Chapter 20
Maddy and Riley shared the news about the baby over coffee the same weekend. Even though she could tell Riley was worried, Grace couldn’t think of anything better to help them all from getting too stressed about the star. Life still went on.
Sitting at a table in the coffee shop with her friends, Grace’s attention traveled to the window. She needed to work on the youth center, but it was such a beautiful day.
“We thought we’d get some lunch. Want to come?” Maddy asked.
“I have book stuff to do,” Kara said from next to her. “But if we make it quick...”
Elliot nodded. “Nathan?”
Grace turned slightly and felt his hand slide around her elbow. “Actually, I was kind of hoping I could steal Grace away for the afternoon.”
“Good idea,” Riley jumped in, making Grace throw him a glare. “Let me talk to her first, though.”
Grace narrowed her eyes. Riley caught her arm and pulled her toward the counter. “Riley.”
He stopped and then turned to her, giving a full smile. “You’re going to be a really good aunt.”
She couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you trying to distract me?”
He drew in a deep breath, and she waited. “Nathan likes you. A lot.”
Her stomach jolted. This wasn’t supposed to be a big deal. She and Nathan were enjoying each other’s company. If she thought about it more than that, more seriously than that, her mind malfunctioned. She felt like she wanted to run.
Grace licked her lips and glanced toward her friends laughing and joking at a nearby table. “It’s not…like that.”
Riley frowned, eyes serious. “I think it’s like that on his end.”
She shook her head slowly. “I don’t…that’s not–”
“I see it in your eyes.”
“What?”
“Panic.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Riley.”
He brushed his hand on her arm. “But you know what I see before that? The moment you see him?”
She shook her head again. She didn’t want to know what Riley saw. Didn’t want to have it said out loud.
“Possibility,” he said. “Hope. Maybe even the beginning of lo–”
“Stop. Just stop right there.” She backed up, running a hand through her hair. “You’re just saying that because you’re–you’re blinded by Maddy. And love and–and babies.”
“I’m saying that because I want you to know it’s okay to trust. It’s okay to believe someone will be there for you.”
She looked around, searching for a distraction. “I should…get to the youth center.”
“I think you should have lunch with him.”
Her eyebrows rose, her patience wearing thin.
“Please, Grace.” He reached out and rested his hands on her shoulders. “We’re celebrating today. I don’t want you to go to the youth center, I want you to take the day off. Relax a little.”
“With Nathan.”
He nodded. “Don’t be scared.”
“Riley,” she warned. “Don’t tell me what to do.”
“I want you to be happy. I want someone to be there for you. I wish you wouldn’t fight so hard against it.”
She didn’t respond. She crossed her arms instead.
“I’m sorry. But I know you’re worried about the star. And I think opening yourself up to Nathan might help.”
She swallowed her argument when he leaned in to hug her. He was right. She was scared. Of Nathan. Of not finding the star. But mostly of being vulnerable. Of trusting someone–someone that could hurt her just like her mother had.
“Spend some time with Nathan, please,” he said. “Relax this afternoon and try to give him a chance. Have fun.” Grace gave a barely perceptible nod. He rubbed her arm. “Good.”
The group dispersed and she walked outside with them, into the sunshine.
“So what do you think?” Nathan asked quietly, stepping off the sidewalk by his car. “Do you think you want to give me a chance?”
What? Had he heard her conversation with Riley? Defense flickered again. “I don’t know.”
But then couldn’t stop thinking about the warmth of his lips on hers and the strength in his hands, the way he kept taking care of her, being there for her even though she’d been less than receptive. Riley was right. She was scared.
“Do you like chicken?”
The chaos in her mind came to an abrupt halt. “Excuse me?”
“Fried chicken. Homemade.”
Grace opened her mouth in surprise. “What?”
“My mom’s making fried chicken for lunch–”
“Oh…” she said before he could finish, dropping her eyes to ground. “Your mom? You should go have lunch with her. Have some family time.”
“I want to spend time with both of you. I figured this was a good compromise.”
“I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s not an imposition. She invited you.”
“What?” Her eyes flicked up to his. “She knows about me–us. I mean–”
“Yes, I do talk to my parents sometimes. And I mentioned you to my mom.” Nathan took her hand, brushing his thumbs over her knuckles. “It’s a good thing.”
