Chapter 13

 

Elspeth’s stomach contracted into a tiny walnut, as she watched disbelief flood Brody’s face. His proposal jangled in her mind like a tuneless distortion of a thousand immature, extravagant fantasies. His visible shock made it clear that he’d never imagined that she might refuse him.

“What the devil…” When he stepped forward, she backed away on wobbly knees. She couldn’t blame him for looking bewildered, given that a few minutes ago, she’d been half-naked in his arms.

“Elspeth, don’t be a fool.” Mamma marched up to stand beside Marina. “Brody’s trying to save you from a scandal.”

Her mother was always organized, always in control, always in charge. Except for right now. She, like Brody, looked completely at sea. That would have made Elspeth laugh, if the situation had been less dire, and she didn’t feel as if she was about to bring up her dinner.

Elspeth squared her shoulders and told herself crying and whining would do no good. She didn’t underestimate the battle on her hands.

“Why should there be a scandal?” she asked, attempting to play down the night’s events.

“Because I caught you with bloody Brody.” Hamish sounded like he was strangling.

“No, you didn’t,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady. As she looked around the circle of people surrounding her, she saw that nobody was on her side.

Then Marina sent her a smile. Relief flooded her, as she realized one person at least wasn’t ready to ring a peal over her head. That silent show of support bolstered her failing courage, so she sounded more confident when she spoke to Hamish. “You barged in when I was talking to Brody and Marina. Hardly cause for gossip, let alone anything more drastic.”

“Don’t give me that rot, Elspeth,” Hamish snapped, glaring at her. His expression said that he wanted to give her a good shaking. “You looked like you’d been…”

Yes, she could imagine what she’d looked like. Her cheeks stung with humiliation, but she made herself raise her chin and stare her brother down.

“Hamish, I’d thank you to speak to your sister with respect.” Brody angled his body between her and her brother. She’d appreciate his protective action, if he wasn’t trying to protect her into an unhappy marriage.

“You’re a great one to talk about respect,” Hamish retorted. “You had your filthy hands all over—”

“A few kisses at Christmas don’t make me a scarlet woman, Hamish,” Elspeth interjected, to break the dangerous tension rising anew between the two friends. “Anyway, we’re all family here. Even if there was a small indiscretion, why should any talk reach beyond Achnasheen?”

Elspeth stifled a pang at her hypocrisy, given how close she’d come to giving herself to Brody. She might tell herself she wouldn’t have let things go that far. But she hadn’t intended to let him touch her bottom or breasts either, and she’d made not a whisper of a protest when he did. His hands conjured magic, and she’d been helpless to resist him.

“Elspeth, I don’t understand. Are you saying you dinnae want to marry me?” Brody asked, and if she didn’t know better, she might wonder if his hurt went deeper than a blow to his pride.

What nonsense. Of course it didn’t.

She sucked in a breath, struggling to ignore the devastation darkening Brody’s chiseled features. “No, I don’t.” The three words stabbed her heart. “Although I know that you’re trying to save my reputation.”

“It’s nae just that, Elspeth.”

She shook her head and even summoned a smile. “You’re very kind to say so.”

“Elspeth, you’re being a foolish, ungrateful, headstrong girl,” her mother said, folding her arms over her bosom and regarding her youngest daughter with a bellicose expression. “Have a thought to your future. If you won’t consider yourself, consider your family. Consider me. I have a role of great influence in this country. How will anyone in politics respect me if I can’t control my own daughter?”

Oh, no, this was getting worse and worse. If her mother got far enough up on her high horse, she would be immovable. Elspeth cursed the recklessness that had created this mess, although even now, some wicked, female part of her couldn’t regret the kisses.

“La povera ragazza.” Marina spoke before Mamma’s harangue could proceed past the point of the unforgivable. “How can Elspeth make a decision, with everyone glaring at her as if she’s committed murder? As she says, a few kisses at Christmas aren’t a mortal sin. There’s no need for all these bitter recriminations. Lady Glen Lyon, I know I’m not family, but why don’t you leave me alone with her for a wee while?”

“No, I need to talk to Elspeth on my own,” Brody said, his tone dogged.

Diarmid shoved his way through the crowd in the doorway, his impressive jaw stuck in a belligerent jut. “By God, that’s the last thing we want.”

This far, Brody had kept control of his temper, so Elspeth was surprised at his flaring anger as he turned on her cousin. “You stay out of this, ye interfering bastard.”

