Breanna slept until noon that Saturday, still feeling exhausted from her party. She had such a hard time getting to sleep after Brad had left that she finally ended up taking a sleeping pill. Guilt was what kept her awake, and she needed something to take the edge off her nerves.

She’d never been one to take medicine while growing up, not even aspirin, but since she’d known Tom, he’d introduced her to a lot of things she wasn’t used to taking – telling her that it was the only thing that could help.

She sighed a ragged breath. Tom. What was she going to tell him? Should she tell him about the party? Of course she would. He’d probably even know that something happened the moment he walked into her place. Would she tell him about Brad? She was sure Brad’s name would be mentioned, but she decided to forget about the kiss.

Now she realized why she’d acted that way with Brad after the party. He was such a sweet talker, saying things to her that he probably didn’t mean. She wasn’t used to being told that she was pretty, lovely, or even beautiful. Tom never said things like that just to please her. Tom was a nice guy and he made her happy enough without saying sweet words, yet it had been a while since she and Tom kissed to their heart’s content.

It wasn’t that Tom didn’t want to, it was just that his job took a lot out of him and all he ever wanted to do anymore was sit around and watch television while he was with her. Sometimes, he would take her out to a movie or out to eat, but that had been quite a while ago, too.

Tom told her that he would find another job that didn’t stress him out as much, then they could go and do fun things together again. But, was a night clerk at a hotel really a stressful job? And why did he have more energy with his friend Kevin than he had with her?

She silently scolded herself. Why was she trying to find Tom’s faults, anyway? So he’d called off their date last night. It wasn’t the first time that had happened, and she was sure it wouldn’t be the last.

She loved Tom and wanted to marry him, no matter what. As soon as he asked her, anyway. Wasn’t it time for her to marry? All of her high school friends were married and had at least two kids. She was nothing but an old maid.

After she showered and dressed, she put on a pair of jeans and an over-sized shirt. On impulse, she gathered the bottom of her shirt and tied it together in a knot, just like last night.

She stared at herself in the bathroom mirror and studied her hair. It had been a while since she cut it, and although she really didn’t want to admit, it had bothered her lately. She was tired of coming up with new ways to keep it out of her face. Maybe she should cut it. She’d have to ask Tom and see what he thought.

As she applied her makeup, she noticed that without her glasses, her face looked prettier. Definitely not as plain as she thought she was. Maybe she would leave her glasses off and wear them when she read, which was the only reason she needed them, anyhow. Or, maybe she would get contacts. She’d have to ask Tom first. He might not like her in contacts.

The day passed slowly, and she hadn’t yet heard from Tom. Some of the girls from the office called and told her how much fun they’d had at the party and how good she looked last night. They also wanted to know if they could have another party tonight at her place. She told them she and Tom were going out. If only he would call her and quit making her wonder.

She’d never received so many compliments in her life than what she’d heard at the party. It made her feel good and gave her more confidence. She would have to seriously think about changing her style of clothes, too. She didn’t know. She would have to ask Tom.

As the miniature grandfather clock in her front room chimed five o’clock, a knock came upon the door. Angrily, she marched to the door and opened it. The look on Tom’s face made her wonder if he even wanted to be here. Usually, she greeted him with open arms and kind words, but right now she was a little upset. He could’ve called earlier this morning or even this afternoon to let her know when he was coming over. Did he think she sat around all day waiting for him like she had nothing better to do? Well, she had a life, and he’d better realize that quickly.

“It’s about time I heard from you,” she spat angrily.

He glared at her as he entered. “Excuse me?” he asked with authority. “Why are you jumping on my case? Is that really necessary?”

She looked down at her clasped hands and frowned. He certainly was the king when it came to making her feel bad. “I’m sorry, Tom. I was just hoping to hear from you earlier today, that’s all.”

He sighed heavily. “If you must know, I just barely got out of bed a half hour ago. I worked until six o’clock yesterday morning and slept until three in the afternoon. Then I was up all night with Kevin and I didn’t get to sleep until about four o’clock this morning. That is why I haven’t called or seen you until now.”

