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The Right Time by Danielle Steel (19)

Chapter 19

Miles left the house before she did the next morning, so her driver wouldn’t see him, or his car, and he hoped no one else would either. They had agreed that in the future, he would put his car in the garage, particularly when he spent the night. And they were exemplary on the set, friendly, cordial, and professional. No one would ever have suspected they had spent three days together, had made love incessantly, confessed their love for each other, and he knew the deepest secret of her life. At most, they seemed like friends and nothing more.

The actors were in good form again, and the filming moved forward at a rapid pace. Too rapidly for them. They got another break in early November, and hadn’t been back to his farm since the first time. There was snow on the ground, winter had come early, and they spent two heavenly days making love and trying to figure out their plans. They had made a pact that she would not tell anyone that she had shared her secret with him. It was better not to and would panic everyone. It was their secret now that he knew who Mr. Green was. And that he spent every night with her. He left every morning by seven, they worked together side by side, and he was back every night. She had never been happier in her life, and it was devastating for both of them when the filming was over. They had shot the whole first season of TV shows. It was mid-December, the nuns were expecting her in Boston for Christmas, and she had to make a decision whether to extend her lease on her apartment in New York. She hadn’t been there since the summer.

Miles was going to Johannesburg to see his children for Christmas, leaving in a week, and he had another show to produce in January, which would take him several months, so he would have no time to come to New York to see her.

They spent their last days together after the show was finished, at his farm. The production company had given up the house, and allegedly Mr. Green had gone to Montana on his plane the day after the shooting ended, and she was going to move back to Claridge’s, but disappeared to the farm with him instead. But this time it was not joyous, it was mournful. London was wearing all its finery for Christmas and looked festive, but they had to face that their time together was over. They couldn’t be with each other every day on the set, fall asleep in each other’s arms, or wake up side by side in the morning. And she was going to start a book in January in New York, while he worked on his new project in England. The thought of not seeing each other every day was agonizing for both of them, and when he left her at Heathrow for her flight to JFK, they both cried. Alex was in a daze, alternately crying and sleeping as she flew home, and when she got to her apartment, he called her the minute she walked in and they talked for an hour. He was leaving for South Africa in two days and she was taking the train to Boston after meeting with Rose for lunch. Her latest book was currently number one on the bestseller list and Rose wanted to celebrate with her, but Alex was pining for Miles.

Mother MaryMeg noticed immediately that Alex seemed serious and more grown up when she met her at the train station, although the others didn’t see it. She asked if Alex was all right, and if everything had ended well in London, and Alex couldn’t lie to her either.

“I fell in love with the producer,” she said in a breathless voice as tears filled her eyes, and the mother superior’s heart went out to her.

“And did something go wrong?” She hoped not, but Alex looked devastated.

“No, it was perfect. We love each other. But he lives there and I live in New York. We don’t know what to do now.”

“Is he married?” MaryMeg couldn’t understand the problem.

“No, he’s divorced.”

“Do you think he’ll ask you to marry him?” Her heart took a little leap, thinking about Alex moving to London permanently this time, but she wanted her happiness above all. And like any child, Alex had never belonged to them. She was on loan. She belonged to herself now, and possibly to Miles.

“He doesn’t believe in marriage. He had a very bad divorce with his ex-wife. His kids live in South Africa with her, or his son does. And he’s busy all the time. He’s got a big project now after the holidays.” Mother MaryMeg smiled as she listened to her.

“Well, that doesn’t sound so bad. Except for the part about not believing in marriage. But that’s probably just temporary after the divorce. If you love each other you’ll work it out. I can’t wait to meet him.” Alex still had no idea when they would see each other again. Miles was frantic about it too.

She went to see Bert the next day with his Christmas present and she told him about Miles. He could see immediately how much she loved him. He remembered a love like that and envied her for a moment. But he was happy for her, if it lasted and was real.

“Beware of happiness,” he warned her, as she looked at him as though he was crazy. “Misery is a wonderful thing for writers and will drive you to write your best books. But happiness will make you lazy and complacent. You’ll forget about your priorities and sit around all dewy-eyed with the one you love. Happiness can destroy a career if you’re not careful.”

Alex decided that all the wine he drank had finally gotten to his brain. She told him all about the shooting of the TV series, which he found very interesting, except that she had fallen in love with the producer, which he assumed would be a passing thing for both of them and didn’t take it seriously. She tried to tell him it was the Right Man at the Right Time, as he had promised, and he didn’t want to believe her. He was in one of his cranky moods and didn’t want to remember those feelings.

