Lily stood by the truck, stretching her body. Noah’s truck was spacious, but being cooped up inside for six hours made her body ache. Maybe she was just getting old. She didn’t think many twenty-seven-year old people felt as ancient as she did, but she felt about eighty, inside and out in that moment.

But in a weird way, she felt shiny and new inside, like the talk she’d had with Noah in the truck had given her new life. It was a strange contradiction—feeling old yet reborn at the same time. She hadn’t meant to tell him the things she had. She’d realized last night that her reasons for coming ran deeper than she originally thought, but she’d planned on keeping to her original excuse.

Yet when he asked, her mouth opened and started spilling her secrets without her conscious consent. She couldn’t regret it, though. Their talk had cleansed her in a way, and she felt so much better for them having had the conversation.

She only hoped Noah felt the same. Glancing over at the door to the hotel where he was getting them rooms, she nibbled on her lower lip as she worried over it. The talk might have left her feeling renewed, but she was afraid it only added to the guilt he felt.

That was the last thing she wanted. Part of the reason she came was because she wanted to make sure he wasn’t feeling survivor’s guilt for living through the blast that killed Brandon. She’d hate herself if she added to it and made him feel worse.

Because she was almost positive he felt it over still living. He hadn’t come out and said it, but she thought he did. She didn’t want that, and she knew Brandon wouldn’t have wanted it, either.

She wasn’t sure why, but she suddenly felt a kinship with him, a bond forming when she thought there was nothing between them at all. She hadn’t realized it until she told him, but she really had missed him. It didn’t make much sense to her, but she had.

And now that they were spending more time with each other, she felt that bond forming between them. She just wasn’t sure what kind of bond it was. Was it just friendship? Or was it something more?

The question was, how did she feel if it was something more? She honestly didn’t know. There was a part of her that felt like she should think it was a betrayal to Brandon, but she didn’t. She knew him well enough to know he’d want her to be happy, and Noah to be, as well. She thought he might even give his blessing if they started something.

But did she want to? She didn’t know. She’d thought for the longest time that even if she picked the pieces of her life back up, there would never be another man for her. That Brandon had been it, for life.

It made little sense to her, but she and Noah had only been around each other for a little over twenty-four hours, and she already felt connected to him on a level she didn’t understand. It felt like they’d been friends back when, that they’d remained friends the whole time.

That they could easily be more.

She just didn’t know if her heart could take another risk. Especially on a man whose job was in law enforcement. It was too closely linked to the military in her eyes. He was still going on missions, just like he had when he was in the Marines. There was too much risk there.

Groaning, she dropped her head back and looked up at the dusky sky. She was assuming a lot. She was coming to realize just how attracted to him she was. Being around him made her body feel like she was sitting next to a spark, and when he held her hand, it felt like electrical currents were dancing over her skin.

But she didn’t know if he felt the same. Maybe he did—she saw him sneaking glances at her, his eyes warm with appreciation. She heard his swift intake of breath when they touched, like he felt the same things she did.

That didn’t mean he had any desire to act on it, though. Or, even if he did, whether it would be anything more than physical for him.

Who am I, she wondered. It felt like she slowly changed on the long drive from Virginia to Nevada, and that the change was complete and locked in when she set eyes on Noah the day before.

She’d thought this before, but it felt even more relevant now. The Lily she was becoming was far from the Lily she’d been back home.

And she kind of liked the new version of her.

She heard the door to the hotel open, and she turned her head to see Noah striding toward her. Her breath caught as she watched his powerful, fluid form. He was intimidatingly big, but he didn’t scare her. He never had. He had a good heart, and from what she’d seen, a soft one.

But that was the only soft thing about him. Her middle clenched deliciously as she ran her eyes up and down his body. He was a mountain of a man, and even from the distance still between them, he made her feel small. Protected and safe.

And, she couldn’t deny—turned on. He was only walking toward her, and she was turned on.

He came to a stop in front of her, his expression wary as he pulled his ballcap off and resettled it. He still kept his head shaved, she saw, even after all these years. And her palms itched with the need to stroke his beard. She almost did, but damn, it was way too soon to be feeling comfortable enough with him for that.

What in the world had gotten into her?

Clearing his throat, he looked around before exhaling and meeting her gaze. “So, um. I tried to get us two rooms close to each other, but they only have one room. In the whole hotel. Apparently, there’s some sort of festival going on, and they said all the hotels in town are booked up. It has double beds, but if you’re uncomfortable with us sharing, I could sleep in the backseat of the truck and you can have the room.”

Her eyebrows rose and she looked dubiously at the truck. It was a really big vehicle, but he was a really big man, and she couldn’t see that working out well for him. She couldn’t let him sleep out there when there was a perfectly good bed inside that he could use.

