Sitting on a bench in the garden with Duke Godwin, Antoinette wondered whether she would ever recover from loving Mr. Perry and come to love Duke Godwin the same. After all, only a few short weeks ago she had loved Duke Godwin. At least, she had considered him the perfect candidate at the time. He had displayed bravado and power, he may have said the wrong things, but he said them the right way, he had protected her and supported her and won her over.

And she had assumed that love was that. That love was about those surges of emotion that accompanied his daring and extravagant actions. That love was a wave of intense emotions.

But now her feelings for Mr. Perry made those little surges of happiness and excitement seem like nothing but childish glee. Of course she was happy when he gave her a gift, and grateful when he saved her life. But that did not mean she loved him, that just meant the things he did made her happy. He was not essential for those things to bring her happiness, either. Any man could perform the same actions as Duke Godwin and get the same response.

On the other hand, only Mr. Perry could be Mr. Perry. Only he could stir her heart with his mere existence. Only he was worth risking her dignity and happiness for an afternoon of conversation. That was true love. Not being thrilled by a gift, but feeling genuine joy in someone's company and being willing to sacrifice your own wellbeing for them.

Just like she was sacrificing her wellbeing so she could protect her family. Just like she was sacrificing her wellbeing so Mr. Perry could be free to marry Lucy. Just like he was sacrificing his wellbeing so that she could marry the man her family needed her to.

As Duke Godwin finished his comments on what would be the ideal seating arrangements for their wedding, his hand rested on hers lightly and sweetly.

Only a few weeks ago this moment would have brought her so much joy. Who knew that so much pain could come from it now? It just felt wrong for his hand to be on hers when she was not right for him, and he was not right for her. He was right for her family... but he did not know that. He thought she really was his ideal woman. And the deception hurt almost as much as the fact she would spend the rest of her life without...

“Mr. Perry!” Duke Godwin exclaimed with a grin, standing up from his seat and waving in the direction of the door.

Antoinette stood up and turned to look back towards the house. Indeed it was Mr. Perry. Her heart felt light and her stomach turned to butterflies. She found herself smiling genuinely all of a sudden, and then stopped herself mid-smile, bringing back the forced expression she needed to wear. The timing could not possibly be worse. She did not need another excuse to doubt her own feelings.

As he walked down the steps towards the bench, she noticed that his clothes seemed a little sharper, a little higher quality than he usually wore. The wind caught his hair and tousled it perfectly, giving an impression of rustic gentility, or civilized ruggedness, which made her feel like melting. He was so handsome. Of course he was not as big or as robust as Duke Godwin. But he was also younger, with finer features, and a sleeker frame. He moved as gracefully as a deer. Antoinette could not look away from him as he approached them.

“Mr. Perry, how are you?” she said nervously.

“I was just stopping by to see how you were... how you both were, after last night's incident,” he said.

Antoinette shook her head. “I am much better today, thank you.”

“Are you sure?” Duke Godwin asked. “You look a little flushed.” His naturally suspicious nature appeared to be somewhat eased by her engagement to him. She felt pretty certain that under ordinary circumstances he would be well aware of her attraction to Mr. Perry. But, as things stood, he was blinded by love.

“I only wish I knew what happened to Sir Dodge. The fact he was able to get into the ball uninvited and cause such chaos has left me anxious... he could break in any time, it seems.” It wasn't lying to say that was the cause of her agitation. After all, she was worried about how easily Sir Dodge had got into her home. That it was not the main source of her concern would remain a secret for herself only to know.

“Have you not heard?” Mr. Perry asked. “I know it is recent news but with how fast gossip spreads I thought you would have heard.”

Antoinette shook her head. “I have not heard anything about him since last night. Have you?” she asked, turning to Duke Godwin.

Duke Godwin shook his head. “I have heard nothing of him either. Then again, we have both been busy. With the engagement.”

“Engagement?” Mr. Perry began. Then it dawned on him. “Oh, yes... Congratulations.” He smiled the same fake smile which Antoinette was managing.

