CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Kelly
I didn’t want to stay at the farm. I drove back to my hotel, my eyes blinded with tears. I was shaking when I got out and went up the stairs to my room.
“I have never felt like that in my life.”
Even the most unpleasant of my boyfriends had never actually threatened to hit me before. I was shuddering. He hadn’t actually done anything to me, but the look in his eyes had been so wild that there had been a moment when I thought he would. I was still shivering as I took off my clothes and got into the bath. I needed to calm down.
I lay back and looked up at the ceiling, thinking about what had happened. I should have seen it coming. From the first day I met him, Reese had been arrogant and domineering. He had acted like I was silly and weak, just because I was a woman. He’d changed since then, or so I’d thought.
Seeing him act so childishly just really turned me off. How brittle was his masculinity, for Pity’s sake? So fragile that the slightest slur could shrivel it up like a mushroom in full sun? The guy hadn’t hurt him. He’d made some schoolboy joke that anyone should have ignored.
But he couldn’t ignore it. He went off like a bullet from a gun.
I shivered. It wasn’t just the fact that he’d threatened me physically that scared me, though that was also frightening. It was the fact that he was just an overgrown bully. Like all the other men I’d met.
I thought he was strong. I thought he was caring. But he’s just a bully.
I let the warm bathwater ease away the tension and I finally started to relax. By the time I was out again, I felt more in perspective.
“I should have known what he was like when I saw him,” I murmured to myself as I changed into new clothes. I wanted to never wear the shirt and jeans I’d been wearing again. It felt like I’d be scared every time I put them on. I chuckled humorlessly.
I shouldn’t be scared. He’s a bully. He even insulted Grandpa. I should have known then.
Dressed and with my hair dried, I felt better. I repacked my suitcase, considering finding a laundry where I could wash the clothes I’d worn the last three days. I’d only brought a few items and the first day’s lot smelled awful.
I reached for my phone, looking for laundromats. When I flipped through to the maps I noticed that there were a few messages and some missed calls. I checked the numbers.
Reese.
I felt impatient. If he really thought I would speak to him again, he had another think coming. I sighed.
I was sorting my dirty clothes into a bag to take to the laundromat when my phone rang. I went to fetch it from the bedside table and frowned.
Not Reese. Whew.
It was my friend from the office. Miller. I was surprised by how pleased I was at that. I answered the call.
“Hey,” I said.
“Kell!” her voice was high with relief. “I was really worried!”
“You were?” I frowned. “Why?”
“Well, when you didn’t answer my message earlier I got this funny feeling like something had happened to you! I’m paranoid…ignore me.”
I smiled. “It’s great to hear you, Miller,” I said honestly. “And especially right now.”
“What’s up?”
She sounded so caring that I felt the pain inside me start flowing. Almost like I’d dammed it back and now that I had a sympathetic ear it could all start running freely in me again like snowmelt on mountains.
“I just had a bad fright.”
“Why? Is your grandpa okay? What happened, Kell?”
“It’s not Grandpa,” I murmured, though I realized that my worry about him was still there too, a constant background of stress running through my days here. “It’s…someone else.”
“Who, Kell?”
I sighed. “I met this guy.”
“Yeah?” she sounded interested and I chuckled blandly.
“He’s not so great, really.”
“Oh.” She sounded let down and I laughed.
“Well, I thought he was something. I really did. But…but he’s just like everyone else.”
“In what way?”
“He’s a bully, Miller. An arrogant, violent guy.”
“Oh. He didn’t…hurt you, did he?” Miller sounded concerned. I smiled.
“No, he didn’t. Thanks, Miller. But I thought he would. It frightened me.”
“I’m sure it did! Asshole. He had no right to make you feel endangered.”
“No,” I murmured. “He didn’t. Why are guys like that?”
“Like what?” Miller asked neutrally.
I sighed. “I dunno. Like…he’s so old fashioned. Insulting. He told me farmwork wasn’t suitable for girls.”
“What!” Miller sounded shrill with disbelief.
“Believe it,” I chuckled. “He did too.”
“No. No way, Kell. Am I dreaming? Pinch me. This is twenty-eighteen, right?”
“Yeah,” I said strongly. “That’s what I thought.”
“The cheek!” Miller said. I could almost see the expression on her face; utter horror.
“Yeah,” I agreed again. I felt better having heard someone else respond the same way I had. Put out here in the middle of the wilderness, I felt almost as if I was the one with the crazy ideas. Clearly not. “He’s like…really backward.”
“Kell, he sounds awful,” she said, concerned. “What the hell did you get involved with him for?”
I chuckled sadly. “Well,” I sighed. “I guess at the time I felt like I needed someone bossing me around. Someone taking charge, you know? Well I learned my lesson. If they can boss you around, they can beat you up.”
“Yes.”