She had the newfound awareness and urges toward him she wasn’t used to, but surely she could control herself around him. Right?

Looking back at him, she gave him an impish smile as she shrugged. “I can control myself if you can.”

He sucked in a breath but she was already turning to open the door so she could get her laptop case. Closing her eyes tightly with exasperation directed at herself, she gave her head a little shake.

Why had she said that? She’d just made it obvious that she was attracted to him, and if he didn’t return those sentiments, then she just made him uncomfortable with her. She wouldn’t be surprised at all if he insisted on sleeping in his truck after that.

But Noah didn’t say anything. He walked to the other side of the truck and got their suitcases, and once they’d closed the doors and he’d locked it, he nodded for her to go with him into the hotel.

They were silent as they walked through the lobby to the bank of elevators. She hardly noticed any of it, though, too lost in berating herself to pay attention to her surroundings. They reached the third floor, and he led her to a door, setting the suitcases on the floor and digging the keycards out of his pocket.

He handed one to her, finally speaking as he turned to unlock the door. “Just because of the nature of the visit, I’d prefer us to stay together as much as possible, but you still need a key.”

She arched an eyebrow over the stilted tone of his words, gazing at him as he held the door open and gestured her through. Her shoulders deflated as she walked through the archway, flipping the light switches as she went.

Gasping, she looked around the spacious room, taking in how soft and new everything looked. It was a really nice room, and she realized she hadn’t even paid attention to what hotel they were staying at. Flipping the key over in her hand, her eyebrows rose when she saw the logo.

“The Marriot? Fancy.”

He shrugged as he looked around the room. “We always stay at a Marriot. They said it was just remodeled a couple months ago, too. Which bed would you prefer?”

Narrowing her eyes, she watched him closely, but he never looked in her direction. Way to screw it up on the first go, Lily.

“The one by the window, if that’s okay.”

He nodded silently as he sat her suitcase gently down on the bed. He turned and did the same with his own on his bed, and then stood there for a minute. “You up for pizza? I see a list of delivery places on the bedside table.”

“Noah, wait. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable with what I said. I meant it as a joke, but you might not be attracted to me like I am to you, so what I said could have been very bad, and—”

She broke off as he spun toward her, and she could see his eyebrows were raised even though he still had his ballcap on. His light green eyes took on a glow as he studied her, and she frowned as she heard a sound.

“Is that a purr? Is there a cat around?” she asked with confusion, looking around the room.

The sound cut off and Noah shook his head as he cleared his throat, moving until he was just in front of her. “You’re attracted me?”

“Good, I guess I wasn’t obvious about it,” she joked weakly. She wasn’t sure she was ready for this conversation, but she guessed they were having it anyway. “Yeah, I am. It’s been pretty strong since I got to Nevada, but it felt like it amplified during the drive here. It’s okay if you don’t feel it. I shouldn’t have—”

His hand raised and he skimmed the backs of his fingers down her cheek, causing a shiver of heat to dance up her spine. “I feel it, Lily. Believe me, I feel it. I always have.”

Her heart skipped a beat at his words, and then they sunk it. “What do you mean by always, Noah?”

The green in his eyes literally dimmed as she watched, and what looked like shame crossed his face before he dipped his head down, the bill of his hat hiding his expression from her. “Maybe we should get the pizza—”

She tapped a finger on his hat, interrupting him. She wanted to follow this conversation through. “It’s been always for me, too. The day Brandon brought you over, my first thought was, Damn, he’s hot. I’ve always been attracted to you and there’s no shame in it, Noah. Not for me, or for you, if that’s the case.”

His brow was furrowed as he lifted his head, meeting her gaze. “But what about Brandon?”

“What about him?” She laughed lightly. “I was married, not dead. I was allowed to look. Brandon did, too. Remember that waitress at the sports bar we went to a few times? Brandon thought she was hot. We were secure enough in our relationship, in our marriage, that finding someone else attractive was no big deal.”

He hesitated a moment, shaking his head. “I bet he wouldn’t have felt that way about me being attracted to you.”

She threw her head back with a laugh. “Ha! He would have eaten that up because it would have given him ample opportunity to tease you about how he got the girl, or shit like that. And you knew Bandon well. You know he wouldn’t have been upset about something like that.”

Raising a hand, he ran it over his mouth and down his beard. “All these years, I thought—I was—”

He broke off, shaking his head, and she looked at him closely. The shame she thought she saw on his face earlier was lurking in the back of his light green gaze, and realization dawned. “You felt bad about it, didn’t you? Is that the real reason you were always so quiet when I was around?”