“I wish to hell you’d kept out of this and far away from her.”

“What Elspeth and I do is no concern of yours.”

Two large, powerful males faced up to one another. Fear joined the wild turmoil of emotions already churning in Elspeth’s stomach. If anyone she loved was hurt as a result of her misbehavior, she’d never forgive herself.

“She’s my cousin, and I willnae stand by and watch a rake debauch her,” her cousin growled.

“Diarmid!” Elspeth protested. “Will you listen to me? Nobody has debauched anyone. You’re letting your imagination run away with you.”

“And your bloody mouth as well,” Brody said, still squaring up as if preparing to throw a punch.

“Stop it, both of ye.” Fergus stepped in between the two men. “All this huffing and puffing isn’t helping.”

“You’re wrong there,” Diarmid said stiffly. “Pounding this bugger into the ground would help me a lot.”

Brody’s lip curled in a sneer. “I’d like to see ye try.”

“I wouldn’t,” Marina insisted.

“Nor would I,” Elspeth said.

“Elspeth you’re too young to realize what this lout is capable of,” Diarmid said, without looking at her.

“Diarmid, stop it. Brody’s your friend, and he deserves better from you. You’ve said quite enough, even though I appreciate your defense of my virtue.” Which wasn’t entirely true. She was biting back the impulse to clout her cousin. Not only was he making a bad situation worse, but he hovered close to calling her a mouse. She’d rather be seen as a loose woman than the nonentity she used to be.

“Elspeth—” he began, but she spoke over him, tired of the battle of male egos, tired of the accusing looks, just…tired.

“I think you’ve all said quite enough.” To her surprise, she didn’t sound like she was about to scream.

“You cannae—” Brody wasn’t giving up.

Nor was she. “Right now, I’d like all of you to leave me alone. I’ve said I won’t marry Brody. No harm’s been done.” Except to her heart, and she just had to live with that. “The matter’s at an end.”

“Far from it,” Hamish objected. “You mightn’t care for your good name, but I do.”

“Then stop acting like a buffle-headed idiot and making such a ridiculous scene,” Elspeth snapped back.

Her hard-won composure was disintegrating. She couldn’t take much more of this—she’d spent her life avoiding conflict; shouting always made her feel sick—but if she showed the slightest sign of weakness, the family would fall on her like jackals attacking a wounded antelope. They’d insist that she accept Brody as her husband and as she weakened under the pressure, she might fall in with their plans. That meant disaster.

“Unless you marry Brody, you’ll be a pariah,” her mother said, in a portentous voice that sent foreboding oozing down her backbone.

“But, Mamma, nothing happened,” she said, knowing that her mother had gone past the point of listening. “You’re overreacting.”

“Overreacting, am I?” Her mother’s lips tightened in self-righteous anger. “See if you feel the same when you no longer have a home to come to.”

The buzz of whispers in the room faded to nothing, and everyone turned in shock to Lady Glen Lyon. Elspeth’s mother’s face was set like stone and indicated that cannons wouldn’t shift her on this issue.

“Are you threatening to disown me, Mamma?” Elspeth asked, appalled and incredulous. How on earth had everything come to this?

“I don’t see why you should take things that far, Lady Glen Lyon.” Marina once more put an arm around Elspeth’s shoulders. “I promise you that when I came in, I saw nothing beyond a little harmless flirtation.”

“Then why was Hamish so exercised about what he discovered?”

Mamma had the bit between her teeth. She might relent in time but right now, she was determined on making her position clear. She’d see that everyone suffered the torments of the damned before she stepped back from her ultimatum. If she stepped back.

Elspeth wanted to retort that Hamish had been in a rage because he was an idiot. But that wasn’t fair.

“He misunderstood,” she said, knowing she was wasting her time.

“Lady Glen Lyon, your daughter is as pure as a lily,” Brody said. “Ye have my word as a gentleman.”

“That’s all very well, Brody, but appearances are what count. I have my political influence to worry about,” her mother said. She directed an implacable stare into the space above Elspeth’s head as if she couldn’t bear to look at her erring daughter.

Elspeth blinked back stinging tears. Tonight had been wonderful—up until it wasn’t. One of the saddest parts of this quarrel was that over the last few days, she’d hoped that she and her mother had grown closer. She should have known better.

