Miki

 

 

Twisted metal lays in broken, jagged piles around me while heavy rain drops soak through the thin white cotton of my blouse.

Body shivering though the rain is boiling hot, I trudge frantically ahead but it feels like I’m wading through quicksand and my feet weigh thirty pounds each. The faster I try to rush ahead, the harder it is to move. Rubbing my eyes to try and clear the rain from my vision, I call for Aidan as loudly as I can. But even though my voice is hoarse and strained, I can’t seem to find him. Fervent desperation runs through my veins like electricity, forcing me further and further even though I’m so tired I just want to lay on the soaked pavement and rest. I was raised on these streets and know them like the back of my hand but tonight they seem foreign and my entire directional sense is utterly useless. I dig for my phone but can’t find it. 

But I know he’s here, I can hear his moans of pain growing fainter and fainter. I have to find him. I have to get to him. I have to help him. I can’t lose him. I won’t!

A car sits ahead of me on the side of the road, dull grey smoke drifting skyward from the crumpled hood. I run closer with my heavy and burdened feet, but there’s no sign of Aidan anywhere. Inside the car, two people sit limp in the front seat, their bodies huddled atop one another. I press my palms and face against the window, trying to see inside. The woman in the passenger seat opens her eyes abruptly as I thud against the car, staring at me with a frozen golden gaze that matches my own.

“Mom!” I sputter, stumbling backwards in shock away from the ruined vehicle.

My legs slip out from under me on the slick road, sending me hurtling backwards onto the ground. My hands and legs roughly scrape the pavement but I don’t care.

Wincing, I lift my wounded hands to block the torrents of warm rain when I suddenly realize that the drops falling on me are not made of water, but blood, staining my hands an awful scarlet. It coats my shirt and torn jeans like thick syrup.

A scream rips through my throat-

“Miki!”

My eyelids tear apart, sweeping frantically over the pastel drapes fluttering in the corner of my room and the warm comforter wrapped around me that’s soaked through with my sweat. My chest heaves and heart pounds so fast that my head spins while rays of cheery sunlight wash the carpet with gold. The sky outside my window is the clearest blue I’ve ever seen in my life, mocking me. No trace of that dangerous storm from last night remains.

Poppy cradles my quaking figure against her as she would Hope or Harper, her cheek pressed atop my tangled hair. The blanket is wrapped around my legs like hot chains, keeping me pinned to the bed.

“Miki, it’s okay… Shh… It was only a dream.”

Tears streak down my face as I cling to her, burying my face into the crook of her neck. The clock across the room ticks quietly as the seconds go by, inching closer to noon.

Time was moving in slow motion.

It had only been eight hours and thirty six minutes since the phone call, since Aidan was struck by the car. The sound haunted me, playing on repeat in my skull. The sickening crunch of his motorcycle, his shocked howl of pain, the frantic screaming of the teen girl in the car when she’d realized what she’d done. It felt like it had been days and days of constant torture since then.

A shudder creeps up my back and Poppy hugs me tighter. Her arms are a warm, smooth circle around me. I’d nearly forgotten how kind Poppy could be when I let her.

“Is Auntie Miki okay…?” Hope asks quietly from the doorway, clinging to the rough white wood of the frame. Her tiny face is contorted with an unusual worry, her brow knit together into a single line over her button nose.

“She is, baby.” Poppy answers quickly, cuddling me closer so my tear stained face is hidden from the little girl, “She had a bad dream is all.”

My sister glances towards me as though she expects me to say something in agreement, but I don’t trust my voice right now. When I don’t speak, she continues to rock me tenderly in her embrace.

“Oh.” Hope murmurs, lingering like a quiet, nervous shadow. Even though I want to badly, I just can’t bear to look at her or comfort her, not right now. She flutters away like a butterfly moving flower to flower and Poppy exhales softly, her breath warm on my head.

 “Do you want me to drive you back to the hospital?” My sister offers, her fingers stroking gently up and down my back. She lets me cling to her as tight as I want, not even wincing when I realize my fingernails have left painful red welts on her wrist.

I rub my eyes, trying to stop the steady flow of tears that seem unending in my eyes. I could still see him from the hospital bed, that tube in his throat, the red soaked bandages covering his body… I’d sat beside him for hours until the nurses begged me to go home and get some rest - rest that had not come easy. I couldn’t imagine resting until he was safe and well out of that hospital and bent down beside his motorcycles again with an oil smudged rag in his burly hands. 

“No, I’ll head over myself.”

I appreciated the comfort of my big sister so much right now, but I needed to see Aidan by myself. I had a feeling he wouldn’t want everyone in the office seeing him so weak and pale and fragile.

“Sure, sis.” She delicately runs her fingers through my hair, tenderly working the tangles, trying to soothe me. The very same thing she did when we found our parents had died.

