Nine years later . . .
“Emmeline?”
“Hi! Come on in, Rich,” I said, smiling at the school’s principal and my boss. Rich Garcia, a short Hispanic man in his forties, walked across the linoleum floor into my classroom.
“I just wanted to check in and see how your first day of parent meetings was going.”
“It’s been great! I only have three more families left to meet. Everyone has been so welcoming and kind. I’m really looking forward to starting with the kids next week.”
“Oh, good.” His frame relaxed. “Sometimes these parent-teacher introductions can be difficult. I didn’t want anyone to scare you off. We’re so glad you’ve moved to Prescott and joined our staff.”
I smiled wide. “There’s no scaring me away. This is my dream job. It’s been a long journey for me to finally get here and I’m not giving it up.”
“Good. Let me know if you need anything. Anything at all,” he said before walking out of the room, sidestepping the couple coming in.
“Sheriff Cleary. Gigi. Good to see you both,” Rich said. “Rowen starting school this year?”
The sheriff shook Rich’s hand. “Yeah. She’s excited. Georgia’s not. Cries every night thinking about it.”
“No judgment, Jess,” Gigi said. “I’m allowed to be sad that my baby girl is growing up and starting kindergarten. And I haven’t cried every night because of this. I’m hormonal. I cry about everything. Last night I was crying because you ate all the cookies.”
“I’m not judging, Freckles,” Jess said. “Just stating the facts. And I saw you with your face in the fridge last night, scarfing down that last chocolate chip when you thought I wasn’t looking. You cried because you ate them all.”
She narrowed her eyes at her husband, who stood a good seven inches taller than her.
I bit my lip to keep from laughing as they bantered. Most of the marriages I had witnessed growing up had been awkward and fake. The couples wouldn’t dare tease one another in public. But this is what I secretly wished I had for myself. Something natural and light. Something real.
When she finished scowling, Gigi turned to me and extended her hand. “Hi. I’m Gigi Cleary. The sheriff there is my husband, Jess. We’re Rowen Cleary’s parents.”
“Nice to meet you. I’m Emmeline Austin. I’ll be your daughter’s teacher. I’ve got a few things to go over with you if you’d like to have a seat?” I said, swinging my hand to the chairs in front of my desk.
Gigi was probably five or six months pregnant. Her bulging belly was slightly hidden behind a draping tunic but it was starting to take up a good portion of her midsection. And she was stunning. Her long, wavy brown hair was shiny and rich. Freckles dusted her nose and her eyes were a beautiful shade of deep blue.
Her husband, Jess, was not only a large man but also a very good-looking one. He had a strong jaw and broad shoulders. He wore a tan shirt with a shining badge on one hip. His gun was tucked in a holster under his arm.
As he pulled out his wife’s chair, his bright, light blue eyes sparkled down at her. Here was a man completely in love with his wife.
“I’m looking forward to meeting Rowen next week,” I told them. “Before school starts, I wanted to take the opportunity to meet with you both and find out if you have anything special you’d like me to work on with her this school year.”
I’d practiced my introduction speech so many times in the mirror that I’d almost rushed the words. Even though I’d given it to ten other couples so far today, I was still nervous. I desperately wanted to make a good impression on my soon-to-be students’ parents.
I took a breath before finishing. “Also, if you have any concerns, we can discuss those too.”
Jess and Gigi shared a look. That couldn’t be good.
“We had some drama earlier in the year,” Jess said. “Georgia got kidnapped and it shook up Roe. I think she’s over it but every now and again she gets a nightmare. I doubt anything will come up at school, but we thought you should know.”
“Oh my god,” I gasped. “I’m glad you’re okay.”
“I’m fine,” Gigi said while rubbing her baby bump. “Rowen’s fine too. Jess here is just a little overprotective and Roe knows how to manipulate her dad. He stays home with her the mornings after these quote, unquote nightmares.”
“She’s not faking them, Georgia.”
