Kyle did his best to stay focused on Caroline and make sure she didn’t choke on a hot dog or pick up a splinter on Rebecca’s deck or drown in the pool, or one of the million other things his dad brain reminded him could go wrong. It was hard, though, when half his brain was consumed with Adam and Adam’s whereabouts and the coolness of Adam’s skin under Kyle’s thumb in that stolen moment in the dark hall.
The worst part of it all was that he had no plan, not so much as a smart opening line. He’d hoped it would be easy, that he could walk up to Adam like he had every other time they’d seen each other, open his mouth, and something clever would come out. But he’d barely had the chance, since every time Kyle managed to get close to Adam, he was distracted by Caroline, or Rebecca, or Ben.
He had no idea what to do, and all the uncertainty was making him twitchy.
“Daddy, can we go swimming again?” Caroline asked. There was a smear of purple around the corner of her mouth from what was at least her third popsicle of the day, along with at least two hot dogs, and half a family-sized bag of BBQ chips that she’d managed to eat before Kyle had succeeded in getting the bag away from her.
He thanked whatever god had given his daughter an iron stomach, because while he could handle most aspects of being a responsible parent, the one thing Olivia had always been in charge of was the handling of puke. She’d said years of hard partying through art school had made her immune to vomit, and Kyle had added that to the decidedly lopsided tally on who had the better half of the deal in their relationship.
“No, Bean. We’re going to go soon,” he said. “Besides, you’re having a sleepover with Haley tonight, remember?”
The sleepover had been a last-minute plan, solidified over burgers with Ben and Kirsten. After being cooped up with his sick daughter for most of the last four days, Kyle was going to enjoy some time on his own now that she was feeling better.
“All set?” Kirsten approached with Lily in her arms. Haley and Ben followed shortly after.
“You’re still okay to drive me home?” he asked as he walked toward the car. “It’s not too much out of your way? I could take a cab from here; it’s not that far.”
“Of course not, don’t be silly.” Kirsten laughed. “We don’t—” Whatever was at the end of that sentence, Kyle didn’t hear it, because suddenly, mercifully, beautifully, he had a plan.
A plan.
Well, okay, half a plan. Or, rather, an extension of the plan he’d had before, which wasn’t much of a plan at all. More like a mantra.
Talk to Adam.
“One sec.” He spun abruptly and started back toward the house.
“Kyle?” Ben asked.
“Daddy?”
“Get in the car, okay, Bean?” Kyle didn’t turn to see if she’d heard him, but he marched around the house. He scanned the people there until he saw the back of Adam’s dark head as he tossed a stack of paper plates into a garbage bag. Kyle’s half mantra, half plan solidified.
“Adam,” he said.
“Kyle! Hey! I haven’t seen you in—”
“Are you sticking around much longer?”
“No. Well, that is . . .”
“Can you give me a lift home?”
“A lift? Didn’t you come with—”
“Ben and Kirsten, yeah, but Caroline’s sleeping at their place and my place is out of the way for them and it’s not for you, so I was thinking, I mean, if you don’t mind and I don’t want to rush you out of here so if you’re sticking around then I don’t mind staying but—”
“No problem,” Adam said.
“Oh.” Kyle’s brain turned to molasses again. His plan had worked and now . . .
“Kyle?” Ben stood at the corner of the house, car keys dangling from his fingers. “Are you coming? Lily’s melting down and Kirsten wants to go.”
Kyle held his hands out to Adam, like he was telling a dog to stay. “Adam’s going to drive me.”
“Adam?” Ben said.
“Yeah. Dad’s house is on the way to his apartment. He doesn’t mind. Come on, you should get going.”
At Ben’s car, Kyle gave Caroline a hug and then waved as they drove away. But once the car disappeared around the corner, Kyle felt glued to the spot, stuck in indecision.
“Ready to go?”
Kyle jumped at Adam’s voice behind him. “No-ow?” The word came out in two syllables, and the second one squeaked in an undignified way.
Adam frowned, his dark eyebrows scrunched together. “If you’re ready? It’s starting to get a bit rowdy, and Rebecca’s going to recruit me for fireworks duty if I don’t go soon.”
“Sure,” Kyle said, pleased he didn’t squeak this time.
Rebecca smiled and gave them each a big hug when Adam said they were leaving. Kyle thanked her for having him and Caroline, and promised to call on Monday to discuss her anniversary party. At least, he hoped that’s what he said, because his brain was focused on trying to come up with the next part of his plan, and he wasn’t sure what words his tongue and mouth were making. Rebecca seemed pleased with whatever he said though, so he thanked her one last time and then followed Adam back out to the car.
