16
Kelsey’s Dream
Dorothy and Toto turned into other disturbing dreams. Alone and lost, I was running in the darkness. I couldn’t find Ren, and something evil was chasing me. I had to get away. Strange, grasping fingers reached out to pull my clothes and hair. They scraped my skin and tried to drag me off the path. I knew if they did, they would ensnare and destroy me.
I turned a corner, entered a large room, and saw a dark, villainous man dressed in rich amethyst robes. He was standing over another man tied to a large table. I watched from a dark corner as he raised a sharp, curved knife into the air. The man chanted softly in a language I didn’t understand.
Somehow, I knew I had to save his captive in the nightmare. I launched myself at the man with the knife and pulled on his arm, trying to wrestle the knife from his hand. My hand started to burn bright red, and sparks crackled.
‘No, Kelsey! Stop!’
I looked down at the altar and gasped. It was Ren! His body was torn and bloody, and his hands were bound over his head.
‘Kells . . . get out of here! Save yourself! I’m doing this so he can’t find you.’
‘No! I won’t let you! Ren, change into a tiger. Run!’
He shook his head frantically and said loudly, ‘Durga! I accept! Do it now!’
‘What is it? What do you need Durga to do?’ I said.
The man began chanting again loudly, and, despite my feeble efforts to stop him, he raised the blade and plunged it into Ren’s heart. I screamed. My heart beat in sick rhythm with his. With each thud, his strength diminished. His damaged heart beat slower and slower until it stalled and finally stopped.
Tears rolled down my face. I felt a terrible, cutting pain. I watched Ren’s lifeblood drip down the table and pool on the tiled floor. Slumping to the ground on my hands and knees, I choked on my emotions.
Ren’s death was unbearable. If he was dead, then so was I. I was drowning in sorrow; I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t have any will left to drive me. There was no incentive, no voice urging me to fight back, to kick for the surface, to rise above the pain. Nothing could make me breathe or make me live again.
The room disappeared, and I was shrouded in blackness once again. The dream changed. I was wearing a golden dress and ornate jewelry. Seated on a beautiful chair on a high dais, I looked down to see Ren standing on the floor in front of me. I smiled at him and held out my hand, but Kishan grabbed it as he sat down beside me.
I glanced at Kishan, confused. He was smiling smugly at Ren. When I turned back to Ren again, his anger was white hot, and he glared at me with hatred and fiery contempt.
I struggled to free my hand from Kishan’s grasp, but he wouldn’t let me go. Before I could free myself, Ren changed into a tiger and ran into the jungle. I screamed after him, but he couldn’t hear me. He wouldn’t hear me.
Wind whipped the cream-colored drapes, and storm clouds rushed in, pushed along by the brisk wind. The clouds blanketed the trees and darkened the sky. Lightning struck in several places. I heard a mighty roar echo across the landscape. It was the impetus I needed. I wrenched my hand out of Kishan’s and ran into the squall.
Rain began to beat the ground, slowing my progress as I searched for Ren. My beautiful golden sandals were stripped away, stuck in the thick mud created by the downpour. I couldn’t find him anywhere. I pushed my dripping hair out of my eyes and shouted, ‘Ren! Ren! Where are you?’
A thunderbolt struck a nearby tree with a mighty boom. Fragments of bark shot out in every direction as the tree cracked, and the trunk twisted and splintered. It crashed down and pinned me to the ground with its branches.
‘Ren!’
Muddy rainwater pooled under me. I carefully squirmed and twisted my bruised, aching body until I could slither out from under the tree. The golden dress was ripped and torn, and my skin was covered with bloody scratches.
I yelled again, ‘Ren! Please come back! I need you!’
I was cold and shaking, but I continued running through the jungle, tripping over roots and shoving aside gray, prickly undergrowth. Searching and yelling while running, I wove between trees looking for him. I forlornly begged, ‘Ren, please don’t leave me!’
Finally, I spotted a white form loping through the trees and doubled my efforts to catch up to him. My dress caught on a thorny bush, but I fiercely dug my way through it, determined to reach him. I followed the path of lightning strikes in the jungle nearby.
I wasn’t afraid of the lightning, though it hit close enough that I could smell burned wood. The lightning guided me to Ren. I found him lying on the ground. Large burn marks scorched his white fur where lightning bolts had repeatedly struck him. Somehow, I knew I had done it. I was the one responsible for his pain.
I stroked his head and the soft, silky fur of his neck and cried, ‘Ren, I didn’t want this. How could this happen?’
He changed to a man and whispered, ‘You lost faith in me, Kelsey.’