A terrifying thing. Because it meant he was taking this as serious as Riley made it sound. But isn’t that what she wanted? Someone who was serious about this? A relationship? Or maybe it was much, much worse. That meant it would hurt more when it didn’t work out.
“It’s just lunch, Grace,” Nathan said, stopping next to his car where she leaned against the door. He propped his hands on either side of her. “My mom invited both of us over. My nephew Colby will be there, too. It’ll be fun.”
Words piled up in her mouth. Things she wished she could say. Things she didn’t want to say. Things she should say. But fun…she could handle fun. If that’s all it was.
“Grace,” Nathan murmured, leaning in to brush his lips on her cheek. Her eyes closed automatically in response. “I’m not trying to push you into anything. I just want to spend time with you.”
Her lips parted when she felt his breath on them. Trust. “I know.”
He reached for her hand, long fingers curled around hers. Cool in the heat of the afternoon. “Then let’s have lunch. Come meet my family.”
“Nathan…”
His eyes met hers, sparkling in the light of the sun.
She bolstered courage and smiled. “I like fried chicken.”
~ ~ ~
It felt right sitting next to Grace at his parent’s house and watching her laugh with his mother. Seeing her interact with Colby and smile when he told her a joke about elephants. It made him ache inside, however, that she wasn’t in the same place as him. He’d been heading toward love for a while now.
And Grace could barely hear the word without flinching.
He couldn’t tell her he loved her. It would scare her away. But if he said nothing, how long would this go on? And she’d never know how he truly felt.
More than that, their experience, and their relationship might have something to do with the star. The further Grace got out of her comfort zone, the better chance she had of finding the star.
“Grace, let’s go outside and play!” Colby said, grabbing onto her hand once he finished his meal, and making her smile.
“Colby needs to take his afternoon nap,” Lisa said. She smoothed his forehead with her hand even as he protested.
“But Grandma…I want to show Grace the boat.” His lips turned in a pout. “I wanna to go fishing.”
Nathan stood from the table and scooped Colby into his arms. He gave his ribs a good tickle, brightening the boy’s spirits some. “I’ll put the little man to bed.”
He met Grace’s eyes and she nodded, smiling in return.
He listened to his mother start to chatter about the canoe to Grace as he moved out of the room. He brought Colby to his old bedroom and settled him in the center of the bed. Colby’s eyes already drooped.
“I don’t…wanna go sleep, Uncle Nathan.”
Nathan traced his palm along Colby’s cheek. “Just close your eyes and rest.”
“But…I wanna go fishing with Grace.”
Colby closed his eyes and Nathan smiled. “I know.”
“I like Grace.”
“I know,” Nathan repeated softly, standing slowly from the bed. “Me too.”
He shifted toward the door, glanced back and saw Colby snuggled onto his side. He walked quietly out of the room. The clatter of dishes came from the kitchen. He followed the noise into the room and paused at the doorway. At the sight of the two women together, he propped his shoulder against the wall and contented himself in watching.
Grace stacked dishes on the counter while his mother washed and loaded them into the dishwasher.
“Nathan showed me some of his albums from the volunteer trips he’s gone on,” Grace said.
Lisa bobbed her head in a nod. “He’s been on half a dozen–maybe a few more, though some were right here in the United States.”
Grace turned and saw Nathan, her cheeks flushing. “Hi.”
He pushed himself away from the wall. “I think Colby’s already asleep.”
“Good.” Lisa propped her hip against the counter and dried her wet hands on a dish towel. “He had a long day. I hope you’re planning on staying for a bit, Grace?”
Nathan wrapped his arm around her shoulders. She tensed, and he tried to hold back a smile. “Colby gave me a good idea. I think I’ll show her the canoe.”
“Canoe?”
He nodded. “You want to see it?”
“I guess.”
“You need help with anything else, Mom?”
She flapped the towel at them. “No, no. You get on outside. Too pretty to be in here doing the dishes.”
“I’d be happy to help,” Grace began, but Nathan pulled on her hand.
“Quick, before she changes her mind.” He grinned. “We’ll both help later.”
Nathan kept hold of her hand, guiding her out the back door and around to the short dock.
“Nathan,” she said finally, squirming out of his grasp. “Why’d you do that?”
“This?” he asked, putting his arm around her. “Or this?” He eased in, his lips barely brushing her cheek before she squirmed away.
“Yes to both those things. In front of your mom.”
