“Man, he’s hot.” Sonya leaned against the counter, staring after my client as he walked out the door.

I had a few minutes to spare before I had to get back to work, so it didn't surprise me that my co-worker wanted to chat. My next appointment was currently finishing up her facial and would be done shortly, ready for the haircut and style she absolutely had to get done today, thanks to a last minute invitation to a very important social event. I always found it amusing that she always had these “very important” last minute invitations.

Thanks to the empty lobby, Alistair joined us to put in his own two cents. “Oh, yes. Very hot. And straight.”

Sonya and I snickered at the annoyance in the last two words. Giving my boss a sober look, I said, “Yeah. All the good looking ones are straight or taken.”

“It’s not funny.” He sniffed imperiously. “The good gay ones are taken, or they just aren’t ready to commit. You’d think it was a dirty word.”

“For some, it is.” I shrugged. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know. Personally, I thought love was overrated. My mother had loved my biological father, and he'd broken her heart over and over. It'd taken her years to find a happy place with Tyson. I was just fine keeping my relationships light and easy.

I started to push a few loose strands of hair back from my face and saw the bills in my hand. Alistair frowned over us counting our tips in the public area of the salon, so I shoved the money into my pocket along with the tip from Daisy, then went around the counter to double-check my schedule.

“Don’t tell us you didn’t think he was hot.” Sonya gave me a skeptical look.

“Oh, he was plenty hot.” I shrugged as I studied the monitor. My next appointment and then after that, another haircut. Then I was done. I wouldn’t even have to rush to get to school in time to get TJ. That was good. Despite the chill, I could appreciate a nice slow walk.

The door opened and Alistair snapped to attention, all business and ass-kissing now. I couldn't really make fun of him for it. He was good at it. I nodded at Sonya and moved back to my station in time to see one of the other stylists coming in from the back.

Time to get back to work…

* * *

At the end of the day, I was so done. My last appointment had been one that usually went to Sandy, another of my co-workers, but she was off today, and Alistair had put the Philadelphia high society princess with me. It was probably because he knew she was likely to end up going off, and I was the one employee most likely to keep my temper.

And she did go off.

The woman had been impossible to please, and she'd practically shrieked when a four-inch lock of hair had fallen into her lap.

She’d given me a picture of a hairstyle, which required losing some length, I’d explained. She’d insisted I knew nothing about hair, and then Alistair had stepped in to soothe her, promising I was one of his best stylists, that I’d make her shine even more than she already did.

He really knew how to lay it on thick when he had to.

Her hair turned out perfect, even better than the picture, but she’d still sniffed disdainfully and gave me a, “It will do.”

Then she’d left a dollar bill on the counter.

I'd picked it up and given a little curtsey. “Oh, thank you. I can buy a soda pop now.”

My sardonic humor had been lost on her, but not Alistair. He’d stood in his position in the back, shaking his head, his mouth tight.

I’d get it for that one, no doubt, but I hadn't minded. It'd been worth it.

Sure enough, right before I walked out, he reminded me in polite but firm terms that he had the best salon/spa in the city and paid his employees accordingly. That meant we sometimes had to put up with the eccentricities of our patrons. In other words, we had to deal with their rudeness and bullshit. With a smile.

I’d nodded, agreed, and left.

We both knew it would happen again, and unless it was really blatant, he wouldn't fire me. I was too good at my job. Also, I was smart enough to save my sharp tongue for those who were too vapid to pick up on the sly insults. I pretended to be contrite, and we were both happy enough with it as I headed out the door. I was one of his best, and I was the most unflappable person in there. The insults hurled by the snottier patrons wouldn’t put me in tears, and if I was given a one-dollar tip by some snide piece of work, I knew I’d make up for it with somebody else, like Daisy.

It was a workable arrangement, but today, it all put me back on edge.

I had to pick up TJ, and by the time I left, my head was pounding. I might've had enough self-control to keep my temper, but it didn't mean the things people did and said to me didn't affect me. Sometimes I wondered if I really did want a job, but I never let myself push it past that wondering phase. It wasn’t like a hundred jobs were lying around that paid this well or offered the flexible hours I needed.

In other words, just like all other aspects of my life, I was stuck.

And that was the thought that bounced in my head the entire way to my brother's school. Over and over it played, all the ways I could never get out of the life I was in. Most of the time, I didn't even think it. I loved my family. I more or less liked my job. But there were times when certain things hit me. This was one of those times.

