Chapter 12
MEET his friends? Was he joking? Shouldn’t I be acting like someone in a bedroom farce, hiding under the bed or shimmying down a drainpipe outside the window? I doubted I would be able to shimmy down a drainpipe—I would be more likely to hang on grimly for a few seconds before losing my grip and plunging to my certain death seven storeys below.
“Dec—” I said feebly.
“Hey,” he said, crossing over to me. “It’ll be fine, trust me.”
Of course I trusted him, but I needed to be given a debriefing first, in which it would be outlined what I could and couldn’t say, how to act, what to do…
“Simon!” Declan said, taking me by the arm. “It’s Abe, he’s cool.”
And of course, I knew who “Abe” must be—Abraham “Abe” Ford half of the inseparable team of Ford and Tyler. Friends on and off the field, but Declan sure hadn’t told me that he was part of the in-the-know list. Or was he? Why couldn’t he just fucking tell me?
He kissed me again, and he was so cool about it I had to assume Abe knew. I took a deep breath as Declan left me and jogged to the door to open it.
The instantly recognisable form of Abe Ford walked through, looking like he owned the place or was at least was comfortable enough here to treat it as a home away from home. He slapped palms with Declan, and even though I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown, I was still amused by the hypermasculine bonhomie between them.
“I bet you smelled the coffee from downstairs,” Dec said.
“We were too lazy to make our own,” Abe grinned.
We?
“Hey, Lisa,” Declan said, easily kissing the woman who followed Abe into the apartment. She gave his arm a quick rub, and my guts turned to rubber.
“Morning, Dec,” she said, casually shortening his name, which up until this point of time I had stupidly assumed I was the only one who did.
By now Abe had turned around to see me standing like a stunned mullet in the kitchen, using the coffee machine as camouflage, hoping that my black clothing would blend chameleonlike against its plastic. He pointed at me and looked back at Declan. “Who’s this?”
Lisa’s eyes widened, but there was a glossiness to them that showed she was both surprised and delighted for some unknown reason.
I wondered whether to introduce myself or let Declan do it and therefore give me some clue about the role I was meant to act out. Declan beat me to it.
“This is Simon.”
Nice and nondescript. Noncommittal. Brief. Thanks, Dec.
But this condensed introduction seemed to signify a lot more to the people now unexpectedly sharing the kitchen with me.
“Simon!” Abe said, crossing behind the counter to grab my hand and shake it furiously. “I assumed it was, but it’s good to meet you!”
He had barely released me before I was getting my very own kiss from Lisa.
“We’ve heard so much about you,” she said, smiling as she pulled back to have a proper look at me.
“Uh, hi,” I muttered, wondering what the hell was going on.
“Believe me, he usually talks a lot more than this,” Declan said wryly.
“Relax, Simon,” Abe said, throwing open the cupboard doors as he searched within them. “No bikkies, Dec? What kind of host are you?”
Lisa was the one who really took pity on me. “We know Dec’s dirty little secret.”
Her tone of voice proved that she didn’t think it was either dirty or little at all.
“These are my friends.” Declan shrugged, sounding both apologetic and happy about it all.
“Why don’t you run downstairs, Abe, and get some biscuits from our flat?” Lisa suggested.
“Me?” he asked.
“You’re the athlete, mate, not me. Count it as part of your training.”
He put on a good show of being annoyed by it, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. “Be back in a minute.”
“Bring back the good stuff,” Lisa called after him. As the door shut, she turned her attention back to me. “You said he was cute, Dec,” she said approvingly, “but he’s really cute.”
She was either a flatterer or a pathological liar. My ego wanted to believe the former.
“Told you,” Declan agreed.
“And you two look very cute together,” she continued.
Desperate to deflect attention, I asked her, “How do you take your coffee?”
“Oh, and modest,” she teased. “No wonder you like him. White with one, thanks.”
She was very friendly from the get-go, wasn’t she? You couldn’t help but like her. Lisa was casual, smart, and able to put you at ease within moments of meeting her. She reminded me a lot of Fran. Which made me think that if they ever met each other, they would probably collide. Or take over the world together.
“What about Abe?” I asked.
“What about him?”
I stared at her, and Lisa laughed. “Black with one.”
“I’ll be right back,” Declan said, and he disappeared into the bedroom.
I watched him go, wondering if I was wearing that beseeching don’t leave me alone with her expression. She might have been friendly and casual, but I didn’t want to be pressured into giving the first encounter tell-you-my-life-story speech just yet.
She sidled around the counter and leaned in to me confidentially. “Dec must really like you.”
I handed her a coffee. “What makes you say that?”
“Because he wanted to introduce you to us so quickly. You’ve been going out, what, a month or so?”
“About that,” I agreed reluctantly, not sure where this was headed.
