the last two weeks, he didn’t know where to begin. So many different emotions battled to the forefront. And yet, somehow, part of him just wanted to forgive Jess and continue the sweet lie they’d been living.

And the fact that his deepest inclination was to just move on and forget it made him angrier than hell.

Have you fallen in love?

The mere thought was like drinking spoilt milk. Alistair never planned for love and took active measures to avoid it. Love was entrapment. Love was a jail. Love was the most limiting prison he could ever hope to impose on his life, and the past two weeks were as good a proof as any that he’d been right all along in avoiding it.

He clenched his fists as he trudged along, memories sweeping over him again. Watching Jess with that damned enamored look while she made grilled cheese for him. Their sweet, lazy cuddles post-orgasm, the complete and utter lack of desire to do anything other than hold her in his arms for an eternity. He rubbed at his face. She’d duped him into believing the biggest farce of his life, that he could still be Alistair while also being in love.

He knew better than anyone that it was one or the other. Career or a committed relationship—he couldn’t have both. And he’d made his choice a long time ago. His career would always win.

It was why he’d made it a habit of being a heartbreaker. Why the tabloids followed his exploits on occasion, why Jess had always raised eyebrows at the number of female names dotting his calendar. It was why he’d refrained from pursuing Jess for the past two years, even though every cell in his body had been desperate to get closer to her.

His throat tightened. Too many thoughts. Too much confusion. And still two hours left of the hike. There wasn’t anywhere to go but forward, through this maddening mess of tangled emotions. He would fire Jess, of course. She would have to find her own way home, have to figure out her own career path from here on out. There was no way he could continue to have her around, not after he’d admitted that he’d loved her no fewer than three hundred times over the past two weeks.

Jess was sniffling again behind him. He steeled himself to check on her. She was far behind, wiping at her eyes. The sight of her broke his heart. Stay firm. Stay distant.

“Come on.” He turned around, slowing his pace a little. They were the first words he’d spoken to her in a half hour.

“You know, I wasn’t the only one who thought this was a good idea,” she said suddenly, her voice bursting through the quiet air. “It wasn’t even my idea actually.”

Somehow, that made things worse. “Oh, do tell. Who was the evil arbiter of this sinister plan?”

“Your brother.”

Alistair stopped, turning to look at her. “Which one?”

“Gregor.” She sniffed, approaching him slowly. Her cheeks and nose were bright pink, her blue eyes watery. Despite it all, he just wanted to kiss her. To feel those juicy, impossibly soft lips against his one last time.

Alistair creased a brow. “Why would he suggest you do something this ridiculous?”

“Alistair, I’ve been searching for a pretend fiancée for you for months,” she said. “And none of them are ever good enough or quite right. I finally found one that I thought might fit the bill, but then you got into the accident. He didn’t think we could afford to wait. I don’t know, it just seemed…right…when he suggested it. This solved all the problems at once.”

He scoffed. “Except the problem of getting my memory back.”

“He said you’d be thrilled to find out I was the one,” she added softly, hurt clouding her eyes. His heart twisted, and he tore himself away from her, stomping forward along the path. Fuck Gregor and his meddling. He’d mentioned to Gregor plenty of times that Jessica was the hottest woman he’d ever seen, much less hired. Gregor knew firsthand Alistair’s simmering attraction for her. And maybe he’d let slip some affection once, too.

But this was almost as outrageous as discovering their grandfather had vowed to sell his stocks posthumously unless they all found true love. When Alistair first found out, he’d decided immediately that he’d hire the task out. But Gregor stepping in like this felt like his grandfather manhandling him into actually complying with the mandate from the grave.

You love Jess.

He shoved the thought from his mind.

“I guess your brother doesn’t know you as well as he thinks he does,” Jess ventured a moment later.

“I’m sure he had his reasons,” Alistair snapped. “Which I’ll be finding out for myself.”

“But then again, I was your emergency contact,” Jess said. “Why was that?”

He didn’t even want to answer the question. Jess was the closest person in his life outside of his family. And he wouldn’t admit that fact even if it killed him. “I don’t even remember adding you as an emergency contact,” he lied. “Besides, you’re my assistant. Why wouldn’t I add you?”