He chuckled, making her stop and glare at him. “It’s okay, Grace.” When she didn’t seem to agree, he traced a finger down her cheek. “It seems like I’m always having to convince you that it’s okay. It’s okay to show affection–”
“Nathan.”
He backed up and forced himself to put his hands behind his back. “Is that better?”
“Nathan.”
“Okay, come on.” He nodded his head toward the dock. “Let’s figure this out.”
“What is there to figure out?”
“Come on.”
His shoes made hollow thuds against the wooden boards of the dock. The canoe bobbed halfway in the gentle waves of lake water. The other half sunk into the sand on the shore, held in place with a rope tied to the nearest post. Both oars sat inside. “Hop in.”
She lifted her eyebrows.
“Please. And be careful with your ankle.” He held out his hand and she took it, letting him help her into the canoe. “All right, stay there a minute.”
“What? Nathan?”
“Hold on.” He walked back to the house and found two fishing poles leaning against the porch, right where his father usually left them.
When he returned, she still sat in the canoe looking unsure. He smiled at her expression.
“Fishing poles?” she asked.
“Yep.”
He passed them into the canoe, then shoved at the closest end, pushing it into the water. She gripped the sides, trying to steady herself. “Oh…I don’t see how this is going to help us figure anything out. Or solve any problems.”
“Fishing solves lots of problems.”
“Like what to eat for dinner?”
Nathan chuckled and got water on his shoes as he pushed the canoe further into the water. When he hopped in, she gasped as they tilted, bobbing back and forth.
“It’s fine, I promise.”
“You say that a lot.”
“I know, but it’s true.”
Nathan pulled the oars out and began to paddle them to the middle of the lake. Across the cool, sparkly surface, a few other rowboats and canoes dotted the lake. Others fished, some enjoyed the sun. He planned on both and more. But he needed to settle something with Grace first.
“Do you know how to fish?”
She grinned. “Of course.”
“Good.”
She shifted to look out across the water. Her fingers stayed firmly curled around the lip of the canoe. Several more strokes and her hands loosened. She cast him a slight smile.
“I want to be with you, Grace. Kiss you, hold you, even in front of my mother,” Nathan told her, catching her eye. “I want to be with you.”
He heard her quick intake of breath as she sat frozen across from him.
“I want to be able to do these things, but I won’t if it makes you uncomfortable,” he continued. “I’m always telling you it’s okay because I truly believe it is. I…” He reined in the words he wanted to say and told her instead, “I care about you Grace. But you can tell me if you don’t want me to do those things. And I won’t.”
Grace flexed her fingers on the sides of the canoe. “You always do that.”
“What?”
“Say things like that. Things I have no idea how to answer. Things that are hard to hear. And I want…I want…” Grace shook her head and looked out toward the water again.
Nathan pulled the oars in and leaned closer to her, rocking the canoe. She tensed and met his gaze. “You’re going to tip us over.”
“Grace,” he said, holding still enough to steady them, “what do you want?”
Her blue eyes skimmed across his face, then away. “I don’t know.”
He took her hand and held it with both of his own. “Do you want me to stop?”
She pressed her lips together, then shook her head.
“Do you want me to leave you alone?”
Her chin lifted. He saw her swallow. “No.”
“I can just be your friend if that’s what you need.”
Could he do that? Nathan watched her closely on this one. He hoped it wasn’t what she wanted.
“Nathan…” She drew a sharp breath. “What I want isn’t really the issue.”
“I think it’s the entire issue.”
Her hand flexed in his. “It doesn’t really make sense for me to be doing…what I want. I need to do what’s important. I need to find the star. I need…”
“You can tell me, Grace. It’s okay.”
She pulled back completely, giving an uncomfortable laugh. “See? You keep saying that. Nathan, I want to trust you, but–”
She broke off and shook her head. But her words struck him fully and he understood exactly what she was battling with. It relieved him. It gave him hope. She wanted to trust him, and she cared about him, but she worried he’d let her down.
“I understand,” he said, nodding.
“What?”
“It’s hard for you to trust me. But I don’t think it’s just me.”
Grace didn’t respond. She tipped her chin in the direction of the shore, eyes following a young couple as they walked hand in hand along the water. The breeze stirred her hair and Nathan leaned in again. He brushed a strand of hair off her cheek.
“Try.”
“What?” she whispered.
“Try. Try to trust me. Take a risk. Do what your heart is telling you instead of your mind.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
He smiled at her. “I know you can.”