Chapter 19
Eve
What the hell was he thinking? Jesus, now I’m gonna walk around all day feeling as though I’ve got a grapefruit between my legs. I’m so swollen, I don’t know how I’ll get through this day. I sit down for a minute in my bedroom to soak in this whole moving in with Sam thing, and I smile just thinking about it. I realize I’m happy. Like really happy. I can’t wait. I uncross my legs and wait for the grapefruit to shrink so I can actually think clearly.
I walk downstairs with a box for the moving truck, but before I even see it, I see Sam with his arm around his sister, Sarah, who appears upset. I slowly walk toward them, unsure if I really want to face her right now. But I guess I have to get used to seeing her since she’s his family.
They’re smiling by the time I get there, and I’m surprised by that. I would rather smack her across the face than pretend to smile with them, but it also looks like she’s been crying.
Her face grows serious as I approach. Great. Here we go again. I look at Sam, and he smiles and places his hand at the curve on my lower back.
“Hi, Eve,” Sarah says. “I, um… I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say.”
Sam rubs my back.
“Hi. Uh, okay,” I say, unsure what she means.
“I was out of line. If my little bro loves you enough to move in with you, then you must be a good person. I’m sorry I was so rude to you.” She offers me her hand. “Forgive me?”
I look back and forth between her and Sam. She looks sincere and he clearly believes her, so I shake her hand. “Forgiven.”
After a long and somewhat awkward goodbye with her, we turn toward the door of my apartment building as one of the movers walks out with my duffle bag. The navy one with white straps that wrap all the way around the bottom and gather at the top to make the handle.
That bag traveled with me everywhere. To volleyball practice and games, to sleepovers and camp. But most importantly, it’s still filled with the few items I was able to grab when I fled from Matthew. All I had was that bag, the diaper bag, and Aaron. I haven’t even unpacked it yet. It is too emotional. I remember putting in some extra clothing, a few mementos, my journal, and my favorite CD. That’s it. And it’s too emotional to unpack, so long ago, I put a small padlock on the zipper so no one else could see what’s inside. I run to catch up to the moving guy who has the duffle. When I take it from him, my hands shake and I stutter as I ask him for it. This one item is maybe the single most important thing I will move today.
It’s not something I can think about too much, but when Sam drives me to his house, I keep the duffle with me in the front seat, clinging to it for dear life. At one time, it was my whole life. Today, I’m starting a new one with Sam, but I can’t seem to let this one go. Maybe I’ll find the courage to unpack it when I get there, or maybe I’ll pack it away in storage. Right now, it brings me comfort in this time of change and that’s okay.
When all of my things are settled into his garage for me to sort through and put away tomorrow, it’s late enough in the evening for me to find Lupita, who has been watching Aaron all day. I walk down the hallway toward his new bedroom, already set up with a new cherry wood crib and dresser set.
The blackout blinds are closed, so it’s dark in the room, but I hear his little voice.
“Mama.”
I take another step.
“Mama. Mama.”
Lupita stands and transfers his warm little body to my arms. Yup. He still smells like pancakes, as always.
“Hello, my baby boy.” I bounce him in my arms for a moment, holding him close and so happy he’s comfortable. “Thank you, Lupita.”
She nods and bows out of the room.
“Nose,” he says and pinches my nose. “Eyyyes.” He pokes me in the eye.
“Mouse.” He sticks his straight little finger right into my mouth.
“Mouth-th-th.” I try to correct him, but frankly, he can call it a mouse because that’s adorable.
This is what you do with a toddler. Same thing every day. He’s really trying to learn the names of things and I love it. I’m so content, sitting here with my son after a day of hard work, rocking him to sleep. It’s always soothing. No matter where we live, this is where home is. Right here with my boy.