“Believe me, he normally takes a few months, even longer. If he introduces us at all.” She must have read the expression on my face. “Oh, don’t worry, it’s not like he’s a male slut or anything. He’s practically a celibate hermit compared to other footballers.”
I finally found my tongue. “It’s your use of the word practically that worries me. Especially in context of other footballers’ sex lives.”
Lisa snorted into her coffee. “Point taken. But what I’m trying to tell you is he really likes you.”
I sized her up. “Now that’s starting to sound like a warning.”
She shrugged. “Maybe it is. Do you like him?”
This conversation was really going into uncomfortable territory for me. “Of course I do.”
“Really like him?”
“You’re sounding like an American high schooler. It’s not like he’s given me his letterman’s jacket.”
“Yeah, but I know Declan. I don’t know you. I know he’s serious.”
“And I don’t have to justify myself to you.” Okay, probably not the best reaction to give to one of Declan’s best friends within minutes of meeting them, but I felt cornered.
And when you’re cornered, you go on the defensive, if not the attack.
She set her mug on the kitchen bench. “Maybe not. But I’ve seen other guys latch onto Declan for their own agendas, and he’s gotten badly burned for it. It’s not going to happen again.”
“I don’t have an agenda,” I said honestly.
She relaxed slightly. “You know what? Dec told me that although you hide a lot and laugh things off, your face is an open book. And he’s right, you can’t hide anything.”
You would think I shouldn’t like her after this interrogation, but I still did. At least she was honest, and I always respect that. “Does this mean you’ll give him the friend approval?”
“From me, yes. Abe will be another thing entirely.”
I groaned. “Fantastic.”
“Relax. He’s not dense. He’ll be able to see how much you like Declan, even if you try to deny it.”
“Dec knows you’re interrogating me, doesn’t he?” I asked her.
Lisa grinned. “Of course he does.”
I held up a finger. “Just excuse me a moment.”
I heard her giggling into her coffee as I fled from the kitchen to find my wayward boyfr… partner… whatever word doesn’t sound naff.
Declan was lying on the bed, his hands intertwined on his stomach, staring up at the ceiling.
“Bastard!” I hissed, jumping on top of him.
He looked me over appreciatively. “You don’t seem too worse for wear. She must like you.”
I grabbed him by the wrists and pulled his arms up over his head. “Like I said, bastard.”
He tried to reach up to kiss me, but I held him down. He squirmed beneath me. “Hmm, this is nice.”
“Nice? Nice?”
It turned out his captivity was just a ruse. Before I knew it, I was flying through the air, Dec was out from under me, and in seconds had me trapped beneath him.
“Get off me—”
“Say please.”
“You have guests in the next room!” I reminded him.
“One little word.”
“Declan—”
“Wrong word.”
I sighed heavily. “Please.”
I was rewarded with a slow long kiss. I arched up beneath him, and he pulled my arms behind his back. It wasn’t that comfortable, to tell you the truth. I teased him by slowly thrusting my lower body against his, and he moaned into my mouth.
Which was when I took advantage of his temporary distraction by throwing him off me and jumping to my feet.
He fell against the bedside table. “Fuck, my knee!” he cried, hugging it into his chest.
Games were forgotten immediately. I threw myself down beside him. “Oh, Dec, fuck, I’m so sorry—”
Immediately my back was against the floor, and Declan was back on top of me.
“Gotcha.”
“Motherfucker!” I wheezed, out of breath as Declan was slowly squeezing the air out of my body while he used his own to restrain me. “You can’t use your injury—”
“Who said?”
“It’s not fair!”
“Awww,” he teased.
I sagged against the floor, all energy expended. “Fine,” I said with an air of martyrdom. “Do to me what you will.”
“That’s a tempting thought,” he said mockingly. “But there are guests in the next room.”
“Then get off me—”
Distracting with the kissing again. He was a master of that.
He stroked the side of my cheek with his thumb. “I guess we better get back out there.”
I nodded, although I kind of was happy where I lay.
He helped me up to my feet, and we made our way back to the kitchen.
Lisa grinned at us as we entered. We did look a little mussed up, but we also hadn’t been gone long enough to be accused of doing the deed so at least there wasn’t that particular embarrassment.
“Did he punish you, Dec?” she asked innocently.
“I think we punished each other enough,” he said, deadpan. “Is Abe still not back yet?”
He arrived only a couple of minutes after. “I couldn’t find any biscuits. So I ran down to the milk bar.”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “They’re in the tin. That’s marked biscuits.”
They squabbled good-naturedly between themselves as Declan made fresh coffees for everybody, and when we were all seated together was when the true interrogation began.
“So you work for a film festival?” Abe asked.
I nodded as I took a bite of a Granita. “The Triple F.”
“Do you like it?”
“I love it. Of course I complain about it all the time, but it’s a great job.”
