Kai and I both arrived in the hospital parking lot just behind the ambulance. We took the time to park, and by the time we reached the hospital doors, I was ready to shove his motherfucking mantras down his sacral chakra. But Josiah would be less than pleased if I did that.

They’d already moved Josiah to the birthing room. Thankfully, we’d preregistered, and both Kai and I were on the list of approved birth attendants, so we were quickly guided to his room.

It was chaos. A nurse was trying to ask Josiah questions, Dusty was butting in with answers that made no sense, and Josiah was growling. Maybe groaning, but with his teeth clenched and bared, it sure looked like growling. Kai stepped into the chaos like hippy Moses into the Red Sea, raising his arms and saying, “Breathe, dudes.”

Surprisingly, everyone did. Or at least they stopped whatever they were doing long enough to look at Kai. Maybe they were wondering what kinda drugs he was on and where they could get some. Not gonna lie, I’d had that thought a few times. Kai looked around the room and sighed. “This room needs a good smudging, but we’ll have to make do with the crystals. Crystals just take longer to soak up the bad juju.”

“There’s bad juju?” Josiah said, eyes widening.

“What’s smudging?” I whispered to Dusty.

“Just unfocused pain, life bringer. Nothing to worry about. We are creating a sacred space for you to meditate on bringing new life into this world.”

“It’s some kind of wavy smoky thing,” Dusty replied. “I think they use them in exorcisms.”

The nurse rolled her eyes. “Can we please finish the questionnaire?”

We were left alone in the room after that. Dusty and I sat on either side of Josiah, holding his hands, while Kai sat at his head. “You know this child as well as you know yourself, Josiah. Let’s listen to him. What color would the baby find most healing right now?”

“Uh...” Josiah panted. “G-green?”

Kai nodded encouragingly. “Your instinct will guide you. If the color changes, that’s okay. Now fill your womb with this color. Just imagine this color washing over your womb, filling it until it overflows. Take deep breaths. Your womb is a basin of life, let it fill with your healing color. And when it overflows, let it form a waterfall. Let that waterfall pour over your root system and back into Mother Earth.”

I’d really had it up to here with Kai’s hippy mumbo jumbo, but Josiah was actually relaxing, so I wasn’t going to argue.

“Just keep breathing and flowing. The baby is happy and healthy. He’s excited to meet you, and scared of the journey. But aren’t we all? We’ve all felt that terrifying moment where our stomach leaves our body behind, right before we make the leap into the great and beautiful unknown.”

For once, Kai actually said something that made some sense. I squeezed Josiah’s hand and reached across his stomach for Dusty’s. We’d all taken a leap into the unknown of this relationship, and it had been terrifying and exciting; it still was. But it was worth it.

Josiah screamed suddenly. “This baby is coming right. Fucking. Now.”

Kai nodded and went to Josiah’s propped-up knees. “Do you mind, Josiah?” With permission, he lifted the gown. The derpy haze of happiness I’d come to associate with Kai wiped away for a moment, replaced by a thin-lipped press of determination. He pressed the nurse call button, and within a minute, a nurse stuck her head in.

“If the doctor would care to deliver this baby, the time has come.”

The nurse kept her expression professional, but it was clear she had about as much patience for Kai as I did. “It’s too soon for a first-time birth. He’ll be a few more hours at least. He hasn’t even had an epidural.”

“I respectfully suggest you perform an assessment before dismissing my statement.”

The nurse may have rolled her eyes, but she hid it well as she came in and greeted Josiah gently. She asked his permission then lifted the gown. Her mouth pursed into a surprised “o”. “Ah... let me... just... try not to push!”

She hurried out into the hallway. “Get Dr. Rosenberg!”

Within a flurry of moments, the doctor was there, and Kai was back at Josiah’s head, telling him, “Focus on guiding the flower of your love through a channel of warmth and light. We welcome you, child. The world welcomes you. The birds welcome you...”

I had to stop listening, but thankfully there was plenty going on to distract me. Josiah was pushing, screaming, and then suddenly, the doctor held up a baby: red, sticky, squirming, and beautiful. The next moments were a blur as the doctor handed me the scissors, and after a brief look for permission at a crying Josiah, I cut his cord. And then our baby was in Josiah’s arms, and we were crying. All three of us.

The doctor pulled down her mask and tossed her gloves in the trash. “It’s a good thing your doula called us when he did. That boy of yours was determined to come, doctor or no! He just about birthed himself onto the floor!”

Kai had faded into the background, but he came around to touch each of our foreheads with a pale-white stone, saying, “I ask the goddess to grant these parents guidance in raising this child to be a citizen of the earth.”

I wasn’t sure about any goddess, but in that moment, I was grateful for Kai. He might be a little crazy, but he had a good heart, and he had proven to be just what we needed. So much of the craziness in our lives had happened just when we needed it these last few months. I wasn’t exactly ready to buy into Kai’s whole belief that the universe gave you exactly what you needed, but it certainly had given me more than I expected. It was hard to believe in this moment that there had been a point in my life where I had never wanted kids. As I looked at my family, minus our Sammy, I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

* * *

I couldn’t believe how tiny our boy was. His entire palm was only about the size of my thumb. How could something so tiny and so perfect be real? It had been over twenty-four hours since his birth, and I still wasn’t over it.

