Bench Racing – When a group of guys sit around talking about racing.
You would think that I would know better than having everyone over for Christmas, but I didn’t. I mean really, I’ve done it before and every year I tell myself it was a stupid idea.
This year wasn’t any different.
Christmas Eve was usually the holiday that brought everyone together. Christmas Day was spent with in-laws or whatever else all the various families had going on.
So this year, the year Jameson retired, we had everyone over for Christmas Eve. Most years we did this at Jimi and Nancy’s house but since Jimi was gone, Nancy wanted it somewhere else.
The day before Jameson was supposed to be coming home from Nashville where he’d been doing an appearance, he wasn’t at the Nashville airport where Axel was waiting for him.
“Where are you?”
He sounded slightly out of breath, which had me a little concerned. Casten who was sitting next to me smiled and looked down at his phone when I glared at him.
“I’m at the airport,” he sighed. “Why did I fly commercial?”
“Because I told you, we gave the flight staff the week off for Christmas. What airport are you at?”
Jameson grunted out a snort. “I don’t see why they get the week off and I don’t. I’m supposed to be retired.”
“You scheduled the meeting before you announced your retirement,” I pointed out. “But really, what airport are you at?”
“Memphis. Why?”
Casten started laughing when he overheard that.
“Jameson, how did you get to Memphis?”
“Uh... that’s kind of a dumb question, honey,” Jameson laughed.
“No, it’s not.”
“Well, okay then, I flew here on this thing called a plane. It’s a great source of travel.”
“Hey, asshole,” Casten was laughing so hard he was turning red at this point. “I know what a fucking airplane is, Jameson. What I’m asking is, why are you in Memphis when Axel is supposed to meet you in Nashville? Why did you switch planes?”
Jameson was quiet for a moment before he spoke. “Shit. I got the gates confused.”
I knocked Casten off his chair when he got to laughing so hard he snorted his cereal. “See if you can get the next flight to Nashville then. I really want you home for tomorrow night,” I hinted without saying why.
He knew me too well and let out a sarcastic laugh. “What for?”
“It’s Christmas Eve, why else?”
“Why would you want me there so badly?” he asked, again with apprehension mixed equally with irritation.
He knew me to well at this point.
I decided, based on some internal debate, that I would use his mother for this one. “Well, Mom wanted everyone together for Christmas and Casten volunteered our house.”
Casten looked up at me from the floor.
“You dirty liar,” he whispered but smiled when I threw a cookie at him.
“Why is Casten laughing?” Jameson knew then something was up.
“When isn’t Casten laughing?” I added trying to compose myself.
“Good point, but I don’t understand why he would offer up our house.” Casten heard him and started laughing and then said, “I didn’t Dad, she’s lying!”
Before I could reach the little shit, he was running away from me.
What a brat.
“Tsk, tsk, tsk,” Jameson clicked his tongue. “You shouldn’t lie to me, honey.”
“Oh really, why is that?” The snow had just started to fall when I heard a loud crash in the family room followed quickly with Casten saying, “I’m sorry, I’ll buy you another one.”
Jameson must have heard that. “I swear to God, Sway, if he broke another window, I’m gonna kick his ass.”
“Will you just get on the fucking plane?”
“Fine.” He let out a huff. “But I expect some dirty—”
“All right you, just get on a plane. Let me worry about the making up.”
Jameson chuckled lightly. “Getting on the right plane now. I’ll be home soon.”
When our family started to arrive, Casten was in heaven. Turns out he didn’t break a window but the television. He wouldn’t admit to how but he did run out and buy another one before Jameson found out.
Casten was harassing everyone as he did best. He was enjoying himself because not only were Tommy and Willie there, but they also brought a date who, in turn, brought her daughter who just happened to be in his age range. I say range because she was a little older than him, by three years, but Casten liked them older for some reason.
I laughed at him when he came into the kitchen with a huge smile on his face and a little flushed, looking for another beer.
I kicked him when he walked by. “You’re not twenty-one, kid. Matter of fact, you’re not even sixteen. How will this look to our guests?”
He smiled that same boyish grin he always had. “I will be sixteen in a week or so and I’m going to try to be responsible and keep the drink count out of the double digits.”