She kept repeating to herself that is was for the best in her head. She believed it less each time she told herself. “Anyway,” she said, breaking the silence, “what is this about Sir Dodge? Good news, I hope.”

“For you. And any decent person. Not so much for him,” Mr. Perry replied. “He has been found to have been stealing jewels and money from wealthier people all across the country. He gets into their homes by insisting that he is also noble, which I suppose he is technically, as he has inherited a knighthood, but then proceeds to gain people's trust and rob them.”

“I knew some silverware had gone missing that time he was invited round...” Duke Godwin remarked.

“I am glad we did not entertain him more often. Though I shall have to tell mother. When I was ill he spent a lot of time visiting, and perhaps he would have taken something from us then... But why would he ever do that? Was he in dire straits?”

Mr. Perry shook his head. “As far as anyone can tell, he did not need the money. Along with his title he had inherited a not insignificant sum of money, and he is not a big spender. Most of his professionals are actually friends of his family who will sew, cook, or decorate for him for free. It seems he has literally been spending all his wealth on... impressing women,” Mr. Perry concluded.

Duke Godwin let out a laugh. “Pardon me but that is one of the most ridiculous things I have heard this year,” he said, shaking his head. “I know that you younger men are a little soft in the head and the heart... I was like that too, once... but why would he throw away his entire life, stealing from wealthier men, to buy gifts for his fancy ladies?”

Antoinette shrugged and smiled politely. “Do you not do something similar?”

Duke Godwin shook his head. “It is different. To a man such as myself money is like bread and water. It is elemental, constantly available, not something to worry about. I risk nothing by spending on you. Sir Dodge, on the other hand, is now imprisoned and will likely serve a lengthy service. And what does he have to show for it?”

“Indeed, love can make a man do insane things.” As Duke Godwin looked at something else, Mr. Perry cast Antoinette a knowing smile. “Insane things,” he repeated softly with a slightly pleading look in his eye, “like turn down a lifetime of safety and comfort to spend a few minutes talking to a lady who makes his heart soar.”

Antoinette shook her head. Whatever it was Mr. Perry wanted, she could not help him anymore. She could not sneak out to drink wine with him and just talk. She could not dance with him carelessly. In some ways they would have more freedom to spend time together. As a married woman she would have a certain respectability which people would not readily call into question. But it would all be at Duke Godwin's discretion, and not her own.

“I suppose I ought to be leaving, anyway,” Mr. Perry said, avoiding her gaze. “I must talk to Lucy's parents about the possibility of marrying her... Perhaps we ought to make it a double wedding?”

Duke Godwin chuckled. “Best of luck, Mr. Perry,” he said.

Watching Mr. Perry leave was like watching a funeral procession. This was it. It was final. And she had not even said a proper goodbye, the goodbye she wanted to.

“I think it is far too cold for me out here,” Antoinette said to Duke Godwin. “Let us go indoors and get warm by the fire.”

Duke Godwin shook his head a little. “Women... You are so soft. Very well, then, you go on ahead. I shall have another walk around the garden and then we can gather for lunch.”

Antoinette did not need telling twice. Every minute away from Duke Godwin was a blessing. She needed that time and space to work through her own thoughts. She walked back indoors as fast as she could go without running, dropped her outdoor shoes and cloak by the door, and settled into a nice plush armchair by the fire which was roaring in the empty drawing room.

It was just... not fair. They wanted to be together. And there was no realistic way they ever could. And yet he kept visiting. Just stopping by.

A thought crossed her mind. Perhaps she ought to just stop seeing him. That way she would never feel tempted to stray. She would rarely feel the regret of not being able to marry him. If he was able to just see her whenever he wanted then she would continually be reminded of what could never be. She would feel those daggers in her heart every time.

If she chose never to see him again, at least they would both be spared the time.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the door swung open. She had been expecting to see Duke Godwin there, but instead her mother gracefully strode in, closing the door softly behind her and joining Antoinette beside the fire.