“You’ll get over it,” he told her after the usual bottle of wine, and Alex felt sorry for him, thinking that Bert went too far sometimes and was a sour old man, and he didn’t understand how much they cared about each other or how fabulous Miles was. She forgot sometimes how much he had loved the young woman who had died, and that losing her had changed his life forever.

And when she visited Brigid, she found her pregnant again, with twins this time, which had come as a shock to her and they couldn’t afford, but Pat’s parents were still helping them. He had taken a second job, and they were going to buy a house with his parents’ help. The twins were due in June, if she didn’t have them early.

“You’re turning into a baby machine,” Alex said, laughing at her.

“I know,” Brigid said proudly. She was still on extended leave and she admitted to Alex that she wasn’t going back to work until the children were older. She wanted to be at home with them, and childcare would cost them more than she made at her job.

Two days after Christmas, Alex went back to New York. She had three days left to extend her lease with the owners of the apartment. They had been understanding, and she hadn’t gotten around to it yet. She had no plans for New Year’s Eve, and didn’t want any. She was going to work, and prove Bert wrong that happiness would destroy her career. She was still annoyed at him. What a stupid thing to say, just because he’d had a terrible time and lost the woman he loved.

She was at her desk on New Year’s Eve, working on an outline by hand on a big yellow pad and having trouble concentrating, when the doorman rang and told her there was a delivery. She wasn’t expecting any, and wondered if Miles had sent her something. They had been talking to each other from South Africa every day, and he was as miserable as she was, and they still didn’t know when he’d have time to visit her in New York, or have her come to London during a break. The project he was working on was all-consuming and ate up all his time.

She opened the door for the delivery, and found Miles in front of her with a bottle of champagne and an armload of Chinese takeout. He set it down on the table and pulled her into his arms. She screamed with delight and he spun her around.

“What are you doing here?” She beamed at him.

“I couldn’t stand it anymore. Duncan wanted to be with his pals, I had nothing to do in JoBurg, and all I wanted to do was be with you.” He looked at her seriously as he said it. “I have no right to ask you this, Alex, but would you move to London for me, and live with me? I’m paying my ex-wife a fortune. I had to pay her half the value of the farm and the London apartment, which wiped out my savings, and I don’t want to sell the farm. I’m in no position to ask you to marry me, but I love you, and I want you with me for the rest of my life.” It was all she’d wanted to hear and all she cared about.

“You don’t have to have money to marry me, you know,” she told him, but she wasn’t pushing for marriage either, and she had her own money, mostly from her writing, and a small amount left from the sale of her father’s house.

“I’m not going to marry you as a pauper,” he said clearly. “And I’ll have to help my kids for a long time. And I don’t want you to be responsible for my debts if something happens to me, and you would be if we’re married. The whole institution seems like a bad idea to me.” He had made a lot of money in his life, and spent a lot of it financing his horse breeding and maintaining the farm, and then for his divorce, which was why he was so bitter about his ex-wife now—that and the fact that she had taken their son to South Africa. And she had just married her boyfriend, so she was staying, and he and his children would have to continue to fly back and forth to see each other, which was difficult and costly for him.

“I don’t need to get married. I just want to be with you.” She had no one to answer to but herself.

“That’s all I want too. So will you move to London to be with me?” he asked again. She didn’t need to think about it. She nodded. All she had to do was give up her apartment, pack her suitcases, grab her typewriter, and go. “How soon can you come?” She figured it out for a minute.

“In the next couple of weeks, sooner if I can. How long are you here for?”

“I have to go back tomorrow, we start shooting on the second.” It was tight, but he had come to spend New Year’s Eve with her.

They spent a magical night and saw the New Year in, and made plans for her arrival in London. She wanted to spend time at the farm, it would be a good place to write, and she could work in his apartment too, when he was working. It would be an enviable life, and she finally felt as though she had a home. Their plans were set by the time he left the next day.

When she notified the owner of her apartment that she was moving, they were sorry to hear it. She spent two days packing, and after that she went to see Rose just to touch base with her and talk about the new book.