“Oh, well, hell. Forget I said anything.” I replied sarcastically rolling my eyes at him.
I heard him shuffle back into the family room once I started peeling the potatoes for dinner. Tommy asked him where Cole was as the two were seldom apart.
“Fuck if I know.” Casten chuckled. “Last night he showed up in my room at three in the morning wearing plastic gloves and a table cloth. I didn’t ask for an explanation, just let him crash on the floor.”
“Is he still there?” Tommy asked.
“Nope. When I woke up he was gone, cap and all.”
It was funny to me that when you were younger you thought your parents never did the shit you did but our kids knew better. We wrote the book on how “not” to be. As Charlie once told me, “If you can’t be a good example for today’s youth, be a horrible one. Either way, you’re helping out.”
He was a smart man.
Quietly, I laughed to myself at my crazy father’s antics when I felt familiar warm hands wrap around my waist. His breath, just as warm, blew lightly over my neck sending goose bumps down my spine. “Do I get to hear the joke?” he asked softly kissing the shell of my ear and then across my neck.
“I was just thinking of Charlie.” I wiggled loose from him smiling as I looked over his tired features. “Are you okay?”
His eyes searched mine before returning the smile. “I’m fine, honey. Just tired.”
“Taking the wrong plane will take a lot out of you.”
“Apparently.” He exhaled as though he’d run a marathon.
“Do you want to take a nap before dinner?”
“Nah, Justin just got here so I figured I’d hang out with him for a while.”
“Okay, well I’ll be in there shortly. I just need to get these appetizers going.”
Arie walked in just then with Lexi and Lily holding Jack. “You need help, Mom?”
Jameson smiled before hugging all three girls and then headed in the family room where the boys were now gathered watching football.
Axel made his way in there when I stepped inside to deliver the appetizers to the boys.
Jameson smiled up at him reached for Jack who was now in his arms. “Hey, buddy, how’d it feel to win Turkey night?”
Axel smiled reaching for the bacon-wrapped scallops. “Yeah, it feels good.”
Casten leaned over to take Jack away from Jameson. More than likely he was going to use little Jack to impress this girl. I don’t think she needed much encouragement though. Casten was adorable.
Jameson gave in eventually and gave up Jack to Casten.
Spencer and Alley showed up shortly after Casten broke his rule for the double digits. Spencer limped over to me and threw his burly arms around me. He’d just had a recent knee replacement. All the years of working on the pit crew had taken its toll on his body.
Once the eating was underway, our family did what it did best. We were dysfunctional.
Charlie and Noah showed up, got in a fight with one of Cole’s friends. Cole eventually showed up wearing a speedo and a Christmas hat. We found out that both he and Casten had nipple rings. Lane had a tattoo of Tinkerbell on his ass that he surprisingly, after six shots of Fireball, showed us.
Like I said, it was never dull.
Jameson sat in the chair in the corner laughing at his kids while I sat securely on his lap watching Nancy and Casten drinking wine. He always had a way to get his grandmother in the Christmas spirit. Though no one said it, Casten was who kept her going. They were never far apart. If Nancy wanted to go to a dirt track and watch racing, Casten went with her. If she wanted to go get a pedicure, Casten went with her.
His spirited demeanor was hard not to be happy around and Nancy appreciated that.
I began to realize while sitting there that everything between us happened for a reason and all these people were brought in and out of our lives for a reason. Where I thought Casten was a complete accident, he was who grounded Jameson’s mom and kept her going after Jimi’s death.
An accident that had Jameson hanging up his helmet and to eventually retiring had led Arie to Easton who was probably the sweetest boy you’d ever meet.
And an arrangement that had begun out of pure sexual frustration led to a little boy who changed our entire lives and the lives of people all over the world.
Later that night after everyone had left, Jameson and I were walking back inside the house after saying goodnight to Justin and Ami when Jameson reached for my arm. He whirled me around so I was facing him, his lips crashed urgently to mine. Pulling my lower lip inside his mouth, he tugged gently, his breathing increasing. “I’ve been waiting all night …” he shook his head gently pressing his forehead to mine, “... to kiss you like that.”
The Christmas tree in the living room lit up the foyer where we were now standing. His eyes sparkled with hunger as he leaned in to find my lips again.
