“Touring is amazing. I get to see the world and meet the fans. It’s incredible, but it’s hard on relationships—family, friends, and dating. They all have to pay the price for the career I’ve chosen.” ~Johnny Outlaw
Dalton doesn’t call me. It hurts. My strong-willed side tells me I deserve better. My weaker side brings me to tears more than I’d like to admit. I thought I meant more to him, but now I question everything we were, everything he said, every gesture, and the time we spent together. I’m driving myself mad with the lack of answers, so I work all the time, well aware of the days passing by. Both of us too stubborn to give in—my pride bruised, his ego wounded.
When I’m not working, I help Tracy with the planning of her wedding. I slip on my Maid of Honor dress to show her how it looks, a knock at the door interrupting. I freeze, my breath stopping, my heart clenching, still holding onto hope that Dalton will come around.
Tracy sees my face, and says, “I’ll get it.” She runs out of the bedroom and down the stairs. But it’s not him. A female voice dashes my hopes.
“Holli?” Tracy calls from the living room. “You have company.”
I walk downstairs, not caring that the dress is unzipped in the back, my heart deflated.
“Hi. Hope you don’t mind me stopping by,” Rochelle says with a little wave.
I go to her. “No. No, not at all. Come in.” We hug and I say, “It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.”
“It has,” she says, smiling. “I don’t have long. My mom is visiting for the week and has the kids, so I need to get back soon.”
“Okay, what brings you by? Do you mind zipping me up, Tracy?”
Tracy comes around to zip up the dress for me, muttering something about a business call she needs to make and disappears upstairs. Rochelle and I sit down on the couch together. “I wanted to check on you,” she says.
Instant guilt overcomes me. “I should be the one checking on you.”
“No, everybody else does that. I like that I get to be…” She releases a breath and says, “Normal with you. I don’t have to be strong or put on a happy face to make you feel better. I like that and I’ve just been missing you. Anyway, I didn’t come over to talk about me.”
I touch her leg, and say, “I’ve been missing you too.”
“You look nice. It’s a pretty dress. Are you going somewhere?”
“Thanks. It’s for Tracy’s wedding. I was showing her.” Surface, keep the conversation surface and don’t be the first to bring up Dalton.
She starts fidgeting with her ring, her engagement ring from Cory, and I look away, hiding the tears I know will come if I don’t. Her voice shakes when she says, “I needed to see you. I’m worried about Johnny.”
I sigh, afraid that’s what this was about. “I can’t help you there.”
The urgency in her tone worries me. “Why?” she asks. “Why’d you break up?”
“I didn’t realize we were.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What I thought was a fight turned into… this.”
“What’s this?”
“The remains of something that once was,” I state flatly.
“And still can be. He’s going through a hard time, but he loves you. I could see. I still can. He’s spoiled and used to getting his way. He’s stubborn—”
“The life of a rock star,” I reply casually though I feel anything but that when speaking of Dalton.
She nods. “He was dealing with a lot of baggage when we met him. But the band helped, gave him something to hold onto, something real, that he respected, that fed his drive to be something other than a disappointment. You gave him direction though. You gave him meaning that no one else has, Holli.”
“He sucks you in with his charisma and sweet lines, but the way his life controls him, the heaviness of what’s going on inside of him… it spits you out. It spit me out and he hasn’t even bothered to call.”
“He’ll come to his senses. Just give him a little time,” she says. I stand and walk to the window, looking out over the street. “Is there still a chance?”
“Did he send you here to talk to me?”
“No. Would you talk to him if he did come over?”
“Rochelle,” I say, turning around. “I may have been the one to walk away, but he let me. He hasn’t contacted me at all. How much does he really love me if he can go all this time without even a text?”
“Have you called him?”
I shake my head. “I can’t. He hurt me. He’s going through so much and I tried to be there, but I can’t get swept up in his turmoil. Day and night, I was there and he barely noticed. He only took notice when he felt threatened, that’s not love. That’s possession. If I’m in a relationship, I need to be more than the Great Johnny Outlaw’s girlfriend.”
“Are you talking marriage?”
“No, I’m talking about being me. I…” I stop, needing to contain the emotions from bubbling over. My tears are wiped before they fall. “No matter who he chooses to be, I need to stay true to me. You told me that.”
“You need to be equal. You do,” she says, reflective.
“The balance in a relationship shifts all the time. I’m okay with that. I just want him to see me as more than someone who warms his bed at night. I want him to be as proud of me as I am of him.”
With a heavy sigh, a small smile appears on Rochelle’s face. “You deserve that and more.” She stands. “I think you might be the first woman who didn’t want to use his fame and connections. It’s refreshing to know there’s still good in the world.” She walks to the door and I follow her outside. “Thanks for letting me barge in.”
“Thank you for stopping by and feel free to barge in any time,” I say, giving her a tight hug goodbye. “How about lunch next week? Any day, your choice.”
“I’d like that. I’ll text you.” She hurries down the stairs, but stops and turns back. “You’ve made a bigger impact than you realize, Holli. On all of us.”
“Then maybe one day he’ll stop by.”
She nods, understanding.
I go back inside and see Tracy standing on the bottom step. “You okay?” she asks.
Finally feeling like I’m starting to make sense of things, I reply, “I think so.”