“I smell a man,” Rose said, smiling at her, and Alex nodded, and told her who it was, and Rose was pleased. He had an excellent reputation and an impressive career. He was a respectable person, and they loved each other. That was enough for her. And Alex was almost twenty-six years old. It was a reasonable age to find a good guy and settle down, even if not officially. Alex had told her they weren’t getting married, and Rose said it didn’t matter, and Alex agreed.

She spent the last few days in Boston, seeing everyone she loved there. She had dinner with Bert and hugged him. She spent several evenings with the nuns, and days with Brigid. And she flew to London from Boston on January 10. Miles was waiting for her at Heathrow and took her home to the apartment. Neither of them could believe how lucky they had been, how blessed to find each other, and how happy they were going to be together. Everything had worked out perfectly. More so than either of them could have dreamed.

She had a big bestseller that spring, a huge hit. So her work was going well and her publishers were pleased. And Miles’s project went smoothly and ended in April, and he decided to take three months off so he and Alex could do some traveling and spend time on the farm. His production company believed that he had fallen in love with Alexander Green’s assistant, and stolen her from him, which amused them. And they all liked Alex.

Brigid had the twins a month early, and they each weighed eight pounds, so it was a mercy she had had them early, a boy and a girl. She said she was done now. She had two boys and two girls, had just turned thirty-nine, and said she couldn’t handle any more but loved the family she had. They had christened Steven without her, but one of their friends stood in for Alex as godmother.

Alex finished her new book that summer. It took her longer than usual, after spending plenty of time in bed with Miles when he came home from work. And Bert worked with her on the editing as he always did. They sent the material back and forth between Boston and London. Bert said the book was her best, and Rose agreed. And Miles loved it too. So happiness was not destroying her career after all, she reminded Bert, and he growled.

The series was on the air in the fall, and had solid ratings and was becoming popular. They had been signed for a second season, and were shooting it with the same actors. Alex was still consulting but the screenwriter was doing most of the work, with scripts being sent by fax and email to Alexander Green.

Time continued to rush by. Alex wrote more than ever, always working with Bert to learn more, write better each time, and tighten her plots. She drove herself hard, as always.

They spent time at the farm whenever they could, and luckily Madeleine and Duncan, Miles’s children, liked her, and his ex-wife calmed down once she remarried and didn’t hound Miles for money all the time, which was a relief, although maintaining the farm cost a fortune. At one point Miles was considering selling it, and Alex helped him with an important amount that made it possible for them to keep it after all. He was embarrassed that she had to do it, but it was either that or sell the home that they loved.

Miles came to visit the nuns with Alex after they’d lived together for six months. They all thought him handsome and charming and Mother MaryMeg approved, although she had reminded him pointedly that they could get married in the chapel any time, and he had politely agreed, but they had no plans to marry.

He thought Bert was a character, and they liked each other and got drunk together one night without Alex. They drank tequila and rum and suffered fiercely the next day, which Alex said served them right. And she took Miles to meet Pat and Brigid, which was like going to the zoo. The kids were crying, the babies had to be nursed at the same time, Pat was looking frazzled, you couldn’t hear yourself talk in their living room. It was like being inside a tornado, but Brigid looked blissful surrounded by her babies, and Miles looked shaken when they left.

“Wow, if one ever needed a reminder why having children will drive you insane, she would be it.” He was glad that Alex didn’t want any, and felt that his two were enough. She hadn’t changed her mind about it, and he hoped she never would. She loved his children, enjoyed them when they saw them, and didn’t seem to want her own.

It was hard to imagine where the years went, as Alex wrote novels and Miles produced TV shows. The series based on her book was on the air for three seasons, and then two of the main stars wanted out to do a Broadway play and a movie, and the show had to end without them, which was the fate of most shows like it. The best thing about it was that she and Miles had met and fallen in love as a result.

Miles gave Alex a thirtieth birthday party, and all their London friends came, including Fiona and Clive, who had three small children by then. Alex still had lunch with her when she was in London and Fiona had time.

The next year passed quickly, and there wasn’t a single thing about their life that either of them would have changed.

Alex continued to help him with the expenses of the farm. She turned in a book a year and they were published every Christmas and went straight to number one every time. The nuns still prayed they would get married one day, but there was no sign of it. And Mother MaryMeg never entirely gave up hoping.

They had been together for six years when Alex was thirty-one, and much to their amazement, Miles was forty-seven, which seemed hard for both of them to believe.

