LEDA WAS GLAD she’d come to the inauguration ball, if only for Avery’s sake.
She hadn’t realized how rattled Avery was by Atlas’s return. Living under the same roof as her ex, being forced to see him every day—Leda should have realized that was a uniquely cruel form of torture. But then, Avery was so expert at disguising her true feelings from everyone, even from herself. Seeing her best friend tonight, the way she stood so proud and glittering in that ethereal gold gown, Leda’s heart had ached for her. She recognized that bright remoteness for what it was—loneliness, and longing.
Leda leaned on a table near the dance floor, watching the party unfold around her. She felt more like herself than she had in ages. She knew she looked gorgeous in her gown, a close-fitting armor of structured black silk. Star-shaped diamonds blazed in each ear, setting off the dark curve of her neck. But it was much more than that. Leda was glowing from what had happened with Watt last night. She could still feel his touch on her, like an inktat that had marked her in new and indelible ways.
She wished he were here tonight. She’d tried not to be alarmed by his flicker earlier. Something urgent came up. Everything is fine, but I can’t make it. I’m so sorry. I’ll explain later, Watt had told her. She tried to take his word for it, but it was hard not to worry when she had no idea what he was up to.
A group of her classmates flocked to the dance floor; Leda saw Ming Jiaozu and Maxton Feld, and was that Risha with Scott Bandier again? How predictable. They caught her eye and tried to wave her over, but Leda shook her head. They were all happy to associate with her now, but none of them had been there when she crumpled to pieces last year. None of them were her real friends.
“Leda! We’ve been looking for you.” Her parents approached, both of them grinning as if they’d gotten away with something illicit. It was an expression Leda hadn’t seen from them in a long time.
“We’re heading out to the Hamptons,” her mom announced. She looked stunning in a pale apricot gown that set off her rich black skin.
“Right now?” It wasn’t like her parents to do something so spontaneous. Which, Leda guessed, was probably why they needed it.
“Just for the night. It’s not too late,” Leda’s dad said, his eyes sliding toward the edge of his vision as he checked the time. It was barely 10 p.m.
“I’ve been so wrapped up in work lately; your father and I could use a night away.” Ilara reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind her daughter’s ear. “Will you be okay on your own?”
“I’ll be fine,” Leda insisted, just as one of her mom’s friends approached to ask Ilara a question, momentarily stealing her attention.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said last week,” Leda’s dad said abruptly, lowering his voice. “You were right. I need to tell your mother the truth. She deserves that.”
Leda startled, then pulled her dad into a hug, so fierce that his head almost knocked against hers. “I’m proud of you,” she proclaimed. “But—you’re going to tell her tonight? In the Hamptons?”
“Is that a bad idea?” Her father looked sheepish, then shook his head. “Leda, whatever happens between me and your mom, I promise that I’ll be here for you. I’m so sorry that you were caught in the middle of all this. I love you.”
“I love you too,” Leda said softly as her mom turned back toward them.
Ilara looped her arm easily in her husband’s, still grinning widely. “We’re going straight to the helipad. Are you staying, hon?”
Leda watched, speechless, as her parents slipped off into the crowd. Her father was brave enough to tell the truth: to confess what he’d done and face the consequences. While Leda persisted in hiding the truth beneath a mountain of lies and blackmail and secrecy.
If her father could tell the truth, then maybe . . .
She leaned her elbows onto the table, playing idly with the fake-fire taper on its surface. Its harmless flame flickered over her bare fingers. It warmed the nitinol ring on one hand. That was when Leda looked up—directly into Watt’s eyes.
For a moment her breath caught. She’d forgotten how distractingly handsome he looked in his tux. The tailoring showed off the broad clean lines of his shoulders, set off the golden hue of his skin.
“You made it!” she cried out, rushing toward him, only to falter a little in her steps. Something in Watt’s eyes quelled her excitement.
“We need to talk. In private,” he croaked, his eyes darting around the party. “Are Avery and Rylin here?”
“I haven’t seen them in a while,” she said, fighting back her mounting sense of panic. “Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”
They retreated toward the farthest edge of the party, where a pair of Chiavari chairs were tucked behind a towering display of flowers. Neither of them sat down.
“What’s going on?” Leda demanded shakily.
Watt took a deep breath. “I hacked the police station tonight.”
“What were you thinking? That’s so dangerous!” Leda reached for him, grabbed him roughly by the lapels of his jacket, and shook him a little in panic.
“That tonight was a good distraction, since most of the police are at this party,” he answered. “Also, I may not have been thinking clearly, since I went in for questioning this morning.”
“What?”
He frowned. “I thought Avery must have told you. I was called in for questioning about Mariel. So were Avery and Rylin.”
Leda could guess why Avery hadn’t told her. Avery was trying, in her own sweet and misguided way, to protect her. But Leda expected more from Watt.
“You should have flickered me the instant that it happened. And you should have talked to me before you tried hacking the police!” Leda realized that her hands were still clutching tight to Watt’s jacket, and she lowered them slowly.