He had been in Adam’s car before, the night he’d gotten drunk at Morrison’s. He didn’t remember the inside being so big. As they pulled away from the curb, Kyle felt a million miles away from Adam.
“Did you guys have fun?” Adam asked as they drove.
Kyle’s brain spun like a hamster in a wheel, so it took a second to understand what Adam had said. “Yes?” He cleared his throat. “I mean, yeah! It was really great of Rebecca to invite us. Caroline loved the pool.”
“I could tell. You should sign her up for swimming lessons this summer.”
“I should?”
“Definitely. They offer them at the pool on Pine Street. The first session usually starts a couple weeks after school lets out, but you can check online. Water safety’s important. They take the kids for swimming lessons in the fourth-grade class as part of phys ed, but it’s better to get them started younger if you can.” Adam’s expression, as far as Kyle could tell in the dim car, was bland.
“Sure,” Kyle said, but he was confused. What was Adam doing? His tone was completely off.
“Are you signing Caroline up for any other activities this summer?” Adam asked. “Soccer maybe? Or day camp? The community center’s got a good day camp. It’s a mix of the usual arts and crafts and sports, and some fun field trips too.”
“Maybe?” Kyle tilted his head, as if the change in perspective would make what was going on clear.
“Keeping in mind though, you don’t want to over-schedule her. So many parents pack their kid’s days during the summer, and I think a little unstructured time is good, especially in the first couple weeks. Gives a chance to decompress, you know?” They passed under a streetlight, and suddenly Kyle could see it. This was Teacher Adam. This was honest to god Mr. Hathaway talking to Kyle the way he would any parent he ran into on the street.
“Yeah.” Kyle wasn’t sure what he was agreeing to. “Yeah, probably.”
The words dried up after that. Adam seemed fine with the arrangement, but Kyle’s mind raced as he ran through everything that had happened that day, and then everything that had happened since he’d spoken to Adam on the phone, and then everything before that, as he tried to piece together what was going on. Adam hadn’t been Mr. Hathaway around him since that first day at the school, and the change now was inexplicable.
“We’re here,” Adam said, and Kyle realized Adam was pulling the car into Kyle’s driveway. The motion-sensor light above the garage flicked on as they arrived, making Kyle squint. Adam’s face was still neutral, but even in the harsh light from the garage, he was beautiful, with the same strong cheekbones, dark stubble, and blue eyes that Kyle couldn’t help but admire.
Kyle looked back up at the house. His father’s house. Empty and dark, with no one home. He didn’t want to go inside.
“Do you . . .? Do you want to come in for a bit?” he said.
Adam smiled, the polite teacher smile, the same one he used when he talked to Caroline. “It’s getting late. I should get home. I have a lot of marking to do this weekend. There’s report cards and—”
Kyle kissed him.
This time there was no plan. Barely any thought at all, beyond the fact that Kyle’s last plan had failed and he didn’t want to go inside alone.
Kyle kissed Adam, and as first kisses went it was pretty awkward. Adam was still speaking as Kyle lurched in, which meant their teeth clashed together and Adam’s tongue smashed up against Kyle’s lips. The force with which Kyle sprang forward caused his seat belt to catch him about the chest, limiting his mobility and keeping him from kissing as deeply as he would have liked.
Kyle kissed Adam, and as first kisses went it was pretty spectacular, because Adam gasped and stiffened, and Kyle kept kissing until Adam exhaled and his lips relaxed, and then he kissed Kyle back too.
Kyle squeezed his eyes shut tight and fought the corners of his mouth as they tried to tilt up into a grin that would make it impossible for him to keep on kissing. He ignored the strap of the seat belt as it cut into his collarbone, because he wanted the sensation of Adam’s lips under his to last as long as humanly possible. He’d told Ben he’d pick Caroline up at ten the next morning. Could he could kiss Adam until then?
Eventually though, Adam pulled away, and Kyle grunted. He leaned all the way back as the seat belt recoiled and threatened to choke him.
Adam’s lips were parted, and his eyes were wide and glazed.
And then the garage light flicked off, leaving them in total suburban darkness. They stared at each other in the dark car, enveloped in near silence for a full minute, with only the occasional ragged breath for a soundtrack.
“Do you want to come in for a bit?” Kyle asked.
Adam exhaled slowly. “Yeah.”