“She totally is, Jess.”
“I can watch for signs of distress or anxiety with Rowen. Just in case,” I said.
“Thanks,” Gigi said. “She’s so excited for school, I’m sure she’ll be fine. So what about you? You just moved here, right? How are you liking Prescott?” Her smile and easy nature settled my nerves.
“Yes, I did and I like it here very much. I had never been to Montana before and only heard stories about how beautiful it is. I haven’t been disappointed. I’ve only been here for a couple of weeks but am completely lovestruck.”
“Rowen and I moved here just a year and a half ago and we fell in love with it too. Where did you move from?” Gigi asked.
I smiled. “New York City.”
Her eyes got big. It was the same reaction I’d gotten from all of the parents today.
“I finished getting my teaching degree at NYU last spring and decided I needed a change of pace. After I started looking for jobs, I stumbled across Prescott’s ad for a kindergarten teacher and I just went for it. I mean, what’s a bigger change of pace than moving from Manhattan to small-town Montana?”
“I thought my move from Spokane was a big one,” she said. “Well, I guess, welcome! If you need anything, feel free to call us. The local sheriff is great at moving boxes.” She winked and patted Jess’s arm.
“Thanks.” I added a mental tick to the tally in my head. In one day, seventeen different people had welcomed me to Prescott and offered their help with whatever I needed.
And with every offer, my doubts about the decision to leave my former life behind were disappearing. At thirty-one years old, I had started over. It was a huge risk but one I was glad to have taken.
I didn’t know if I’d stay in Prescott for more than this year, but for right now, it was the perfect place for me.
“Hi, darling,” I said into my phone as I drove home in my cherry-red Jeep.
“Hi,” Logan said. “How was your first day?”
“So good. I can’t stop smiling. The kids were all great. My lesson plan worked perfectly and they all stayed engaged for that math exercise I was worried about. It couldn’t have gone better.”
“I’m glad, sweetheart,” he said, “though I was secretly hoping it would be horrible and you’d come home to me.”
I took a long, deep breath. “You know why I had to do this, Logan. It isn’t forever.”
“I know,” he said, “but that doesn’t mean I like the fact that my girlfriend lives across the country.”
“We talked about this,” I reminded him. “You said you understood why I needed to make this change.”
Logan had promised that he supported my decision to take a year away from New York. He knew that the city I’d once loved had started to suffocate me, that I’d felt exposed and constantly under a microscope of public scrutiny. Escaping the city had seemed like my only option.
“I just miss you,” Logan said. “I hate that you’re out there on your own and I’m here. Just promise me after this school year you’ll consider coming home?”
“I promise.”
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked.
“Reviewing my lesson plan for tomorrow. I want to be prepared in case things don’t go as well as they did today. Then I’m going to keep unpacking. What about you?”
“I’m still at the office. I need to put in a few more hours on the civil suit we’re filing next week against that pharmaceutical company.”
Logan had just gotten a promotion at his law firm, and this lawsuit would be his first as a managing partner. His career was at a pivotal point and I understood why he couldn’t step away to head out West to try a simpler lifestyle.
And even though Logan had been supportive of his live-in girlfriend leaving for Montana, I suspected he thought my relocation was just a whim and I’d change my mind soon and come back. But he didn’t realize how miserable I had been. How lonely and sad. He worked so much between his job at the law firm and his family’s foundation. We rarely had time to spend with one another outside of social functions, sex and sleep.
I was hoping our long-distance relationship would actually bring us closer. That even if it was over the phone, we’d find the time to connect that we hadn’t in the city. I wanted to get back to the place we had been at the beginning, desperate to soak up as much time together as we could squeeze in. To spend long nights talking about anything and everything.
“Do you want to call me when you get home?” I asked hopefully.
“It’ll be late,” he said.
“I’m two hours earlier than you are. I’ll be awake. You could tell me good night. We could talk for a while. Catch up.”