I shook my head in denial. Tears streaked down my cheeks. ‘No, I didn’t. I wouldn’t!’
He couldn’t look me in the eyes. ‘Iadala, you left me.’
I threw my arms around him desperately. ‘No, Ren! I’ll never leave you.’
‘But you did. You walked away. Was it too much to ask you to wait for me? To believe in me?’
I sobbed forlornly. ‘But, I didn’t know. I didn’t know.’
‘It’s too late now, priyatama. This time, I’m leaving you.’ He closed his eyes and died.
I shook his limp body. ‘No. No! Ren, come back. Please come back!’
Tears mixed with rain and blurred my vision. I angrily brushed them from my eyes, and when I opened them again, I saw not just him but also my parents, my grandmother, and Mr. Kadam. They were all lying on the ground dead. I was alone and surrounded by death.
I cried and shouted over and over, ‘No! It can’t be! It can’t be!’
A black anguish seeped through my body. Thick and viscous, it oozed through my core and dribbled down my limbs. I felt so heavy, so full of despair, and so alone. I held onto Ren and rocked his body back and forth, unconsciously trying to comfort myself. But I found no relief.
Then, I wasn’t alone anymore. I realized that it wasn’t me rocking Ren, but someone else was rocking me, and holding me tightly. I became alert enough to know that I had been dreaming but the pain of the dream still engulfed me.
My face was wet with real tears and the storm had been real. Wind surged through the trees outside pushing a hard rain to beat against the canvas. A lightning bolt struck a nearby tree and briefly lit up my small tent. In the flash, I made out dark wet hair, golden skin, and a white shirt.
‘Ren?’
I felt his thumbs wipe the tears from my cheeks. ‘Shh, Kelsey. I’m here. I’m not leaving you, priya. Mein yaha hoon.’
With great relief and a hiccupping sob, I reached up to wrap my arms around Ren’s neck. He slid his body farther into the little tent to get out of the rain, pulled me onto his lap, and tightened his arms around me. He stroked my hair and whispered, ‘Hush now. Mein aapka raksha karunga. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you, priyatama.’
He continued to soothe me with words from his native language until I felt the dream fade. After a few minutes, I thought I was recovered enough to pull away, but I made a conscious choice to stay right where I was. I liked the feel of his arms around me.
The dream made me realize how alone I really felt. Since my parents died, no one had held me like this. Of course, I hugged my foster parents and their kids, but no one had managed to break through my defenses – nor had I let anyone pull this depth of emotion from me in a long while.
That was the moment I knew that Ren loved me.
I felt my heart open to him. I already loved and trusted the tiger part of him. That part was easy. But, I recognized that the man needed that love even more. For Ren, it had been centuries – if ever. So, I held him close and didn’t break apart from him until I knew he was out of time.
I whispered in his ear, ‘Thank you for being here. I’m glad you’re a part of my life. Please stay in the tent with me. There’s no reason for you to sleep outside in the rain.’
I kissed his cheek and lay down again, spreading my quilt over me. Ren changed to a tiger and lay down next to me. I snuggled against his back and fell into a dreamless, peaceful sleep despite the storm raging outside.
The next day I awoke, stretched, and crawled out of the tent. The sun had evaporated the rainwater and turned the wet jungle into a steamy sauna. Branches and leaves torn off in the storm littered the campground. A sopping wet moat full of ashy, gray water surrounded charred black lumps of wood was all that remained of our roaring fire.
The waterfall was rushing faster than usual, pushing sodden pieces of flotsam into the now muddy pool.
‘No bath today,’ I greeted Ren, who’d changed into a man.
‘It doesn’t matter anyway. We’re heading out to meet Mr. Kadam. It’s time we resumed our journey,’ he replied.
‘But what about Kishan? There is no way you can convince him to come with us?’
‘Kishan’s made his position clear. He wishes to remain here, and I’m not going to beg him. Once he’s made up his mind, he rarely changes it.’
‘But, Ren—’
‘No buts.’
He approached me and tugged lightly on my braid. Then he smiled and kissed my forehead. What passed between us during the storm had repaired the emotional rift that had put us at odds, and I was happy that he was my friend again.
‘Come on, Kells. Let’s pack up.’
It took only a few minutes to get the tent rolled up and everything stowed in the backpack. I was relieved to get back to Mr. Kadam and civilization, but I didn’t like leaving things with Kishan this way. I didn’t even get a chance to say good-bye.
