Chapter 13
“Come on. Fang is staying with Dean. You have no reason to go home early. You’re already minus your clothing.”
Kelly stood by the bed where Nate had flopped down, making suggestive noises and rolling his eyes at her. She wanted to have a serious discussion with him, but he kept tempting her and she almost let it go again.
Instead, she sniffed and touched his shoulder. “Nate, I don’t think I can come overseas with you. I want you to go alone.”
He sat up. “You want me to go without you? I don’t want to. Our plans— “
“I know and I’m sorry.” She knelt on the bed, straddling his knees. Her hands slipped behind his neck and tickled the back of his head. “Would you rather we break up?” Her teeth captured her bottom lip, gnawing on it as she gazed at him, uncertain of his answer.
“No, I don’t want to break up!”
Relief rolled over her. “Oh, good.” She grinned and slid closer. “I’m glad.”
“There’s no one else I want to be with.” He stared across the room, searching for words to convince her. Finally, he met her eyes. “We can Skype every night if you want.”
“I’m sure you won’t have time for every night, but we can make it work, can’t we?” Hope filled her eyes as she watched his reaction. “Do you think it can work?”
“I think it can. People have long distance relationships all the time.” His hands on her waist pulled her toward him and then wrapped his arms around her. “You won’t change your mind?”
“I don’t think I can. I just have so much going on here.”
He frowned and his facial expression tore at her heartstrings. “I’ll miss you.”
“Me too. As long as we stay in touch it won’t feel like that long.”
He smiled a rueful smile, his previous good humour deflating by the second. “I think it will feel like longer than it is, personally, but I guess we have one advantage over the other long-distance couples. We both know that I’m coming back. It’s not like we’re separated by the need for a visa or because we actually live in different cities.” His hand traced a line down her cheek and across her jawbone. She closed her eyes and sighed, settling herself tighter against him. He leaned in to capture her lips with his, sliding his hand into her hair as he did.
She sighed again, meeting his tongue with her own, trying to communicate all that she was feeling through her actions. Nate rolled her over and pushed her back against the pillows. His tongue explored her neck, sending shivers across her skin. Her fingers clutched at his back as she pulled him close and he started a slow exploration of her body.
I’m going to miss him so much.
“Lie back,” he whispered. “Let me love you.”
***
“Uhh… I think I need to go home.” Kelly sat up and slid to the side of the bed.
Nate folded his arms behind his head and relaxed against the headboard as she stood up and searched for her clothing. “Oh, why? Do you need to get Fang?” He glanced at the clock. “It’s early. Will Dean even be up at this hour?”
“No, I—” She licked her lips. “I can’t do this, Nate. I thought I could, but I can’t.” Kelly pulled on her jeans and then dragged on her shirt. She buttoned it as fast as she could, panic and misery warring for seniority on her face. “I’m too invested in this. The more I think about it, the more I know that I can’t stand the thought of a long-distance relationship.”
Nate pulled himself from the bed and wrapped the sheet around his waist. “What are you talking about? Where is this coming from suddenly?” He reached out for her, but she backed away.
“It’s not sudden. I’ve been telling you for weeks that I wasn’t sure. I’ve laid out all the reasons why it’s a bad idea and none of them have changed.”
Nate shook his head, unsure of what to say. “I thought we addressed each of those reasons. Didn’t we just agree an hour ago that we’d stay exclusive while we’re apart? Didn’t I take the news that you were pulling out of the trip calmly enough? Because I bloody well forced myself to stay calm and tell you everything would be alright.”
“No. You addressed the reasons. I didn’t need you to solve each issue for me, I was simply letting you know my reasoning. I can’t do this.” Anguish filled her face, confusing Nate further. Her words told him one thing, but her facial expressions said something else.
“Come on. Don’t leave like this. Let me get dressed and I’ll cook you some breakfast and we can go through it again.”
“I don’t want to go through it!” Her raised voice made him frown and step back. “I don’t want to go over all the details again. I’m not ready to give up my life here. I like the security of a house and a regular income. I’ve made a decent life for myself.”
“There are a lot of I’s in that speech. Weren’t we making plans together?” Nate’s voice hardened as he watched her collect some stray clothing from his wardrobe.
Shit. She’s really going. Stop her!
“I thought we were, but this is your dream, not mine. If you cancelled right now I wouldn’t give it another thought.” She held up her hand as he opened his mouth. “I’m not asking you to cancel by the way. You should go. See all those places you’ve been adding to your spreadsheet for weeks. I just can’t go with you and I can’t wait for you. Dean mentions the people you’re going to meet, the women,” she spat the word out as though it tasted unpleasant, “every time I see him. I can’t do it.”
“What if we shorten it? Only go for six months.” His hopeful expression made her breath catch in her throat, but she quickly regrouped.
“No. That won’t fix things. I’m just not cut out for this. I like renovating and looking after Fang. I love my work and it’s going well. I might lose all of that if I have a long break. Someone else might take my place and my agent could struggle to find me work when I get back.”
“You’re scared.” Nate raised his own voice now, his anger spilling through into his words.
“So what? There’s no rule that says people can’t be scared. I’ve worked hard for what I have and it’s damn selfish of you to expect me to give it all up.”
Nate snatched his shorts off the back of a nearby chair and shoved his feet into them. Fury bubbled in his chest. Anger directed at her, but also at himself. How had he let her get so close to him? Why had he taken this kind of risk?
“When I said scared, I meant you’re being a coward.” He threw the sheet back onto the bed and angrily arranged the pillows on the bed. “You’re not willing to take a chance on us working out. All because your future might not be the safe one you’ve planned for your retirement.”
“How would you even know what I’m scared of?” Hands on hips, they both shouted now, each throwing accusations at the other.
“I wouldn’t, would I? Because you insisted we get together a lot earlier than I would have liked. It was you who told my friends you were trying to get lucky when we were on our first date. I didn’t push those things.” He waved his hands. “I wanted to take it slow and get to know you.”
“Well, you can take it as bloody slow as you like now. It can be glacial pace, for all I care. I’m going home.”
She picked up her bag and moved toward the door. The sight of her leaving jolted a sense of calm into Nate and he touched her arm, lowering his voice. “Come on, Kel. Don’t go like this. We can work this out.”
“No, Nate. I don’t think we can. Since I’m such a floozy, who embarrasses you in front of your friends, I’d think you’d be happy to see me out the door. The worst thing that ever happened to me was Fang biting you.” She pulled away and left the room as he trailed after her. “I can let myself out.”
“Fine. The dog bite happened to me, by the way, not to you, but don’t let the door hit you as you leave. I wouldn’t want you to be scared of the repercussions.” He spat his words at her, anger curdling his gut all over again.
“Fine!” She shouted as she swept out and slammed the door behind her.
“Fine,” he said into the silence that followed her dramatic exit.
“Damn,” he whispered to himself.
What just happened?