14
Near Garthland Castle, Galloway, Scotland, St. Valentine’s Day, 1307
THE WIND TORE the bindings from her plaits, sending her hair streaming out behind her, as Margaret lowered her head to the palfrey’s neck and raced through the shadowed trees.
She could hear the shouting of her companion behind her, but he didn’t catch her until she drew up at the loch. “God’s bones, Maggie Beag, what the hell do you think you are doing?” He reached over and grabbed the reins from her, forcing her mount to come to a complete stop. “Are you trying to kill yourself, riding through the trees like that? I should take you over my knee.”
Margaret stared at the familiar handsome face, although it wasn’t often turned toward her with such fury. Lord, she almost believed all those stories she heard of his fierceness on the battlefield when he looked like this. But Tristan MacCan had been her friend for as long as she could remember; it would take more than a dark look to send her cowering.
She narrowed her eyes right back at him. “I was racing—and winning I’ll point out. And last time I looked you are not my father or my husband, Tristan MacCan, so don’t try to order me about.”
With a toss of her head, she dismounted—hopping down with a loud exclamation. She strode to the water’s edge.
But he was right behind her. Catching her by the arm, Tristan swung her around to face him. “Not yet, maybe. But when I am, I will take you over my knee, if you ever do anything like that again. You could have ridden into a limb in the darkness going that fast. You scared my heart right out of my chest.”
He always did this, blast it. He took the anger right out of her when he said sweet things like that. She’d frightened him, and his reaction had been out of concern.
But it was more than that. Tristan cared for her—more than she’d realized. It wasn’t until she’d returned home from Kerrera that she’d noticed the subtle changes. The way he stared at her with longing, and maybe a slight edge of possessiveness when he didn’t think she was looking. The way he no longer followed every pretty lass who fluttered her lashes at him out the door. The way he’d tried to ease the transition of her return home with her father and brothers.
Tristan had always assumed—as she had—that her marriage would be a political one. Her marriage to Eoin had changed everything. Now that she was back, he thought he’d been given a second chance—thanks to her father. But she cared about him too much to give him hope where there was none. Her heart belonged to one man, and until she learned differently, she would wait for him.
Four months after returning home, Margaret wondered if she’d made a mistake. The episode with Fin and Marjory had shaken her to the core; her only thought had been to escape. Had she given up too easily? Would Lady Rignach have listened to her? Had Eoin come home for her only to find her gone?
She’d heard nothing from him directly, only rumors of Bruce and a handful of men fleeing to the Western Isles. It was as if they’d vanished into the mist five months ago. Recently, she’d heard rumblings of the “king’s” return—and her father was certainly being secretive about something with messengers coming and going at all hours—but the soldiers who’d garrisoned the nearby castles had been idle for months. For which she was relieved. God knew she had no love of King Edward, but neither did she want the war to resume. She just wanted Eoin to come home safely. No matter what her father said, she refused to believe he was dead.
She turned to Tristan, who’d relaxed his hold on her arm but still was standing close to her. “I know what my father wants, Tristan. But I will not go along with his plans to dissolve my marriage with the claim of a precontract. You and I were not secretly betrothed, and I will not say we were.”
It wasn’t yet dark enough to mask Tristan’s expression, and she could see the glint of annoyance in his ridiculously green eyes—Lud, they would put emeralds to shame! “I can’t believe you are still holding on to a man whom you barely know, who deserted you among strangers, and then expected you to sit by the hearth waiting for him. If you were my wife, I would have taken you with me. Nothing would have kept me from having you by my side.”
Margaret felt a pang in her chest, knowing that Tristan spoke true. He would have taken her with him, and she couldn’t escape the thought that if Eoin had really loved her, he would have done so, too.
He held her gaze. “He’s probably dead, you know.”
She didn’t say anything, but looked away. She would know if he was . . . wouldn’t she?
He forced her face back to his with a hand on her chin. “But even if he’s somehow survived the past few months, you don’t think he’ll come for you here, do you? You left him, Maggie.”
The pang intensified, Tristan’s words an echo of her fears. “I told you why,” she said, her voice breaking.
“Aye, but I doubt he’ll bother to come around and ask questions. You made your choice clear when you came back to your family—where you belong.”
But that was just it. She wasn’t sure she belonged anywhere anymore. Garthland was the same, but it was also different. Or maybe she was the one who was different. She laughed and jested, she spoke her mind, and did what she wanted without asking permission. Her days were busy and filled with purpose. She’d slipped right back into her role as chatelaine and had hosted countless feasts since she’d returned. She was no longer miserable.
