Chapter Fourteen

Alfie’s days off were spent with his phone on his chest, waiting for Nate’s call. There was more fantasy sex, a beach where they frolicked under the hot sun and cleaned themselves afterward in the gentle sea. A snow-covered cabin, where Nate laid him in front of a log fire, then pressed him into the floorboards and made him gasp.

Nate’s commanding voice triggered Alfie’s orgasm, and just the whispered word Freshman was enough to get him hard again.

In the post orgasm glow, Nate told him the things they would do on their travels. Snorkeling in the clear sea, riding snowmobiles in the fresh snow. He talked of Alfie being wrapped up inside, while he chopped logs in the cold. Talked of how he would rub sun screen into Alfie’s skin as he dozed on the sand.

Nate’s voice calmed him after orgasm, and no doubt or shame had time to surface. He didn’t panic and hang up like the first time. He let the images Nate created seep into his mind, closed his eyes, and smiled.

They didn’t just talk about sex. Nate would ask what Alfie was watching on TV, or about what music he liked, or clothes he wore outside of work. He asked about Alfie growing up in care and didn’t patronize or mock. When Alfie asked Nate questions about his childhood, he shut down. Nate’s voice grew colder, and he hung up the phone. He didn’t want to be known by Alfie, and it stung like a rejection.

There was a knock at the front door, and Alfie peeked through the curtains. Not the green delivery van, or the red pizza scooter. The man standing on the doorstep was dressed in a black parka and well-fitted trousers. His hair was perfectly tousled, and his lips were bunched in a pout. The man cradled a package to his chest, one that Alfie hadn’t bought.

Alfie opened the door and shot the man a smile. “Hi…”

“For you.”

Alfie took the package, frowning at the clothing label. He wouldn’t even walk in the shop in case they looked at his scruffy appearance and shooed him out. The man forced a cough and held his phone out for Alfie to sign.

Alfie took the gift into the living room and shredded the tough plastic. He lifted the charcoal coat and widened his eyes when he registered the weight. It was thick, and lined, and when he slipped it on it fit him perfectly. The gold buttons on the cuff gleamed and the stitching was exact.

Alfie slipped his hand inside the pocket and pulled out a yellow post it.

‘Wrap up tight, Freshman’

Alfie breathed in the scent of expense and relished in the warm glow of someone caring about him. They had spoken about the drop in temperature, and Nate had been interested in what Alfie wore to combat the chill. He had assumed it was some horny fantasy for Nate. The idea of unwrapping layers to get to Alfie, but the reality was he was worried that Alfie’s paper-thin coat wouldn’t be enough to keep him comfortable.

Alfie collapsed on to the sofa, flashing a look at the clock. It was six, another hour until the prisoners were put in their cells, and another five hours before Nate would call. Nate promised the other prisoners wouldn’t hear, and if they did none of them would grass on him.

“You like the coat?” Nate asked when he finally called.

Alfie hadn’t taken it off. He was sweating beneath, but didn’t care. “Yeah, course I do, but you can’t keep sending stuff to my door.”

“So, you didn’t like the pizza and garlic bread I sent last weekend?”

“You know I d—

“What about the aftershave, a bottle of the one I use?”

Alfie flushed scarlet. He’d balked at the post it note on the aftershave. Nate wanted him to use it, so he smelled like he belonged to him. Alfie didn’t wear aftershave and sprayed it on his pillow instead. He had been embarrassed by his own sentiment, but the fumes of Nate lured him to sleep, and each time he woke, he smiled at the scent before he’d even opened his eyes.

“It’s not that I don’t—”

“Or those new shoes. They don’t squeak as you walk now.”

Alfie squeezed the bridge of his nose. “The gifts, they’re amazing okay, but you can’t send them anymore.”

“Why not?”

“You’ll get caught, and we’ll both get in the shit.”

Nate snorted. “Give me some credit. Does the coat fit okay?”

“Yeah, fits fine.”

“Are you wearing it?”

Alfie nodded. “Maybe.”

“Well, you got to take it off. Don’t want it to get messy.”

Alfie snorted and lay the phone on the sofa as he shuffled from the coat. He picked up the phone and raised his eyebrow. “Done.”

“Hmm, not yet. Lay down, Freshman. Let me take care of you.”.

There was one fantasy Nate favored above all others. The idea of tying Alfie up, binding his hands together and running his hands over every accessible millimeter of flesh. He wanted Alfie to beg and encouraged him to do so down the phone, but Alfie couldn’t do it. It felt wrong.

He wondered whether Nate bound his victims before he killed them, whether he made them beg for their lives. His erection softened, and he stopped moving his stroking hand. He shuddered, then swallowed awkwardly. Nate must’ve heard the noise and stopped voicing his fantasy.

“You okay?"

“Why did you kill those men?”

There was a harsh intake of breath on the other end of the phone. “Way to kill the mood, Freshman.”