“Uh, maybe, but don’t wait up.” Papers shuffled in the background. “I might put in a long night and crash here on the couch.”
“I’m worried about you.” He sounded stressed and exhausted. “Don’t use my leaving as a reason to work yourself into the ground.”
“What the fuck else am I supposed to do, Emmeline? You left.”
“Logan, don’t,” I whispered.
“Sorry. I’m going to let you go.”
“Okay,” I sighed. “I love you.”
“Love you too,” he said quickly and hung up.
I stared at my phone for a second before tossing it onto the passenger seat. I hoped that call wasn’t indicative of others to come.
Logan and I had been together for the last five years. We’d met at a fundraising gala where I had been working for my father and he had attended as a guest, representing the extraordinarily wealthy Kendrick family.
I had been dancing with my father when Logan approached and asked to cut in. My father had gladly handed me over after telling me that I “wasn’t to fuck up his setup.”
I’d felt so confused at that moment. I hadn’t wanted to be with someone because he’d passed my father’s criteria as suitable boyfriend material, but I also hadn’t been able to walk away from Logan.
His white smile and handsome face had been irresistible. I’d been mesmerized by his deep brown eyes and the sight of his lean muscles wrapped perfectly in an expensive Italian tux. So I’d spent the rest of the night dancing in his arms, laughing as he’d told me embarrassing stories about some of the gala’s guests.
My separation from Logan was the only thing I regretted about moving to Prescott. He was an important part of my life and I didn’t want to lose him. I just hoped that after I got some space from New York, I’d have a better idea of which direction my life was headed. Until then, I needed to balance living in Montana and holding onto my relationship.
I’d work to find those small ways to connect with Logan. I’d call and text often, then email him when I could. And for myself, I’d focus on my students. I’d spend my nights in the peace and quiet of my new home, and I’d explore this new-to-me part of America.
I’d search for that elusive happiness I had been missing lately, hoping to find a piece of it here in Montana.
Two months had passed since my first day of school and I was preparing for another meeting with the Clearys. Sitting in my desk chair, I took a minute to look around the classroom, making sure everything was put away for the evening. Books and counting blocks would be strewn all over the alphabet carpet as soon as the kids arrived in the morning, but for now the room was neat and tidy.
A knock at the door stopped my inspection and I stood as the Clearys walked in.
“Hi, Gigi, Jess,” I said, smiling as they took a seat. “Thanks for coming in this afternoon.”
“No problem, Emmeline. Is something wrong with Rowen?” Gigi asked, nervously patting her protruding belly. Jess reached out and grabbed his wife’s hands.
She looked so much bigger than the last time I had seen her. She was either closing in on her due date or her baby was going to be huge.
“It’s nothing serious,” I told them. “Rowen is a wonderful and bright little girl. She’s full of energy and is so positive. But I did want to make you aware of a situation.”
Jess nodded as Georgia’s face paled.
“This really is nothing serious. Please don’t be worried. She’s been such a joy to have in my classroom these last two months. I just wanted you to be aware that I’ve had to reprimand Rowen a few times these last couple of weeks.”
“Oh, no,” Gigi muttered.
“I’ve had to get after her recently for using inappropriate language in school. I understand that children these days are exposed to cursing at home and from media outlets. I’m not trying to change what you say at home, but as it is kindergarten, I don’t want to let hints of bad language into the classroom.”
“I knew it!” Gigi cried before I could continue. She twisted to glare at Jess. “I knew this would happen, Jess! I’ve been telling you over and over again to watch the effing language in front of her. But you just keep on cussing. Saying you two have an understanding and if she repeats those words you’ll have to arrest her. Now look at where we are! If she’s not cussing, then she’s not even scared of jail anymore! What’s next? Drinking? Drugs? Look what you’ve done!”
“Georgia, relax and breathe,” he said. “You’re working yourself up and we don’t need you going into labor.”
I waved my hands to get their attention. “Actually, if I could interrupt . . .”