If her mother imagined that bullying would change Elspeth’s mind about marrying Brody, her mother didn’t know her at all. Once Elspeth made her mind up, nothing would shift her. Look at her ill-fated penchant for that handsome rogue Brody Girvan.

She’d inherited that strong will from her mother. If Mamma really decided to turn her back on her daughter, she’d cut Elspeth loose from the family. Her stomach had been roiling since Marina had come in. Now she raised a shaking hand to her lips and prayed that she wouldn’t be sick. That would be the final beastly humiliation.

“Elspeth, listen to me. Dinnae get your hackles up. If ye do, you’ll never listen to sense,” Brody said. “This issue is between you and me. Please say you’ll marry me.”

She gave him credit for injecting such desperation into his voice. She also had to give him credit for knowing her well enough to understand that beneath her unassuming exterior, she possessed a formidable obstinacy. It seemed her mother didn’t know her half so well.

“It’s not just between you two, though, is it?” Hamish said. “Elspeth’s ruin is a family matter.”

Brody shot him a furious glare. “If you dinnae shut your mouth this minute, I’ll shut it for ye.” His fists clenched at his sides, and the threat of incipient violence vibrated in the air.

“This is my house, and I willnae have it turning into a bear’s den,” Fergus said sternly.

“Elspeth, please?” Brody turned back to her with a pleading expression that almost made her wonder if refusing him was the biggest mistake she’d ever made in her short life.

Oh, dear Lord, he sounded like he cared about her, and she knew he didn’t. Everything would be different if he did.

She braced to answer as she must. “No, Brody. I said I won’t marry you, and I’m standing by that.”

Her mother gave a furious huff and whirled toward the door. “Then you’re dead to me, Elspeth.”

“I won’t be coerced, Mamma,” Elspeth said, fighting the urge to run after her mother and beg her to reconsider.

“You know she won’t, Mamma. She’s like a mule when she gets her mind stuck on something,” Charity chipped in. “You’re going about this all the wrong way.”

Her mother stopped but didn’t turn around. “She’ll listen when she starts to wonder where she’ll sleep tonight.”

“Elspeth has a home here as long as she likes,” Marina said in an uncompromising tone that to Elspeth’s surprise matched the strength of her mother’s. “She’s not a child. She’s almost twenty-one. She has a right to wed where she wishes.”

Elspeth wanted to hug her, while relief as powerful as a tidal wave swamped her. “Thank you, Marina,” she mumbled.

Marina’s kindness undermined her show of strength. She felt closer to crying now than she’d felt since Hamish had come in.

Fergus glanced at Hamish, Diarmid and Brody and must have decided that they’d retreated from the brink of a brawl. Hamish and Diarmid looked disgruntled, but in control of their impulses. Brody, blast him, still looked desolate as if all his hopes had crumbled to nothing. She didn’t believe that was true for a minute.

“I dinnae think there’s anything to gain from continuing with this tonight,” Fergus said. “Why don’t we all go to bed? In the morning, I doubt circumstances will seem as desperate as they’re painted right now.”

“The voice of common sense, il mio amore.” Marina bestowed an approving smile on her husband. “Per pietà, nothing good can come of this atmosphere of grand drama. We all need to settle down when our tempers have cooled and decide our next actions then.”

Brody folded his arms over his chest and his jaw hardened in an adamant line. “I’d like to talk to Elspeth before she goes upstairs.”

“So ye can bully her into accepting you?” Diarmid asked snidely.

“As if I’ll let you put your paws on my sister again,” Hamish snarled, tensing up once more and bunching his hands at his sides.

“Hamish and Diarmid, you can both stop it right this minute,” Elspeth said. When she’d kissed Brody, she’d felt brave and free. Right now, she felt dirty and discarded. “For the tenth time, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Her brother directed a fulminating glare at her, before he shot Brody a look of pure hatred. “No, you didn’t.”

The atmosphere, calmed thanks to Marina’s good sense, flared toward conflict again. Brody looked angry and hunted—and hurt in a way she hadn’t expected.

She did owe him some explanation, she supposed. But not now. At this moment, she felt too close to breaking.

“Brody, can I please talk to you tomorrow?” To her chagrin, her voice cracked. “Tonight, I’m—”

“Over my dead body,” Hamish shouted.

“Stop bellowing like a maddened elephant, Hamish.” She directed a quelling look at her brother. “If I want to talk to Brody, I will.”