But neither was she happy. How could she be when Eoin was somewhere out there in danger? And just like at Gylen, there was no one she could talk to at Garthland about her fears for her husband. Not even Brigid. The distance she’d felt from her friend before leaving Stirling had widened since Margaret’s return. Normally Brigid would have accompanied Margaret and Tristan on the ride to the loch, but all Brigid seemed to want to do since she and her brother had arrived was to sit by the window and watch the men in the yard as she sewed. Margaret was even more convinced that Brigid had fallen in love, but every time she asked her friend about it, she got a pained look on her face and refused to talk about it.
Just like at Gylen Castle, Margaret was caught between two loyalties. She didn’t fit in anywhere anymore, belonging to neither clan completely and distrusted by both.
“Eoin loves me,” Margaret said to Brigid’s brother, trying to twist out of his hold. “He’ll come for me when he can.”
She must have sounded more certain than she felt, because Tristan’s expression hardened. “And how long will that be?” He drew her closer, so their eyes were only inches apart in the darkness. “You are a beautiful, young woman, Maggie. Are you prepared to wait years for it to be safe enough for MacLean to try to sneak back here to fetch you? For sneak is what he will have to do. As long as your father lives—as long as any of the Lord of Badenoch’s kin live—it will never be safe for Bruce and his men in Scotland. He killed him before an altar, for God’s sake.” Ignoring his own blasphemy, he lowered his voice huskily. “And you forget, I’ve had you in my arms before. I know how passionate you are. Do you want to go months—years—without this?”
He’d always been good at surprising her, and he did so again when he bent his head and kissed her. His lips were warm and soft, and his mouth tasted of cloves. It was instantly familiar, but it was also instantly wrong.
He tried to cradle her head in his hand and bring her mouth closer to his to slide in his tongue as he used to do, but she pushed him forcefully away. He stumbled backward, swearing.
“Blast it, Tristan, stop!” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him furiously. “What do you think you are doing?”
His eyes blazed just as hotly—but with something else. “Showing you what you are missing. Proving to you that you’d be a fool to wait for a man who will never come back, when you have one right here who wants you.”
He took a step closer to her, but she held him back. “Stop it, Tristan! I don’t want this.”
His eyes grew fierce, he leaned toward her, as if he might draw her into his arms. “I can make you want it.”
There was a powerful edge to his voice that she didn’t recognize. It sent a shiver of trepidation running down her spine. But Tristan wasn’t Fin MacFinnon. He would never hurt her. “No, you can’t,” she said firmly. “We have been friends for a long time, but if you persist in this, we won’t be any longer.”
For a moment he looked as if he might press his case, but then her words seemed to penetrate. She could see the anger and frustration warring on his expertly crafted features.
“You’re making a mistake, Maggie. I hope by the time you’ve figured it out, I haven’t grown tired of waiting. I’ll not sleep alone forever. But continue this stubbornness, and you very well might.”
Taking his horse by the lead, he stomped off into the darkness. She wanted to call after him, but she knew it was probably best to give him time to cool his temper. The castle was only a shout away.
A moment later she reconsidered. It had gotten dark all of the sudden, and the shadows of the forest had taken on a sinister cast. Something felt wrong.
The sound of leaves rustling sent a shiver racing down her spine. She looked around, peering into the darkness.
It’s only the wind, she told herself.
But it wasn’t. The hair at the back of her neck prickled. She could feel something. Someone was out there.
She started to scream for Tristan, when a hand slipped over her mouth, and a man grabbed her roughly from behind.
He shouldn’t be here. Eoin had promised Lamont that he’d take a quick look at the castle and meet back at the rendezvous in an hour. He wasn’t supposed to let anyone know he was here—even his runaway wife. Too much was riding on it.
After five months of biding their time in the Western Isles while Bruce gathered the support necessary to retake his kingdom, they were ready. Tomorrow night the king and about three hundred men would lead an attack at Turnberry farther up the coast, and the larger part of their forces—about nine hundred men—under the command of Bruce’s two brothers Alexander and Thomas, would lead an attack on Galloway on the south coast.