They had a particularly busy spring. Duncan graduated from Oxford, and Madeleine announced the previous Christmas that she was getting married that summer, at twenty-three. Miles thought she was too young and Alex agreed with him, but she was engaged to someone from an important family in South Africa, and her mother was pushing hard for it. They owned diamond mines and her fiancé gave her a fifteen-carat engagement ring, which Miles disapproved of and thought was vulgar, and Madeleine’s mother thought was fabulous.

Plans went ahead for the wedding, and just before they left for Johannesburg, Miles got sick. He came down with a particularly bad flu and high fever and still felt rotten afterward. He was barely well enough to travel, and Alex was worried about the long trip. She insisted he go to the doctor again and they ran some tests. His physician didn’t like the results, but there was no time to do more, and they promised to come again when they got home. Miles kept saying it was ridiculous and he was fine, but he didn’t look it.

He barely got through the wedding and nearly collapsed before he walked his daughter down the aisle. Alex sat with him in the rectory until she was sure he was all right, and she talked to him about it later. She was scared.

“Don’t be silly. It was a very emotional moment, any father would have nearly fainted, especially when I got the bill.” The wedding had cost a fortune, money Miles didn’t have. He was mortally embarrassed, and Alex told him not to worry about it. She gave him a check for what he owed his ex-wife. Alex was still carrying a lot of the expenses at the farm. Miles had been low on money for a while. His production company hadn’t been doing well, three of his best TV shows had folded, and he wasn’t getting as much work as before. There were new faces on the scene. It was a business for young lions and wolves, younger men were putting shows on the air more aggressively, and with subjects that had shock value and were more controversial. Miles remained locked into a previous style of TV which was less popular now.

As a result, Miles’s income suffered and the farm became increasingly expensive to run. Alex always shored things up for him, and she didn’t mind. She made enough money for both of them, and invested quite a bit of her money, so she could afford to help him and was happy to do it. She had been luckier than most, and was willing to share the wealth with him. And it was her home now too. He was so good to her, and they loved each other so much.

They went back to the doctor when they got home to London after the wedding and he ran more tests, PET scans, MRIs and other scans, and extensive blood work. Miles insisted it was unnecessary but he did it to humor Alex. Miles didn’t look well, and Alex was desperately afraid that something serious was wrong.

They went to his doctor together when his physician had the results. He asked them to come in, and neither of them expected the kind of news they got. Miles had stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It had snuck right by them, and when Alex spoke to the doctor alone the next day, he told her honestly that the prognosis wasn’t good.

“He only has a few months,” he said regretfully, while she felt like someone was choking her. “Six months, maybe three. You can’t predict these things, it could be less, or he could surprise us and hang on for a year.” Surprise us? A year? Alex wanted him to live forever, not three months to a year. She could no longer conceive of a life without him. It was unimaginable that Miles was dying. That wasn’t possible. The doctors couldn’t let that happen. They had to be wrong.

Miles agreed to try an aggressive program of radiation first to shrink whatever tumors there were on his pancreas, and then chemotherapy to kill the cancer cells. It was in his liver too. They started immediately and he was desperately sick. He was exhausted from the radiation, and then throwing up all the time from the chemo. His hair fell out, he lost a shocking amount of weight, and some days he couldn’t get out of bed. He was doing it for Alex, hoping to get more time with her, and his children, and maybe even to cure the disease, which the doctor said would not happen. The cancer was too advanced. He lay in bed sometimes, just holding Alex’s hand, too weak to say anything to her except that he loved her. They were the worst six months of his life, but he was still alive at the end of them, and they gave him a brief respite from the chemo. Then a spot appeared on his kidneys in a PET scan, and they started all over again, and gave him transfusions to improve his blood count.

Alex had told the sisters at St. Dominic’s and asked them to pray for him, which they were doing ardently. When they finally told Madeleine and Duncan, they visited him as often as they could. Madeleine lived in South Africa with her new husband, but she spent two weeks in London with them. And Duncan was working in London, so he came to see Miles almost every night. There was nothing any of them could do for him except pray and love him. And Alex did a lot of both. She never left him for a moment. She stayed at the hospital on a cot in his room when he had to spend the night or was too sick to leave after a treatment. She was grateful now that she didn’t have children. All her strength and force and energy and time and love went into Miles, willing him to get better. If love could extend his life, he would live forever. She loved him so much and fought so hard alongside him to make him well again.