Instinctively, my legs wrapped around his waist and he carried me with more speed than I thought he had in him to our room.
He lost his footing once inside the room and fell on top of me landing on the bed. That was exactly where I wanted him, too. There was nothing more pleasing than the feeling of my husband’s weight on top of me. I couldn’t describe it but it was just the idea of him and me together.
I watched him carefully, reveling in every touch, every moan, and every hitch of his breath knowing I was causing the sensations, and more so, he was feeling exactly the same way I was.
We really were one soul.
Overtime we went through cycles. People came into our lives and people were taken away from us. But we stayed together. Together is where we belonged. We had no idea who would be added or who would eventually be taken away but I knew with this man by my side, we could do anything. So many times it tore families apart, but not the Riley family. We weren’t strangers to heartache but we had one thing that kept us going, we had each other.
There should be rules to retirement and things that you should and shouldn’t do. One of them shouldn’t be camping in the winter with your buddies and relatives.
“I don’t understand you,” Spencer scolded. “You were a spotter for twenty fucking years but yet you can’t find the fucking campsite to save your ass.”
We were lost in the Croatan National Forest. I hated to go camping but the boys decided it would be a good time. I reminded them that I had never had a good experience camping and certainly didn’t do well with animals. None of that mattered to these assholes.
“Let it go, jerk. I got us lost. What’s the big deal?”
“Big deal?” I gasped pushing Aiden from behind. “We are miles from civilization. We lost my son and Spencer broke his ankle. That’s a big deal.”
“Technically,” Willie added, waving his drink around, as if we needed his two cents in this. “We didn’t lose Axel. He’s the one who said he could find his way back to the campsite.”
We eventually did find our campsite and, sure enough, Axel was there with Cole and Lane. “Nice of you guys to show up,” Axel said less than amused watching Willie and Tommy.
I threw myself down in a chair. After carrying my two-hundred-and-twenty-pound brother up the side of a mountain, I was exhausted. I also wanted my wife. So far we’d been out here two nights and I was retired. Didn’t this mean I could spend all my time with my wife?
“Fuck you, man!” Noah shouted shoving Cole as they argued about God knows what.
“What a disaster,” Axel huffed sitting next to me with a beer in hand and one for me. “Remind me never to go camping again.”
“They’re drinking 50/50 vodka water mix out of Camelbaks,” I told Axel. “Disaster would be a compliment at this point.”
Casten leaned back against the cooler.
“What are you doing?” I kicked my youngest son’s leg. “You started them on that crap. Take it away from them.”
“I’m watching. This shit is not ending without blood.”
“I want to know who told them this was a good idea,” Spencer, surrounded by ice packs, asked from his place on the ground.
He may or may not have taken a tumble down a fairly steep hill when I pushed him. In my defense, I helped him back up and carried him and his broken ankle back to camp.
“That’s not the problem,” Casten grinned. “The problem is that no one stopped them.”
Amazingly, and I wasn’t sure how, I convinced these jerks to leave early since Spencer had broken bones and now Noah and Cole needed stitches. Turned out that the 50/50 mixture was a bad idea, but it did help get Spencer back home without too much complaining.
When we arrived home, Sway searched my entire body looking for any sign of a bite mark from an animal. I was proud to say I had escaped unharmed for once in my life.
“Do you mean to tell me that you actually went into the woods and came out without any scratches?” she asked running her hands over my two-week growth of facial hair.
“Yep,” I announced proudly. “Spencer broke his ankle though.”
“How’d that happen?”
I smiled. “I pushed him down a hill for trying to trip me.”
“You better watch out,” Sway warned working on my belt. “Spencer is going to get you back now.”
Shitty part was I knew that already. You never messed with Spencer and not expect a payback.
Spencer knew Jameson was afraid of a few things in life. Most of which involved substances on his skin but there were a few others that most find even more entertaining.
His fear of dildos.
And I wasn’t talking about a vibrator. I’m talking about those floppy plastic rubbery ones that look as if they are alive if you touch them.
We shared this fear. Come on, they look weird and veiny and just no. Never.
Knowing the fear, Spencer used this to his advantage often.
Spencer was also big on photography. Imagine what could be done with this.