Everything was ready, and the warriors of the Highland Guard had been given the dangerous task of scouting the landing areas the night before. In Galloway that meant Eoin and Lamont. In Ayrshire that meant MacSorley, MacLeod, and MacGregor. The other half of the Guard were somewhere in northwest Scotland, leading Bruce’s womenfolk to safety.
Eoin and Lamont’s mission was simple: reconnaissance of the enemy strength and position, and to make sure no one was expecting them. The site chosen for their landing was less than ideal. Indeed, Eoin had argued against it. The deep narrow cove at Loch Ryan could enable the enemy to pick them off from the shore like fish speared in a barrel. But with the currents, it was the only place to land so many men safely, and he’d lost the argument. Their success would hinge on surprise.
Yet here he was, on the most important mission of his life, risking everything because he was too furious—too consumed by jealousy—to heed caution.
He’d been high in a tree just outside the castle walls, trying to see into the yard to get an idea of the number of men inside—and hoping for a glimpse of his wife—when the woman and man rode out of the gate. The light was low, and she was wearing a cloak over her head, but he’d recognized her instantly. The laugh over her shoulder and the way she’d shot out through the trees on her horse had only confirmed it. He’d scrambled down and followed after them.
He couldn’t believe it. He’d been berating himself for months about how he’d left her, to find out that not only has his wife left him with barely an explanation (he didn’t need to look at the note—how had she learned to write?—in his sporran to recall the words, misspelled and all: “I love you, but I canot stay here withowt you any longer. I will be wating for you at Garthland. Forgive me.”), but when he finds her, she’s gallivanting across the countryside with another man.
A man whom it doesn’t take him long to realize must be Tristan MacCan. The bastard who had probably given her her first kiss. And her second. And how many more? And how much more?
The pernicious thoughts assailed him in the darkness. Jealousy coiled inside him like a snake, waiting to strike. It wasn’t helped by the fact that MacCan could hold his own on the battlefield and give MacGregor a contest in visage. When the bastard kissed her, Eoin went mad with rage. It had taken everything he had not to rip MacCan off her and tear him apart limb by limb.
If she hadn’t pushed MacCan away herself, Eoin might have. But sanity intervened.
For a moment at least. Until she sensed his presence and opened her mouth to scream. Knowing he couldn’t let her alert the castle to their presence—men swarming all over the area was a chance he could not take—he was forced to reveal himself.
“Shhh,” he whispered in her ear. He felt the sharp intake of air under his hand, as her body stiffened with shock and recognition. “Unless you want to bring your father’s men down on me, wife.”
Even in his anger he was aware of the press of her body against his. All those soft curves that he loved fit perfectly against him, and he reacted like a starved beast, hardening, as blood rushed to all parts of his body in contact with her.
As soon as he released his hold, she turned and threw her arms around him. “Eoin!” she sobbed. “You came.”
He held her away from him. “Aye, and just in time, from what I just saw.”
Something in his voice must have alerted her. She eyed him anxiously, although it might have had something to do with his appearance. All those months on the run had taken their toll; he not only fit but looked the part of the outlaw. Remembering that he was wearing the blackened nasal helm favored by the Highland Guard, he let her go to remove it. Tossing it on the ground, he waited.
She bit her lip, clearly embarrassed. “It was nothing, Eoin.”
“Nothing?” he exploded, his mind racing back to that day at Stirling Castle, and how easily she’d dismissed young John Comyn’s kiss. “He had his mouth on you, Margaret, and that is sure as hell something as long as you are my wife—a fact you seem to have forgotten.”
“Of course I haven’t forgotten.”
“Haven’t you?” He hauled her up against him. His senses exploded, but anger held him back from crushing his mouth to hers. “Then what the hell are you doing out here alone with him? Or maybe I don’t need to ask? You and I went riding once alone.”
She gasped with outrage, her eyes narrowing to angry slits. “Just what are you insinuating?”
“I’m not insinuating anything, I’m asking. Just what in the hell is your relationship with Tristan MacCan?”
“I don’t have a relationship with him. You should know that.” She must have seen something in his expression. “What?”
“You didn’t bleed.”
It took her a moment to realize what he meant. She gave him a look that made him want to crawl under a rock.
“And so I must not have been a virgin?” She gave a harsh laugh. “Jealousy has made you a fool as well as an arse. Not all women bleed their first time, Eoin. Even I know that. I was a virgin when I met you, and I’ve been faithful to you every day since, though right now I’m asking myself why.” She paused, as if fighting to calm her temper. “Tristan was wrong to kiss me, and I’m sorry you had to see that, but I am not a whore. And just because I fell into bed with you doesn’t mean I will with any other man.”