“I’m the head of the family.”

She narrowed her eyes. “That’s all well and good, but given Mamma just disowned me, I’d say your authority is at an end.”

“Brava, ragazza,” Marina said, coming forward with a managing air. “I grow tired of all this noisy masculine posturing.”

“Let me posture and clear the room for ye, my love,” Fergus said. He addressed the crowd with the unmistakable authority of the Laird of Achnasheen. “Go to bed, everyone. This will all seem like a silly tiff tomorrow.”

The autocratic tone worked. With some grumbling, the room emptied of everyone but Fergus, Marina, Elspeth—and to her dismay, Brody.

“Elspeth, we can’t leave things as they are right now,” he said stubbornly.

She crossed her arms, feeling harried to the point of shrieking. Would this horrible night never end? “You just want to propose again.”

“At least I’d like to ken why ye said no.” She hated that he sounded kind and reasonable, and as if he had a right to question her decision.

She clenched her shaking hands in her skirts. “We wouldn’t suit.”

“But—”

“It’s late, cuz. Too late in the day to start all this up again.” Fergus strode across and clapped him on the back. “Come and have a wee dram in the drawing room. You look like ye need it.”

Instead of shifting, Brody stared at Elspeth, as if he strove to pierce through her skin to discover the secrets lurking in her heart. She hoped to heaven he didn’t succeed. There were a few secrets there she had no intention of sharing with him—ever.

“I’ll ask again, Elspeth,” he said with grim emphasis.

Close to despair, she shook her head and turned away from that penetrating gaze. “My answer won’t change.”

“Leave her be for tonight, Brody.” Marina’s arm tightened around her shoulders. “Can’t you see she’s at the end of her tether?”

“Thank you, Marina,” Elspeth whispered.

“Very well. But this isn’t over,” Brody said, his tone grim, even as he and Fergus headed for the library door.

After the door closed behind the cousins, leaving Elspeth alone with Marina, she sucked in her first full breath in forever. Nausea still soured her stomach, and she felt bruised and unsteady, as if she’d been crushed under a runaway carriage. “I’m sorry. I seem to have ruined your Christmas party.”

Marina shrugged as she released her. “Cavolo, don’t you get all operatic on me, Elspeth. This isn’t such a big problem. Anyway, a little scandal enlivens a dull winter.”

“It doesn’t feel like a little scandal,” Elspeth said in a low voice. Marina’s calm acceptance of what had happened helped her feel less like a worm.

Marina surveyed her, black eyes perceptive and, more importantly, kind. “I’m sure it doesn’t.”

“If you hadn’t come in—”

“Pfft.” Her airy gesture was unmistakably Continental. “You have too much sense to lose your maidenhead to Brody Girvan on the library couch. Anyone could have walked in.”

Marina’s good sense started to shrink the grand tragedy to manageable proportions. “Anyone did walk in.”

“Exactly.”

Elspeth looked away and twined trembling hands together over her heaving stomach. “I didn’t feel sensible when Brody kissed me.”

Marina’s laugh held a note of wry fondness. “We never feel sensible when we’re in love.”

Elspeth made a choked sound and raised shocked eyes to her friend’s face. “I never said I was in love.”

Marina rolled her eyes with such theatricality that at another time, Elspeth would have laughed. “You didn’t have to. As long as I’ve known you, you’ve never had a thought for anyone else.”

Elspeth had imagined that she’d finished blushing for the night. Marina’s accusation dashed those hopes. She strove to sound as if the idea was insane. “Oh, I might have harbored a girlish tendre for him, but I’ve grown out of that.”

“Is that right?” Marina asked in carefully neutral tones.

“Of course.” With manufactured casualness, Elspeth imitated her hostess’s characteristic shrug. “I came to realize that he’d never look at me as anything but Hamish’s bookish little sister. You reach a stage where you need to accept there’s no point crying for the moon.”

Marina still studied her with the same concentration she devoted to a complicated drawing. “Yet tonight, the moon came very close to you, bambina.”

It had. Damn Brody. Any closer, and she’d really be ruined instead of just accused of it. “It was just a bit of flirtation.”

“Flirtation can signify a more serious interest. The handsome young laird has spent the last few days following you with his eyes. It’s a pity that you’ve outgrown your interest in him, just as he’s grown into an interest in you.”