On the way out, I swept past the flowered bushes to stir the butterflies into the air again. There were not as many as when we had first arrived. They clung to the sodden bushes and flapped their wings slowly in the sun, drying them out. A few took to the sky one last time, and Ren waited patiently while I watched. I sighed as we began the trek back to the highway where Mr. Kadam was camped. Even though I hated hiking and camping, this place was special.
My tiger led the way as usual, and I traipsed along behind, trying to avoid his muddy paw prints and walk on drier ground. To pass the time, I told Ren about how I’d talked to Kishan about palace life and of how he had carried a bag full of food in his mouth so that I wouldn’t starve.
There were some things I did not share with Ren, especially the things Kishan had told me about Yesubai. I definitely didn’t want Ren thinking about her, but also I felt Kishan needed to talk it out with Ren himself. Instead, I calmly babbled away about being bored in the jungle and watching the hunt.
Suddenly, Ren morphed into a man, grabbed my arms, and exploded, ‘You saw what?’
Confused, I repeated, ‘I saw the . . . the hunt. I thought you knew. Didn’t Kishan tell you?’
Grinding his teeth, he said, ‘No, he didn’t!’
I side-stepped around him onto a series of stones. ‘Oh. Well, it doesn’t matter. I’m fine. I made my way back.’
Ren grabbed my elbow, spun me into his arms, and then set me down in front of him.
‘Kelsey, are you telling me that not only did you watch the hunt, but also that you hiked back to the campground by yourself?’
Ren was beyond angry.
I squeaked out, ‘Yes.’
‘The next time I see Kishan, I will kill him.’ He pointed his finger in my face. ‘You could have been killed or . . . or eaten! I can’t even tell you all the dangerous things that live in the jungle. You are never leaving my sight again!’
He grabbed my hand and pulled me ahead on the trail. I could feel the tension radiating from his body.
‘Ren, I don’t understand. Didn’t you and Kishan talk after your, uh . . . meal?’
He grumbled, ‘No. We went our separate ways. I came straight back to the camp. Kishan lingered over the . . . food, a bit longer. I must not have caught your scent because of the rain.’
‘Kishan might still be looking for me, then. Maybe we should go back.’
‘No. It would serve him right.’ He laughed spitefully. ‘Without a scent to track, it’ll probably take him days to figure out we’re gone.’
‘Ren, you really should go back and tell him we’re leaving. He helped you on the hunt. It’s the least you could do.’
‘Kelsey, we are not going back. He’s a big tiger and he can take care of himself. Besides, I was doing fine without him.’
‘No, you weren’t. I saw the hunt, remember? He helped you take down the antelope. Also, Kishan said that you hadn’t hunted in more than three hundred years. That’s why we went after you. He said he knew you’d need his help.’
Ren scowled but said nothing.
I paused and put my hand on his arm. ‘It’s not a sign of weakness to need help sometimes.’
He grunted, dismissing my comment but tucked my hand under his arm and started walking again.
‘Ren, what exactly happened to you three hundred years ago?’
Scowling, he didn’t speak. I elbowed him and smiled encouragingly. The scowl slowly disappeared from his handsome face and the tension melted from his shoulders. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and explained.
‘It’s a lot easier for a black tiger to hunt than a white tiger. I don’t exactly blend into the jungle. When I got really hungry and frustrated in hunting wild game, I’d occasionally venture into a village and make off with a goat or a sheep. I was careful, but rumors soon spread of a white tiger, and the hunters came out in force. Not only were there farmers who wanted to keep me away, but big-game hunters wanted the thrill of capturing an exotic animal.
‘They set traps for me all over the jungle, and many innocent creatures were killed. Whenever I found one, I’d disable it. One day, I happened upon a trap and made a stupid mistake. There were two traps right next to each other, but I focused on the obvious one, which was the standard meat-dangling-over-a-pit-trap.
‘I was studying the pit, trying to figure out a way to get the meat, and I tripped a hidden wire. It triggered a shower of spikes and arrows that rained down on me from the tree above. I leapt to the side as a spear came down, but the dirt underfoot gave way and I fell into the pit.’
‘Did any of the arrows hit you?’ I asked, on the edge of my seat.
‘Yes. Several of them grazed me, but I healed quickly. Fortunately, the pit didn’t have any bamboo stakes, but it was well made and deep enough that I couldn’t get out.’
‘What did they do to you?’
‘After a few days, the hunters found me. They sold me to a private collector who had a menagerie of interesting creatures. When I proved difficult, he sold me to another who sold me to another, and so on. Eventually, I ended up in a Russian circus and have been passed from circus to circus ever since. Whenever people became suspicious of my age or hurt me, I would cause enough trouble to inspire a quick sale.’