“Time’s up,” Dusty said making grabby hands at me. “My turn.”

I spun away from him. “You stalled handing him over last time. I get at least two more minutes. The clock starts when he’s in my arms, not when you’re supposed to hand him over.”

Was it childish that Dusty and I were fighting over time with our child? Was it ridiculous that we had a fifteen-minute timer set to indicate when to switch turns? Yes and yes. My only excuse was that we were exhausted and our baby boy was too cute to handle. It was scrambling our daddy brain cells, turning us to mush.

Little boy started rooting, making that tiny newborn whimper that was just a-freaking-adorable.

“Give him here,” Josiah commanded. “He’s hungry.”

I handed him over to Josiah easily, and if I gave Dusty a triumphant smirk as I walked over to wrap my arms around him, who could blame me? I kissed most of Dusty’s pout away. It was hard to be upset watching Josiah feed our baby, though. It was so right. So natural. Once the baby latched on, Josiah looked at us tiredly. “So when do we get to go home?”

“Soon,” I promised. “The nurse said the pediatrician needs to come consult with us, and then we’re free to go.”

“As soon as we decide on the baby’s name,” Dusty added. “We’re not leaving the hospital without filling out the birth certificate.”

There was that. We’d tossed around ideas, but nothing had seemed to stick. And we hadn’t been able to agree on anything we’d talked about since he was born.

“I think we should wait for Sam,” I said.

Josiah’s eyes widened in horror. “Are you really sure you want to do that? She named the kitten “Giggles.”

“Giggles is a fine name for a kitten,” I defended her. “She’s old enough to know the difference between animal names and human names.”

Josiah narrowed his eyes in speculation. “That’s awful trusting of you.”

“Well, we better hurry up and decide, or else Mrs. St. John and Sam will be here and we won’t have the option of discussing it without her.”

“I’m still voting for Richard if it has to be a normal name. Dick the third. No? No triple dick in the family?” Dusty smirked.

“I’m fairly certain the triple dick we have right now is just fine without bringing our son into it.” Josiah’s glare turned from Dusty to me when that popped out of my mouth, and Dusty looked as if he were going to hurt himself he was trying so hard not to laugh. “That...” I sighed. “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t say that. Okay. Names. Go.”

Silence fell as we all thought. The problem was, we’d been through a lot of names.

I took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s start at the beginning. What is the most important feature of a name for you?”

“It has to be unique,” Dusty said immediately.

“But not weird,” I countered, kissing Dusty’s cheek.

“And I want it to have meaning.” Josiah’s eyes softened as he looked at the small bundle against his chest.

Our favorite nurse, Judy, knocked on the open door. “How’s everything going? Eating like a champ, I see.”

We all beamed at her like the proud papas we were.

“It’s about time for a bath, but we’ll let the precious finish eating first. Have ya’ll decided on a name?”

Josiah shook his head sheepishly.

“Nothing wrong with that, sugar. Sometimes it takes a little bit to get to know the angels. Some names just don’t fit once they come out.”

“Maybe you can help us, Judy. We want a name that is unique, not weird, and has meaning.” I pointed at Dusty, myself, and Josiah in turn.

“Well, it’s not exactly unique, but I’m a pretty big fan of my son’s name, Alexander. It means defender of men. But don’t you worry. I’m sure the perfect name will pop right up.”

The three of us shared a look. “I like the meaning,” Josiah said.

“And it’s definitely not weird.”

“It is a little boring,” Dusty protested.

“What if we shortened it?” Josiah asked. “Alex...” Dusty made a face. “Would be a no. Sander?”

“That’s kind of weird,” I said.

“What about Zander?”

That gave us pause.

“I don’t hate it,” I admitted.

“And it’s a diminutive of Alexander, so it has meaning.”

“Do we have our name?” We looked around at each other and no one raised an argument.

Our sweet boy relaxed in Josiah’s arms, done eating. I almost hated to call Judy back to tell her he was ready for his bath. Josiah trailed a finger down the tiny, chubby cheek. “Hello, Zander.”

Dusty made grabby hands, and Josiah rolled his eyes while handing our baby boy over. Our Zander.

* * *

If I’d thought Zander was just the cutest thing in the world, I’d been wrong. Sam holding Zander was the cutest thing in the world. Dusty hovered protectively at her elbow, supporting her arms, and she had the biggest grin on her face.

“So how do you like being an aunt, Sammy?”

She shrugged and my heart leaped to my throat, but Dusty was right there with her, supporting Zander and her arms. “It’s pretty cool.”

Dad drew my attention with a hand on my elbow. “I just wanted to say thank you, son. For letting me be here. I know I haven’t earned the right...” He cleared his throat. “So... thanks.”

