THE NEXT THREE months flew by for Hannah. It was almost May, which meant Emma would leave soon to help Sophie when she delivered. Hannah didn’t know what Clayton was going to do without her.
Hannah didn’t know what Hannah was going to do without her.
She felt restless, not used to having nothing to do during the day. “Knight, I’m bored,” she said one morning at breakfast.
“Already? I thought you liked me.”
“Not with you, doofus.” She pushed the food around on her plate. “Just in general. I’m not used to being a ‘kept’ woman.”
He smiled. “Well, what would you like to do?”
“I want to go to law school and do what I’d planned to do before,” she said in frustration.
“What would you like to do that could actually be achieved?”
“Forget it.” She dropped her fork with a clatter.
“Hannah.”
“No, seriously, I get it. I’m a woman, which means all I’m good for is birthing babies and taking care of my husband. Forget I said anything. It was stupid of me to think above my station.” She pushed her chair back and stood. “I’m not feeling well. I’m going to bed.”
* * *
Christopher let her go. She’d been irritable and tired over the last few days, and nothing he said was right. He finished his breakfast and made his way to their room.
“I brought you a tray,” he said as he walked through the door.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Hannah.” Setting the tray on the dresser, he sat down beside her. “Look at me, please.” She rolled over to face him. “You know that I will support you in anything you want to do.” He added quickly. “Provided it’s not dangerous.” She smirked at him. He stroked her cheek. “My opinion about women and education isn’t always popular. I would love for you to go to law school, and if I could change the policies, I would.”
She sighed. “I know.”
“I’ll talk to the President on Monday and see if he has any suggestions. He educated himself and did it quite well.”
“You would do that?”
“Hannah, I’d do anything for you. Don’t you know that?”
She burst into tears.
“Precious girl. What is going on with you?”
Hannah groaned. “I don’t know. I’m tired all the time and all I want to do is cry about nothing. Stupid things. I don’t cry.”
Christopher chuckled. “You’re right, sweetheart, you don’t.”
“I’m sorry I’m so unstable,” she grumbled.
“Hannah, I don’t think you’re unstable. When was your last monthly?”
“My period?” She thought for a minute. “I guess I’m late.”
“How late?”
She dropped her head to the ceiling and counted on her fingers. “Five weeks.” She sat up, stunned. “Knight!”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
She put her hand on her stomach. “I can’t be pregnant.”
Christopher raised an eyebrow. “Have we been going about it the wrong way?”
Hannah punched his arm. “What are we going to do?”
“What do you mean?” Christopher frowned. “Are you not happy?”
“It’s…um… Damn it!” She climbed off the bed and started to pace. “I can’t be pregnant. It must be stress. We’ve only been married a few months. Jamie and Sophie were married for six years before she got pregnant.”
Christopher didn’t know what to say. He was thrilled to think of a child, but was disappointed that his wife didn’t seem to feel the same way.
She burst into tears again. “Knight, I cannot have a baby! I’m going to be a terrible mum.”
He jumped off the bed and pulled her into his arms. “Sweetheart, you’re going to be a wonderful mother. Why would you think otherwise?”
Hannah shook her head. “I don’t know, I’m just not particularly maternal, and the thought of being home all day with only a kid to talk to makes me crazy.”
He held her, knowing that there was nothing he could say to make her feel better. She was obviously being irrational, which would make it impossible for her to hear him anyway, so he just held her and stroked her hair.
“A baby,” she whispered.
He smiled down at her. “Yes, it would appear to be a probability.”
“Wow.” She smiled up at him. “Your baby.”
“Well, I would hope so. Unless there’s something you need to tell me?” Hannah giggled and he placed his hand on her still-flat stomach. “A baby.”
“It might be just stress,” she said.
Christopher chuckled. “It’s not stress.”
Hannah sighed. “What’s the deal with us? We can’t just take things slow, can we? It’s rush, rush, rush.”
Christopher cupped her face. “We could look at it as though we refuse to waste time.”
Her eyes filled with tears. “I love you so much. I’m excited about having your baby, Knight. Please believe that. I just wasn’t expecting it so soon.”
“Neither was I.” He wiped a tear away gently with his thumb. “But the thought of a little girl who looks like you brings me nothing but joy.”