She had been halfway through writing a book when they got the diagnosis, and she called Bert immediately to tell him that she had to put the edit on hold. She couldn’t work and take care of Miles. They were ahead of schedule, so she wasn’t worried. Bert was sorry to hear the bad news, and wished Miles the best. Miles was a good guy and Bert liked him. Bert had stayed with them several times at the horse farm in the past six years, when he had to do work with Alex, and he loved the place. And Bert had finally agreed that Miles was the Right Man at the Right Time. It had taken Bert years to admit it, because he saw himself as the champion and protector of Alex’s career. He was aware that Miles knew the truth about her pseudonym and had for several years, and Bert trusted him. Miles had never divulged her secret or even hinted at it, and he won Bert’s respect forever.

She had also warned Rose that she might be late with the book, but she had to focus on Miles, and Rose understood completely. Everyone who knew them admired Alex for what she was doing. She devoted herself selflessly and a thousand percent to her man and his recovery from the cancer. Rose notified the publisher that there was a delay, and they were understanding about it. And then as the doctors started more aggressive treatment again, Alex got sick, and suddenly they were both throwing up after his treatments. The stress had finally gotten to her. But she didn’t want him to know how ill she felt, and she couldn’t give in now. She had to keep on going. His doctor saw Alex at the hospital one day while Miles was getting a transfusion, and she was green and sweating profusely, with perspiration running down her face as she fought not to faint or throw up.

“How are you doing, Alex?”

“I’m fine,” she said, as her eyes rolled back in her head and she fainted. Miles was at the lab and unaware of it, as his doctor took Alex into a room and examined her. Christmas had come and gone by then, and all they focused on were his treatments. Alex had no time for herself and didn’t want any.

“What’s going on with you?” the doctor asked her.

“I’m fine. It’s just stress. It’s nothing.”

“You’re under the worst stress that someone can be under. The man you love is dying.”

“He’s not dying, he’s sick,” she said with a steely look.

“You’re going to have to face it.” He wondered if that was why she was sick, because she was refusing to accept it. “May I run some blood tests on you, Alex? Even a simple blood test might tell us a lot. You’re probably anemic.” She was thirty-two years old, and otherwise healthy, but she looked terrible and she knew it, and she didn’t sleep at night, watching him. She was afraid he would slip away or need her so she barely slept.

“You can do a blood test, but I’m fine,” she said stubbornly. “And don’t say anything to Miles about it.” The doctor nodded, ran a blood panel on her, and had the results the next day. He called Alex into his office while Miles was being checked, and she left him with the nurses. The doctor looked at her seriously and asked her to sit down.

“I think we have a situation here, and I’m not sure how you’ll feel about it. I’ll do whatever I can to help you. The blood test tells me that you’re anemic, but there’s an underlying issue.” He gazed straight at her. “You’re pregnant.”

“I’m what? I can’t be.” Knowing how sick her husband was, the doctor wondered if it was somebody else’s baby. People did strange things in stressful situations, and he knew they weren’t married, although he could see how much she loved him. “That’s not possible,” she said, looking vague.

“When was your last period?” he asked her, and she thought backward.

“I don’t know, it was after the diagnosis, or right before. I don’t think I’ve had one since. And that was four and a half months ago, but I’ve always been irregular.”

“Were you and Miles sexually active then?”

“For the first couple of months, but not in the last three or four, he’s been too sick.”

“So if you’re pregnant with Miles’s baby, you could be four or five months pregnant. Is your abdomen enlarged?”

“I thought I was bloated from stress,” she said with tears in her eyes. How could she have a baby now, if Miles was dying? How could she bring up a child without him?

“You need to see your gynecologist as soon as possible to figure out how pregnant you are. I won’t say anything to Miles about it.”

“Please don’t, he’ll worry about me.” She went back to Miles then and said nothing about the test. The only questions were how pregnant she was and what she was going to do about it. She couldn’t have a baby now. She’d never even wanted one before.

She called her gynecologist the next day and asked for an emergency appointment. When she went in, her doctor had no trouble feeling the pregnancy. They did a sonogram in her office and Alex cried as the doctor watched the screen.

