I expected we would dance together. After his comment about my dress, I knew I had to prove myself. However, this was different. This was more...intimate.

An Ed Sheeran song inspired couples to occupy the dance floor rather than children and singles. I was sure once Will heard the familiar notes, he would escort us back off the dance floor, just because dancing to this song was symbolic of something serious. But he didn’t. There was also the chance that Will had never heard this song before and didn’t know who Ed Sheeran was, which made more sense than him choosing to dance with me to this song.

When I glanced back at our table, I saw Thea had an odd smile on her face. It was as though she knew a secret and was definitely on board.

“I haven’t done this in a long time,” Will murmured. I could tell he was uncomfortable from the way he looked at our feet rather than in my eyes. “I apologize in advance if I step on your feet.”

“That’s quite all right,” I told him. “I apologize in advance if I step on yours.”

We were silent after that. His hands were on my waist while my wrists locked behind his neck. When we first started dancing, there was probably half a foot of space between us. As we swayed silently to the music, I realized we drew closer and closer until our chests were grazing and my head was underneath his chin.

This moment was perfect. It was almost too much. I wanted to keep it to myself like a secret and hold onto it as mine, and mine alone. Swaying like this with Will was more intimate than any of the time I spent with Stan, even the parts where intimacy was required. Somewhere in the middle of the song, I found my head resting on Will’s chest. It was probably because I was tired. Driving from Westport all the way to Southern California was exhausting, and I’d only been riding. I was stressed about this work visa situation. I would be okay either way, but there was a big part of me that wanted to stay.

And yet, I was worried. It was silly, I knew, but I worried that Will would end up being like Stan, too consumed with work to try to make things happen for us. On top of that, he had a daughter…a perfect, intelligent, sweet girl who wanted nothing more than to have her father’s attention…which she deserved. He couldn’t even make time for her. How was he supposed to make time for me?

Then I had to remind myself that we were not together. We hadn’t even talked about it. Besides Will’s impromptu towel incident, I didn’t think there was anything else there between us. That was all right. I was completely fine with that. But every now and then, I would find myself wide awake, staring at the ceiling, thinking about him.

When the song ended, I was forced to step back from his warm embrace. It was the worst feeling, to be parted from him. I was cold. I was alone. I had been alone for months since Stan left, but I never felt alone the way I just did when I had to let go of Will.

The reception went on long into the night. There was the cutting of the cake, the bouquet toss, the garter toss, the father-daughter dance. During that, I made sure to take lots of picture of Will and Thea. It was nice to see the two of them look so happy with each other. Maybe it was something I could talk to Will about later - spending more time with Thea. She was crazy about him and he didn’t even realize it.

In the interim of traditional reception experiences, I was asked to dance by one or two men. I said yes just because it gave me something better to do than sit and drink and wait for Will to ask me to dance again. Since our spin on the floor, he looked at me strangely and refused to be alone with me. It was like he didn’t trust himself around me. I hated it because it made me feel as though I had done something wrong, even if that wasn’t his intention. However, the minute I left with my temporary dance partners, he had a look of absolute frustration on his face. It might have been interpreted as jealousy, if he had feelings for me. But I didn’t know if he did. Sometimes I thought he might, but then he would do something like back into the person behind him to go out of his way to ensure we did not accidentally touch.

I would have been offended if the wine hadn’t kicked in.

Mo came over with her new husband, a tall man with blond hair and blue eyes who was named Billy. He was handsome, and when he smiled it went all the way to his eyes, wrinkling the corners. He seemed perfect for Mo.

I watched as Mo said something that made Thea smile. From there, she moved to address Will. Mo glanced at me during their conversation. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. The music was too loud and the crowd was getting into it. I could see that Mo was exasperated and Will was unsure, maybe even doubtful.

Finally, Mo came over to me. After I shook Billy’s hand, she leaned in close.

“I wanted to apologize for what an idiot Will is, and I want to thank you for dealing with his bullshit.” She sighed.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I told her honestly.

“That’s the problem,” Mo muttered, but it sounded as though she were speaking to herself rather than to me.

After she left, I took another sip of my wine. Mo’s mother grabbed Thea for a second piece of cake, leaving Will and me alone.

“So,” I said, drawing out the word several syllables. I had no idea what to say. Things were awkward between us and I wasn’t sure why. If it was something I did, I wanted to rectify it as soon as possible.

Will downed the rest of his Scotch and then stood up abruptly. When he reached where I sat, he leaned down close and asked, “Do you want to go somewhere quieter where we can talk?”

I didn’t even have to think about it.