“It must be a big responsibility,” Lisa said.
“Well, it’s really only me and my assistant who plan and run everything. That’s why it takes a whole year for us to arrange it.”
“Are you like most people who work in the industry?” Abe asked. “Do you have a script hidden under your bed?”
“About three, actually. All unfinished.”
“Why?” Lisa asked.
I laughed derisively. “Because they’re pretty shit?” I admitted. “Sometimes I think I’m a better critic or film festival organiser than one of the creative types. I guess somebody has to do it.”
“I doubt they’re shit,” Declan said softly.
“You haven’t read them.”
“I’d like to,” he persisted.
Abe snorted behind his hand.
“What?” Declan asked dangerously.
“Dude, you are so gone.”
“Abe, baby,” Lisa said, laying her hand upon his arm. “Don’t forget Dec has as much on you as you do, or will, on him.”
Declan nodded satisfyingly, and Abe was suitably cowed.
I could feel Dec’s knee pressing against mine, and I smiled. And then I felt the pressure of his hand resting upon my thigh. I almost jumped through the ceiling, but when the moment was right I slipped my right hand down to close over his.
I doubted either Abe or Lisa could miss it, but they politely refrained from teasing us about it. I just hoped that when Fran and Roger were given the same opportunity they would be as polite.
After coffee, Lisa and Abe made plans to have lunch with us. As soon as the door shut behind them, Dec and I were both running back to the bedroom, peeling off our clothes. We had enough time to fool around (which we did), have a nap (which we did), and shower (which we did), before going down to Lisa and Abe’s apartment. Declan told me in the lift that it was purely by coincidence that they had ended up buying in the same complex, but that it was good to have his best friend living only a few flights down. I couldn’t help think as much as I loved Roger and Fran, I was glad there was at least a suburb between us. They were close enough but far enough at the same time. I also wondered if it was true, as rumour had it, I was an antisocial bastard.
“So where shall we go for lunch?” Abe asked, rubbing his hands together in anticipation of a meal.
“Go?” I repeated stupidly. “We aren’t eating here?”
The three of them laughed, as if I had said the stupidest thing ever said by a member of the human race.
“About the only thing either of us can make is toast,” Lisa told me.
“Yeah, we even have to rely upon Dec for our coffee,” Abe agreed.
“As you saw,” Declan reminded me.
Abe and Lisa began having a heated discussion about what they wanted for lunch; Declan sensed my hesitation and pulled me aside.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked.
“Are you sure you want to go out?” I asked hesitantly. “In public?”
He studied me for a moment, and said, “That’s what you’re worried about? If people look at us, all they’ll see are a group of friends out for lunch on a Sunday. Nothing more.”
I wasn’t sure if it was that simple or if maybe I had just become too paranoid on his behalf. But when I thought about it, from the average person’s perspective if they saw us all out they would be too blinded by the sight of Declan Tyler and Abe Ford to pay much attention to either Lisa or myself.
“Okay,” I nodded, “if you’re sure.”
Declan smiled at me. “Sure I’m sure.”
They sure sounded like famous last words to me.
“YOU’VE been quiet ever since lunch,” Dec told me as we lay together in bed after a simple dinner of toast.
“No, I haven’t,” I lied, burying my head further in the crook of his shoulder.
“Well, you weren’t your normal sarcastic self,” he pushed.
I remained silent. Lunch had been fine, but I couldn’t help admitting to myself I had been left with a somewhat bittersweet feeling. Perhaps slightly more bitter than sweet.
We had walked the short distance from their apartment complex to the Salamanca Place markets, and after wandering around the stalls for a while, where I bought a very touristy resin statue of a thylacine for Fran and Roger we decided upon a local café for lunch. Abe and Lisa were great company, and over the course of the afternoon I found myself growing to like them even more.
Lisa especially took me into her confidence, I guess because she sensed a kindred spirit in someone who knew what it was like to go out with a man who was regarded as a god by the public at large. I could tell there were little nuggets of wisdom she wanted to impart, and to tell you the truth, I wanted to hear them, but they couldn’t really be discussed with the men in question at the same table. I guess it would wait for some day in the future when we got a moment to ourselves.
Like when we went shopping for dresses for the Brownlow ceremony, right?
Anyway, Dec was right. I wasn’t entirely myself. I was in hypervigilant mode, making sure I kept a respectable distance from him so that no outsider would be able to guess at anything untoward between us. I was on the lookout for people with cameras, especially as we had some fans approach the table from time to time asking for autographs. Both Dec and Abe politely declined requests for photos, as it was their day off, but invited them to the next training sessions, which were open to the public, and they could get their photos taken then. Those etiquette classes were paying off.
