Chapter 20
The long days of driving went much faster with City. She was happy with City looking out the windshield over the miles, or lying down with his nose against her thigh, the pink squeaky toy between his paws. Though it was really like talking to herself when it came down to it, Shelby didn’t feel so silly talking out loud to City. Her loneliness eased, even if he didn’t talk back.
She told him all about Lucky and her daddy and T-Ball. She told him about her mama, how she knew that it was wrong to leave without even talking to her. “I should be happy. I should have hugged her. I should have asked where she’s been, if she’s okay. Do you think I’m a terrible person?”
City just nudged her, seeking out an ear-scratching.
“Well, clearly you’re not a great judge of character. But thank you. Maybe when I get back…well. I’ll see how I feel then, okay? Maybe we’ll see how you like her. If you approve, we’ll talk. If you growl, that’s a sign I should keep ignoring her.”
City smiled his dog smile, tongue out.
As they made it out of Illinois and kept moving further south, Shelby finally started talking to City about Jake. “City was the name I called him. Don’t be offended. He’s a good guy. I thought he was. I think he is. But he lied to me, or hid things. Which is like lying. And that’s not okay. Probably I should have stayed and talked to him, just like I should have stayed and talked to my mama. But I’m tired of doing what I should do. You know? Maybe you don’t.”
City whined gently and stared at her with intense eyes.
“Right now? You need to go right now?” She sighed. “You’re really going to put a wrench in my trip times with all this potty-stopping.”
But Shelby found a rest stop with grassy spaces for City to run around and do his business. Though he had stayed with her even before she bought the leash and collar, she didn’t trust him to be loose now. It hadn’t been a day and she was already attached to this dog. Not wanting to leave him in the car alone, she took him into the bathroom stall with her. He even acted like a gentleman, sitting so he faced the door while she went to the bathroom.
She sat on a cement picnic bench for a few minutes before getting back in the car, letting the leash hang loose so City could stop and smell the grass and bushes and every other tiny thing out there. He seemed to have an urgent need to lift his leg on every blade of grass. She pulled out her phone to check her email when a text message buzzed the phone to life in her hand. She almost dropped the leash when she saw who it was.
Jake: Hey, Shelby. Heard you’re on a road trip. Where are you?
Before she could even get her thoughts around the way her heart raced at his message, another one came through.
Jake: I know you may not want to talk to me right now, but I thought I’d text. Even if you don’t answer.
Jake: I’m glad you got to travel finally. If you make it up to Chicago, call me. I’ll take you out to a Cubs game and get you the good hot dogs and the right pizza. Not that those are the only things here that matter, but they’re the ones that matter to me.
Jake: I miss you.
City nosed her hand and Shelby scratched behind his ears absentmindedly. Her chest felt tight and she couldn’t tell whether it was with happiness or sadness. The line seemed really fine sometimes between these two. It made her giddy-happy that he was messaging her. And yet she didn’t want to have her heart be so tied up still that when he sent a random text, she fell apart.
“Should I write back?” Shelby asked City. He kept nudging her hand so she kept scratching. “Okay, I’ll wait. You’re right. Let’s just see where this goes. Are you done peeing on everything?”
She put the phone back in her purse and they went back to the truck. But when she was on the highway, she set the phone on the console. She couldn’t read messages while driving, but could at least see when the phone lit up with a new one. And they were coming in at high frequency now. They had to be Jake. No one else had been messaging her that much. Matt once or twice, just checking in. Gracie did every few days. Her daddy didn’t text, but he’d left a few voicemails. As much as it hurt her, she didn’t answer. She couldn’t. It felt too much like he chose her mama over her.
It was hard to keep her eyes on the road when the phone kept flashing. She drummed her hands on the wheel, talking it through with City. “I wonder why he’s messaging me now. I mean, he couldn’t have known I was in Chicago, right? What if he saw me? No, he would have sent me a message right away if he saw me. Should I respond? I probably should. Just so he knows they aren’t going to the wrong number or something. I hate sending texts without a response. It’s creepy.”
When City gave the slightest whine, Shelby happily found the very first exit she could and walked him behind a gas station while reading through the deluge of messages from Jake. Some were serious, some were silly, but all of them made a giant grin spread across her face.
Jake: I know we talked about pizza, but I don’t know what toppings you like. This is important. I have to know.
Jake: I’ll eat anything, but if I had to pick my top three it would be black olives, Canadian bacon, and mushrooms. I know, weird combo.
Jake: And here’s a secret: I like Chicago Deep Dish, but I really like Papa John’s. Don’t tell.
Jake: Ever since you left me at L’Auberge, I’ve been in a funk.
Jake: I’m not trying to get your pity. I messed up. Messed up bad.
Jake: Anyway, I stopped shaving and Xan—that’s my boss—told me that I look terrible. I guess I’m not a beard guy.
Jake: Do you like beards?
Jake: I read a new book and it sucked. I had to finish it, though. Do you do that? Finish books you start, even if you hate them? I wish I didn’t have to. I won’t tell you the name because you might be tempted to read it. I don’t want you wasting your time.
