CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
MATEO
“YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT,” Caspian says. “So, what’s your problem?”
I’m sitting on the all-white couch in Caspian’s all-white home office. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlook the San Francisco bay. His furniture is art. Several doors circle the edges, and I’m pretty sure one of them is a bedroom.
When Caspian came through that door earlier, I caught sight of what I think was a blonde tied to the bedposts. That would be his wife, Aurora. I’ve only briefly met her, but I’ve seen them out plenty. She’s a sweet woman, tall and rail-thin, adorable, far better than Caspian deserves. Apparently, this is a game they like to play. An equal-opportunity thing. I’ve seen LiveLyfe video of Aurora meeting here with her friends to make charity pitches, and every once in a while, you can hear tied-up Caspian grunting hungrily from the same room.
It’s hard to focus on Caspian. I keep imagining her back there, strapped down, gagged, and naked, waiting for him. I should at least go in and make my greetings. It’s the polite thing to do.
Nice to see you again, Aurora.
Mmm.
Have you and Caspian had a good summer?
Mmm!
Caspian sits across from me on a chair, more a throne than a recliner. He’s in a black suit, white shirt, and a powder blue tie that even from here has a silky sheen. His blond hair is moussed and immaculately combed, slightly long in the back. He has a hero’s iron jaw. I wonder again why he’s the one I chose to talk to about Elizabeth, but unfortunately, I think I already know. It’s because he’s a bastard who has managed to make a relationship work.
Maybe I should go into the bedroom and ask Aurora.
Aurora, does Caspian still bring you flowers?
Mmm-hmm.
Would you be mad at him if he accidentally said his company was more important to him than you? Would you forgive him?
Mmm. Mmm, mmm-mm.
I don’t know whether I want Caspian’s unhelpful scorn or his sympathy. Both are terrible choices.
He crosses his legs. The room is silent. He asked the last question, and it’s my turn to speak. He doesn’t mind quiet, even if it’s clear that I wish he’d continue. Silence makes people uncomfortable. Discomfort makes him happy.
“I don’t know that it’s what I want,” I finally say. “That’s the problem.”
“Of course it’s what you want. The Syndicate has had to listen to you go on and on about your ridiculous mountain since the group was formed. Through the whole Anthony and Alexa affair, it’s all you talked about. I lobbied to have you kicked out. You’re insufferable. You don’t want the woman, or you would have chosen her. It’s that simple.”
Under my breath, I say, “Why did I come here?”
It’s supposed to be rhetorical, but Caspian answers.
“You’re here because there’s nobody in the world better than me at taking what I want. Your problem is that your motives are unclear. Even to you. But you can’t settle. You’re spineless, telling yourself you want one thing, then pretending to want another.”
“What is the other thing I want in this scenario?”
Caspian laughs.
“Elizabeth. She’s what I want.”
“Why?”
“Now you doubt me, after thinking you know it all?”
Caspian brushes lint from his knee. “Oh, no. I know. I’m asking you why you want her.”
“Because …” But it’s not something I can articulate.
“See, that’s the problem. It isn’t what that drives us. It’s always the why behind it. Attaining a thing means nothing if you don’t know why you want it. Consider my company. GameStorming. You know about the Einstein module?”
“For education.”
Caspian nods. “Why did I build it?”
“To make money. Schools spend state money, and there are a lot of them.”
“I’ll clarify: Why did Einstein take the final shape that it did?”
“Something to do with Anthony and Alexa. I know you were trying your best to shove your way into their deal with Evan from LiveLyfe.”
“Similar. But no. I have new designs on Alexa, now that she’s partnerless.”
“Why did it take the shape it took, then?”
His blue eyes dart sideways, toward the bedroom door.
“Not for Aurora.”
“Shh. Don’t tell her.”
“That’s ridiculous. I know that revolutionizing education is her thing, and I know what you did once you were together, using Einstein. But it was happenstance, not on purpose.”
“Nothing is happenstance.”
“Do you expect me to believe you changed the entire course of your business to make Aurora happy? I know she’s in there right now, Caspian. Tied to your bed, naked, like a slave.”
“And with a butt plug in her ass,” Caspian says. “Wearing a gag. When we’re done, I’ll go in there and lightly flog her. But I’d never do anything to my wife that she doesn’t desire; that’s the point. There are things we all need that are hidden deep, and while some are pleasant to polite society, others are not. There are many forms of affection, Mateo. Many different colors of love.”
“I thought you only saw in white.”
He smirks, then goes on.
“There are things a person desires. Then there are the things that he or she claims to desire. You’re unclear on two things. You don’t know what you want, and you’ve not made peace with what Elizabeth wants.”