TJ was just coming out the door when I got to his school. I smiled at him and asked how his day was.

His only response was a shrug. It was hard to tell if that was a good thing or a bad one, but I remembered what it was like to be in middle school. It'd kind of sucked for me, and the bullies I'd had to deal with had been nothing compared to the assholes who went after TJ.

As we started down the sidewalk, I caught sight of some familiar faces. One of them opened his mouth before he saw me. He snapped it shut, shifting his features into a casual smile. Not buying it, pal. Giving him a narrow-eyed glare, I lifted my chin and stared him down. His face flushed a dull red, and he jabbed his friend in the side. They both turned, slinking away.

Cowards. I didn't care that they were only kids. They were old enough to know better, and that was what mattered.

“They take one look at you and take off,” TJ signed, shaking his head. “You gotta show me how to do that.”

“TJ, my man, it won’t work,” I said. “That's a special trick unique to women, especially effective on the bullying type and the small-minded. But you don’t have the equipment to do it, even if you did have the right temperament.”

He snorted when he laughed like he always did, and it was enough to make me smile. Like always. I gave his head a playful shove. He was nine years younger than me, but we were close. We didn't really look anything alike since he looked more like his father with his darker skin and similar features. I was more of a combination of my mom and asshole sperm donor, which meant TJ and I shared very little in the way of a physical resemblance. None of that mattered to us though. Our relationship had never been awkward or weird. It was easy. Sure, we got on each other's nerves sometimes, but it was never for long.

“Okay, man. Let’s get you back home. I want some ice cream.”

His face lit up is if I had said the magic words. I guess in a way I had. He didn't have much of a sweet tooth, but he did like his ice cream.

* * *

It took another hour and a half for me to get any time to myself. Mom and Tyson were at home when we got in. Naturally, they asked how school had gone and TJ had launched into a description of how I’d made the two ringleaders of the bullies take off with their tales tucked between their legs.

That resulted in me being questioned since, of course, I was supposed to take the high road and ignore them. I was only supposed to walk with TJ and make sure nobody bothered him. Since I’d engaged with the bullies, I ended up getting a twenty-minute lecture that made me wish I'd really done something worth it.

Naturally, neither of them were mad at me. They were just concerned that this might result in the bullies further antagonizing TJ.

I disagreed. When they had to turn tail and run from a girl, it'd taken some the wind out of their sails, given TJ a little more confidence. But I didn't say any of that. What the hell did I know about raising a teenager? I had been one only a few years ago.

Since nothing they said would change my opinion and nothing I said would change theirs, there was no point in arguing. Not even if I was getting taken to task like I was fourteen years old and they’d caught me sneaking out the window of my bedroom, but still…

When they finally finished, I headed up to my room. Halfway up the stairs, the house phone started to ring. I’d hesitated for a minute before continuing on up to my room. The light would flash if it was a TTY call. If it was for me, they could call my cell phone.

I just didn't feel like talking to anyone else today, and I knew that's what would happen if I answered that call. After all, my parents couldn’t hear who was on the regular phone, and I would have to explain that to a stranger, and I was just tired of doing it. Sometimes, I felt like I was suffocating.

Once inside my room, I fell face first down on the bed, arms spread out. I was itchy under my shirt. I should have gone straight into the shower to get off all the stray hair that managed to work its way into my clothes, but I was too tired to move.

There was a knock at my door, and a second later, it opened. That one knock was all the warning I’d get since I hadn’t remembered to lock it. That'd always been the way with my mom and me. Flopping onto my back, I opened one eye. Mom stood there, studying me.

“Are you okay?”

I smiled back at her. “I’m fine.” Unlike Tyson and TJ, Mom had lost her hearing gradually, but since marrying Tyson, she'd stopped speaking out loud to me and only signed.

“Really?”

I sighed. “I had a long day, Mom. I just want to have some time to myself, some time to relax.”

There was no response at first, then she finally nodded and asked if she could come in. With a shrug, I nodded and patted my bed.

“We appreciate what you’re doing for TJ. You know that, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. He’s my little brother, and I love him. It pisses me off that some boys are teasing him.”

Now guilt chewed at me. She thought I was sulking over walking my little brother to school. It had nothing to do with TJ. But how could I explain to my mother that I was just…the thought withered away and died before I finished forming it. Again, guilt. I didn't blame my family for any of my choices. They'd never pressured me into anything. I was good at doing that to myself.