It was no surprise that he would frequently take pictures of dildos and send them to Jameson. Naturally, Jameson never appreciated this and destroyed a handful of expensive cameras for that very reason.
One afternoon, before we headed out to Williams Grove for the weekend, Jameson had bought a bag of gummy worms, one of his favorite treats aside from Skittles, and left them on the counter. Later that night as we watched a movie, Jameson had the gummy worms in hand.
Spencer, sporting a grin, came in and asked Jameson if he would like to look over his newest pictures.
“Not if you want me to destroy another camera,” Jameson replied, intently focused on the television.
“Ah, hell man, don’t be a dick.” Spencer relaxed into the couch and set the camera on the coffee table in front of him. “I got some good shots of Sharon Speedway last night.”
An hour passed and Jameson tossed the empty bag of gummy worms aside. Spencer giggled and suddenly said he was tired. He went home but left the camera on the coffee table.
At some point, Jameson’s curiosity for the photos taken at Sharon got the best of him and he picked up the camera. He hadn’t gotten into about two of them when the camera was hurled against the wall and Jameson took off after Spencer. “Goddamn him!”
The camera hadn’t been completely destroyed so I took a look, curious.
Spencer had placed a dildo in that bag of gummy worms and photographed it.
You never knew what each day would bring in our house now that Jameson was not racing. And honestly, he seemed bored at times. One afternoon I went grocery shopping with Casten, worst idea ever, and then came home to find Jameson in the movie room with Jack.
“Oh, Jack’s here!” I wasn’t wild about being a grandma but little Jack could melt anyone’s heart and have you acting like those weirdo grandmas who coo and make funny faces at their grandbaby.
That was me now. He reminded me so much of Axel when he was a baby that I fell hard for the whole cooing grandma title.
I also had to think of a new name for myself now that I changed classifications. The problem was that maybe I was getting old because I couldn’t think of anything as cool as the Mama Wizard. Gizard didn’t sound right and Grammy Wizard didn’t sound too hot. I was at a loss.
In the middle of my weirdo-grandma-cooing, I noticed a necklace around Jack’s chubby little neck which I was sure Axel wouldn’t have put there and Lily, yeah, no, shouldn’t have done that either. “What’s around Jack’s neck?” I reached for it twisting it to see. Jack immediately started slobbering all over me and grabbed my hand to suck on it.
“What?” he leaned forward to see what I was referring to but sighed like this was way too much effort for him to do so.
“That ...” I pointed to the makeshift necklace, “… around his neck.”
“Oh, that.” Jameson grinned and settled back into his position with his feet up. “It’s a bottle opener so I wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen. You really have to keep an eye on this kid.”
Glancing to the right, I noticed the cooler of beer at his feet. “My God, does Axel know you’re watching him?”
“No. Don’t tell him either. This is between me and Lily,” Jameson said this as if they had some unspoken agreement that he was allowed to use him for things like this.
I left my husband alone but took Jack away for his safety when Willie and Tommy showed up. It seemed now that Jameson had retired and he didn’t need to prepare for Speedweeks, which were approaching, he watched a lot of television. This meant that his sidekicks, Willie and Tommy, spent a great deal of time at our house. It never bothered me because, let’s face it, they were all entertaining.
Lily and Axel showed up to claim their kid later that night and I kept my mouth shut about the bottle opener necklace. I had a feeling this wasn’t anything new though. Jack was being raised at dirt tracks and I was sure he’d already been subjected to worse. My kids were.
Lily and Axel ended up staying for dinner that night and then eventually just stayed the night when Axel started drinking with Jameson. I loved all of it. Having our family around more often was exactly what we needed. It was times like these though that I couldn’t help but think, “How long will this last?”
Immediately I focused on what was in front of me, our family together.
And Lily, pissed.
“All right,” Lily huffed holding up a pair of jeans. “Who was the motherfucker who put my pre-pregnancy jeans on the bed to taunt me?”
Casten laughed holding his stomach. “I thought you would like to know what you used to look like.”
“Casten!” Axel and I scolded, only Axel went a step further and punched his shoulder.
