Another crash breaks the stillness of the early morning hour, and I suspect Adam has just destroyed something priceless in his house next door.

I take another drink from my bottle, not even tasting whatever liquor I’ve chosen for the evening’s numbing session.

Felix sits on the ottoman, staring at me as I sit on the couch in the dark. His eyes are just visible in the light from the kitchen, giving a ghostly reflection back if he turns his head just right.

“What?” I ask him and take another swig. “What am I supposed to do?”

He doesn’t answer, just keeps his post.

“Gregory is more useful than you. You know that? And he’s a fucking lizard.” My words are slurred, and I doubt anyone listening in could figure out what the fuck I’m saying, but I’m still present enough to keep my voice down.

Why can’t I just sleep? I smoked up, drank up, and tried for the sweet oblivion of unconsciousness, but it won’t come.

The sound of shattering glass punctures my hazy thoughts. “That sounded expensive.” I chuckle, but not out of anything approaching humor.

“Faith, you know?” I keep talking to Felix, probably because he’s the only one dumb enough to listen to me. “That’s where this all started.” I point toward Adam’s house. “Faith.” I nod, and Felix settles down into what I call the ‘bunny look’, his feet tucked beneath him, his eyes still alert. “I loved that little girl, too, you know? I loved her so much. But I believed, I had to believe, that what happened was God’s plan. Right? Right. Because Dad told me so. And I went along. But Adam, something in him went wrong the day she died. And it’s never going to be right again. You know?”

Felix blinks slowly.

“Before, he’d do what he was told, and wouldn’t bite back. But after her, he became vicious.” I take another long draw, surprised to find the bottle empty. “Fuck.” I toss it away, and it rolls across the rug and under a chair.

Felix follows its trajectory, but doesn’t make a move.

I close my eyes and see golden hair and a warm smile. “Mary. No, Georgia. Georgia was her name.” My heart seems to squeeze to a halt. “She was so…” I flail for the right word. “Sweet. No, that’s not it. She was more than that. Pretty, optimistic, she made things brighter. I even thought about asking Dad if I could make her mine.” I’ve opened the box I keep locked inside me, the one where grief and anger swirl around each other relentlessly. “When she went missing, I lost it. Remember?” I stand and stagger to the kitchen and grab another bottle. “That’s when this shit started. The drinking.”

I plop back in the same spot, and Felix jumps over to me and curls up in my lap. “I figure I’ll keep it going till it kills me. Might as well, right?”

“My real name is Georgia.” Her whisper grazes my ear as she snuggles against me.

“That’s a pretty name.”

She laughs lightly. “Thanks. I thought maybe you’d prefer Mary.”

I pull her closer. “You aren’t a Mary. You’re much more of a Georgia.”

“You’re definitely a Noah.” She kisses my neck.

“Yeah?”

“You rescued Felix the stray, and you have a lizard. Come on. You’ve got a soft spot for animals.”

“I didn’t lead them two-by-two and save them from a flood.”

“Maybe you will one day.” Her voice softens, sleep invading. “I think you’ll save lots of lives. Just give yourself a chance.”

I pull the blanket up around us and dread the moment when I have to leave her here at the Cloister. She already sports too many bruises for my tastes, and I’ve spoken to Grace about it, who just brushes me off.

“I have to go.” I slide out from the covers and dress.

She rolls onto her side and watches me with big blue eyes. “Hate to see you go, love to see you walk away.”

I grin and drop one more kiss on her lips before leaving.

“She was beautiful,” I whisper. “I’d never cared about a Maiden until her. Never took a real interest. I was going through the motions until that night I saw her at the bonfire.” I toss the bottle cap onto the ottoman and take a drink. “Tequila. Damn.” It still burns, so I need to drink more.

I lay my head back on the cushion and close my eyes. I’m too tired to talk to myself anymore, and I’m certain Felix is happy for the silence.

Mom killed Georgia. The thought eats through my brain like a worm. My eyes well. And here, in the safety of my place, I let the tears flow. Felix doesn’t mind. Vengeance burns inside me, but the bond I have with my mother is still there. I hate her for killing Georgia. I take a drink at the thought. But I have to hold onto something. If I don’t, I’ll go upstairs and blow my fucking brains out. So I hold onto the hope that Mom can get us out of this mess, can free us from our father and offer a new way forward.

If she can’t… I toss the bottle and it shatters against the front windows. Felix jumps and runs. If she can’t, or if this is just a power play like Adam says, I’ll make her answer for what she did to Georgia.