But I never felt fully relaxed; I was putting on a show. And I think my discomfort hung in the air between us all. By the time we got back and Abe and Lisa said their good-byes and hoped they would see me again soon, I felt drained. Dec and I watched a movie on his giant screen and fooled around a little on the couch, he made dinner (well, toast, we weren’t particularly hungry), and we went to bed disgustingly early because I had to be on a flight at five in the morning.
“Simon?” Declan asked again.
I rolled over onto my side to look at him. “I’m fine.”
“Don’t lie,” he said, an edge to his voice now, which he tried to alleviate by adding, “please.”
I played with the small tuft of hair that served as his right sideburn. “It was just… lunch.”
“What about it? Did you not like Abe and Lisa?”
“No!” I said quickly, to stop his fear on that point. “I like them a lot, and it’ll be great to see them again. I think I fucked up at lunch.”
“You weren’t yourself, but you didn’t fuck up.”
“You all probably think I’m an idiot.”
“I will, if you keep thinking like that.”
“Why were you so okay about going out in public, when you’re the one who needs everything to be kept so private?”
Declan sighed. “There’s a difference between going out in public and going out in public.”
Funny how that one word emphasised summed up everything.
“You have to stop worrying so much,” Declan said. “We can still go out, I mean, shit, Abe goes out one-on-one with other guys all the time, and he never has his sexuality questioned. If we go out with a guilty air, that’s what’ll make people suspect. And I don’t want to make us scared so that we can never leave the house together. That’s not what I want for us.”
“But we have to be careful.”
“We were careful,” Declan assured me.
“Maybe I’m just feeling guilt because I’m the one doing the bad thing.”
Declan suddenly sat up, and I found myself face down in the pillow. “Shit, Simon!”
I sat up. “What?”
“Don’t you ever fucking say that again!”
“What?” I asked, truly confused.
“The bad thing,” he spat.
I hadn’t even realised what I’d said and how it could be construed. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Maybe on a subconscious level you did.”
That hurt, so I stupidly struck back. “Hey, I’m not the one in the closet!”
Even in the dark, I could see his face fall.
It was the worst thing I could have said, and I told him so immediately. “I’m sorry, that was stupid.”
He shook his head sadly. “Hey, it has to come up sooner or later.”
“I know you have to be, because of the industry you’re in. I understand it on every logical level. Believe me.”
“Well, I don’t want you to start thinking shit like us being a bad thing because of it,” he said sadly, staring at the doona that was shoved up between us.
“I don’t,” I said honestly. “Hey, look at me.”
When he didn’t, I took him by the chin and made him. “Dec, I don’t think we’re a bad thing. I’m in this because I really like you, and I want us to go further. I think we’ve got something, don’t you?”
“Yeah,” he said just as truthfully. “I do.”
“So we’re going to have some issues now and again, but we’ll get through them.”
“And this is just the first one.”
“Probably just the first of many,” I said cheerily.
He could only laugh at that. I gently pushed him back down upon the mattress and draped my arm over his chest. He wrapped his around my shoulder and placed his free hand upon my arm, stroking it gently. “I could get used to you being here.”
“I would rather have you in Melbourne.”
“Well, that’s true. I’d rather be in Melbourne. Guess it’s going to be like this for a while.”
“I think you’re worth it,” I said, glad we were in the dark so he couldn’t see me.
“Only think?” he teased. “I know you are.”
I wished I could be as sure about my worth to him as he was. To me it seemed as if the scales were tipped heavily in my favour as to who was winning out more.
“Are you sure I didn’t fuck up?” I asked.
“I’m sure,” he said, sounding sleepy. “And I’ll tell Abe and Lisa, even though I don’t think it’s a problem. They really liked you.”
I still felt troubled and stayed awake far longer than he did.
When the alarm went off at four, I dressed silently in the dark. Declan tried to rise, but I kissed him and pushed him back down.
“I’m calling a taxi,” I told him. “You have those appointments in a few hours, get some more sleep.”
“I’m driving you,” he protested, but I shut him up in the best way possible with my mouth on his.
“You know I’m right,” I said.
He groaned. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want to go, but hey, real life calls.”
“Please let me drive you.”
“Get some sleep, babe.”
That new magic word between us seemed to placate him. “Fine. Call me when you get to work so I know you got back safe.”
“Yes, Mum.”
“Shut the fuck up.” He laughed tiredly.
And that was how I left Declan, falling back asleep in the bed I wished I could have stayed in with him. I picked up my bags, closed the door behind me, and called for a taxi as I walked to the lift.
I was glad Fran had forced me into doing this, but once again I didn’t feel all that happy at the end of it. I wondered if I would have been better off staying in Melbourne over the weekend, but then reminded myself of all those moments with Declan in which our relationship seemed to solidify and become even stronger, and I realised I shouldn’t wish it away.
But I still locked myself in the tiny tin toilet while miles above the Bass Strait on the flight home and tried not to cry.