Chapter Thirteen
Reaper
Reaper laid awake listening to the sound of Amber’s steady breathing, long after she fell asleep. In the span of two days, this woman had worked her way behind every damn wall he created. Reaper couldn’t imagine not having her by his side. Was this ‘love at first sight’? He never believed in that shit; so why was he starting to now? What the fuck was he thinking?
No matter how many times he told himself that he didn’t do relationships, Amber would say or do something else that would have him second guessing that choice. Could he try again? But what if she destroyed him, like Rebecca did? But Amber and Rebecca weren’t the same people.
Reaper knew he was starting to freak out. He just spent the entire afternoon and night wrapped up in his best friend’s sister until they were both seeing stars. This was not supposed to happen. Yeah, Amber was stunning, hot as fuck actually. She was everything Reaper could want in a woman, but he didn’t do relationships. One night and done was more his thing. This was going to cause a world of shit to fall at his feet.
Unable to sleep, Reaper slide out from under Amber’s arm and got out of bed. He needed a shower. He needed to do something to stop the war inside his head. Walking into the bathroom, Reaper turned the water to scalding hot and climbed in before it even had time to get warm. He had no damn clue what he was going to do about the woman in his bed.
She has a long list of people, men, who have hurt her and Reaper knew, his name would be added to that list. Frustrated with himself, he scrubbed down. He hated to wash away her scent, but right now he hated himself more.
I can’t give Amber what she deserves, he thought to himself. I’ll never be good enough, never clean enough, for someone like her.
She deserved a man who would be home every night, who could sleep beside her without being woken by nightmares, a man who wasn’t broken. And Reaper knew, he could never be that man.
Getting out of the shower, he couldn’t stay in the room. If he did, he would wake her up and bury himself deep inside her all over again. Leaving the bathroom, Reaper pulled on his workout clothes. If he couldn’t sleep, he might as well go to the gym. A workout would help clear his head, take his mind off the woman that was taking up way too much of his head space.
Standing there, he looked over at Amber curled up around his pillow. She looked beautiful. He yearned to crawl back into that bed and pull her back against his chest. With a growl of frustration, Reaper exited the bedroom, pissed off at himself.
Entering the gym, Reaper realized he wouldn’t be alone. This wasn’t a good idea. Across the room on the leg press, Sledge was the last person he wanted to run into tonight. Deciding to stay away from his friend, Reaper walked over to the free weights. Was that how it would be now? Avoiding his best friend? Could this possibly get any damn worse?
“What are you doing down here?” Sledge called.
“Just getting in a work out since I didn’t get a chance to this morning.”
“Figured you would be passed out by now since you had such a busy day, you know.” Reaper looked over at Sledge and noticed a smirk on his friend’s face.
How could he tell him that he fucked up, royally? Deciding it was best to just say it, Reaper let the words fall from his lips.
“I fucked up Sledge,” Reaper said, running a frustrated hand over his face. “I’m sorry dude,” he sighed, setting the weights back on the shelf and turned to his friend.
Sledge’s smile fell away. He narrowed his eyes and focused on Reaper. He made him feel uncomfortable. Like he was trying to look straight to his soul.
Whatever he was looking for, he must have found it because a look of disappointment fell over his face. Then he dropped his head, staring at the floor. When he finally looked back to Reaper, there was a knowing gaze to his eyes.
“Look man, what happened in Aleppo -” he started.
“Don’t!” Reaper said in a low voice. “Don’t even bring that up.”
“What? Dude, you have to let it go! We all made it out alive. Yeah, the mission was fucked up. But we survived! Stop living in the past,” Sledge demanded.
“That’s easy for you to say,” Reaper counter.
“Easy? You have got to be shittin’ me!” Sledge retorted. “Fucker, I watched my men take fire, walk into an ambush. I watched my best friend damn near get his leg blown off. I watched as the sand beneath him was painted in his blood and all I could do was hold pressure on it and watch. Pray that the Nightstalker would arrive in time. I live with that every Goddamn day!” Sledge shouted, “But what I don’t do, is let it dictate my future. Man, what is done, is done. Let it go Zander. Or that shit will eat you alive.”
“I know that. I am very well aware of that!” Reaper shouted back.
“As far as Amber goes, don’t hurt her. You both deserve happiness, Zander,” Sledge told him.
“But I can’t give her what she’ll need. I can’t open my heart again, not after everything Rebecca put me through.” Reaper wasn’t sure if that was true anymore. Amber had already somehow wiggled her way into a piece of his heart. It would take no time at all for her to completely consume it.
“Amber is not Rebecca. That bitch knew nothing of war. She understood nothing about the sacrifices we made to ensure the safety of this country,” Sledge retorted. “The bitch was wrong. You were not a murderer; you were a damn soldier. You fought for a country that most often than not, forgets that it was people like you, people like me, who sacrifice every damn day so they can have the privilege of sleeping soundly at night.”
“I keep seeing her. I’m laid up in that fucking hospital bed and she walks into the room,” Reaper explains, remembering the day Rebecca ruined him. “Her face. The look on it confused me. I thought she would be happy, but she had a look of disgust. I couldn’t figure out why she was looking at me like that. So I asked,” Reaper looked to his friend for help.
“I know man,” Sledge said, placing a reassuring hand on Reaper’s shoulder.
“She said that it was all over TV. That our unit blew up an elementary school filled with children. She called me a baby killer. Said she could never be with someone who could so coldly murder children for a living.” Feeling drained, Reaper collapsed on the bench. “I know we weren’t the ones who blew the school. I know, it was empty. I know that, but.”
“It’s time to let it go Z,” Sledge’s voice was filled with sympathy.
“I can’t!” Reaper barked. “Don’t you understand that? It won’t let me forget. My fucking head won’t let me forget any of it.”
“Listen. Don’t make Amber pay for Rebecca’s mistakes. If you can’t grow the fuck up and be the man I know you can be, then stay the hell away from my sister. Amber has been hurt enough, man. She sure as shit doesn’t need it from a guy I promised would protect her,” Sledge said in frustration.
Reaper would have rather had Sledge take a swing at him. Instead, he saw compassion and hurt reflecting back at him. Emotions that Reaper didn’t want.
“At least your sister was a good fuck,” Reaper retorted, knowing that would give him the fight he needed.
“Don’t be a prick.” Smashing his fist into Reaper’s injured arm, Sledge walked out of the gym, slamming the door as he went.
Reaper stood there, lost. He watched as a new trail of blood moved down his arm and dripped to the floor. He didn’t care though. He deserved it.
Amber would want answers. She’d want to be let into his life, and that wasn’t something Reaper was willing to do. He just couldn’t. Rebecca had ruined him, but he was alive. Amber, she was a different story. Reaper knew she would kill him.