Her chest ached with guilt, and she regretted lashing out at him with her hasty tongue. “I’m sorry.” She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his stiff body and kissed him on the lips. “Please forgive me? I just missed being with you last night. Can you blame me? I haven’t been with you all week.”

He didn’t push her away, but neither did he put his arms around her. This action made her heart ache even more.

“I told you the reason. Can’t you remember? It’s my job. It’s just too stressful,” he complained.

The urge to ask him why his job was so stressful was on the tip of her tongue, but she decided not to speak about it. He was already upset with her and she didn’t want to make it worse.

“Yes, I know, and I’m sorry again for not understanding.” Dropping her arms from around his neck, she reached down and grabbed his hands, pulling him over to the couch with her.

She and Brad had put everything back in its original spot last night after the party and had cleaned up really well, but she could see Tom’s nose twitching and his eyes quickly scanning the room. She knew he was going to realize something was different. Worry crept inside of her, twisting her stomach. She’d better say something before he did. Seeing his temper wasn’t something she wanted right now.

“Tom?” Breanna began nervously, wringing her hands in her lap while her heartbeat played a jumping match with the pound growing in her head. “After you called me yesterday at work and canceled our evening, the girls at the office and I decided to get together and have a party, here, at my place.” She tried to smile even though her lips quaked.

His nose stopped twitching, and he swung around and glared at her. “Do your friends happen to wear men’s cologne, too? Don’t you think I would smell a man’s scent in your apartment? Are you trying to cover up your lover’s tracks?”

Oh no, not again. At least once a week, he accused her of cheating on him. However, this time he had reason. “Tom, the only boyfriend I have is you. But you are correct in assuming there were men in the house. In fact, there were quite a few men and women here, and I didn’t even know half of them,” she explained with a forced laugh. “There were at least forty people at the party.”

His eyes widened in surprise. “You had that many people in this apartment?”

She shrugged. “Well, sort of. A lot of them were outside on the lawn, or at the pool.”

“What?” He exploded in rage. “Mrs. Gurrister actually let them in the pool? She has a fit when I go swimming with you, and she knows I’m your boyfriend.”

His eyes were almost black with red veins in the whites of his eyes. She’d never seen him like this before, and she panicked.

“Calm down, Tom. You see, a man at the party charmed Mrs. Gurrister, and she offered the pool to all of us because of him.”

He rolled his eyes. “Mrs. Gurrister? Seriously? You really expect me to believe that?”

Anger grew inside of her, making her headache worse. She hated it when he never believed her. “Do you think I’d lie about it? How else would she let anyone into her pool unless they lived in her apartments?” she snapped back. Sometimes his words and actions crushed her, like now. Times like these, she wondered if he truly loved her at all. “Anyway, it’s all over and done with. You were kept busy last night and so was I,” she defended.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he barked.

Please make him stop, she silently prayed. “It only means that I wanted to do something last night, and since I couldn’t be with the man I love, I thought I would be with my friends.”

He continued to glare, but at least the fire shooting out of his brown eyes dulled slightly. Even his breathing slowed down. “Are you going to have any more parties?”

She sighed. “No. Not unless you’re here.”

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t want you to ever have a party again. This is where we’re going to live when we are married, and I won’t have you destroying the place. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” she said softly.

“Good.” His body relaxed and he settled back against the couch. “Now let’s talk about tonight.”

Just as always after they argued, his mood changed as if someone were flipping off a light. A smile stretched across his face when he looked at her.

“I told you I was going to take you out, and I never back down on my promises, so where do you want me to take you?”

Breanna bit her tongue. She didn’t want to point out how many times broken promises scattered in the path of her memories. But she forced herself to look happy, even though she was extremely miserable.

The rest of the night was spent agreeing to everything he said and did – like always. He took her to a Chinese restaurant, which was practically empty. The whole time they were there, he did nothing but insult and put down the food and the service. After dinner, they went to a movie they’d previously seen five different times, and he acted like it was his first. Not only that, but he convinced her to pay for them because he suddenly didn’t have enough money, blaming it on the meal being too expensive. She could have screamed with fury.

When they returned to her apartment, they sat on her couch, but all he wanted to do was watch the television. And once the program started, she was invisible to him. She should be used to this, but it still hurt that he ignored her.