And that was true. But it was also true that he’d added her as his contact because she knew him best. She was always at his side, could intuit his needs before he even became aware of them. She always knew how to get him back on track, how to pull him out of his creative stupors. Jess had been his work girlfriend for the past two years. He’d merely denied himself the physical dimension that he so deeply craved.

“Your brothers are just as important in the business, just as close to you as colleagues,” she reminded him. He gritted his teeth.

“It doesn’t matter,” he said.

They fell into tense silence once more. Occasionally the cawing of birds or the snapping of a tree limb would break the tension between them. Time melted away under the roar of his thoughts. He hated how much he wanted to stop and sweep her into his arms. How eager he was to continue the charade that he knew, deep down, hadn’t been a charade at all.

When they finally returned to the lodge, Jess was huffing and red, looking more distraught than he’d ever seen her. He crossed the reception area, stabbing his finger at the elevator up button. He turned away from Jess when she joined him at the doors. The ride up felt like an eternity, boxed into this closed space with her, suffocating under the proximity of her sadness. He just needed to get away from her, away from this whole situation.

Once he was by himself, alone in his penthouse in Seattle, he could begin to process this absurd humiliation. Process and wean himself off of Jess. Those heart wrenching kisses. The way her body would quake on top of him as she climaxed. That look of longing and love in her eyes.

When the elevator doors slid open, he stormed out, heading for the suite. Inside, Jess dropped her pack with a sigh.

“So what now?” She crossed her arms over her chest. “What do we do from here?”

“There is no ‘we,’” he said, carrying his pack into the bedroom. He got out his small, reinforced suitcase, flipping it open on top of the bed. “I’m going back to the USA immediately. You can figure out your own next step.”

“And I assume I’m fired,” she said, coming into the doorway.

“Correct.” He emptied the dresser drawers where he’d been keeping his scant clothing. “Consider your time at B3 finished, effective immediately. We’ll send your things to your home; no need to show up to pack.”

She was quiet for so long it unnerved him, but he didn’t dare turn to look at her. Not when the strength of his conviction depended on not seeing her again.

“Alistair, didn’t you even just…” Her soft voice trailed into a sigh. “Wasn’t there something about us together that you liked?”

He stilled, shutting his eyes, as if the darkness would help strengthen his defenses against this woman. “I’m not talking about this.”

“We work together,” she said, voice wavering. “I don’t mean at the office, but like, as people. As…lovers.”

“Jess.”

“I’ve never been in a relationship before.” She came to the side of the bed and he focused on the contents of his suitcase, willing himself to keep his gaze anywhere but on her. “I’ve never wanted one. I didn’t think I needed one. And obviously, you feel the same way. But somewhere over the past two weeks, you changed my mind.”

He steeled himself, his mind mulling over a facet of her admission that fit in with something else he’d noticed. She had an innocent way about her that made him wonder. “Had you ever been with someone else?”

Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. “Do you mean—”

“Were you a virgin?” That was the million-dollar question. He’d seen a tinge of pink on the bedsheets after they were done. He couldn’t have forced it to make sense then. But now, it became clear.

Her eyes welled up, and she nodded, chin trembling.

“Oh Jesus! That’s too much,” he said, heading for the bathroom. “Pack your things and leave.”

She huffed. “It’s not like I was saving myself for you. I’ve just never gotten around to…doing it. I’ve always thought I don’t need a man. And it’s not that I need you, either. I just…I want you. And I have for a long time, without even realizing it.”

“I don’t need to hear any more of your delusions,” he called from the bedroom as he gathered his soap and shaving cream, his chest tightening so much he could barely speak. “So if you could kindly leave.”

Jess sighed and went into the bathroom after he’d come out. She shut the door, locking it, and soon the shower water hummed low.

He stared at the door for a long time, the silence of the bedroom nearly deafening him. This wasn’t right. None of it was right. His reactions, this situation, how they got here…it was all fucked. But he couldn’t hope to make sense of anything until he was alone.

He packed the rest of his belongings as quickly as he could. When he was ready, he paused at the front door of the suite, looking back toward the bedroom. Say goodbye. Just tell her you’re leaving. One last kiss…

But no. A free man wouldn’t announce his plans. A man truly on his own timeclock came and went as he pleased. And Alistair was nothing if not his own man. And would remain that way for the rest of his life.

He swallowed a knot in his throat and pushed out the front door, repeating over and over to himself that he was making the right choice.