Mom looked like she wanted to say more, but there was a reluctance to her features.

“Spill it, Mom.”

She laughed softly. The sound managed to bring a smile to my lips, reminding me of the times when we'd still talked to each other. I missed hearing her voice. Once she and Tyson had started dating, she'd found a world where she felt more comfortable. I didn't blame her for that.

I knew what it felt like to not fit in, so I couldn't begrudge her that.

Guilt seemed to chase after me these days.

Averting my gaze, I focused on a framed print of the river at night. Mom moved to sit by me, brushing my hair back.

“I love you,” she said, her voice soft. It was as if she’d known I needed to hear her voice. That voice, still so beautiful after all these years.

“I love you too.” I didn’t sign it this time. She could read lips, and she’d know what I said anyway. Leaning in, I hugged her.

She left a moment later and this time, I locked the door. I told myself I was going to shower and maybe read. Something. Anything to get out of my head. As I reached down to pull off my tunic, I felt something in my pocket. I frowned as I tugged out the tips I’d gotten that day.

The money from Daisy, the whopping one-dollar bill from the snooty princess and then there was whatever Jal had given me. I hadn't bothered to count any of it. I started to unfold that bill, expecting to find a five or ten, maybe twenty. He’d gotten a simple haircut, and I rarely got anything staggering for something so simple.

The hundred-dollar bill fell from my numb fingers, and I could only gape at it.

One hundred dollars. For tip on a haircut. “Son of a bitch.”

What the hell had he been thinking?

* * *

Four hours later, I was laying on my back, staring up at the ceiling while my best friend fastened a pair of leopard-print handcuffs to his headboard.

There was nothing that cleared my head and settled me quicker than hard, fast sex. Since I wasn’t involved with anybody, my options for sex were narrowed down to a one-night stand or Tao Maki, who'd graduated from the friendzone to friend-with-benefits when we were eighteen. It worked well for both of us. We were great as friends, but wanted different things from romantic relationships, so we knew we'd never fall in love. We cared about each other but didn't have the petty jealousies that would keep us from remaining friends when either one of us found true love.

Or, more accurately, when Tao found true love.

I didn't believe in it.

When I’d called Tao and told him I needed to clear my head, he’d only asked, “What do you have in mind.”

I’d smiled into the phone. “Anything you want.”

He laughed. “Anything? So the sky’s the limit?”

I’d had to give him some boundary lines there.

Tao was a kinky bastard, and while normally that played in my favor, there were some things I wasn’t into. The handcuffs he was currently using to keep my arms stretched above my head were something I did enjoy.

“You know, if you really want to get down and dirty, I can call a friend,” he said as his hand cupped one of my breasts, teased my nipple into a hard point with his talented fingers.

I glared at him.

Or, rather, I attempted to look like I was annoyed when, in reality, I was struggling not to moan as he lowered his head to take my nipple into his mouth.

While sex with Tao was hot and fun, I had no interest in making it a threesome. It was funny that the person who believed in true love wasn't so sure about monogamy, while I wasn't into anything that wasn't one-on-one, but I didn't factor love into the equation.

“In your dreams, you pervert,” I managed to gasp out.

Tao raised his head. “In his dreams too, baby doll. See, this friend. We used to hook up…and he is hung, let me tell you.”

Tao was bi, or more accurately, over the past couple years, he identified himself as pansexual and polyamorous. Basically, monogamy and sticking with one gender wasn't his thing. I was fine with it, always had been, but that didn't mean I was going to join him in it. He knew it, but he still liked teasing me.

And I couldn't deny that hearing about it sometimes made me hot.

“You wish.”

He sighed lustily as his fingers slid up my legs to my hips. “Guilty as charged. He’s seen us around, and he just wants to play.” His sapphire eyes ran down my body and back up again. “I mean, can you blame him?”

I gave him my own once-over. Tao had the jet-black hair and golden skin he'd inherited from his half-Chinese mother, combined with a tall, lean body, and those brilliant eyes courtesy of his Scandinavian grandmother, and whatever ethnicity his father had been. He was gorgeous, and had the confidence to pull it off.

Sometimes I wished the two of us could fall in love. It would've made things so much easier.

“Then you two have fun, baby doll,” I said. “Later. Right now, I just want to get off.”