Poppy had been so angry yesterday when she came home from the office. Damn Aidan hadn’t even given me a heads up that she’d found out about our little arrangement. I thought she was going to whack me over the head or strangle me. Instead, she’d just cried. There was no trace of that anger today, but we had yet to actually discuss it.

I had a feeling that the conversation, whenever it happened, would not be a pleasant one.

“Auntie Miki…”

Hope suddenly reappears at the doorway, clutching the hand of little Harper as well as her favorite stuffed bunny.

“Hey girls!” I whisper, trying to summon as much spirit into my croaking, broken voice as I can. The pair glance at each other uncertainly, then at their mother, then finally back to me as though they were trying to determine the best way to broach the subject of my snotty nose and distraught face.

“We, um, we brought you Yoyo.” Hope lifts the floppy, tan bunny up by its long ear, “Yoyo gives great snuggles when you’re sad.”

“Oh, that is so sweet…” I whimper, tears bursting in my eyes all over again. I could sure as hell use all the snuggles I could get right now.

While Hope looks stricken that she’s made me start crying all over again, Harper gives a strangled wail and rushes over to climb up onto my bed, hurling herself into my arms. I squeeze her tight, burying my face into her tiny shoulder as Hope quickly dashes over to join our group hug. Poppy still strokes my head as though she’s trying to figure out how to lift this pain from me.

I knew she would if she could. I knew she’d take all of this if there was a way. I’d never given her enough credit.

“Why don’t we let Auntie Miki get dressed?” Poppy finally announces, sweeping her two precious girls into her arms.

Before Harper can get pulled away, she grabs my face with her two pudgy, tiny hands and gazes straight into my eyes.

“We love you, Auntie Miki.” She says gently, sweet and sticky grin on her face as she plants a sloppy kiss on my cheek.

“I love you.” I whisper back, clutching slightly at my heart. Every inch of me ached with love and pain all at the same time, “All of you.” I add pointedly, locking eyes with Poppy as a smile softens the concern in her eyes. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d told my older sister that I loved her.

She bends slightly to cup my cheek before corralling both the girls outside the room, pulling the door closed behind her as I slowly pick up Yoyo and gaze into his lopsided black bead eyes before giving him a huge, tight hug. His cotton body is soft under my arms. The girls were right. He did give great snuggles. Gently, I lay him back on the bed, resting his floppy head on one of my pillows. Inhaling deeply, I muster the strength to swing my legs off the mattress and plod over to my closet. I stare blankly at the clothes inside, eyes sweeping over the colorful dresses and blouses that Poppy and Grant have stocked me with. In the end, I throw on a pair of black, stretchy yoga pants and a simple pink cami top. I don’t even bother meeting my own gaze in the mirror as I grab my purse and keys, knowing that all that will stare back are bloodshot eyes and mussed hair.

It didn’t matter what I looked like, it wasn’t like Aidan had even woken up yet…

A miserable groan lurches from my tight throat. My knees quiver beneath me, threatening to hurl me on the ground as I stumble and press my hands onto the mattress in a halfhearted attempt to stay up on my feet. Painfully slow, I collapse on my knees beside the bed, my arms still up over the mattress. With all the movement, Yoyo flops forward, his tiny plush hand resting on my own as I drown out the sound of my sobs in the comforter.

I’d never prayed in my life, but down on my knees beside the bed, I prayed with every inch of my soul that Aidan would wake soon and I would see that rich brown of his serious eyes one more time.

 

~~

 

“Your fiancé is doing well.” The nurse smiles at me, giving me a little squeeze of practiced comfort, “We think he’ll make a full recovery in time.”

“In time?” I echo uncertainly with a face pressed to the glass window of his room.

Aidan lays strangely still on the hospital bed inside the private room, as though he’s made of glass or frozen in time. Though they’ve removed the breathing tube, I can’t see his broad, muscled chest rise or fall at all. He looks like a doll instead of the steady, strong man I knew he was. My fingers clench against the glass as my teeth grind together.

I squeeze my eyes shut, wishing I was still dreaming.

“We won’t know anything for sure until he’s fully conscious.” She replies interrupting my internal begging to wake myself from this nightmare. She flips lightly through his charts before sighing and tucking the clipboard under her arm, with a shrug. “But a man like him is unbreakable, I think. I’m usually right about these things.”

Unbreakable.

“I agree.” I whisper back, breath fogging the glass.

I hadn’t stepped a single foot within his hospital room since leaving early this morning. I was afraid, though I couldn’t place exactly what frightened me. Hospitals in general made me so tense I was pretty sure my blood pressure skyrocketed to the thousands.

“Aidan… Cole… Aidan… Cole!” A breathless voice from behind us roars loudly down the hall.