I had too much to say to that. I had nothing to say to that. So, hesitantly, I opened my arms for a hug, and wrapped my Dad up. “Thanks for being here.”

Josiah surreptitiously wiped away a tear as we stepped back.

“Okay, Sammy. What do you say to letting Grandpa have a turn?”

I’d never seen such a look of pure joy on my father’s face as when he took his first, well, only grandkid in his arms, though I was pretty sure Sam had basically been adopted already.

I felt the too-familiar burning of impending tears. I had to get out of here. This whole becoming a dad thing had turned me into a certifiable mush monster. I made my way to the vending machine. I didn’t really want anything, it was just something to poke at.

Familiar arms wrapped around my waist. “Are you okay?”

“I’m amazed they even let these kinds of things in the hospital. They’re pretty much the antithesis of health. Hell, they’re probably half the reason people end up here, anyway.”

“I’m fairly certain we all know what causes people to end up in the maternity ward, and it’s not a snack bag of Cheetos. Though I’m willing to give anything a try.”

I didn’t have to turn around to see Dusty’s goofy eyebrows waggling. I knew my husb—no, not my husband anymore. Man, was that weird.

I did turn around to face him now. “We’ve never really discussed it, but what are we going to call each other? Even after the handfasting, we’re not really husbands.”

Dusty shrugged. “I’ve kind of been going with mates, in my head. We are, in all but the technicalities. And it’s not the label that’s important, it’s the relationship. We have that in spades.”

I sighed, resting my forehead on his. “You’re right.”

“But you’re good? With your dad?”

I nodded, our heads moving comically in tandem. “Yeah. More than good, I think.”

“Good. I wouldn’t have left him alone with Josiah without talking to you except Judy came in to give Zander a bath, and you seemed like you needed a hug.”

“I’m fine, you goof. Just a little... emotional.”

“Emotional? My Richard? Lawd have mercy, I never thought I’d see the day.” Dusty pressed his fingers to his chest and put on an absolutely terrible impression of a southern belle’s drawl.

“Good thing your happiness in life has never been dependent upon you making a good impression on a suitor.” I wrapped my arm around his waist and pulled him with me toward the room.

“Are you saying I’m not impressive? Seeing as I somehow managed to nab not one, but two handsome men, the evidence seems to be against you.”

“Fine. You’re the most impressive southern belle I’ve ever met.”

Dusty paraded ahead of me, sashaying his hips. “You’d best believe it, dahling.”

We heard Zander before we entered the room, but his cries were so darn quiet, they hardly counted as cries. “Why can’t all babies be this quiet?” I kissed Josiah’s forehead. “You done good, little one.”

Judy and Dad shared a look.

Dad cleared his throat. “What your boys are too nice to tell you, Richard, is that he won’t stay this quiet. You—”

“Hush your mouth, Dick,” Dusty said. “We’ve clearly got a unicorn baby who will never cry too loud or make too much mess.”

“Yep.” Josiah nodded his head frantically. “Unicorn. Poops skittles.”

I glared at them all. “I already know he doesn’t poop skittles. I watched you change his diaper, Dusty.”

“Have you not changed a diaper, yet?” Judy asked incredulously.

“Well... no.” The times Josiah and Dusty had suggested I try, I’d glared at them until one of them gave in and did it.

“Oh, Papa. You’ve got some learning to do. We’re going to start with you jumping in on this bath. Now go wash your hands and let me show you how to deal with the umbilical stump, and then you’re going to put this next diaper on. And if you don’t change the next diaper, I’ll be hearing about it. You boys hear that? That’s an order.”

“I’m not changing a diaper,” I insisted as Judy pulled me around to show me how to drop antiseptic on the umbilical cord.

Judy pinned me with an unforgiving glare. “No one is too big, too alpha, or too manly to change a diaper. There’s only too selfish and too cowardly. So which are you?”

Not many people could put me in my place. No one had ever put me in my place as quickly and effectively as Judy. I sighed. “I’ll change a f—” I glanced at Sam “—flipping diaper.”

By the time Zander was diapered and dressed, it was time for another feeding. “For a tiny fella, he sure does eat a lot.”

“A tiny fella has a tiny stomach,” Dusty said, snuggling Sam. “Gotta fill it up more often, right, Sammy?”

“I must have a huge stomach, then,” Sam said, sticking her belly out. “Because I eat a lot less than he does.”

It was so hard not to laugh. Sammy was the smartest kid I knew, and it was amazing the correlations her brain drew sometimes. They weren’t always right, but they were always extremely logical.

* * *

I rode with my father back to the house after making sure Zander, Sam, and Josiah were all settled safely in my SUV. As much as I hated to admit it, a van was in our near future. We’d held off buying one until my vacation time kicked in, though. I felt a little jittery being separated from my family, but Dad followed closely behind them, and though Dusty could be a ditz at times, he was an excellent driver.

“I remember driving you home,” Dad said suddenly. “Proudest moment of my life up to that point.”

“Up to that point? What’s your proudest moment now?”

He kept his eyes on the road, but smiled. “Watching you hold your son.”