Bloody hell, she was making him feel in the wrong. But it wasn’t he who was kissing another woman in the forest. It wasn’t he who was discussing how to end their marriage. “Why the hell do I find you here at all? My wife should be at Gylen. Is MacCan the reason you left me? Did you grow tired of waiting for one husband and decide to take another?”
“Maybe I should have! I’m not the one who left you alone and unprotected. I’m not the one who disappeared for months without telling you anything. I’m not the one keeping you in the dark. I’m not the one who leapt out of the darkness, scaring me half to death, hurling accusations like a wild man, when I haven’t seen you for months. Months when I didn’t know if you lived or died. That is not a marriage, Eoin—or at least not one I will be a part of.”
Unprotected? What did she mean? He would have asked, but she tried to draw away and he knew he couldn’t let her go. Part of him feared he’d already lost her.
He leaned his face toward hers, so that only a few inches separated their eyes. “As long as there is breath left in my body you belong to me. If MacCan or your father thinks they are going to change that with some false claim of precontract, they can go to Hades. I’ll put them there myself.”
Her eyes flashed. “I don’t belong to anyone. I’m not a possession to be fought over, I’m supposed to be your wife. But if this is your idea of how to treat someone you are supposed to love, then I’ve had enough, and it is you who can go to Hades—or back to the war that is so important to you.”
But God, he did love her. That was the problem. He couldn’t let her go, even though she deserved more than he could give her right now. He had to hold on to her. Had to find some way to put the broken connection back together.
So he did the only thing he could think of. The only thing that she couldn’t deny. The only thing that he knew could quiet the storm raging inside them both.
He covered her mouth with his and kissed her with all the pent-up passion, all the unfettered anger, all the fear lashing around inside him. His need for her was raw and powerful, fierce in its intensity. Like a lightning storm it clattered and thundered, whipping the elements around them both in a violent frenzy of lust and desire.
Her mouth was open, her tongue was thrusting against his with the same hunger, the same need, the same frantic desperation. She was grasping his shoulders, squeezing his arms, moving her hands over his body with the same fervor. He loved when she touched him, loved the feel of her greedy hands all over him.
His mouth was on her throat, his hands on her breasts, on her bottom, lifting.
She reached for him, molding her hand around his cock. It felt so damned good, he thought he was going to explode.
They were pulling at each other’s clothes. His chausses were unlaced, his braies untied, and his erection bobbed free.
The cold night air didn’t give any relief against the heat hammering through his veins. He was on fire. They were on fire.
He pressed her back against a tree, lifted her skirts, and slid his hand between her legs.
Jesus. She was already ready for him, and he couldn’t wait another second to be inside her. It had been so long . . .
He slammed into her with a thrust that surprised them both. A thrust of possession. A thrust of exclamation. And a thrust that couldn’t be denied.
They belonged together.
Over and over he proved it to her, as his hips rocked back and forth, first slowly, and then as her cries grew more insistent, faster. Pumping harder. Circling deeper in a fierce, primitive drum of need and desire.
Yes. Oh God, yes. It felt so good.
It was building. Surrounding them. Clamoring for release.
He could feel the pressure spiking at the base of his spine. Unrelenting, all-consuming, and irrepressible.
The sound of her cries sent him over. “Oh God, Maggie . . . I love you so much.”
The words echoed over and over in his head as his body seized and the powerful emotions tore him apart. He filled her with the proof of that love, exploding deep inside her.
Only when the roar of the flames had dimmed did he notice the quiet.
Something had been different.
Since that first time in the cottage, Margaret had known that there was something different in her husband’s lovemaking. She sensed he’d been holding back. But it wasn’t until now that she realized what that was.
He pushed back, his manhood coming out of her—out of her—from where he’d found his release. She felt the coldness and wondered how she could have missed something so significant. Except for that first time, every time he’d made love to her, he’d pulled out of her.
“Oh God, Maggie, I’m sorry.” He drew his hand back through his disheveled hair—hair that was much shorter than she remembered it. He looked so different. All vestiges of youth were gone. He was a man, and a dangerous-looking one at that. This man belonged to the shadows—lived in the shadows. He wasn’t the man she’d married. “I didn’t mean for that to happen like that.”
She didn’t move from her place against the tree while he re-did his clothing.