“I felt guilty about it. Brandon was one of my best friends and I had the hots for his wife. I didn’t want either of you to find out, and I didn’t want to like you any more than I did. I thought it was best for everyone if I kept my distance.”

“Is that part of why you disappeared after the funeral?”

He blew out a breath, raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. “What I said earlier about not wanting to be a bad reminder was true. But yeah, that was part of it. I felt bad enough for finding you attractive while he was alive, and I was already feeling guilty because I lived when he didn’t. I thought keeping in touch with you would make it worse, or you’d find out and it would make you uncomfortable.”

“Oh, Noah. I wish I’d known. It wouldn’t have made me uncomfortable. The only way that would have happened was if you made a move back then. And if you had when Brandon was still alive, I’m sure that would have been what bothered him. But you never did, and you even went out of your way to keep your distance. That’s what counts. Not that you found me attractive, but that you didn’t act on it then. You’re an honorable man. I just wish you could see it in yourself.”

He shrugged his massive shoulders as he glanced down for a long moment. “It didn’t feel honorable to me, but maybe you’re right.”

“I know I’m right,” she replied with a smile. “Now stop being so hard on yourself about it. About all of it. You shouldn’t feel guilty for liking me, and you sure as hell shouldn’t feel guilty for surviving that blast. It was war, and sometimes some survive and others don’t. Sometimes no one survives, and I’m happy you did. I know Brandon would feel the same.”

He swallowed hard, and when he spoke, his voice was low and ragged. “Thank you for that.”

“Just telling the truth. Now, how about that pizza?”

Giving her a half-smile, he nodded, moving to the table to look at the list of delivery places. Lily wrapped her arms around herself as she watched him, so many emotions coursing through her that she didn’t know where to begin separating them.

She hadn’t had a clue that he liked her back then, but so much made sense now. Like she told him, she’d always thought he was good looking, too, but she never felt bad about it, because she never had the urge to act on it. She loved Brandon too much at the time for the thought to even cross her mind.

It was clear Noah had loved him just as much, too. In a different way, of course, but enough that he not only didn’t act on it, but he held himself separate from her because his honor demanded it.

And he grieved when Brandon died. He’d confirmed her suspicion about survivor’s guilt. A person didn’t feel that, not as strongly as he did, without caring about the person who passed away.

Brandon had had a true friend in Noah, and her heart warmed as that realization washed over her. She’d known they were good friends, but she hadn’t realized just how close they were.

She smiled and nodded as Noah asked her if she wanted to try a local place. He was standing between the beds, big, solid, and strong, with a huge heart of gold. She hated that he had so much misplaced guilt, but she was going to do her best to alleviate some, if not all, of it.

Nibbling on her lower lip, she wondered if, and how, the talk they just had changed anything. She knew he was attracted to her, but whether he wanted to take it any further was still a mystery.

And if he did, could they work past his feelings and the history they shared? She didn’t know. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to continue down the path they’d begun. Their shared past could make it difficult, or it could make it as easy as breathing.

She just didn’t know. But, as she watched him placing the order, she thought that she’d probably be the biggest idiot in the world if she didn’t want to start something with a man like him.

Noah was sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows planted on his thighs and his head in his hands, as he heard the blow dryer in the bathroom shut off. He’d been in the same position the whole time Lily showered, his mind still stunned, his heart feeling full and warm.

He thought he must still be in shock over the revelations of the day, because he couldn’t make sense of his emotions, and his mind was still in turmoil. Lily had been attracted to him the whole time, too?

Shaking his head, he straightened and sat back on the bed, leaning against the headboard. He never would have guessed. And he never would have imagined that Brandon wouldn’t kick his ass if he’d known how Noah felt about her.

It made sense, though. She was right—Brandon was always laughing and joking, and if he’d known, he probably would have just rubbed it in that Lily was his, laughing the whole time.

He wished he’d known that then. He still probably would have kept his distance from her, but he wouldn’t have felt so fucking guilty the whole time. And then, maybe he might have tried to keep in touch with her after the funeral.

He still would have left. He wouldn’t have risked growing closer to her. And his other reasons still stood. He hadn’t been able to handle reminders of Brandon back then, and seeing her would have been too much. But he would have at least called, and he would have kept calling, no matter how much she tried to push him away. Maybe then, she wouldn’t have felt so alone.

It was strange, how he’d thought even two days ago that he couldn’t deal with reminders of his old friend. Yet, when Lily showed up, the biggest reminder of all, it didn’t bother him as much as he thought. Yeah, he’d felt guilty all over again, and he missed Brandon all the more for a short while.

But it didn’t make him lose his shit, which was what he thought might happen.

