I’m doing something that I never thought I’d be doing in a zillion years. I’m meeting my sister for dinner with my new boyfriend, the twin, (as she continues to call him) in tow. We’re meeting at one of her favorite places, so she won’t gripe about the service or the quality of the food. A quaint American eatery near the Art Museum.

She’s been babbling on for the last ten minutes about the students in her eight o’clock class and how they’re a better group of students than her ten o’clock group. Blah, blah, blah. I’m bored already, so I know Camden has to be too. He’s sitting here though, sipping on his scotch, and nodding his head at the appropriate times.

“Sorry to change the subject,” she says as if we were listening to the original subject, “but I just wanted to let you know that the bank has agreed to put dad in the home retention program.”

“Yeah, I got the approval letter a few days ago,” I say.

“Oh, they send you a copy of the letters too I guess.”

“Yeah.”

“So I didn’t ask you before, because I thought it would be too soon, but what did he say to you? Was he … civil at least?”

“He was nothing like I remembered.”

“Really?”

“He cried and he gave me a hug. He thanked me for helping him and then he spent the next thirty minutes of our visit trying to find those damn papers. I didn’t think the power of attorney existed for a minute.”

I can see that Jana is dying to tell me, I told you so, but she’s holding back for once in her life. Maybe we’ll be able to figure out this sister thing after all. It’s what my mother would have wanted. It’s what I want. I love my sister. I always have. I just need to remember that sometimes.

“How long has he been sober?” I ask her.

“About three years. As soon as he heard about the cancer.”

“He really needs to go into a hospice care facility, Jana.”

“He wants to die at home, in the bed that he shared with Mom.”

I roll my eyes. Sure I let the man give me a hug, but I’m not about to get all sentimental about him wanting to feel close to my mother. He barely held her hand when she was on her deathbed. He’s still a bastard in my eyes.

“Did he apologize to you?” Jana asks.

“In his way.”

Camden takes another sip of his scotch, because we’re leaving out the part where he told me that I remember things a lot differently than he does. As if I was lying or mentally unstable, and he wasn’t verbally and mentally abusive.

“So, Jana, why don’t you tell me something about you other than those students of yours.” Camden tries to make conversation.

“All she does is work, Cam. She has a ten year plan or something.”

“Fifteen year plan,” Jana corrects me. “It will work too if Professor Owens doesn’t sabotage me.”

“Professor Owens?” he asks.

“Yeah, he’s the guy I’m a teaching assistant for.”

“Is he bothering you? You want me to have a talk with him?”

“No!” she blurts out quickly. “I mean I don’t need him roughed up or anything,” she whispers so the restaurant won’t think she’s ordering a mob hit.

“Oh, okay.” Camden chortles.

I tilt my head for a moment and look at my sister.

“Jana, are you sleeping with your professor?”

“What?! Absolutely not.”

“Do you like him?”

“No, Jade, of course not.”

Huh. I wonder.

“So, Camden, how did you get my sister to go on a date with you after all of this time? She seemed so dead set against it.”

I give her a look of death.

“Dead set against it, huh?” Camden leans back in his chair, legs spread, and licks a droplet of scotch off of his mouth. Fuck, he looks delicious. “Well, I’m very persuasive when I want to be.”

Jana looks between us with a satisfied smile.

“Well it’s a good thing you are. I’ve never seen her happier.”

Ugh, this girl.

“Jade why aren’t you drinking? OH MY GOD! Are you pregnant?” My sister’s decibel level goes from ten to one when she says the word pregnant. Again so the restaurant won’t think that she’s sitting with an unwed mother.

“Are you on crack? No. I’m just taking it easy lately,” I say.

“Oh, because I’m too young to be someone’s aunt.”

I roll my eyes.

“I know, Jana. Don’t worry. You’re safe for a real long time.”

“So what did you think about my sister?” I ask Camden as I sit on his bed peeling off my clothes.

“She was amusing.”

“That’s it? Amusing?”

“Okay if you need more, she’s a bit uppity, and an education snob, but she loves you. So I like her.”

“What else?”

“I think she has the hots for her professor.”

“You do?! Me too!”

Camden walks into the bathroom and checks the water for the shower.

“Is it hot?” I call out.

“Yeah, it’s good. Come on.”

I lean against the shower wall as Camden rubs my shoulders. The water feels good as it beats down on the two of us.

“This is a big shower,” I say. “Bigger than Roman’s even.”

“Uh, huh.”

“Big men like big showers or something?”

“Something like that.”

I turn around to look my new lover in the eyes. Camden’s hard to read, but I’m learning more about him every day. He’s being particularly evasive.

“Something like that?”

“Everyone has their own reasons for liking what they like, Jade. Roman has his reasons. I

have mine. But since you brought it up, let’s get it out on the table.”

“Okay.”

“You’ve been hiding from Cutter for days.”

“Not hiding.”

“Hiding. You’re hurting his feelings.”

I turn my lips up. “Really? I doubt that.”

“He’s worried that you hate him.”

“Of course I don’t.”

“Are you freaked out about what happened?”

“A little.”

“What about it exactly?”

“I don’t know if I could ever do what, you know, what he was talking about you two would do to me if I was good.”

“He was just trying to turn you on.”

“But you have done that before? With other women?”

“Yes.”

“Are you always this honest?”

“Always,” he smiles.

“In this shower? Was that the whole point you were trying to avoid? You have a big shower so three people can fit inside of it easily.” I roll my eyes.

“I know we’re not getting sensitive about past lovers, because I think you may be the only woman who has a list to rival mine.”

“That’s not even close to the truth!”

Camden laughs out loud.

“Seriously though, Cutter and I will only do what you’re comfortable with. If you decide you never want him in the room again, then he won’t be.”

“You won’t be mad?”

“No, Jade. This relationship is just us. Cutter is only a secondary character.”

“And if I want him to … play again?”

“That’s fine too. You set the ground rules. We will abide by them.”

“Okay.”

“So will you talk to him now?”

“Yes, I will. I’m sorry. I was being a punk.”

“It’s okay that you’re attracted to Cutter you know. There’s nothing wrong with it. I don’t live in some bubble where I think you’ll never look at another man, and of course it makes total sense that you’re attracted to someone who looks a lot like me.”

“Oh, brother.”

“Just as long as you know that at the end of the day that you belong to me, Jade. All thirty-day contracts have been nullified. This is a lifetime assignment. I love you. You will always belong to me.

I smile. Almost blushing.

“And this belongs to me.”

He touches my mouth.

“And these belong to me.”

My breasts.

“And this.”

He thrusts a finger inside of me.

I close my eyes for a moment from the sudden pleasurable intrusion. Then I raise my arms up as a signal for him to lift me up. He pulls out of me and lifts me up. I wrap my legs tightly around his waist as he begins to devour my mouth. When he pulls back his head, he slides his finger into my mouth.

“Taste.”

I stare deeply into his eyes as I lick every drop of me off of him. When he finally pulls his finger free, I initiate the next kiss. A tear rolls down my face while I do. Luckily we’re in the shower, under the spray, and he doesn’t see it.

Yes, I’ve become one of those girls.

I’m picturing a forever after with him.

I want to buy a pink toothbrush and put it in the holder next to his.

I want to hold his hand on every flight he has to take.

I’m so happy, that I’m scared shitless.

But like my man said, it’s all right to live life experiencing a healthy dose of fear.

Because that’s how you know that you’re really living.