“Or a little boy with your eyes.”
He kissed her nose. “I’m so glad we’ve discovered why you’re crazy.”
“I thought maybe you might leave me.”
He frowned. “Why?”
Hannah shrugged. “Because I was being such a cow.”
“I’ll never leave you.” Christopher shook his head. “I can’t believe it crossed your mind even for a moment.”
“I told you I was unstable,” she said.
“Why don’t we go into the parlor and you can dance for me?”
Hannah clapped her hands. “Really?”
He nodded.
“Will you dance with me?”
Christopher chuckled. “I would be honored to.”
Hannah followed Christopher downstairs and spent the rest of the morning showing him a few routines that simultaneously shocked and aroused him.
* * *
They’d been invited to the Maddens’ for dinner, and Hannah knew she wouldn’t be able to keep the news from Emma. She and Christopher arrived just after five and were shown into the parlor.
“Hi.” Emma hugged Hannah and then kissed Christopher on the cheek.
“Hi, yourself.” Hannah grinned.
Clayton poured Christopher a drink and, despite Clayton’s objection, Emma poured herself and Hannah each a glass of whiskey. When Emma handed a glass to her, Hannah shook her head with a smile.
“No!” Emma squealed.
Hannah nodded with a laugh. “Yes, I think I am.”
Emma pulled Hannah into a big hug. “Oh, my gosh! I can’t believe it. This is so amazing. And fast.”
“He must have bionic sperm,” Hannah whispered.
Emma started giggling, which then got Hannah going.
“What’s going on?” Clayton asked.
“Hannah’s with child,” Christopher said.
“Congratulations!” Clayton shook his hand.
“Thank you.”
“No wonder you’ve been so cranky,” Emma said.
Hannah rolled her eyes. “Nice.”
“Well, it explains a lot. And now I’ll feel better about being nice to you, even if you’re not to me.”
Hannah wagged a finger towards her. “I’m going to remember this, you realize that right?”
“No doubt. Still, I’m enjoying teasing you.”
The couples spent dinner discussing babies, but by the time dessert arrived, Hannah was already fading and found herself yawning uncontrollably. Christopher leaned over and patted her hand. “Do you want to go home, sweetheart?”
She smiled up at him tiredly. “No, I’m fine. I’m not going to have Em in a week, so even if I’m half asleep I want to spend as much time with her as possible.”
Emma laid her napkin down and pushed away from the table. “Let’s adjourn to the parlor, shall we?”
Christopher assisted Hannah from her chair and she leaned against him as they made their way out of the dining room.
“What’s the plan for Saturday?” Hannah asked as she sat on the sofa.
Emma settled into one of the high-backed chairs by the fireplace. “We’re taking the eight o’clock train. We’ll get to Harrisburg and have one night, and then Clay will come back on Sunday.”
Christopher sat next to Hannah and linked his fingers with hers. “How long will you be gone?”
“Sophie’s due in about three weeks, but I have a feeling she’ll be late.” Emma slid a lock of hair behind her ear.
Hannah sat forward in alarm. “That’s over a month! I didn’t realize you were going to be gone for that long.”
Emma shrugged. “It’ll fly by.”
Hannah burst into tears.
Emma glanced over at her in concern. “Han-Han? I’ll be back before you know it. You probably won’t even notice I’m gone.”
“I don’t even know why I’m crying.” Hannah wiped her cheeks angrily. “I’m such a sook! If this is what I’m going to be like for nine months, I’m never getting pregnant again.”
Emma smiled. “Look on the bright side. It’s less than nine months now, right?”
That made Hannah sigh, but it was in the midst of the tears, so really came out as more of a hiccup.
“Maybe you should have Gwen come and stay while I’m gone,” Emma said.
“That might be a good idea, Hannah,” Christopher said.
Hannah shook her head. “I would devastate her in ten seconds.”
Emma raised an eyebrow. “I think that girl is stronger than you think.”
“I don’t know if I want company,” Hannah grumbled, and then, “Who am I going to talk to?”
“Your husband?” Christopher piped in.
“You’re not home during the day, Knight!” Hannah snapped.
Clayton shot Christopher a look of sympathy.