Casten fell over dramatically acting hurt as he always did but laughed despite this. “It was a joke!” he screamed when Lane and Axel dog piled him. That turned into a wrestling match in my kitchen. Again, nothing new.
After we ordered pizza, Jameson came in wearing all black and I gathered he was about to one up his brother after the dildo episode.
“I’ve got some things to do tonight.” Jameson spoke as if this was extremely important.
“Yeah, what’s that?” Axel asked of his criminal father. “Are you planning on robbing a gas station?”
“I’m gonna weld Spencer’s gate shut.”
“Sounds like fun,” I said, jumping to my feet. “I’ll help you.”
On the way there, pushing a welder up Spencer’s driveway, I asked. “Do you know how to weld?”
“No, not really,” Jameson admitted, flipping down his welding helmet. “But if Willie can do it, how hard can it be?” Sparks burst from the welder spraying back at us immediately. We sat there for a minute as he adjusted the acetylane and then more sparks flew back at us. I jumped back when some got me in the face.
Jameson groaned. “Oh, man, please don’t let this burn my hair. It just grew back.”
Then I smelled something burning and it wasn’t the gate. No, the gate was nearly cut in half. Jameson didn’t know how to weld and his pants were on fire.
Jameson looked down to see his jeans smoking and stripped quicker than I’d ever seen him move.
Turns out, he had the voltage up too high and it welded right through the gate.
Pushing the welder back home, with no pants on, I had to laugh. “Nice going.”
“Shut up,” was his only response.
When we got back to the house, Lane, Axel and Casten were standing outside the garage laughing. Apparently, they were the ones who had turned up the voltage.
I didn’t need to remind them they were now on their Dad’s list.
It wasn’t long before Jameson moved on from seeming bored to actually being bored, which I knew was going to happen sooner or later. He eventually turned to reality TV like everyone else in our family had at one point or another. Since Spencer had retired too, they were his TV buddies along with Casten and Lane, who was no longer racing in the GNCC series after he broke his leg.
We had a whole crew who would gather on Monday nights and watch a show where you voted on who was on it and what they did. It was ridiculously captivating and Jameson was just as into it.
“Did I miss anything?” Jameson asked, walking in with an armful of goodies and drinks.
Axel and Casten chuckled as they sat next to him. They were like a bunch of little girls with all the laughing. Casten reached forward and stole the popcorn as he walked by.
Jameson tossed a bag of M&Ms in my lap and keeping the bag of gummy worms for himself, he threw himself into the leather chair beside me. “I hate you for this.”
Casten smirked at me. “You know, Dad—”
He wasn’t able to finish before Jameson had silenced his smart ass with a pillow.
Jameson and the boys spent the rest of the night in there watching that show, captivated by something they said they’d never watch. After four hours, they were still there and I came back in to see that the boys had fallen asleep and Jameson was still wide awake. His head tipped my direction. “I can’t believe this shit. We should cancel the cable.”
I think Jameson had turned to reality TV because he missed racing.
Jameson had a hard time when Easton would come over and talk to him about different aspects of racing because, deep down, he missed it. But when the sprint car boys stopped by and talked about what they did in Sharon Speedway or how they ran at Lernerville, I saw that same fire in his eyes I had always seen. The fire to race. I knew when he retired that it wouldn’t be the end of his career racing, it couldn’t be. Not when it had consumed so much of his life.
It was clear that we needed something to do. All signs pointed to racing. And that night, lying in bed, Jameson confirmed it.
“I think I’m ready to race sprint cars again.”
Twisting in his arms to face him, I let out a sigh. “I know what you mean.”
Nothing felt right without racing. Even if it was Axel racing and the rest of JAR Racing, it didn’t feel right not having Jameson out there, too. And the more time he spent away from it, the more time he thought of his dad and how badly his dad had wanted to get back to racing after he retired. Then that brought another string of emotions with it because what if he returned and he got hurt?
Could I hold up as well as Nancy?
No. I don’t think I could.
But, racing was our family. Bench racing wasn’t.
I looked at it this way, if I was to get injured driving in the car, would I still drive after that?
Yes, I would. It can happen to anyone at any time doing anything.
Just because Jameson was in a sport where the risks were higher didn’t mean that because he wrecked, he would quit all together. It just meant that we appreciated what we had more often.