On the comedy series, Breanna saw a girl whose hair was done the same way Brad had fixed her hair with the scarf. “Tom? Do you see that girl right there, with the scarf around her hair?” She pointed to the screen.

“Yes.”

“Do you think the way she has her hair is cute?”

“Yeah, it’s cute,” he agreed quietly.

“Do you think I’d look cute with my hair like that?” No response. “You know Tom, I’ve been seriously thinking about wearing a different style of clothing, too.”

He growled softly in irritation and turned down the television. “It’s not like I was interested in the movie or anything, but since you want to talk, I guess I’ll take a few minutes and talk to you.” He glared. “So, you want to change your style of clothes?”

“Yes.”

“To what?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Something that fits my body better, and maybe something a little brighter.”

He nodded but didn’t smile. “So, you want to stick out like a zit on a smooth face, huh? You know that’s all these latest styles are doing to people. I like you just the way you are. I don’t want anyone looking at you, but me.”

Okay, strike one. “How about my hair? I’ve thought about getting it cut in a style, shorter perhaps.”

He still held a bored expression on his face. “Now you want to do your hair differently? What’s next, Breanna? A face lift? How about a couple of tattoos and nose piercing? Don’t you understand? I like you just the way you are.”

“I know, but other people—”

“Who cares what other people think?” he snapped. “They don’t love you. Nobody can love you the way I do. Besides, you’re not going to be with them for the rest of your life, are you? You’ll be with me, so I should be the one you make happy.”

“But I want people to like me,” she pleaded.

“If they don’t like you for your sweet personality, then they shouldn’t be your friends.”

She paused for a second, trying to think of something that would convince him to change his mind. “Tom? Do you think I’m pretty?”

He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes. They didn’t sparkle like Brad’s had last night. She shook away the thought and waited for Tom’s answer.

“Of course you’re pretty. You’re pretty to me, and I think you have a beautiful soul, and that’s all that counts.”

She had a flashback to when she was in high school. That was how all of the popular kids described the ones who were the outcasts. She has a good personality, they would say just to be nice, or she has a sweet spirit.

“I’m glad I talked to you,” she told him. He smiled proudly as if he’d won, so she quickly added, “But I’m going to think about it a little bit more. You know, if I can’t love myself, then I can’t begin to love others.”

“Where did you hear that line of crap?”

“Oh, come on, Tom. You’ve heard it, too. I know you have. Besides, maybe you might like the new me better if I decide to change.”

“And what if I don’t? You know, I don’t adjust to change very well.”

“Oh, I think you will, especially, if it’s for the better.”

He just shrugged and turned the television back on, and there he stayed until past midnight. She dozed off and on sitting next to him on the couch, but once the television was turned off, she became alert. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes and yawned.

“Well, I’m going to go home now. I’ll probably see you tomorrow.” He leaned down and kissed her forehead.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in for a better kiss. His body stiffened slightly, but once she slid her lips across his, he participated in the kiss.

Right away she could feel there was no excitement. She couldn’t stop comparing his kiss to Brad’s. With Tom, the spark was gone, and if she truly thought about it, the spark had been missing for quite some time.

She wanted to scream at Tom. She wanted him to make her feel loved and beautiful. I want to feel special like when Brad kissed me... But she didn’t dare say any of this to Tom. Instead, she kissed Tom harder, hoping to bring back the excitement they once had.

After a few minutes, he pulled away and glanced at his watch. “Well, I better go. Kevin is expecting me in a half hour.”

Irritation swept through her, and the crushing blow of rejection sat heavily on her chest. “You‘re going back to his house, again? Don’t you ever get enough of him?”

He stood and stretched his arms above his head. “Of course not. He’s my best friend.” He reached over and caressed her head. “See you later.”

She wasn’t about to stop him as he walked out the door. In fact, if he didn’t quicken his step, she might just shove him out the door herself.

Tears collected in her eyes and she didn’t know if it was because of his friend, or if it was that reality had finally hit her. Tom didn’t want her any longer. Not only that, she reached the point of not wanting him anymore.