“I’m the only unattached female at this party.” Elspeth couldn’t quite contain her bitterness, as she pointed out the unassailable fact.

“Oh, Elspeth,” Marina sighed, with a humiliating mixture of impatience and sympathy.

Elspeth bristled. “It’s true.”

“Yes, it is. But that’s not why he’s enchanted. Don’t you know you’re lovely?”

“Because you fixed up how I look,” she insisted.

Marina continued to study Elspeth with her perceptive artist’s eyes. Eyes that saw too much, including the falsehood of her claims of indifference to the Laird of Invermackie. A prickling flush mottled Elspeth’s cheeks, but she leveled her shoulders and raised her chin, ready to counter any well-meant arguments.

But Marina only released a soft, “Ah.”

“You understand,” Elspeth said in relief.

Marina’s eyes were still kind. “You fear that this new, polished version of Elspeth Douglas has blinded him to what you’re like under the primping.”

Feeling awkward, she sidled from foot to foot. Perhaps she’d have done better to go to bed when everyone else had. This conversation was almost as difficult as the horrible scene that preceded it. “Yes,” she mumbled. “He never looked at me before.”

“I don’t think he was ready to see you until now.”

“I’m still the same unadventurous creature I ever was.”

“Not really.” Marina’s lips twitched. “Per pietà, that girl would never have sneaked away in the middle of a family party to kiss a rake.”

Despite everything, Elspeth gave a choked laugh. “No, that’s true.”

She resisted pointing out that no self-respecting rake would have been caught dead kissing the frump she’d been, either.

Marina took her hand. “I meant what I said about staying here. I won’t have you coerced into a decision you don’t want to make.”

Elspeth squeezed her fingers. “I appreciate that.” She pulled away. She feared Marina’s kindness. Already tonight, it had threatened to bring her tears to the surface. She was afraid that once she started crying, she’d never stop. “Mamma will get over it. Sooner rather than later, if we’re lucky. She’ll realize there’s no reason for gossip to spread beyond the family and affect her precious political influence. It’s all just a storm in a teacup.”

Right now, the night’s events didn’t feel like that. Brody’s proposal, when he spoke the words she’d longed to hear for so many years, still felt like the worst moment in her life.

“If she doesn’t forgive you, remember you have friends.”

Elspeth mustered a shaky smile for this woman, who was generous enough to champion her. “Thank you.”

“Now I think you want to be alone to have a good cry.” Marina’s voice developed a practical note. “Time for bed.”

“You’ve been too good to me.”

Another Continental sound expressing dismissal. “I like you.”

“I like you, too,” she said huskily.

“I’m glad, bambina.” Marina kissed her cheek and squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. “Now try and sleep. There’s nothing more to be done tonight. Fretting never did anyone any good.”

Elspeth felt as wrung out as an old dishcloth, but despite her exhaustion, she knew a night of fretting was inevitable. She summoned another smile, even shakier than the last. “Who would have thought the family would throw me out on my ear for my licentious behavior?”

“Si, who knew?” Marina released a soft huff of laughter. “I suspect you still have the capacity to surprise all of us.”

“I surprised everyone tonight,” she said, in a voice thick with unshed tears. She couldn’t help remembering her mother’s coldness, and Hamish’s rage, and Brody’s brave attempt to save her from scandal. That had been the most difficult of all to bear.

“That’s not necessarily such a terrible thing, cara. Now, go to bed. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. A day of transformation and hope.”

“I don’t feel very Christmassy,” she admitted.

If she could, she’d run away from her family and her duty and every mistake she’d made. She’d escape from the horrid memory of Brody’s unconvincing proposal, and even worse his unconcealed astonishment when she said no. His astonishment and more upsetting, his hurt.

Most of all, she wanted to escape the knowledge that everything she’d done and said during the last few days turned out to be a pack of pathetic lies. She’d decided she would no longer love Brody Girvan. She’d believed that she could dabble in a flirtation, without risking her heart or her honor.

Tonight’s fiasco proved both predictions tragically false.

“Let’s see what the morning brings.” Marina watched her, still with that understanding expression softening her dark eyes. “I’ll walk you to your room and fight off anyone who might lie in wait.”

Elspeth’s response was closer to a sob than a laugh. “I couldn’t bear another scolding.”

“No scoldings, ragazza. Not tonight. My word as a Scotswoman. Even if I’m a Scotswoman only by adoption.”