Why? Why? The question rang in her ear. She feared she didn’t want the answer, but she asked anyway. “Didn’t mean for what to happen like that? Why, did you forget to do something?” He stared at her, obviously confused. “Is there a reason you have chosen to take your pleasure outside of me until now?”
He didn’t flinch from the accusation in her eyes. “I thought it was best.”
Her fists squeezed at her side, her voice shrill. “What was best?”
“There is less chance of a child.”
She stared at him in the darkness, unable to breathe, feeling as if he’d just kicked her in the chest. “You don’t want a child with me,” she whispered. His wild, backward mistake of a wife.
He took her icy hand in his, but she feared she would never feel warm again. “Of course I do—just not right now. I haven’t known whether I was going to be alive from one day to the next for almost the past year, Maggie. I thought it would be easier on you.”
“How thoughtful of you.” Her voice sounded as dull and far away as she felt.
He’d been holding himself back from her in so many ways, why should she be surprised? He told her nothing about his plans to fight for Bruce, where he’d disappeared to for months, where he was going, and what he was doing. He’d refused to take her with him, and left a man who hated her—who might have hurt her—to “protect” her. And only now did he come for her?
“Why are you here, Eoin? Why have you come to fetch me now?”
The grim angle of his jaw was her answer.
She sucked in her breath, the tightening in her chest a cruel, burning pain. “I see,” she said softly. “You didn’t come to fetch me at all, did you?”
He reached for her, but she flinched away. “I hoped for a glimpse of you, but I can’t take you with me. Not yet.”
“Why not?”
She didn’t expect an answer, and he didn’t give her one. “It wouldn’t be safe. I shouldn’t even be here right now. You can tell no one of my presence.”
“You are planning something, aren’t you? That’s why you are here.”
He betrayed nothing by his expression, but his voice intensified. “I mean it, Maggie, no one. Under any circumstances. I’m trusting you with this. My life and the lives of others depend on it. As soon as it is safe, I will have Fin send his men to bring you back to Gylen.”
“No.”
The flatness of her voice seemed to take him aback. “What do you mean no?”
“I will not go back to Gylen—especially with Fin. Aren’t you curious about why I left? Your foster brother attacked me, Eoin. He kissed me, and I believe he would have tried to force me, if I hadn’t managed to get away.”
Eoin looked absolutely stunned. “Jesus, Maggie. Are you sure? Maybe there was some kind of misunderstanding? He’s married to Marjory now.”
“Of course I am sure, and there is no misunderstanding. Your sister saw everything, although she convinced herself that I kissed him.”
He didn’t say anything, but for one moment—one fraction of an instant—she saw the question in his eyes, and it felt as if he’d stabbed her with a dagger, so sharp and piercing was the blow.
She stared at him in disbelief. How could he claim to love her and believe that of her—even for an instant?
It seemed the final blow. She was tired of jealousy, tired of suspicion, tired of the distrust, but most of all she was tired of being alone. He had never really committed to her or to their marriage.
“Go to hell, Eoin. And don’t bother coming back.”
His frown turned fierce and angry. “What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I’m done waiting for you to trust me. I’m done trying to prove myself to you. How could you think for one moment . . . ?” She stopped, taking a deep breath through the ball of hurt burning in her chest. “I will no longer defend myself to you or anyone else. I won’t be half a wife. I won’t be a dirty little secret to hide away in some castle for you to swive whenever the urge strikes. This was a mistake.”
There was a note of finality in her voice that must have alerted him. “That isn’t how it is, Margaret. If you would just try to see things from my perspective. I’ve made vows. I have a duty.”
“What about your vows and duty to me? You say you love me, but this isn’t love, Eoin. This is loneliness, secrets, and suspicion interspersed with moments of physical pleasure.”
He stared at her. The helplessness in his eyes tore at her, but she held firm.
“I’m doing the best I can, Maggie. I know this has been difficult, but please try to be a little more patient.”
“No,” she said, and then repeated more firmly, “No. I’m done being patient. I want all of you. If you leave now without me, don’t bother coming back.”
She knew he didn’t like ultimatums, but she would not back down. Not this time. They couldn’t go on like this. There would be nothing left.
Maybe there was already nothing left. His expression had turned to ice, cold and hard. “Is that what you really want?”
Her insides knotted. “Aye.”
She wanted to call the word back as soon as she said it, but she knew it had to be said. He had to choose.
She just didn’t think he’d choose to leave her.