Chapter 6
Shelby
“Don’t be mad,” I said, and shut my office door, the phone pressed to my ear. Anthony hadn’t come in yet but I didn’t trust he wouldn’t barge in. He had a bad habit of popping in at the weirdest moments.
“Uh oh,” Hannah replied. “What have you done? God, do I even want to know? You didn’t sleep with that Anthony guy, right?”
“What? No way!”
“Good, because just the way you described him gave me that creepy, stalker vibe. Or a fuckboy, know what I’m saying?”
“That’s a little harsh.”
“Oh please, he hit on you and acted like you owed him something. I think the label is deserved,” Hannah said, and crinkled what had to be a candy wrapper on the other end of the line. I envied her.
“Where are you?” I asked, and sat down at my desk. She couldn’t be anywhere near her daughter. Hannah wouldn’t use that kind of language in front of her.
“Home. In my favorite spot. And the house is blessedly empty for once. And I’m enjoying a sinful sweet, as well.” I pictured Hannah in the cupola, looking out on her enormous garden and the friendly street. “So? Are you going to give me the details or not?”
“Okay, but you have to promise not to be all judgmental.” A woman could dream.
“I can’t make that promise. It’s my right to judge you as the older sister. You got the lax rules growing up, and I get this,” Hannah said.
I rolled my eyes. She always harped on about how I’d had it easier than her as the younger child. “Ugh, whatever. Okay, here goes nothing. I went on a date with Tyler.”
Hannah’s silence said it all.
“Hello?”
“I’m here,” she said. “I’m right here. Oh, Shelby.”
“What?”
“I thought you were going to do the whole independent work and no men thing? What happened to that plan?”
“I’m still doing the work thing,” I replied. “That’s another reason I called you. I’m just doing the Tyler thing as well.”
“Wait, are you doing the Tyler thing or just doing Tyler?”
“I feel like those terms are interchangeable,” I replied, and I couldn’t keep the smugness from my tone.
“Ew, I didn’t need to know that.”
“Oh please, we’ve discussed everything from girth to technique,” I replied. “What makes this any different?”
“This is different because I don’t agree with it. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”
I opened my bottom drawer and retrieved a Snickers bar. I’d probably need the sugar high after this downer of a conversation. “I’m not going to get hurt. I’m being careful.” Was I really, though? I’d jumped into bed – uh, or onto a sofa – with Tyler after our first date. Sure, it didn’t count as an actual first date but I’d still fallen right back into that pattern with him.
I loved him but I couldn’t go crazy in love again.
“Shelby, I’m not sure this is a great idea,” Hannah said.
“Everything will be fine,” I replied. “Promise. Tyler isn’t going to make me into a crazy person this time around. I’m going to stay level headed. Cool, calm, collected. Everything a woman is supposed to be when they’re in love.”
“In love? Oh, good Christ.”
“That’s blasphemy, you know.”
“Shelby, you’re in love with this guy?” Hannah asked. “Are you serious?”
“I thought I told you that,” I said. “And yeah, I am. But like I said, I’m going to be cool, calm –”
Hannah huffed into the receiver and the line crackled. “Love doesn’t make you any of those things. It makes you crazy. Not you, specifically, but people in general. It makes you do things you regret. I don’t want you to regret this.”
“Would you stop? I’m fine.” I grabbed my Snickers bar and rammed the drawer shut. “And I didn’t call you for a lecture, either. I wanted to talk.”
Hannah went quiet again. I used the gap in our conversation to unwrap the candy bar and take the first sweet bite. I chewed noisily.
“Ugh, really?”
“What? You ‘spect me to sit here and do nothin’?” I asked around a mouthful of chocolate.
“Shelby, put the candy bar down.”
How the hell did she know it was a candy bar? I dropped the Snickers and swallowed. “Are we going to talk or are you going to tell me what an idiot I am for falling for Tyler?”
“Can’t we do both?”
“You’ve already gotten the latter part across. I don’t need a rehash, okay?”
“Fine,” Hannah said. “Just be careful. Now, what was the other thing you wanted to tell me? Something about work?”
“It’s not really a promotion but it’s something similar,” I said.
“Oh my gosh, Shelby, that’s awesome!” Hannah squealed. At least something could excite her. I didn’t necessarily want my sister’s approval, but the disdain sure stung after everything I’d been through with Tyler.