“She wants the mountain.”
“Clearly not. But she wants you to acknowledge that she might want the mountain and that you should offer it to her without ever actually doing so.”
“That doesn’t make any sense.”
Caspian shrugs. “Women.”
“You said that I had what I wanted. That you didn’t see the problem.”
“Because you so clearly don’t. It’s a test, Mateo. If you can’t get clear on this, you deserve nothing — not her, not your silly little endurance challenge. I shouldn’t have to prompt you into answering the question for real, just as Elizabeth shouldn’t have to fight with you over that atrocious green pasta at Al Dente to bring up something you should’ve raised on your own.”
Funny that he says women have odd psychology. Caspian’s mental twister is far more complicated.
“I can’t believe I came to you for relationship advice,” I say.
“But you did.”
“You treat your wife like a possession.”
“On the contrary,” Caspian says. “I treat her like a queen.”
“You’re so full of shit.”
Caspian glances right and left. Then something happens that I’ve never seen nor even heard of before: his face changes. That cold, hard facade vanishes. He relaxes his always-intimidating posture, leaning forward, elbows on knees. “All right. I’ll tell you a secret. Repeat it, and you’re finished.”
I ignore the threat but give Caspian my full attention.
“She’s better than me.”
I laugh. “No shit.”
“You don’t understand. I would do anything for Aurora. Now that I have her, I doubt I could function alone. For years, I had a weak spot that I refused to acknowledge. Didn’t even know it was there. She came in and saw it in an instant. Dug in deep. She broke me, Mateo. Then she filled me up. She isn’t dependent on me, but I have become dependent on her. I don’t trust easily, but I have learned to have faith in Aurora. She is my backbone. That is what you’re missing, and why I took this meeting to help you. I have another side. You will never see it, nor will anyone but Aurora. But it exists. Much as yours must. Because right now? You’re stupid. As broken as I was, though not nearly as twisted. Do you think the Syndicate hasn’t been watching all of us? When Anthony vanished, his failed initiative left blood in the water. The Trillionaire Boys’ Club was quiescent before that deal, but now it can think of nothing but finding something new to devour. In small groups that never overlap, the group has watched us all. Evan’s LiveLyfe expansion. All of Ashton’s growth. Cole’s latest film projects. I can see their eyes behind all that I do. And do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because deep down, we are all still primitive. We know the power, whether we know at the level of awareness or not.”
“What power?”
“Love.”
I assume he’s kidding. But he’s leaning forward, boring into me with his icy blue eyes.
“Each of the members that the Syndicate has been watching has recently found their missing piece. A woman. Each was brilliant before; you have to be to achieve what we have. But with their weak spots filled, as Aurora filled mine, each of us has grown capable of new greatness. Anthony Ross was the only failure. Caitlin didn’t drive him to grow into the deal with Alexa that the Syndicate was so interested in putting all of its money and efforts toward. The Ross app harnessed that primitive power directly. It promised untold new insight into sex. To connection. To love. Alexa wanted to skim data off the top, but now … well, I hear she’s pursuing other avenues that I suspect will pay off big within a few decades. When Anthony’s ‘missing piece’ in Caitlin broke the deal instead of spawning it, that only increased the need to find a new home for all that energy. All that capital. All that wealth, Mateo.”
I blink at him. This conversation took a strange turn, but now I think I might know why he’s telling me all of this. I’m beginning to see the barest outline of something.
And it could be amazing.
“I’m helping you,” Caspian says, “because we’ve all been watching you, slowly getting an idea to top them all. We know about Damon. We know about Elizabeth. There were watchers in the restaurant that night, and other nights you’ve been out in public. The two of you have been babysat, Mateo, because it’s become apparent that you are a fool. You’re so blind; it’s astonishing to think that you walk around all day without tripping. If it were your problem alone, I’d let it go. But your idiocy is costing us all. Every second you refuse to grow and expand is hurting the rest of us.”
“Who is ‘the rest of us’?”
“The Syndicate,” Caspian says.
And with that, I understand. I know what Caspian is getting at. It lights a bulb inside me, but the distance is a chasm in my mind.
He sits back. Recrosses his legs. Again, he picks at invisible lint on the knee of his immaculate suit.
“Elizabeth does not want your mountain, Mateo. Make no mistake; it’s your mountain now.”
“So what does she want?”
“Your respect. Your time. Your attention. Your mind.”
“She already has it. But she won’t talk to me. Not in the way we need to.”
“I wasn’t finished,” Caspian says.
I wait.
“And your initiative,” he says after a moment. “Your unflinching refusal to take no for an answer.”