Jake: It’s not as hot here as it was in Texas. Weirdly, I kind of miss the humidity. The swamp feeling kind of grew on me.
Jake: I keep thinking about where you’re going to go. I worry about you. You probably don’t think that, since it’s my fault you’re losing your house. But I do worry.
Jake: Is it weird I worry about T-Ball too?
Jake: Not as much as I worry about you.
Jake: I’m so sorry, Shelby.
Shelby stood in the weeds behind the gas station, hearing the highway noises behind her head. City sat at her feet, smiling up at her and nudging her thigh with his wet nose. When she had gotten the first texts, she wanted to respond, but after reading these, she felt like she had to. But part of her was holding back. It would be opening herself up to respond. Could she open herself back up again?
Maybe just one text. But which one should she answer? She ended up sending four.
Shelby: Your pizza choices are disgusting. I like just cheese. I’m a purist.
Shelby: I found a dog. He’s traveling with me. How did I not have a dog before?
Shelby: It’s not your fault. I was going to lose the house to the bank anyway. I didn’t have the money to keep it up. I’m sad, but it’s also a relief.
Shelby: But you should have told me.
Before he could send a response, she got back in the truck with City beside her. They were making their way home and she was tired of driving now. Even though every mile took her farther from Jake, sending the messages somehow brought her closer. She could hear the notifications as more texts rolled through and she smiled as she drove, feeling her heart lighten with every ding of a message.
Shelby stopped whenever she got hungry or when City whined. Her heart would speed up as the truck slowed to a stop and she reached for the phone as soon as she got it in park, checking for the messages. Jake’s messages continued at the rate of about five an hour. She answered when she stopped, ignoring some, but picking a few to answer.
Jake: Seen any good movies lately?
Jake: Dumb question. You’re driving.
Jake: How’s the bed in the Airstream. I didn’t want to tell you, but I got the worst sleep of my life there. Well. Until I left Lucky, that is.
Jake: I still left you a great review. ;)
Shelby: The bed’s fine. You’re too tall.
Jake: Tall is relative. You’re short.
Jake: Don’t listen to me. You’re the perfect height.
Jake: Sometimes I think about kissing you. Did we try that standing up? How did that work? I feel like I’d have to pick you up?
Jake: Sorry. Got a little distracted there.
Jake: No more kissing talk.
Jake: Did you ever talk to your mom?
Jake: That’s a big question to ask over text. But I know how hard that was for you and I’ve been wondering.
Shelby: Didn’t talk to her. I’m still mad.
Jake: That’s a lot to handle. I wish I could have done more to help you.
Jake: Though our day at the casino was the best day of my life. So far. I hope to have more.
Jake: Who are you mad at? Your Mom? Your Dad?
Jake: This sounds cliché, but do you pray about this kind of thing? That helps me.
Jake: But I’m not trying to be all holier-than-thou. I’m a really bad pray-er.
Shelby: I’m not talking to him. I’m mad at him too.
Jake: Want to know what’s crazy? David from the Bible is one of the big, important people. But he’s always telling God off in the Psalms.
Jake: If you don’t believe me, you should read them. That really used to confuse me when I was younger.
Jake: I thought all the people in the Bible were perfect and that’s why they were in there. But David did a lot of bad stuff and in some of the Psalms he’s asking God to break people’s teeth and stuff. He doesn’t sound very nice.
Jake: But I think the fact that he kept talking to God, maybe that’s what made him great? Not perfect. But great.
Jake: Anyway. Once I started thinking about that, it made me want to talk to God more, even if I’m mad or don’t think things are fair.
Jake: Sorry if that all sounded preachy. You can do what you want.
Shelby: It didn’t sound preachy. I’ll think about it. Maybe I should yell at God instead of giving him the silent treatment? That just sounds weird. But if David did it…we’ll see.
Shelby: Do you like dogs?
Jake: I’ve never had one. Don’t like cats. I could handle a dog. Especially if it’s your dog. I’m partial to all things Shelby.
Jake: Tell me about him.
Jake: Or…her???
Jake: What’s his name?
Shelby: Not telling his name. I kind of love him. Is that weird?
Jake: Nope. I think falling in love is best done fast. Is that weird?
Shelby leaned up against the door of the truck as she read this text. Her smile couldn’t have been bigger. City nudged her hand and she scratched his ears while trying to think of a response. Did she want to hope? Her fingers hesitated above the screen. She stood there so long, debating, that City pawed at her thigh, whining.
“Just a sec, boy. I have to send the perfect text.” He lay down at her feet, head on his paws, his rust-colored fur looking almost red in the fading sunlight. What was the perfect text to send? His were flirty, but he hadn’t come out and said anything that she could count on. She had a nervous hope, but it was still just that. Loose and not firm. But she wanted him to know that she was there and that she had hope for something more. She didn’t want their story to be over yet.
Shelby smiled and began to type.
Shelby: I named my dog City.