It was a terrible, heart-breaking story. I stepped away from him to circle a log and when I moved back next to him, he twined his fingers in mine and kept walking.
‘Why didn’t Mr. Kadam just buy you himself and take you home?’ I asked sympathetically.
‘He couldn’t. Something always happened to prevent it. Every time he tried to buy me from the circus, the owners refused to sell at any price. Once he sent people to try to purchase me, and that never worked either. Mr. Kadam even hired people to try to steal me, but they were captured. The curse was in charge, not us. The more he tried to intervene, the worse my situation became. We eventually discovered that Mr. Kadam could send potential buyers with a genuine interest my way. He was able to influence good people to buy me, but only if he had no intention of getting me for himself.
‘Mr. Kadam made sure I was moved around enough so people didn’t notice my age. He visited me from time to time so that I knew how to contact him, but there was really nothing he could do. He never stopped trying to figure out a way to break the curse though. He spent all his time researching solutions. His visits meant everything to me. I think I would have lost my humanity without him.’
Ren swatted a mosquito on the back of his neck and reflected, ‘When I was first taken, I thought it would be easy to escape. I’d just wait for night to fall and pull the latch on the cage. But, once I was a captive, I was permanently in tiger form. I couldn’t become a man again – not until you came along.’
He held back a branch so I could pass under and said, ‘What was it like, being in the circus all those years?’
I tripped over a stone, and Ren reached out to steady me. When I was standing firmly again, he slid his hands reluctantly from my waist and offered a hand to me again.
‘It was boring mostly. Sometimes the owners were cruel and I was whipped, poked, and prodded. I was lucky, though, because I healed quickly and was smart enough to do the tricks other tigers refused to do. A tiger doesn’t naturally want to jump through a flaming hoop or have a man’s head in his mouth. Tigers hate fire, so the tiger has to be taught to fear the trainer more than he fears the flame.’
‘It sounds awful!’
‘Circuses back then were. The animals were placed in cages much too small. Natural familial relationships were broken, and the babies were sold. In the early days, the food was bad, the cages were filthy, and the animals were beaten. They were trekked from city to city and left outdoors in places and climates they were not accustomed to. They didn’t survive very long.’
Thoughtfully, he went on, ‘Now, though, there’s more study and effort to prolong the lives of the animals and better their quality of life. But, captivity is still captivity no matter how pretty the jail is.
‘Being caged made me think long and hard about my relationships with other creatures, especially the elephants and horses. My father had thousands of elephants that were trained for battle or heavy lifting, and I had a favorite stallion once that I loved to ride. As I sat there in my cage day after day, I wondered if he felt like I did. I imagined him sitting in his stall, bored, just waiting for me hour after hour to come and let him out.’
Ren squeezed my hand and changed back into a tiger again.
I got lost in my thoughts. How hard being caged up must have been. Ren had to endure centuries of that. I shuddered and kept hiking after him.
After another hour had passed, I spoke up again, ‘Ren? There’s one thing I don’t understand. Where was Kishan? Why didn’t he help you get away?’
Ren leapt over a huge fallen log. At the height of his jump, he changed in midair, dropping to the ground on the other side, silently, on two feet. I reached out for his hand to help steady me as I began to climb over the log, but he ignored it, reached over the log, and put his hands around my waist.
Before I could even form the words to protest, he lifted me up and over the log as if I were as light as a down pillow. He cuddled me close to his chest before letting me go, which made me stop breathing entirely. He looked in my eyes, and a slow smile spread across his face. He set me down before reaching out his hand again. I placed my slightly shaky hand in his warm one, and we set off again.
‘Back then Kishan and I tried to avoid each other as much as possible back then. He didn’t know what had happened until Kadam found him. By the time they’d figured it out, it was too late to do anything. Kadam had tried unsuccessfully to free me, so he persuaded Kishan to stay in hiding while he tried to figure out what to do. Like I said, he tried breaking me out, purchasing me, and hiring thieves for centuries. Not a single thing worked until you. For some reason, after you wished me free, I was able to call him.’
Ren laughed. ‘When I changed into a man again for the first time in centuries, I asked Matthew to place a collect call for me. I told him that I’d been mugged and needed to get in touch with my boss. He helped me figure out how to use the phone, and Mr. Kadam flew in right away.’
Ren changed back into a tiger again, and we continued. He walked close beside me, so I kept a hand on the scruff of his neck.
After walking for several hours, Ren stopped suddenly and smelled the air. He sat on his haunches and stared at the jungle. I listened intently as something shook the bushes. First a black nose emerged, followed by the rest of the black tiger, from the undergrowth.
