Thirteen

Sutton

Jason and I were driving home from church the next morning when I noticed a big red pickup truck in my driveway. My stomach clenched. So, that was what those missed calls had been about.

“Great,” I grumbled.

That was definitely Maverick’s parents’ truck. They lived outside of Lubbock and must have driven in when they hadn’t heard from me in a while. I hadn’t thought much of it because I was spending more time with David.

But, this morning, I hadn’t even avoided their calls. I’d been in church. Admittedly, Jason and I hadn’t been particularly devout since Mav passed. But, considering the escapades from last night, I’d thought it would be good to put in the effort. Now, I was regretting doing anything if this was the result.

I parked my Audi in the garage and moved to the backseat to get Jason out of his car seat. Maverick’s parents—Ray and Linda—waited on the front step when I finally got him inside.

“What a surprise!” I said, mustering some enthusiasm.

“Sutton, so good to see you,” Linda said. She kissed my cheek and then bustled into the house. “Where’s my grandson?”

“Grandma!” Jason cried.

He raced toward her, and she scooped him up into her arms.

“Hey, come on in,” I said to Ray.

He tipped his cowboy hat at me and entered the house. I looked to the ceiling for patience and then closed the door.

“What brings y’all into the big city?” I joked.

“We tried to call,” Linda said.

“Right. We were in church.”

“You were in church all week? I was trying to find a time to come see my grandbaby.”

“Well, I got a new job recently, so I’ve been kind of busy.”

“A job?” Linda asked. “What have you been doing? Who has been looking out for Jason? You know, I can always come into town every morning and watch him for you.”

“Yep. I’m working at a bakery downtown. Jenny has been watching him. She’s the nanny I got last year. She’s been with him a long time. He’s into a routine now. I don’t think you need to come into town to watch him.”

“Just because you have money doesn’t mean you should waste it.”

I held my breath to keep from snapping back at her. As if that wasn’t an argument she’d brought up with me nearly every time that I met her. Especially when Maverick had decided to change his last name to Wright. It hadn’t even been my suggestion. He’d done it all on his own and surprised me.

“Trying to keep the amount of change in Jason’s life to a minimum,” I told her instead.

“Of course, of course. You’re his mother.”

I walked past them toward the kitchen to keep from rolling my eyes. “Did y’all want a drink? Water, Coke, sweet tea?”

“Tea for me,” Ray said.

“Same,” Linda said.

I took a breather in the kitchen, preparing the drinks as slow as possible. I liked Maverick’s parents. We usually got along. But Maverick was their only child. After he’d passed, things had changed between us. I became their daughter, and at the same time, I wasn’t good enough to replace Maverick. It was messy, and I tried to tolerate Linda’s nagging. She meant well, and I was glad she wanted a real relationship with Jason. It meant a lot to me and to him.

After adding lemons to their drinks, I carried them out into the living room.

“Mommy, where David?” Jason asked from the floor where he was playing with his truck.

I froze in the middle of the living room, a full glass of sweet tea in each hand. I couldn’t believe the words that had come out of my son’s mouth. “What, honey?”

“David,” he repeated, rolling a W instead of a V.

“Who’s David?” Linda asked Jason.

“My friend.” He lost the R entirely.

Linda’s eyes widened, and she looked up at me. “Is this friend the reason you haven’t been answering our phone calls?”

“No. David works at Wright Construction.”

“And…you two are?”

I set down the glasses of sweet tea on coasters. I had not prepared myself well enough for this conversation. My hands were shaking. My stomach was in knots. I suddenly felt sick. It wasn’t like David and I were hiding what we were doing, but I hadn’t thought about having this conversation with Maverick’s parents. It was complicated enough without that added in.

“Seeing each other,” I finally got out.

“I see,” Linda muttered. She stood from where she’d been hanging out with Jason.

“Mommy?” he asked.

I smiled down at him. “David isn’t here right now. Why don’t you play with your blocks while Grandma, Grandpa, and I talk?”

He never argued with uninterrupted playtime. I straightened again and tried to steel myself for this upcoming conversation with my in-laws. It wasn’t going to be pretty.

“This is a new thing. David and I started seeing each other recently. Jason knows David because he used to babysit for me before I got Jenny. They actually are friends.”

“Dating already,” Linda said, fanning herself.

“It’s been over a year.”

“Replacing Maverick in a year. I can’t fathom it.”

“I’m not replacing him. But I’m young. I can’t mourn eternally.”

“Maverick is still gone. Our baby.” She clutched Ray’s hand, who remained silent through the exchange.

“I know. I miss him,” I said softly. “This isn’t easy for me. And I’m not taking it lightly.”

“Bringing another man into Jason’s life is very troubling,” Linda said. “It can be confusing, especially this soon. If you just started seeing each other and are affectionate around him, imagine what he must be thinking. He’s so young and impressionable. What happens if this falls through? Are you going to bring a cycle of men into my grandson’s life?”

I wanted to erupt on her, but I kept my cool. I knew where she was coming from, and…I was concerned about Jason’s reaction to me dating again. But I was in no way bringing a cycle of men into his life. I hadn’t even been ready to date a month ago. I was hardly going to parade people in front of my son. The only reason I’d brought David around him was because they already knew each other. David and Jason had an established relationship. I wasn’t acting reckless.

“I’m not going to start dating a bunch of people. I only just started seeing David. All of this is new.”

“And about that…how could you bring him around Jason when you just got together?”

“I already told you that David used to babysit.”

“It’s entirely different, and you know it.”

“Look, I know what’s best for my son.”

Linda huffed. “That might be true, but sometimes, we don’t always think through our actions. We’re looking out for you and Jason. That’s our main concern.”

“Thank you for your concern. But Jason and I are just fine.”

“Honestly, Sutton, I think you’re a little blind to this. Have you considered that?” Linda asked. “If you knew this decision was best, then would you have avoided us? Wouldn’t you have told us the truth?” She almost seemed near to tears.

My heart shifted from anger to worry. Am I dismissing her too easily? Had I held this information back from her for a reason?

I’d thought I was doing it because I didn’t know how they would react to me seeing someone else. I hadn’t really considered their thoughts on Jason. He was my son and my first priority.

I glanced over at him still playing in the living room. I didn’t want to confuse him. Maybe having David over…or dating at all would be confusing. Am I fucking up my son without even meaning to?

Christ, this mom stuff was the hardest job on the planet. I needed to see my therapist. I needed to…stop thinking about all of this. Of course Maverick’s parents would say these things. It was okay…maybe…probably.

“You know, why don’t we take Jason for the afternoon?” Ray suggested, finally speaking up. “We’ve missed the little tyke. And you look like you could use a break.”

I smiled wanly at him. “Y’all don’t have to do that.”

“We want to,” he insisted.

Ray moved into the living room and bent down to talk to Jason, who squealed with delight at the prospect of going out with his grandma and grandpa.

Linda rested her hand on my arm. “Maverick has only been gone a year.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“He left behind the best gift you could ever have. And that means this isn’t all about you anymore. You need to decide if this is what’s really best for Jason…or just for you.”

Jason gave me a big hug and kiss and then left the house with his grandparents. Linda gave me one more meaningful look before departing and leaving me alone in this big-ass house.

“Oh God,” I whispered as Maverick’s presence seemed to permeate through everything.

Maybe she was right.