The thumping music was giving Annie a headache. She’d wanted to rush home from work and talk with Jasper the next day, but ended up at a Dupont Circle bar instead. It might be emotionally safer but it sure wasn’t quieter.
She and Jasper usually texted a few times a day. He’d check in and flirt with her. They’d talk about dinner and argue about who would cook.
But today she got exactly one message. He told her he had to work late.
Oh, she knew all about avoidance. She’d perfected her skills a long time ago. She’d survived an entire first marriage based on the concept of ignoring real problems and pretending everything was fine. So, he could not beat her at this game.
Manda ordered two drinks, then turned to Annie. “This seems like a bad sign.”
“What?” Annie was too busy playing with the small drink napkin and worrying about the implosion of her relationship to really listen.
“We talked about a threesome. You and Jasper and Dave…any of this sound familiar?” Manda snapped her fingers in front of Annie’s face. “You’re here and not with them, so either you panicked and didn’t talk with Jasper or he didn’t take the suggestion well.”
If only I’d kept quiet, Annie thought for the hundredth time. Then I’d be cuddled up on the couch with Jasper right now. Instead, they were both in their respective corners, staying out of the home they shared.
“I babbled. I didn’t tell him about Dave but mentioned a threesome. It was not my finest moment of communication.” She shuddered, remembering his expression and confusion. “Or his.”
“I admit I don’t get couple stuff, but how did you talk about a threesome without telling him about his ex being back in town?”
“Honestly, I switched from nonsense and half-sentences to getting angry when he talked about sleeping on the couch. He shut down and wouldn’t communicate.”
“Damn.” Manda reached for a handful of peanuts and popped one into her mouth.
Annie shook her head. “I managed to tell him I had a client I was attracted to, then…who knows.”
“This sounds like quite a conversation.”
“At first he assumed I was looking to sleep with other people just because. Then…” Annie reached over for the bowl and dragged it closer to her. She didn’t eat any of the nuts because the idea of food made her want to double over, but she pushed them around, listening to them clink against the glass bowl. “It’s hard to tell what happened next since he stormed out of the room.”
“I’m disappointed in you.”
“Me?” Annie’s hand froze at the unexpected response. “Why me?”
“You let that man leave instead of forcing him to talk? He’s not your ex. Jasper is someone you can talk to.”
“I was giving him time.”
Jasper had talked about that sort of nonsense. She borrowed the comment even though she thought it sounded silly.
“You were wallowing, feeling guilty about both bringing up the subject, which you had every right to do, and hanging out with Dave as more than his agent.”
Annie sighed and her shoulders slouched. “I’m worried that Jasper could see Dave again, who he once thought was the love of his life, and decide he was wrong to let Dave go.”
“Not buying it. Jasper is a big boy with a full bank account. If he really wanted Dave, he could have found him.” Manda shoved the bowl out of the way of both of them. “Jasper’s happy. He wants you.”
“What if I’m the consolation prize?” That was the fear. Annie already worried about the sustainability of marriage and being a couple long-term. Add to that her mixed-up feelings and Jasper’s past relationship, and the one thing in her life that had been clear—Jasper—grew foggy.
“Look, you guys enjoy sex. You like to try new things. You take risks, like having sex in a park where anyone could see you. You guys have gone to clubs to watch other people have sex. You’ve talked about having a threesome. This isn’t about you being unsure about your sexuality or even about what you want.”
When the bartender put the glasses down, Annie pointed at one. “How many of those have you had?”
Manda talked right over her. “You love Jasper. You want Dave. You might be able to have both.”
“And if we try this and Jasper ultimately picks Dave and dumps me?”
“Wouldn’t you rather know that sooner than later?”
Annie lowered her head and let it rest against the bar for a second.
“Hey.” Manda moved in closer and put a hand on Annie’s arm. “Stop thinking that love and sex only comes in one package. Stop thinking that you can freeze your relationship with Jasper where it is right now. That’s static, not healthy.”
“I don’t want to lose him.” She’d been fighting against a bigger commitment and now that option might be off the table. Annie couldn’t take the idea of that wrenching loss.
“That’s funny, because your excuse for not getting married has been that you don’t want to lose yourself and become like your parents.” Manda smiled. “I’m thinking you’re a bit confused about what you want.”
This was the problem with having smart female friends. They didn’t let her get away with anything.
“Another drink.” Annie reached for it.
“Good. Let’s start there.” Manda signaled for the bartender. “Then we’ll go for another round and keep drinking until you find clarity.”
“I’m not sure that’s how drinking works.”
Manda snorted. “Trust me.”