“Duke Godwin will be staying with us,” Lady Byrd said. “He has expressed an interest in getting to know you better, and perhaps having you offer your own thoughts on what you would like for the wedding.”

“That sounds like a wonderful plan,” she said.

“That sounded like it was not what you wished to say,” Lady Byrd replied. “Are you nervous?”

“I am not at all certain of what I am doing right now,” she explained, shaking her head a little.

“It is not as though there is a choice to fret about anymore,” Lady Byrd replied. “Sir Dodge has turned out to be... quite the scoundrel. And none of the other men will even come close to matching up to Duke Godwin.”

“I know...” Antoinette said quietly. She could not hold the tears in any longer. Burying her face in her hands, she began to sob. It was not right. It was not fair. She did not want Duke Godwin.

“Are you alright, dear?” Lady Byrd asked, resting a comforting hand on her daughter's shoulder.

Antoinette wondered whatever she could possibly say that would reassure her mother. But there was nothing. She could not admit to her true feelings. She could not say she did not wish to marry Duke Godwin. But she could, at least, use this to buy herself time.

“I... I will be alright,” Antoinette replied. “I am in a little pain... maybe it was brought on by the stress?”

Lady Byrd frowned a little and touched Antoinette's forehead. “You feel a bit warm, dear. Perhaps the ball last night was too soon?”

“I think you are right. I think I am taking ill again,” Antoinette insisted. “Perhaps I ought to return to my room?”

Lady Byrd looked more than a little frustrated, but bowed her head nevertheless. “Of course. You go and get some rest,” she replied.

Antoinette made her way upstairs, making sure not to rush too much, or make it too obvious in any way that she was not currently weak and in pain with the return of the illness. This effort would do two things for her. It would buy her some time and space in which to contemplate the different paths available to her. And it would put Duke Godwin through one final test before she committed herself, heart and soul, to marrying him.

When Mr. Perry had known that she was ill he had dropped everything to care for her and make sure she recovered well. He had put his own health in jeopardy and set his life and plans aside to take care of her when nobody else would. Likewise, she had made the effort for Duke Godwin himself when he had been ill. It was a simple expression of love to care for someone when they were ill. It seemed as though Duke Godwin had finally let his guard down now that Antoinette had accepted his proposal of marriage. But she needed to know how genuine this love was.

A part of her was hoping he would leave. A part of her was hoping he would stay. Either way, she would have her answer. If he disregarded her illness and left, then she would know for sure that he did not truly love her. If he remained and looked after her, then she would know his love was genuine. She was not certain what would happen once she had her answer, but perhaps the path she needed to take would reveal itself...

Waiting in her room buried up to her neck in blankets, she soon heard the loud, hard knock at the door she had anticipated.

“Come in,” she said as weakly as she could manage.

The door opened slowly. Duke Godwin walked in, looking distressed. “Oh dear...” He shook his head. “Your mother is right, you do not look well. I am so sorry, I should never have asked you to walk in the gardens with me. Between the stress at the ball last night and the cold air, I may have inadvertently brought back your illness.”

Antoinette shook her head. “I do not believe there is anything anyone could have done to prevent this relapse,” she said as reassuringly as she could.

“Is there anything I could do to help?” Duke Godwin asked. “I can get you a private physician. Or some luxurious sweets from London perhaps?”

Antoinette shook her head. “All I want is a little company. Someone to talk to me and read to me.”

Duke Godwin hesitated. “But I have the wedding to plan,” he replied cautiously.

“I am sure you can spare a little time of your day to ensure that your bride is healthy and fit to walk down the aisle,” Antoinette insisted.

Duke Godwin hesitated again. Then he smiled. “Yes, yes of course.”

Antoinette felt a brief surge of excitement. Perhaps this man did truly love her. Perhaps she had underestimated his capacity for love and compassion. “Then you will stay?” she asked tentatively.

“No, I cannot afford to. But I shall pay a servant to stay here and read to you and talk to you every night. That should help,” he concluded with a broad grin. “I shall go and make arrangements immediately.