32

MAYBE THIS WAS NOT the best time to be contemplating my future.

Not when Sydney hadn’t told me how mentally exhausting it would be to stand on the sidelines and help coach the sixteens team —all day long. And my voice? Almost nonexistent from cheering them on, my throat so raw it sounded as if I had a bad cold.

Granted, it was only seven o’clock at night. And I’d showered and changed into sweatpants and an old sweatshirt —certified comfy clothes. It was still early and I needed to do some research. Answer some questions.

But I’d also forgotten all the choices that came with going to college. I hadn’t even decided if I was really going back to school or not, and I was already overwhelmed with questions.

Full-time or part-time?

Online or classroom?

University or junior college?

My breakfast nook table was cluttered with my laptop, highlighters, and a legal pad scrawled with notes.

I grabbed my coffee mug, collapsing against the chair and taking a sip, choking on the cold liquid. While I sat there daydreaming —wondering if this crazy idea of going back to college could become a reality —my coffee had cooled.

Why was I allowing a ten-year-old list to spark long-forgotten ambitions? I should put it back in the lockbox with everything else and forget about it —not leave it tacked up on the bulletin board in my kitchen, next to my latest grocery list.

That’s just what I’d do.

A loud knock at my front door interrupted my decision.

What on earth?

Zach stood on my front porch holding two insulated cups of coffee. What was it with this guy showing up with coffee?

“I hope one of those is for me.”

“Um . . . hello to you, too.” Zach’s smile had become familiar. “Yes, one of these is yours. If you’d answered your phone, you would have known I was going to drop by.”

I motioned Zach inside. “You called me?”

“Yes. I don’t make it a habit to just show up on my friends’ doorsteps.” Zach handed me one of the cups. “I was in the area and I remembered you mentioning during one of our conversations that you lived around here . . . so I did a White Pages search, and here I am.”

Here he was. Bringing me coffee. Something a friend would do. I guess Zach and I were friends after all. Friends with the most unlikely of beginnings.

I had to admit I liked the idea of being his friend, but I didn’t have to say it out loud —or think too long about how appealing his smile was. He wasn’t as polished as Nash. Some women probably would think Nash was more handsome, but . . .

And that kind of thinking about Zach had to stop. Right now.

“You called? Because I didn’t hear my phone ring —” I set the coffee aside and scrabbled through the mess on the table in search of my phone. “Aha! And . . . two missed calls.”

“And a text or two, I think.” Zach’s smile widened into a grin as he settled in a chair across from me. “What is all this?”

“Would you believe I’m thinking about going back to college?”

“Tell me more.”

“Don’t laugh. I’m serious.”

“And I’m not laughing. That was a seriously interested question.”

I sipped my coffee, which was hot and sweet, just the way I liked it. “Thank you for this, by the way.”

“One thing I’ve learned about you, Payton, is you’re a woman who likes her coffee. Now, what’s this about college?”

“It’s the lockbox again and my list of goals and dreams. Oddly enough, being a party planner is nowhere on that list.”

“What is?”

“Volleyball. Lots of stuff having to do with volleyball. I used to think about being a coach. Or starting a club.” I ran my fingers through my hair, thankful I’d at least showered after I’d come home from the tournament. “But I gave that all up after Pepper died. I didn’t think I deserved to have my dreams.”

“And now you do?”

“I realize I did the best I could do back then. I made decisions that weren’t great, even if they were understandable. And I can make different ones today. But I keep thinking it’s too late for me to go back to college.”

“Remember who you’re talking to.”

“Right. A college kid.”

Zach laughed. “You’re twenty-six, Payton. Some people go back to college in their seventies.”

“Well, when you put it that way . . .”

“What are you thinking of studying?” Zach leaned forward and moved some of the catalogs. “Wait. What’s this?”

Caught.

“It’s just a book that I’m skimming.”

“You’re skimming C. S. Lewis’s Mere Christianity?”

“Ye-es. Don’t make a big deal about it, Zach. I was curious, I guess.”

“Hmmm.” Zach flipped through the first few pages.

“I googled ‘books about Christianity’ and the image for this book was second.”

“Okay —what was number one?”

“Something to do with apologetics.”

“Hmmmm.”

“Again with the ‘hmmmm.’ I’m just curious about why Pepper believed in all of this.”

“College. Books about God . . .”

“A book. One.” Even as I corrected him, I laughed.

“Fine. Just be careful.”

“What?”

“You might end up wearing that necklace Pepper bought you.”

“Zachary Gaines! I can’t believe you’d joke about something like that.”

“I never joke about things I’m praying for, Payton.”

And just like that, he turned the conversation serious. His voice dropped low, almost a whisper.

Zach was praying for me?

Weeks ago, I would have shoved him away. I had shoved him away. But he’d never stopped pursuing me, no matter how badly I behaved toward him. No matter what I said. He brought me coffee. Held me when I cried over my sister’s death. Crafted a work of art in her memory.

And he prayed for me.

Had anyone ever prayed for me?

Pepper had . . .

“Payton? Did I lose you?”

Zach’s voice had me blinking tears from my eyes. “Yes . . . sorry. Just for a moment there I thought about Pepper . . .”

“I’m sorry —”

“No. You made me realize Pepper probably prayed for me, too.”

“I’m sure she did.”

“I wish I could go back and change things . . .”

“She’d want you to focus on the changes you can make today, don’t you think?”

“You’re right.”

“Which reminds me why I’m here.” Even as he sat back, hooking his arm over the back of the chair, Zach sounded nervous.

“Oh, really?”

“I, uh, wanted to invite you to go on a hike with Laz and me on Saturday. It looks like the weather is going to be gorgeous.”

“A hike?”

“Yep. We can enjoy the outdoors, talk about books . . .”

“Books, huh?”

“I’m reading a great military thriller right now.”

I rolled my eyes and Zach’s laugh rang out, seeming to draw me —or my heart —a bit closer. This was where I usually backed away. Put up virtual Do Not Cross This Line tape. But Zach wasn’t pushing me. I could say yes or no, decide if I wanted to go.

“It sounds like fun, but I haven’t been hiking in a while —”

“It’s not speed-hiking, Payton. It’s about enjoying the scenery and each other’s company.”

“I guess I could do that.” I couldn’t resist teasing him. “You’re talking about Laz, right?”

“Ouch. I deserved that.”

“Yes, you did.”

“We won’t go any faster than you want, okay?”

“Promise?”

“I promise. You can trust me, Payton.”

“I do.”

Were we even talking about hiking on Saturday anymore? There seemed to be a weight behind our words that went beyond Zach’s initial invitation. But I refused to analyze every little thing the man said to me. And I wasn’t going to ask about Kelsey, either. He’d said she was a friend and left it at that. Fine. We weren’t even close to a “define the relationship” conversation. He’d said the hike was about enjoying the scenery and each other’s company —so be it.

As friends. Going slow. Most definitely going slow.