“Devastation to pissed off in zero point two seconds,” Emma observed.
“Could we go back to the crying?” he grumbled.
Hannah dragged her hands through her hair. “I’m so bored right now!”
“You never were good at sitting still.” Emma stood and made her way over to her. “You could always come with me.”
Hannah glanced up. “To Harrisburg?”
“Yes, Sophie would love it. You know what she’s like. She wants her entire family around her at all times.”
“I can’t leave Christopher.”
“Excuse us.” Christopher stood and pulled Hannah out of the room, dragging her down to Clayton’s office before pulling her into his arms. “Hannah.”
She burst into tears again. “What am I going to do all day? I’ll have no one to talk to.”
“I’m sure Gwen would love to come and stay if you would like her to.”
“I know, but I really would be worried I’d snap at her or hurt her feelings. With Sophie and Emma, it’s different, you know? They’re my family.”
“Do you want to go to Harrisburg, sweetheart?”
“Kind of.” She fiddled with one of the buttons on his shirt. “But I don’t want to be away from you, so pretty much the whole thing just sucks.”
Christopher chuckled. “Sucks is a bad thing, right?”
“Unless I’m sucking your cock, yes,” she quipped.
Christopher hissed through his teeth. “Hannah.”
She giggled. “Well, it was right out there, honey.”
“I suppose it was.” He smiled. “Maybe it would be a good idea for you to go.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist. “I don’t think I could live without you for that long.”
Christopher gave her a gentle squeeze. “Let’s talk to Emma and Clayton.”
“Okay.”
They walked back into the parlor. Emma stood to hug Hannah. “You okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Sorry.”
Emma smiled. “You don’t need to apologize, Han-Han.”
“Emma, how would you feel if Hannah came with you?” Christopher asked.
Emma’s eyes widened. “I would love it.”
“I don’t know,” Hannah said.
“Hannah, we’ll work it out.” Christopher squeezed Hannah’s hand. “It’s obvious you need to be with your family.”
Hannah frowned. “But, you’re my family.”
“I know, sweetheart.” Christopher handed Hannah a handkerchief. “But I’ll be there with you every weekend.”
“I’m going to see if I can work out more time next week,” Clayton said.
“Do you think that’s even a possibility?” Emma asked.
He shrugged. “You never know.”
“Well, let’s see what you guys can work out first and then I’ll decide.” Hannah blew her nose and then yawned.
“Why don’t you sleep on it?” Emma suggested.
Hannah sighed. “I am tired.”
Christopher pulled her close. “Let’s get you home.”
He led her out the door to their buggy and drove her home. She was asleep by the time they arrived. He lifted her out of the buggy and carried her into the house.
“I can walk, Knight,” she said sleepily.
“But, I enjoy having you in my arms.”
“Charmer.” Hannah yawned, too tired to argue.
He chuckled and kissed her forehead. “Let’s get you into bed.”
Carrying her up the stairs and into their bedroom, he assisted her out of her corset and into a nightgown and then she climbed into bed and promptly fell asleep. He removed his clothes and climbed in beside her, pulling her close.
Shaken awake at three by Hannah’s scream, he pulled her close and stroked her back. “Shhh, sweetheart, wake up. It’s just a dream.”
Hannah dragged herself from her slumber and then jumped out of the bed and threw up. Christopher pulled her back onto the bed and held her close.
“I thought these stupid things were over.”
Christopher stroked her hair. “As did I. Do you remember the dream?”
Hannah shook her head. “No. Just blackness.”
“You’re overwrought and exhausted. Perhaps it might be a good idea for you to go with Emma.”
“Why?”
“You’d have people around all day, and you’ll be there for the last month of Sophie’s pregnancy. You’d be in the midst of your family, awaiting a blessed event, not stuck here alone.”
“I’ll think about it,” she grumbled.
Hannah woke up several times during the night, but tried her best not to wake Christopher. Her anxiety and sadness didn’t help her nausea, but she seemed destined to live with it. The thought of leaving Christopher terrified her, which she tried to make herself understand was perfectly normal with her raging hormones. But the thought of not having Emma close by also made her anxious. She felt like she was between the proverbial rock and a hard place.