“It’s nothing yet. Basically, Christian put me on a trial period as his assistant and if I provide him with great ideas and prove myself, I’ll have a shot at moving into the marketing department. Which is a huge thing for me because it’s what I’ve wanted since the beginning.”
“Wow,” Hannah said, “Just wow. I am so proud of you. I knew you could do this.”
“Thanks.” I felt myself blushing. “But don’t say anything to Mom and Dad, okay? I mean, it’s nothing huge yet, like I said.”
“All right, I’ll restrain myself.”
“Thanks.”
Hannah paused again. She shifted the phone and it clacked against her earring. “Have you told Tyler about this promotion?”
“Yes.”
“So he knows what’s at stake for you. And that you can’t get distracted.” She didn’t pose them as questions but the doubt was plain in her voice. She couldn’t let this go.
“What is it about Tyler that bothers you so much?” I asked, ego rising to her challenge in spite of my determination not to fight with my sis. “What is it that makes you so mad you can’t even be supportive of me?”
“I’m not mad,” Hannah said. “I’m just disappointed. I know you’re smarter than this.”
“Oh my god.”
“Tyler made you crazy last time.” The strain snapped in her words. She cut each one off short. “He’s not good for you.”
“If you really cared about me that much, you’d support me.”
“That’s like a heroin addict telling their –”
“No, this is nothing like drug addiction.” Though, the thought had crossed my mind more than once. “This is a relationship between two people and you’re making me uncomfortable, now.”
“I just –”
“You don’t want what’s best for me. You want what’s best for you.”
“Huh?” Hannah grunted. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You want me to be alone. You want me to be the work horse.”
Hannah clicked her tongue at me. “You’ve lost me, sis. Or you’re losing it in general. Why the hell would I want you to be a work horse?”
“Because you hate the idea that I can have it all.”
The aching quiet on the other end of the line sent a swirl of guilt through my stomach. I squashed it with rage. Hannah was supposed to be the supportive older sister and all she’d done was bitch and moan about Ty.
What was I supposed to do? Ignore my feelings for him? Pretend I didn’t love him because he was bad for me? No, I was better than that. We could figure this out together.
“I can’t believe you’d say that.”
“Why? It’s true, isn’t it? You’re scared that I might be the one who gets it all. A husband, a high powered career, maybe even a baby.” The words dropped from my lips and I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t stop saying hurtful things.
“Oh please. You couldn’t handle having a child,” Hannah replied. “You’re too squeamish.”
What the fuck? I’d been out on a limb there, firing off insults because she’d infuriated me and somehow, I’d struck gold. Was my sister actually threatened by me?
“And if you think Tyler would make a good father –” She broke off with a bark of laughter. “That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all week. You do know that criminals run out on their families. Or end up in prison. I guess that’s what you want, though. I can picture it now, you bopping a baby on your hip while you work.”
“Hannah, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying what you want to hear, little sis. It’s what you want to believe. You’ve created an illusion to stop me from talking some sense into your head about Tyler and I’m playing into it,” Hannah said. “Lie to yourself all you want, but you can’t fool me.”
“Goodbye.” I hung up to the sound of her yelling – I couldn’t make out a word apart from my name.
Someone knocked on my door and I slipped my phone back into my handbag. My hands wouldn’t quit shaking. “Come in,” I yelled.
My least favorite person at Abernathy and Banks appeared.
“There you are,” Julie said. She didn’t cross the threshold into my office. Perhaps she thought she would burst into flame or contract a disease.
“Where else would I be, Julie?” I asked.
She raised her too-thin eyebrows at me. “Cut the attitude, Taylor. You’re in a place of work, not a club.”
She was one to talk. “What do you want?” I asked, and gripped either side of my skirt.
“Christian informed me that he has another presentation coming up and would like to speak to you about the details.” Julie’s lips drew back. She had lipstick on her teeth again. “He wants to see you in his office. Now.”
“Fine,” I said.
Julie remained in the doorway, arms folded now. She looked me up and down. “Be careful, girl. You’re not irreplaceable in this organization.” Finally, she retreated – though, that wasn’t the right word for it when it came to Julie. She charged off, rather. The woman would never retreat.
I exhaled. She had a point. I couldn’t let my personal problems into the workplace. That was what’d happened the last time, and it hadn’t ended well.
I stood up and pushed Hannah’s words out of my mind. It was time to work.