Logan

Forks clank against china. Bluesy music travels from the living room. I can see the speakers beside the television stand from here. They’re big, black monstrosities that Kurt bought for Reece because she made a passing comment about DJing yesterday.

Laughter explodes from the little girl beside me. Her grey eyes sparkle brighter than the stars. Her gaze is fastened on her grandfather as he shares a joke from his past.

Kurt Duncan gestures with his hands, looking more animated than ever. Caribbean life suits him well. His broad shoulders that were stiff with the weight of the world have relaxed. The lines around his mouth are from laughter, not stress. His blue eyes sparkle with new life.

Lauren spoons the rice and beans in her plate and stares lovingly at her husband. Her auburn hair is scraped back in a tight ponytail. The style exposes her sharp cheekbones and the annoyingly beautiful angles of her face.

Man, I hate that she’s so pretty.

Someone nudges me in the side. I look to my left, falling into Ben’s incredibly gorgeous blue eyes. The color is still bold, but it no longer shocks me. I am intimately familiar with every fleck in his irises. Every shade it imbues when Ben is angry, happy or sad.

Living in the same house for a month can do that.

“Are you okay?” he whispers.

I force my expression back to normal. Shake my head. “I’m fine.”

“The dinner’s great.” He smiles.

I smile back. “Thanks.”

Sunday is my only day off and I took the opportunity to ban Lauren from my kitchen and cook an authentic Belizean meal. The table is laden with baked chicken, savory rice and beans, fried plantains, stuffings and—of course—potato salad.

Normally, the smacking of lips and licking of fingers would leave me with a high. I love when my food is well-received. But today? Things are different.

I feel misplaced. Like I’m sitting around a table with the big kids when I should be on the floor with the dogs. And I hate that feeling. Of not belonging. Of being less than.

What am I doing here? The thought has echoed through my mind since Tuesday night when I walked into the house and was informed that Reece would be going on a trip to the Barrier Reef.

Informed. Like a house helper.

In the throes of my desperation I had, briefly, toyed with the idea of seducing Ben and asking him to marry me. Then the sunlight crept into my bedroom and so did my common sense. I figured there had to be another option.

But the more I see Reece with her grandparents—Harry’s family, the more I lose confidence that my option is the best one.

She enjoys being around them. Loves the things they buy her and the adventures they take her on. Even more, Reece loves hearing stories about her father when he was little.

Who am I to take that away from her? To even dream of demanding I have a place in her life?

I don’t have a reason.

I don’t have a right.

These past few days, I’ve been forcing myself to accept that. I think it’s finally starting to settle. When Ben announces that he and Reece are leaving to start her off at a new school in America, I’ll smile—like I practiced. I’ll calm Reece down and promise I’ll visit. I’ll send them off without a fuss.

Should be easy enough.

Or not.

“Logan.”

My head whips up. “Hm?”

Everyone around the table is staring at me. My fingers dig into the back of my fork. Kurt’s eyebrows are drawn into a deep V, causing his nose to scrunch. It’s a move that reminds me of Harry.

“We were thinking of seeing a movie this afternoon. Would you like to join us?” Kurt asks.

“I don’t know. I have to do some accounting for the salon…”

“Please, please, please.” Reece latches onto my hand and pushes out her bottom lip. “You have to come.”

I exchange a look with Ben who only shrugs, obviously leaving the decision up to me.

“Alright.” I agree, even though I’m not in the mood for one of Reece’s princess movies.

The thing is… I should be spending as much time as I can with her now that I’ve accepted her inevitable departure. But I can’t. A part of me wants to detach. Distance myself. That way it won’t hurt as much when she’s gone.

Kurt unfolds himself from the dining room chair and spreads his hands down his stomach. “That was the most incredible meal I’ve ever had, Logan. Thank you.”

Lauren rises as well, her chair scraping the floor. “It was good, but I wouldn’t say it’s the best.” She swivels toward her husband and mumbles, “Didn’t you like my lasagna?”

“Lauren, don’t compare yourself. It’s an entirely different dish.”

Lauren pouts.

I smile and dip my head. “Thank you, Mr. Duncan.”

“Call me Kurt.” He winks.

Yeah, buddy. I’m not doing that. “What time is the movie?”

“I was thinking we could catch the 3:30 screening,” Kurt says. “That should give us enough time to digest and take a nap if we’d like.”

“Sounds like a plan, Dad. I’ll walk you to the door.”

While Ben and his family leaves, Reece helps me clear the table. She’s talking a mile a minute, but I’m not hearing a word. All I can do is stare at her face and try to guess how much it will hurt when I can’t see her anymore.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Reece blinks slowly.

I shake my head to clear my thoughts. “You enjoy spending time with your grandpa?”

She nods so enthusiastically her fluffy ponytails dance like a dog’s tail. “Dada—Grampa asked me to call him that—he said he’ll take me on an airplane if I want. He said where he lives, there’s a bowling alley and arcades and a restaurant where real mermaids swim.”

“Sounds… great.”

“We have the Caribbean Sea.” Reece tilts her head to the side. “Why don’t we have mermaids?”

“They’re swimming in freedom,” a voice says. We spin and find Ben ambling toward us. His hands are tucked into the pockets of his khakis. “They’re not locked up in aquariums like the ones in the States.”