“Sorry,” Jess said as Gigi huffed and crossed her arms on top of her belly.
“No, I’m so sorry. I should have been more specific. Rowen is not cursing. She’s just using replacement words. And though they aren’t actually bad, I don’t want the kids getting in the habit of adding curses or placeholders to their sentences. We’re working on expanding their vocabulary and crafting complete phrases. Rowen adds one word in particular quite frequently. She says ‘eff’ a lot.”
Gigi’s jaw fell open.
Jess’s head tipped back and he roared with laughter.
The longer he laughed, the harder I fought the urge to laugh along with him. The guilty look on Gigi’s face was hilarious.
“You feel like telling me you’re sorry?” Jess asked Gigi with a smug grin after his laughter subsided.
“No,” she mumbled.
“We’ll have a talk with Roe,” Jess told me with a huge smile. He stood, then reached down to help Gigi from her chair.
“I’m so sorry, Emmeline,” Gigi said embarrassed. “This is my fault. I’ll be sure to tell Roe not to say it anymore.”
“I’d appreciate that. Again, it isn’t a huge deal but I wanted you to be aware that I’ve asked her to at least stop saying it in school.”
“Of course. I’m sure that she’ll stop just because you asked her. She adores you and has learned so much already. You’re a wonderful teacher.”
“Thank you.” I didn’t try and hide my smile.
My heart swelled at her compliment. I so badly wanted to be a good teacher. Her praise made all of the recent changes in my life worth the stress and anxiety. It reinforced that I’d done the right thing by choosing to pursue my dreams despite all of the protests from my family and friends.
And I loved hearing that Roe adored me because I cherished her too. Rowen Cleary was a bright, beaming light.
“Do you have any plans on Friday night?” Gigi asked before they reached the door. “We’re having a Halloween party at our farmhouse. I kind of go crazy on Halloween.”
“Kind of?” Jess muttered.
Gigi elbowed him in the ribs but smiled. “We’d love to have you over if you don’t have any plans. It’s nothing fancy. No costumes or anything. Just a bunch of us getting together after trick-or-treating on Main Street. Seven o’clock?”
My weeknights since moving to Prescott had consisted of reheating a frozen meal, unpacking a few boxes, infrequent phone calls with Logan when he could spare me the time and reading alone in bed until I fell asleep. Weekends had been spent doing much of the same, though I had been spending my Saturday afternoons exploring the downtown area.
For the first three weeks, I had thought that the quiet, restful evenings and weekends were amazing. But now that it had been over two months, I was getting lonely.
I’d had a hectic social calendar in New York. There had always been something to attend at least four or five nights a week. The weekends had usually been full of charity dinners and galas. I didn’t miss the hectic and crazy schedule, or the uncomfortable ball gowns, but I did miss being around people. Spending my days with five- and six-year-old kids wasn’t satisfying my craving for social interaction.
So it was easy to answer Gigi’s question.
“I’ll be there.”
A night away from my house in the presence of other adults sounded like magic.
Nick
“What’s up, man?” Silas asked, handing me a bottle of beer in the farmhouse kitchen.
“Nothing much. Looking forward to getting Gigi all riled up about something tonight and watching Brick squirm trying to calm her down. He’s fucking freaked she’s going to go into labor early.”
My normally hard and stubborn friend, nicknamed for his size and solid mass, was falling completely apart over his very pregnant wife.
“Jess will kick your ass if you piss her off,” Silas warned.
“Worth it.”
I loved teasing my friend about the overprotective streak he had when it came to his wife, daughter and unborn son.
But joking aside, I was glad for Jess. He deserved all the joy that Gigi and Rowen had brought into his life. It had been nearly a decade since I’d met Jess and never once had I seen him as happy as he’d been since meeting Gigi.
That happiness was something I envied but had no desire to try and create for myself. The dream of having a family of my own had died a long time ago.