“I just—I don’t want to know how, but why. There’s got to be a reason.”

There was no answer, and Alfie pulled the phone from his ear to make sure they were still connected.

“I want to trust you.”

“You can.”

“How do I know that after you have sex with me on the beach, you wouldn’t drown me in the sea? How do I know after having me in front of the fire, you wouldn’t burn me in the flames?”

“Woah, stop it.”

Alfie shook his head. “How do I know you wouldn’t slit my throat after tying me up and making me beg?”

Nate sighed. It didn’t sound impatient, more of a sad exhale of air. “I’d never hurt you.”

Alfie squeezed his stinging eyes shut. “But how do I know you didn’t say that to them before you killed them?”

“The men I killed deserved it.”

“But why?”

There was another long silence, and Alfie rubbed the heel of his hand on his eyes. They were closed, but moisture still escaped and clung to his lashes.

The phone hissed with Nate’s exhale. “I’m not doing this.”

“Don’t hang up!”

Nate growled, and the hairs on Alfie’s neck shot up.

“I don’t want to talk anymore.”

“Please, you’re tearing me apart. This situation is tearing me apart. I need to know you’re not a monster, that you’re not evil. There has to be a reason.”

“Have I done anything to you that makes you think I’m evil?”

“Not to me, but that file. What you did to those men, your own dad. I don’t know specifics, but I know it was bad.”

“Yes, it was bad, what I did, but it needed to be done. I found out they hurt someone I care about, hurt them in the most unforgivable way, and not once, but over and over.”

“Who?”

Alfie could hear Nate’s heavy breathing, imagined his nostrils were flaring with each forceful exhale.

“My sister.” He growled. “I didn’t know what they were doing to her. They were clever, convinced her no one would believe her. When I found out I wanted them dead. I wanted them to pay for what they did to her, and I wanted to give her closure. I wanted her to feel safe, and I wanted her to know they suffered.”

“You wanted revenge for what they did to your sister? Why does your file not say any of this? They all think you did it for no reason, but if they knew—”

“That is not my story to tell,” Nate snapped. “I only provided the conclusion, and I will not have my sister put through hell to knock a few years off my sentence.”

Alfie shook his head. “You kill them and get yourself locked up. How does that help her?”

“She has a life now, a happy one with a man she trusts, and a family of her own. That is all any big brother wants for their sister. I have freed her from fear, and whatever scars she has will be mended by her new family.”

“What about you?”

Nate snorted. “I’m behind these bars as I should be, have been for ten years. I’m not serving a sentence for killing those animals, but for letting my sister down, not realizing what was happening until it was too late.”

“She doesn’t visit you,” Alfie whispered.

“She’s moved on. I would only be a reminder. I failed her as a brother—”

“You can’t have known—”

“Enough!”

Alfie’s jaw snapped shut, and he waited patiently for Nate to speak.

“I’ve let her go, and it’s better for her, and for me. I didn’t have anyone, then you came along.”

“Me?” Alfie whispered.

“For ten long years I’ve not cared for another soul, wouldn’t risk letting down someone I cared about. All until I heard whispers of you from G-wing. The cute new officer with the puppy dog eyes. The Freshman with the shy smile and the blushing cheeks. The guy who flirts with a murderer and goes above and beyond to save an inmate’s life. The one who doesn’t even realize what he craves, what he needs to feel good. I start to think maybe there is something for me on the other side of the bars. A life protecting someone, making sure they’re happy and they come to no harm.”

Alfie breathed out in a rush. He wanted to speak, but no words came. Protected, happy, they were traitorous buzz words his heart longed for.

“I want you.”

Alfie gasped at Nate’s words. They made his stomach flip and his heart tighten. For his eighteen-year existence, those were the words he always wanted to hear, from anyone. Someone valuing him over someone else, someone picking him from the crowd, claiming him, not as a consolation, but as the main prize. Deny as he might, he just wanted to be wanted.

“I know you’re freaked-out, but I’m freaked out too. I’m the one locked up, and at any moment could lose you. Part of me wants to scare you away. I don’t want you to waste your life on me, but the other part, the more dominate part, wants to bind you to me forever. These fantasies we talk about aren’t fantasies to me. They’re promises for when I get out.”

“When do you get out?” Alfie croaked.

“I’ve got a plan, Freshman.”

Alfie widened his eyes in horror. “What?”

“You don’t need to worry—”

“You’re planning an escape?”

Nate didn’t answer at first. He left a chasm of a pause that Alfie panted through.

“And if I was, would you run to the prison and tell them, or would you let me escape?”

“I should report it.”

Nate hummed. “Should, but you won’t. I want you, Freshman, and you want me too.”

The phone cut out and Alfie stared at the black screen. It reflected his panicked eyes and his open mouth. Nate was planning an escape, had admitted it, and that left Alfie with a huge dilemma. The ‘us and them’, he didn’t know whose side he was on.