“You are pregnant, Alex. The computer says you’re four and a half months pregnant, the baby is due in late May, early June, and the heartbeat is strong.” Alex could hear the rhythmic beep of the monitor, as the doctor turned the screen so she could see it. The baby looked fully formed, and she could see its heart beating. “It’s too late for a normal abortion. Given your situation now, if you want one, I’ll apply to the hospital board for a psychiatric justification, that you are not mentally strong enough to have the baby. I’ll do that if you want.” Alex thanked her as tears poured down her cheeks. “Do you want to know the baby’s sex?” Before she could stop herself, Alex nodded and the doctor told her. “It’s a little girl.” It only made Alex cry more. If she had an abortion now, she would know she had killed a baby girl. And she didn’t want Miles to know about it. He was dealing with enough, fighting to stay alive. If he were to see this baby born, he would have to live till June. Four and a half more months of agony and treatment for him. And she had nothing to give a baby now, she was giving every ounce of love and energy she had to him.

She left the doctor’s office and went home to drive Miles to get another transfusion. He felt better afterward, as he sometimes did. She took him out to lunch in a wheelchair, and he picked at a salad while she ate nothing. She was feeling sick, and all he wanted to do was go back to bed. While he slept that afternoon, she thought about their baby, trying to decide whether or not to have the abortion. It was a living, moving being inside her. How could she kill it? It looked like a baby on the screen.

By sheer bad luck, Rose called her that afternoon and asked if she had any news about when she would finish the book she had been working on when Miles got sick. Alex explained to her that there was no way she could work on the book. Miles was in no condition for her to leave him for a second, she couldn’t concentrate or write, and now she was having health problems herself.

“Nothing serious, I hope,” Rose said, sounding concerned.

“No, just stress. This is very hard.” Alex knew she wouldn’t get any money if she didn’t deliver the book.

“I think if this goes on much longer,” Rose said regretfully, “your publisher is going to want some money back, until you have time to finish the book, and it doesn’t sound like you have time for that right now.”

“How much will they want?”

“A million dollars,” the first payment of the advance on her last contract. The truth was that she had no idea when she could work again. Her priority was Miles. Alex had the money in the bank, but it was going to eat most of her savings. She had invested some money in the stock market, and it hadn’t done well and she’d lost half of it. She still got royalties periodically, but the big money was always the advance. And the farm continued to chip away at her savings too.

“I’ll pay them if they want it,” Alex said nobly. She couldn’t work now. There was no question of it. She wanted to take care of him.

“Let’s wait till they ask,” Rose said kindly. “Take care of yourself, Alex.”

“I need to take care of Miles,” she said firmly.

“Take care of both of you,” Rose said, and Alex thought, “All three of us.” There were three of them, whether Miles knew it or not.

She spent two weeks agonizing over the decision, and lay in bed awake every night after he went to sleep. She could feel the baby moving, now that she knew what it was.

Miles had a bad reaction to a treatment two days later, his heart stopped and they started it again and kept him in the hospital for three days. He rallied and they let him go home, and at some point while Alex watched them use the defibrillator on him, and when he opened his eyes and smiled at her, the decision was made. She wanted his baby. She told him about it that night. He looked panicked.

“Can you manage that right now? I don’t want you to get sick. How can you be pregnant now? I can’t do anything to help you.” Tears of frustration and sadness ran down his cheeks, and hers.

“I want our baby. I love you,” she said, sobbing.

“I love you too. You’re a brave woman.”

“We’re brave together.” She put his hand on her belly and he could feel the baby move, and he smiled through tears of joy this time, and then he kissed her.

She had no time to focus on the pregnancy, only on him, but the checkups were fine and the baby was growing. She hadn’t told the sisters yet or anyone, and at Easter Miles looked at her with her big belly. He was looking haggard and was still on chemo but he was hanging in. It had been nine months since his diagnosis. He was defying the odds, but he was not getting better. And she was seven months pregnant.

“I think I have to make an honest woman of you,” he said quietly, and then he pulled himself out of their bed and got down on one knee. “Alexandra Winslow, will you marry me? Do I have to propose to Alexander Green too?” he teased her, and she dragged him back into bed.

“Yes, I will marry you.” She was smiling at him. “Where and when?”

“Well, you look like you’re going to pop any minute, so I think there’s no time like the present. Name the day and the place and I’ll be there.” She was touched that he’d asked her. She called Mother MaryMeg and told her and she was relieved. She told her again that they were praying for Miles every day. And then Alex told her about the baby, which made MaryMeg doubly glad that they were getting married.