I smiled happily. ‘Kishan! You changed your mind. You’re coming with us now? I’m so glad!’
Kishan approached me and held out a paw that changed into a hand.
‘Hello, Kelsey. No, I haven’t changed my mind. I am glad to find you safe though.’
Kishan shot a nasty look down at Ren, who wasted no time morphing into human form himself.
Ren shoved Kishan’s shoulder and shouted, ‘Why didn’t you tell me she was out there! She saw the hunt, and you left her alone and unprotected!’
Kishan countered, poking Ren in the chest, ‘You left before I could say anything. If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been searching for her all night. You also packed up and left without telling me.’
I stood between them and interjected, ‘Please calm down, both of you. Ren, I agreed with Kishan that it would be best for me to go with him, and he watched over me with great care. I was the one who decided to watch the hunt, and I was the one who chose to head back to camp alone. So if you’re going to be mad at someone, be mad at me.’
I turned to Kishan, ‘I’m so sorry that I made you search for me all night in a rainstorm. I didn’t realize it was going to rain, or that it would hide my trail. I apologize.’
Kishan grinned and kissed the back of my hand, while Ren growled menacingly. ‘Apology accepted. So, how did you like it?’
‘You mean the rain or the hunt?’
‘The hunt, of course.’
‘Umm, it was—’
‘She had nightmares,’ Ren spat at his brother.
I grimaced and nodded, dipping my head in agreement.
‘Well, at least my brother is well fed. It might have been weeks before he made a kill on his own.’
‘I was doing just fine without you!’
Kishan smirked. ‘No, you couldn’t catch a limping turtle without me.’
I heard the punch before I saw it. It was a hard, teeth-rattling punch, the kind that I thought only happened in the movies. Ren had moved me deftly to the side and then socked his brother.
Kishan stepped away while rubbing his jaw, but he stood up to face Ren with a smile.
‘Try that again, big brother.’
Ren scowled, saying nothing. He just took my hand and set off at a fast pace, pulling me along behind him through the jungle. I almost had to jog to keep up with him.
The black tiger whooshed past us and leapt into our path. Kishan changed to a man again and said, ‘Wait. I have something to say to Kelsey.’
Ren scowled, but I put my hand on his chest and interjected, ‘Ren, please.’
He shifted his gaze from his brother to me, and his expression softened. He let go of my hand, touched my cheek briefly, and moved off a few paces as Kishan approached me.
‘Kelsey, I want you to take this,’ Kishan said, reaching around his neck to remove a chain tucked into his black shirt. After he attached the clasp around my neck, he said, ‘I think you know that this amulet will protect you in the same way Ren’s protects Kadam.’
I fingered the chain and pulled the broken charm up to look at it more closely. ‘Kishan, are you sure you want me to wear it?’
He grinned rakishly. ‘My lovely, your enthusiasm is infectious. A man can’t be near you and remain aloof to your cause. And even though I will stay in the jungle, this will be my small contribution to your endeavors.’
His expression turned serious. ‘I want to keep you safe, Kelsey. All we know for sure is that the amulet is powerful and may give the wearer a long life. But, that doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt or even killed, so keep your guard up.’
He cupped my chin, and I looked into his golden eyes. ‘I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, bilauta.’
‘I’ll be careful. Thank you, Kishan.’
Kishan looked over at Ren, who inclined his head in a soft nod, and then Kishan turned back to me. He smiled, and said, ‘I’ll miss you, Kelsey. Come visit me again soon.’
I hugged him briefly and turned my cheek toward him for a kiss. At the last second, Kishan altered his stance and pecked me quickly on the lips.
I sputtered with shock, ‘You wily scoundrel!’ Then I laughed and punched him lightly on the arm.
He just laughed and winked at me.
Ren clenched his fists and a dark expression stole across his handsome face, but Kishan ignored him and ran off toward the jungle. His laughter echoed back at us through the trees and became a gruff bark as he changed back into the black tiger.
Ren approached me, picked up the pendant, and rubbed it thoughtfully between his fingers. I put my hand on his arm, worried that he might still be angry about Kishan. He tugged on my braid, smiled, and pressed a warm kiss on my forehead.
Changing into a white tiger again, he led me through the jungle for another half hour until, with relief, I saw we’d finally reached the highway.
Waiting until there was no traffic, we hurried to the other side and disappeared into the verdant undergrowth. After following Ren’s nose for a short distance, we finally came upon a military-style tent, and I ran up to hug the man who emerged from it.
‘Mr. Kadam! I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you!’