Silas nudged my shoulder. “Jess said they got called into the school today by Rowen’s teacher. Guess Roe has been saying ‘eff’ just like Gigi does. Teacher said she didn’t want the kids pretending to cuss.”
I burst out laughing. “That’s my angle then. Where’s Gigi?”
Silas tipped his chin and lifted his beer in the air. “She’s upstairs with Rowen and the teacher. Have you seen her yet?”
“Who? The teacher?” I asked as Silas nodded. “No. Why?”
“I know you don’t go for redheads but she’s fucking hot,” Silas said. “I’d make an exception to your rule. Has all this auburn hair. Beaming smile. Petite, little body.”
“No can do. No redheads for me. If she’s so hot, you go for her.”
Silas scoffed and shook his head. My friend had some issues when it came to women, or one woman in particular, so I wasn’t surprised that he preferred to stay out of the dating pool.
After taking a long pull of my beer, I wandered into the living room. The entire place was covered in decorations, inside and out. Gigi lost her mind on Halloween but at least some of them were funny. When I’d arrived earlier, I had laughed at the tombstones in the front lawn. One said “Hugh Jass – A Well Rounded Man” and another read “Bea Yotch – A Nice Lady”.
Stepping into Jess’s huddle, I clapped him on the shoulder then shook his hand. “Where’s your wife, Brick? I need to talk to her about her language.”
“Fuck you, Slater. Mention that to her and I’m kicking your ass.”
“Fine,” I said, holding my hands up in surrender. “I’ll leave it alone. Where’s Roe? I need to give my princess a kiss.” If I wasn’t razzing Jess about riling up Gigi’s temper, I was teasing him about Roe, who had a little-girl crush on me.
When Jess’s jaw clenched tightly, I laughed and turned to the stairs, hearing Gigi and Rowen coming down.
“Nick!” Rowen yelled and dashed over.
Bending at the waist, I looked into her blue eyes. “Hey, princess. Love the costume. Who are you this year?”
Twirling around in a blue dress, she said, “Princess Elsa from Frozen.”
“Hey, Nick,” Gigi said.
I stood to give her a hug but froze solid. The second I recognized the woman next to Gigi, that beautiful face, my heart stopped beating. Was she really here?
When her eyes hit mine, she inhaled sharply, her face paling as she clutched a hand to her heart.
Silas had described a lot of Emmy’s good features in the kitchen. Her hair. Her figure. He hadn’t mentioned her flawless, porcelain skin or her full, pink lips. Most importantly, he’d neglected to mention her eyes. Her best feature.
Gray with a hint of green in the centers. The circles rimming the irises were so dark they were almost black. I’d memorized the colors when she had been locked in my arms and I’d been buried deep inside her. Just hours after she had become my wife.
“Nick, this is my teacher, Ms. Austin,” Rowen said, tugging on my arm.
It took a few seconds of staring to process that she was standing right here in front of me. She wasn’t an illusion I’d dreamed up like so many times before.
Emmy hadn’t changed much. She’d only become more beautiful with time. Her hair was slightly longer and her face a bit thinner. Years of fantasies, and none had ever come close to the beauty before me.
Not once had I given into the temptation to Google her or find her number. I had stayed true to my vow to set her free. That and I knew I’d risk my own sanity by checking in on her. Learning that she’d found that life I had wished for her, one with a husband and kids, would have blown my already broken heart to smithereens.
“Nick?” Gigi asked, but I didn’t speak or take my eyes off Emmy. She was frozen just like I was.
Finally, Emmy broke away. “Sorry. I have to go,” she mumbled before racing to the door.
“What was that? Do you know her?” Jess asked.
None of my friends had ever learned about Emmy and what I’d done to her. Marrying her had been something I’d always kept a secret. Partly because I’d wanted those memories as my own. Partly because I was a fucking asshole and had abandoned her, even if it had been for her safety.
Yeah. I knew her.
“She’s my wife,” I said and then sprinted out the door, ignoring the shocked faces and surprised gasps coming from my friends.