They got married at the registry office, an old school friend of Miles stood up with him, and Fiona was Alex’s witness as her oldest friend in London. Fiona was heartbroken to see the condition Miles was in, and shocked to realize that Alex was pregnant.

“Will you be able to manage afterward?” Fiona whispered after the ceremony.

“I’ll have to, won’t I?” Alex said in a strong voice. Things had been even harder recently. Her publisher had finally asked for the return of their million-dollar advance, which Alex had sent them, and she never stopped signing checks for the farm, which cost a fortune. There was always some repair or problem, especially without Miles to oversee it. Money was getting tight. He was desperately sick. She wasn’t writing and hadn’t in months, he had run out of money and his only asset was the farm, which Alex had sunk her savings into, and she was having a baby and had no idea when she could work again.

But they celebrated their marriage that night quietly at home in bed. He had a sip of champagne, and she lay next to him, and he ran a hand over her belly and felt the baby. All she wanted now was for him to be alive when she was born. They had already picked out a name. Desiree, which meant desired. She never wanted there to be any doubt in her daughter’s mind later about whether or not they had wanted her. Desiree Erica Mila, for Alex’s father and Miles. They had gotten it all in since there would never be another.

Miles slid slowly downhill in the next two months. There were no brutal changes, but many subtle ones, as he ran out of time. He slept most of the day, as Alex sat next to his bed and watched him. They diminished the dose of chemo he was getting since it wasn’t helping and made him so ill. Alex never gave up and wouldn’t let the doctors give up either, but Miles seemed ready to let go, and he was very peaceful. Their focus was on the baby about to be born, less than what was happening to him, and he rubbed Alex’s back when she was tired. She was with him every night.

Bert had called Rose to see what was happening. He didn’t want to bother Alex. Rose knew about the baby by then and told Bert.

“Do you think she’ll ever go back to work?” He hated to see her waste a career like hers, and a talent.

“She’ll have to eventually, but she can’t focus on that now. Her husband is dying and she’s about to give birth.” It couldn’t get much worse in his opinion, and he didn’t want to call her with Miles so sick. He knew all Alex wanted to do was be with him and share each precious moment left to them, so he sent her encouraging emails, just to touch base with her, but not intrude. And Rose did the same.

Desiree’s timing was perfect. Miles was at the hospital for chemo, and Alex was with him, lying next to him on the bed, when she felt the first labor pains and her water broke a few minutes later. They wheeled her up to labor and delivery on a gurney, with Miles on his own bed wheeled along beside her, and the nurses put his bed next to hers so he could help her. He was holding Alex’s hand as she pushed Desiree into the world, all six and a half pounds of her. She was tiny and exquisite. And the nurses said they had never seen such an easy delivery. Alex had barely made a sound, and she and Miles cried when they saw their baby. She was a beautiful little girl with her mother’s perfect features and her father’s pale blond hair. And every part of her was delicate and lovely. The nurses carefully handed her to her father so he could hold her, as Alex lay next to them and watched them.

Duncan came to see his sister that night and said she was very pretty. And Fiona came and cried when she saw her. Alex had asked Brigid and Fiona to be her godmothers, and Alex called Brigid and the nuns that night to tell them Desiree had arrived and she was beautiful. And as she held her in her arms, Alex knew she was the best thing she’d ever done, and Miles’s most precious gift to her.

The three of them went home two days later to the London apartment, with a baby nurse to help them. There were nurses on duty for Miles by then too. He was very tired and slept as much as the baby, while Alex lay in bed with both of them.

Desiree was five days old on a brilliantly sunny June day. The baby nurse tucked her into her lacy white bassinet and wheeled her away to her room, while Alex held Miles in her arms. He glanced up at her and smiled, and took his last breath as she cradled him, and then he was gone. He looked so peaceful lying there, and she lay with him for a long time until one of the nurses came into the room and saw what had happened. Alex stayed with him until they took him away a little while later, and after he was gone, she held their baby. Desiree was the last gift from Miles. In seven precious years there had been so many gifts and blessings, but she was the sweetest of all.

They buried Miles in the old cemetery at the farm, and Alex and the baby stayed there afterward, while Alex decided what to do. It would be a good place for Desiree to grow up. Miles had wanted his children to have the farm forever, and Alex knew that she would see to it that she followed his wishes. She knew how much the farm meant to him and how much he loved it. And she loved it too. And after all he had done for her, keeping the farm in his memory seemed like the least she could do, whatever it took.