One hand lingering on the glass as though that would protect the man inside from any harm, I twist slightly to peer down the hallway. At the other end, Aidan’s friend glances up from the woman typing away at her computer, our eyes locking. The man abruptly bursts into a run, his polished black shoes gleaming as he darts to me. Skidding to a stop before me, he nearly tumbles into the wall of Aidan’s room, his green eyes huge and brimming with worry. Then, slowly, he extends his arms and sweeps me into a tight hug, squeezing me against his hard chest. Though I could have sworn I was all sobbed out, I immediately burst into tears once more as he gently cradles me, my own arms sliding around Dean Scott. We barely knew each other, but in this moment, we supported one another like metal beams of a wavering building.

“He’s gonna be fine.” He whispers with that sweet southern drawl of his, “Him and that motorcycle have been through some shit together. This isn’t going to be the end of that story.”

“The motorcycle is gone.” I sigh into his chest, pulling back slightly to stare guiltily at the wet stain on his shirt, “Totally crushed.” I glance hastily around for a paper towel to blot my running eyeliner from his button up but he waves away my worry.

“Shit… He loves that bike more than anything.”

“It probably saved his life.” I murmur, turning away to press my palms back against the glass. On the bed, Aidan twitches slightly, making me freeze. Was he going to open his eyes?

But then he relaxes again into that state of total stillness and my heart crashes towards my feet. Not yet. In time, the nurses voice echoes in my ears.

“The girl hit the bike before him, it slowed her down.” I finally finish speaking. It was so hard to focus on anything, like my brain was wandering in a thousand different directions at once.

Dean clicks his tongue, giving a little shake of his head. Though his hair is normally styled flawlessly, today it’s a mess. Even haphazardly dressed, he’s svelte and handsome. Unlike me, who looks like a total slob.

“Oh god, does Ruth know?” I abruptly gasp, slapping my cheek, “I didn’t even think - Oh my god, she must be worried sick!”

Dean wraps an arm around my shoulder, calming me.

“I called her myself, she should be over any minute now. No one blames you for not thinking straight. You’ve had a long, scary night, Miki.”

I nod weakly, letting my forehead fall against the glass. I should have called his mother first. It should have been her sitting beside him all morning - not the woman pretending to be in a relationship with him.

 So selfish, Miki.

“I was real shocked, you know, when I found out about you two.” Dean begins slowly, his arm still around my shoulder. His hand tightens on my arm protectively, his eyes on his best friend, “Aidan is a good guy. Upstanding citizen. He was probably on the damn safety patrol in middle school.”

I can’t help but to laugh, wiping away the tears from the corner of my eyes. I could totally imagine little Aidan walking up and down the halls of his school commanding the others around him to walk instead of run.

“I’m sure you know all that already though, if you agreed to marry him. I guess what I’m saying… I guess I can just see it now.” He frowns, tapping his chin thoughtfully as he mulls his words before finally shrugging.

The tall southerner doesn't look at me, his eyes still latched to his injured friend instead.

“See what now?” I ask softly, suddenly exhausted by the constant crying and nightmares and worry. I blink heavy eyes, wishing that there was a chair to sink down into.

Dean gives a quiet sigh and shifts to lean his side on the wall, his hand still resting on my shoulder. I realized then he was trying his best to comfort me. He gazes at me, the perfect image of grieving girlfriend when really I’m a fraud. The guilt sucker punches me in the gut, stealing my breath.

“I can see the way you look at him, Miki.” He shrugs, “I get it now. I’m glad you two have each other.”

I don’t respond. I can’t. I can’t even breathe, the guilt flows through me like molten lava in my veins - scorching me.

My breath hitches and I twist to press my palms back to the glass, watching Aidan lay in what I hope is a restful sleep. My heart aches to look at him. My whole body does.

I can’t do this right now. It makes me feel… it makes me feel too much. It’s got to be because of my parents’ death that this is affecting me so much. I know the relationship that Aidan and I have isn’t real, but seeing him so hurt and hearing Dean’s kind words…

“I have to leave.” I croak, stumbling backwards as Dean’s head cocks in bewilderment to the side.

 “Are you okay?” He asks, “You’re so pale, can I get you some water?”

Vigorously I shake my head, yanking away from his gentle touch.

“I just… I just have to get out of here.”

“But Ruth is coming, and what if he wakes up?”

“Don’t tell them I was here. Please, Dean. Don’t mention this.”

His gaze shifts between me and Aidan, every inch of his face contorted with confusion.

In the end he gives a truly puzzled nod but his green eyes are sincere and I know I can trust him to keep his mouth shut.

“If you say so.” He murmurs with a shake of his head.

I stumble further back, turning and running as fast as I can towards the front of the hospital, leaving the image of an injured Aidan and my fragile heart as far behind me as I can.