Tao chuckled as he swung one leg over my waist, putting his impressive cock right into my line of sight. I licked my lips, the action practically involuntary. I liked giving head, liked the feel of him sliding across my tongue. Most of all, I loved the sight and sound of him losing control and knowing it was because of me.

He moved down my body, letting his cock brush across my skin as he settled himself between my legs. I made an impatient sound and he laughed again. Tao could make things last, take things slow, but we rarely did that. We weren't about making love.

We fucked.

That didn't, however, mean that he skipped the foreplay.

I closed my eyes as the tip of one long finger brushed over my clit, then further down between my folds. I spread my legs wider, and he took the hint. I shivered as he slid his finger inside me. After two strokes, he added a second one, twisting and curling them as he moved them in and out. His thumb moved over my clit in the way he knew I liked, and I raised my hips, wanting more.

My eyes flew open when I felt another finger moving between my cheeks. His eyes locked with mine as the tip of his index finger rubbed over my anus. We didn't do anal sex, but Tao did sometimes use his fingers on me. I wasn't at the point where I asked him to do it, but I couldn't deny that it did sometimes make things more intense.

And considering that what I wanted more than anything at the moment was to not think, intense was what I needed. I nodded, then gasped as his finger breached the tight ring of muscle. He kept it in only up to the first knuckle, twisting it as his other hand drove me into my first climax of the night.

“Yes,” I hissed as I came. I let the pleasure wash over me as Tao put on a condom.

“Turn over.”

I rolled, letting the handcuffs twist so that my wrists were crossed, limiting my movement even more. Tao's hands moved under my hips, pulling my ass up, and then he was pushing into me. I moaned, moving back against him so that he filled me with one thrust. He wrapped one hand in my hair, giving it a little tug as he steadied himself.

I closed my eyes and gave myself over to the sensations running through my body. The little darts of pain at my scalp. The full, then empty feelings that alternated with every thrust of his cock. The way the thick shaft stretched me, rubbed against me. My clit throbbed, desperate for attention, but all I could do was curl my hands into fists and let him ride me, trusting him to get me where I needed to go.

The build-up was fast and hot, a tight coiling in my stomach that released the moment he pushed his thumb into my ass.

Relief flooded me along with the pleasure, melting away the tension and everything else along with it.

Exactly what I'd needed.

Twenty minutes later, I was cleaned up, my hands free, and Tao was wrapped around me from behind. I snuggled in closer, sighing with satisfaction.

I loved my home, but there were times that Tao's little apartment was a wonderful escape. Sometimes I felt like we shared those two parts of our lives. He sometimes shared his place with me when I needed some time away...and some stress relief. And I shared my family with him.

He'd come out as bisexual when he was fifteen and wanted to go on a date with a boy in our class. His devout Jehovah Witness parents' had given him a choice: aversion therapy or being disowned.

He'd walked out of the house and knocked on my door that same night. He'd lived with us for the next three years, working any odd job he could find to earn enough money to rent his own apartment once he'd turned eighteen.

He turned his face into my hair and nuzzled me, his breath hot against my ear. “Wanna spend the night?”

“Man, do I ever…” I groaned, wishing I could. Tao knew better than anyone how to make me forget all of the things I had on my mind. “But I’ve gotta walk TJ to school, and if I stay, I’ll have to get up that much earlier.”

“He still got those kids messing with them?” Tao's usually friendly expression hardened.

He'd always been likable in school, but when he'd held his first boyfriend's hand in the hallway, he'd put up with his fair share of shit. Until one of his soccer teammates had knocked the teeth out of some homophobic bastard and threatened the health of anyone else who dared to come after Tao or anyone else again. It'd worked.

“You oughta teach him some of that Kung Fu bullshit.” I poked him in his side as I teased.

“Yeah. Like I know Kung Fu from lo mein.”

Drawing my head back, I gave him a look of mock disappointment. “Man, what good are you?”

Tao flipped me over onto my back, his eyes dark. He scraped his teeth over my nipple, his fingers pinching the other one so that I whimpered. Then, in one hard thrust, he buried his cock inside me. “How about I show you one of the many things I'm good for?”

My eyes rolled back in my head as he set a brutal pace, each thrust hard enough to drive the air from my lungs. I dug my nails into his shoulders and held on for the ride. I would be sore in the morning – hell, I'd be sore on the way home – but right now, he was doing exactly what I needed.

Fucking me into the mindless oblivion I craved.