“Don’t worry, they’ll never even know I was there. But we have a bigger problem.” Watt averted his eyes from hers. “The police have figured out the connection between Mariel’s death and Eris’s.”
Leda stumbled back a step, her whole body trembling. “You mean they know that I killed Eris?”
“Not yet,” Watt hurried to say. “I think they just know that those nights are connected. Don’t worry, Leda. I won’t let anything happen to you. I swear it.”
Dozens of emotions shot through her at once, horror and grief and regret. “Oh my god,” she said slowly, and then again, more raggedly, “Oh my god.”
“It’ll be okay. We can figure this thing out—”
“Don’t say it will be okay when we both know that it’s not true!” Leda snapped, so fiercely that Watt fell silent. She sank helplessly into one of the chairs. “It won’t be okay,” she said, much more softly. “And it’s all my fault.”
Watt took the chair next to her and reached for her hand in silent support.
As Leda sat there, the scene around her was stamped on her brain with brutal clarity. The scent of the flowers, soft and delicate. The lurid laughter, the clinking of glassware, the music emanating from the dance floor. The warm feel of Watt’s hands around hers. She felt that she would remember every detail of this moment for the rest of her life, however much longer her life lasted, because this was the moment it all changed.
She had put her friends at risk.
Leda had thought that they were all safe—that the police didn’t have anything on them, and that therefore this nightmare would soon be over. That she could pick up the shattered shards of her grief and make a fresh start.
What a fool she’d been. It was clearly only a matter of time before the police figured out what Leda had done. Which would lead them to her friends’ secrets. Rylin’s drug dealing, and Watt’s illegal computer, and Avery’s relationship with Atlas.
Leda couldn’t live with herself if those secrets came to light.
She felt like a tugboat in the middle of a hurricane, wave upon wave of regret smacking unrepentantly over her. She lowered her head into her hands and closed her eyes.
“We’ll find a way out of this,” Watt kept saying. “You and me, together, we can face anything.”
Leda forced herself to look up. The light of the holographic banners overhead was reflected in Watt’s eyes, gave a new bronzed luster to his skin. She let her eyes trace over him for a moment, memorizing him.
Then she stood up, pulling Watt to his feet with her, and kissed him. He seemed startled at first, but soon wrapped his arms around her and kissed her back.
She kissed him for as long as she dared, not caring if anyone saw. She prayed that Watt wouldn’t sense the frantic, desperate beating of her heart. This was her last kiss, her final farewell on death row, and Leda was determined to make it count. So she focused on Watt—on the feel of him, the quiet strength of him, the way his mouth fit so perfectly over hers.
She was saying, deep inside herself, good-bye.
When she finally pulled away, Watt was studying her with a puzzled expression. Leda pretended not to see. If Watt guessed what she was planning, he would never let her go through with it.
“I’m going home,” she said, and her voice betrayed her a little, because it was rough as sandpaper.
“Leda,” Watt protested, reaching for her; and Leda wavered for a moment, because it would be so easy to lean into his embrace. To lay her head on his chest and let him tell her that everything would be okay.
Except it wouldn’t be okay. Not for Eris or Mariel or any of the rest of them. Not until this whole thing was over for good.
“At least let me walk you home,” Watt offered, but Leda shook her head, and dug into a bleak corner of strength somewhere deep within her.
“I need to be alone right now.”
Watt opened his mouth to answer, then seemed to change his mind. He gave a jerky nod. “I’ll see you later,” he assured her.
“See you,” Leda said quietly, knowing it was a lie.
She waited until she saw his form disappear into the crowd, until she was certain he was long gone. Then Leda let out a great, tremulous breath. It had taken every last shred of her willpower to watch Watt walk away from her, knowing it was the very last time.
Somehow, blindly, she made it home. The silence echoed eerily around her bedroom. She managed to drag herself into bed—her ordinary bed, rumpled past recognition, which only last night had held both her and Watt. She couldn’t believe that just this morning she had woken up with him, feeling so safe in his arms.
But she wasn’t safe. None of them were safe, and it was her fault.
She loved Watt so much that it hurt, so much that it frightened her. Which was why she should never have let him back into the disaster that was her life. She was too toxic. She had done too many terrible things, things she couldn’t run from, and she refused to let Watt be dragged down with her.
On and on her thoughts swirled, circling wildly through her fevered brain. She must have drifted off at some point; she kept waking in a cold sweat, pressing her fists against her closed eyes, but the images wouldn’t go away. Because they weren’t nightmares; they were her reality.
No matter what road she went down, Leda kept returning to the same conclusion. The cops were getting closer. Which meant that none of them would be safe until someone was arrested for Mariel’s death.
Leda couldn’t fix what had happened to Eris or Mariel. But she could still save Avery, Rylin, and Watt—that much still lay within her power. They didn’t deserve to be punished for what had happened, but she did.