Maybe that meant Lily wasn’t the only one who was moving past what happened.

She walked out of the bathroom and he felt his heart skip a beat at the sight of her. She smiled at him as she went to her suitcase, and his eyes followed her, unable to look away. Her skin was flushed from her shower, and she had on soft pajama pants paired with a tank top that hugged her body.

Swallowing hard, he watched as she bent slightly, the material of her bottoms pulling deliciously against her ass. She had a great ass. He’d always thought so. It was a touch larger than her frame called for, round and firm. He’d thought it looked amazing in jeans, but the soft material of her pajamas showed it to perfection.

Her long, light blonde hair fell over her shoulder in a satiny curtain as she took a bottle out of her bag and shook a pill out. Putting it back, she took another bottle out but just stared at it, a look of contemplation on her face.

He waited, but she just stood there, staring at the bottle, and his curiosity got the best of him. “You okay?”

“Hmmm?” she said, distracted as she looked over at him. “Oh, this? It’s Ambien. I was prescribed it after Brandon died because I couldn’t sleep, and I’ve been taking it ever since. I was just trying to decide if I wanted to tonight, but I think I’m gonna see if I can sleep on my own now.”

“It was bad enough that you needed meds?”

She exhaled lightly as she put the bottle back. Walking back to the bed, she got her water bottle off the table and swallowed the other pill. She finally nodded as she screwed the lid back on. “It was rough at first. I was put on a blood pressure medication, which was what I just took, and Ambien. I refused everything else, though.”

“I’m—”

“If you’re going to say you’re sorry again, don’t. It was bad, but I got through it. That’s what matters, right?”

“Yeah,” he replied softly, watching as she climbed into her bed. “That’s what matters.”

She yawned as she laid her head on the pillow and he reached over to turn the lamp off. “Goodnight, Lily.”

Smiling softly at him, she snuggled into her covers. “Night, Noah.”

She closed her eyes, and he got under his blanket, unable to take his eyes away from her. She was beautiful, as always, but it was more than that. Something about her just drew him on a different level.

Maybe Tarun was right. Maybe Lily could be his mate. He’d always wanted to find her, whoever she was. But no matter how silent his animal was, he’d always assumed that finding his mate would be enough to make him speak. At least long enough to tell him he’d found his mate.

Either he’d been wrong about that, or she wasn’t his mate. Despite all the obstacles between them—namely himself, including but not limited to his feelings of guilt and the fact that he could turn into a lion—he found the thought that she might not be his mate disappointing.

His cat paced inside him still—not as frantic now that Lily was out of the shower and back in the room with him. And that missing piece was still there, leaving a void inside him he’d never been able to fill.

That didn’t mean anything, though. He’d always felt like that, long before he was old enough to even understand what a mate was. He didn’t think it had anything to do with finding her.

The lion calmed around Lily, but he did around Tarun, too. They were the only people who’d ever made him ease his frantic pacing, the only ones who made the feeling that Noah was missing something, or someone, vital to him fade when they were around.

He didn’t know why that was. Maybe it was just something in their demeanor that made the void inside him feel a little less all consuming.

The level he was drawn to Lily on was totally different. He’d never felt that with anyone, and it had always been there, which was part of why he’d been so uneasy about it when Brandon was alive. The thought that his mate was married to his best friend had been heartbreaking and scared the shit out of him, so he stayed away from her and tried not to dwell on it.

And the feeling of being connected to her had only amplified since she showed up on his doorstep.

He knew she felt like it wasn’t a betrayal to Brandon, but he wasn’t so sure. That had been the only thing stopping him from kissing her earlier. Her words and her eyes seemed willing, but he hadn’t been able to let go of the feeling of betrayal.

He was so confused, and he didn’t know where to begin to start unraveling his feelings. He wasn’t even sure if he could.

Lily rolled a little in her sleep, her chest rising and falling steadily, and he felt his lips curl as he watched her. Maybe for her, he could make the effort. She deserved for him to be clear headed about the situation. She’d been through so much and he didn’t want to put her through more.

Figure it out, his lion said, his pacing slowing to a saunter.

Noah jumped, startled as his cat’s voice came to him for the first time in ten years. You talked.

You said it yourself. If there was one time you thought I’d talk, it’d be now.

He sat up abruptly in bed, still staring at Lily. You mean…?

Yeah. She’s our mate.

Noah felt his eyes widen as he continued to stare at her. If she woke up and caught him, she’d probably freak out and call him a creep, but he couldn’t help it. He was shocked to his toes. He’d considered that she might be his mate, but he hadn’t really thought she was.

Falling back onto the bed, he finally looked away from her, gazing up at the ceiling.

Holy. Shit.