We sat quietly a while, contemplating the truth of that. I noticed it was almost five o’ clock. If I wanted to get my clothes laundered—and I did—I should go now before they closed.
“Listen,” I said after we’d chatted a bit longer. “I got to run. It was so great hearing you.”
“It was great hearing you too, girlfriend,” she responded warmly. “Now you look after yourself. And if I were you I’d keep well away from Mister Freaky Caveman.”
I laughed. “Oh, Mill. I needed to hear that. Thank you.”
“Pleasure. Keep well.”
“You too, Miller. Bye.”
“Bye.”
I sat there thinking a long time after she’d gone. My phone rang again and I ignored it when I saw it was Reese.
I don’t want to have anything to do with him further.
I took my clothes to the cleaner and dropped them off, then headed into town to visit Grandpa at the hospital.
I sat with him during the time when visitors were allowed through. He looked much better and he was talking about going home.
“I’ll be glad to be outta here,” he said. “Back home. Miss the house.”
“I’m sure,” I sympathized. “You must miss the freedom,” I added, looking around the sterile, cold ward. There were half a dozen other people there and I sensed Grandpa didn’t like being hemmed in and surrounded by fellow patients. He had always been free-spirited.
“Yeah.”
We chatted for a while longer and when dinner came around I took my leave. He frowned.
“Where you goin’, Kells?”
I paused. “I’m going back to the hotel, Grandpa,” I said. “Why?”
He shrugged. “You look sad. What’s wrong?”
I sighed. “Grandpa, remind me not to try and hide things around you.”
“I’m just worried about you,” he said. “What’s on your mind?”
I cleared my throat. “It’s…Grandpa…why are some guys such pigs?”
He chuckled. “I wonder that myself. But who’s a pig, sweetie?”
I hesitated to tell him, but I found myself relating a protracted version of what had happened with Reese and me. He listened carefully, and when I’d finished, he coughed.
“I…you know what?”
“What?” I asked. I respected his wisdom. If he had something to say about this, I wanted to hear it. I trusted him.
“Well, it sounds to me like this guy was an army guy. Dunno why I think that. It’s just a feeling. Big guy, big temper…lots of rage inside.”
“Yeah,” I nodded. “That’s just right.”
He smiled. “Well, then. I knew guys like him. After the service. There were some of us who…didn’t quite come back. It wasn’t like they’d died, or been physically hurt. Not always. They were fine outside. But inside was the anger and the rage. They thought they failed. Carried guilt. They weren’t man enough.” He chuckled. “Whatever that means.”
I stared at him. “That sounds like him.” I was amazed. “Thank you.”
He nodded. “Well, could be wrong. Worth a try. So’s this.” He added, grinning, as he inspected the meal they had brought. It looked and smelled like a curry of some kind. I chuckled.
“I hope it tastes as good as it smells.”
“So do I, Kell.” He tried some, chewing with a thoughtful expression. “It’s not bad.”
“Good,” I said gently. I felt better now that I’d spoken with him. He had made a good deal make sense to me. I felt more peaceful.
“Well, you go safely,” he said. “See you tomorrow, maybe?” He looked hopeful and I nodded.
“See you tomorrow.”
I left, feeling my burden lighter.
I was pleased to see he was better and that they were at least feeding him well—or better than he’d eaten for the last month or so, anyhow.
As I drove, I couldn’t help comparing Reese to my grandfather. He was the strongest man I knew, but he had always been gentle and humble. As far as I knew he had never downplayed my grandma in any way and he’d encouraged his daughter to follow her career. Later, he’d visited often and supported her when she left my dad. He was a real man.
Grandpa wouldn’t assault a man who made a comment like that. He’s ignore it. Or treat it like it was beneath his dignity. Reese didn’t have enough dignity not to fight like a slighted teenager.
All the same, I couldn’t help wondering if Grandpa was right. It was a perfect description of the man, even though Grandpa had never even seen him, as far as I could know. So maybe there was something in that.
In that moment, the phone went. I thought it was Miller, so I answered without thinking.
“Hello?” Reese said. I was about to put the phone down, but I heard him sniff and I had the feeling he was crying.
“Yes?” I said.
“Kelly.” His voice was soft, like the wind on snowbanks. In fact, it had just the same frozen, forsaken feel as that.
“Reese?”
“I’ve been such a fool.”
“Maybe,” I said gently. I sighed. In those five words, he had given me hope. Maybe he wasn’t so arrogant, so ultra-fragile after all. Maybe he was strong enough to admit when he was wrong. “What’s up?”
But he’d already hung up. I leaned back on the chair, thinking. Something was wrong, evidently. But what?
The more I thought about it, the more I felt drawn to go and find out.
I wanted, more than anything, to find that my first impression of Reese as an arrogant bully had been wrong: to find that my image of him as caring, strong and brave enough to face himself was right.