“Aww…” Reece pouts. “The mermaids aren’t happy?”

“I’m sure they’re happy.” I shoot Ben a scolding glance and hold Reece’s shoulder. “Why don’t you finish reading your summer assignment before we go to the movies?”

“Do I have to?” Reece whines.

“School is starting soon. You need to prepare for it.”

“I can’t wait to see my friends.” She grins broadly. “Keisha will not believe everything I’ve done this summer. Even though I miss my dad…” her voice warbles, “I really love Dada and Nana Lauren.”

“I know you do.” I stare at the tiles. “Go on. Read for at least forty-five minutes.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Reece scampers away.

I can feel Ben’s eyes on me, but I ignore him and slog to my room to select an outfit for the movies. There’s a good chance I’ll take a nap and wake up just before it’s time to leave. I can’t scramble around trying to find something to wear then.

I’m rummaging through my closet when I hear a knock at the door. A moment later, Ben pokes his head through.

I whirl on him. “I don’t remember saying ‘come in’.”

“Relax. It’s not like you were changing.” He brushes me off and closes the door behind him. “What’s going on, Logan?”

I turn away. “Nothing.”

“I can understand why you’ve been giving me the cold shoulder since Tuesday. I should have talked to you about the trip the moment Dad mentioned it, but you’ve been weird around Reece too. Something’s up.”

I sit on the edge of my bed, still avoiding his eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m not angry with your or with Reece. You’re imagining things.”

I feel the bed decompress and realize he’s taken the spot beside me. When I scoot over to put some space between us, Ben hooks his hand in my waist and drags me back.

I squirm, bound as I am in his arms. “What are you doing?”

“Talk to me.”

“Let me go.”

“Explain yourself first.”

A few more half-hearted shoves reveals that I can’t overpower him. I stop struggling and stare at my shoes. “There are more mature ways to communicate.”

“None this effective.”

I gently push him away. “Fine. I’ll talk.”

Ben backs up cautiously. “If you run, I’ll catch you. There’s not many places to hide in this house.”

I laugh and push my curly hair away from my face. Tanya helped me remove my weave on Wednesday. I’m thinking of flat ironing my natural hair this weekend to give my scalp a break from the wigs.

“Logan…” Ben widens his arms and leans toward me, “do I need to remind you that we had a deal?”

“Okay.” I put his hands down. “You don’t need to hug me again.” I inhale a deep breath and admit, “I’ve been preparing myself.”

He leans back. “For what?”

“For the day I leave.”

“Leave?” He jumps to his feet. “Where are you going?”

I have to crane my neck to meet his eyes. “Back home. It’s been a month since I’ve checked in. My dad’s still paying the mortgage on our old place. It doesn’t make sense to leave it empty for so long.”

His eyes widen. “You can’t go.”

“Why not?”

“Because I—because Reece needs you.”

“Reece is fine. She has you, Lauren and Kurt. Plus, eventually…”

He walks closer. “Eventually?”

I glance up. Meet his eyes. “You’re going to leave too.”

“No. Of course not.” He frowns. “Who told you that? Lauren?”

“Lauren didn’t say anything to me. She didn’t have to. It’s clear what you’re going to do. What you have to do. Your dad will give you a fancy job at the hospital. He’ll spoil Reece beyond her wildest dreams. That’s the future she deserves.”

“Wow… you’re right. Now I’m starting to question my decision, Logan.”

“What decision?”

“To stay.”

I shoot to my feet, my hands trembling. “W-what did you say?”

Ben grins broadly. “I’m not going anywhere. It was Lydia who helped me decide. I’m looking for a job. Here in Belize. I’ve already asked Lydia to help me with enrolling Reece in her old school. This is her home. Our home. We’re not going anywhere.”

Overjoyed, I launch myself at Ben. He catches me soundly, his hands encircling my back. I laugh and squeeze him hard. “I can’t believe it.”

“Are you that happy?” He chuckles.

“I was so sure you were going to follow your dad back to America.” I ease away so I can see his face. “Are you sure you’re ready to break out on your own?”

“We’ll see, won’t we?”

I nod, too overwhelmed to speak.

Ben’s thumb slides over my cheek. His blue eyes burn into mine. When he speaks, his voice is low, intimate. “That’s why you can’t abandon me. I was counting on having your help.”

My heart is soaring so high Ben could ask for my social security and bank account, and I’d consider handing it over.

I wouldn’t do it.

But I’d consider it.

He pinches my cheek. “You’re cute.”

I frown and wrench my face away. “Don’t insult me.”

“That was a compliment.”

“What if I called you cute? Would you like that?”

“I would.” He leans closer. “Very much.”

I freeze, realizing how close his lips are to mine. My gaze dips to his mouth. Awareness creeps through me.

Wake up, Logan. Don’t do anything stupid.

The door bangs open. “Logan, do I have to read for forty-five minutes? I just want to…” Reece steps into the room and promptly spins on her heels. “Oh. Sorry. Didn’t know I was interrupting.”

I shove Ben away. He lands on the bed with an oof. “Reece! Come in! You’re not interrupting anything.”

“It’s okay.” She dashes down the hallway and slams her door shut.

I wince.

Just great.