Tinder Ella: A Modern Day Single Dad Fairy-Tale by Eddie Cleveland (41)

I can’t be sure, it may have been a whisper, or I may have started dreaming, or it could just be the sound of a summer breeze outside playing tricks on my mind, but before the world completely fades away, I thought I heard, “I love you.”

Shimmering streaks of sunlight glint across my face making hues of red dance behind my eyelids. I stretch my hands up over my head and take a second to remember how I got into a bed that isn’t my own. I’ve never been the kind of girl who woke up to blurry memories of the man lying next to me in a stranger’s bed. Not that Connor is a stranger. Far from it. A smile kisses my lips and my eyelids flutter open as I roll over and look at how peaceful his face is when he’s sleeping. My fingers draw a line over his jaw, enjoying the soft scruff drag over my skin.

“Too early,” his voice creaks and he flips onto his back, flopping a pillow over his face.

I can’t help but laugh as I hear his light snores fill the air. Who knew that someone who spent so much time in the military wouldn’t be a morning person? I figured Connor would be up before the first roosters poked their heads out at dawn to tell the cow farmers to get milking.

I’ve got to pee. I should get my ass down that ladder. The image of Connor eating my pussy from behind while I clung onto the rails for dear life sweeps through my mind. It’s almost enough to push my thoughts of finding the bathroom out of my head.

The pregnancy test.

My stomach does a double backflip and I sit up straight as I feel the blood drain from my face. I never meant to shoplift it, but there was no way I could let Connor see what I was there for. I want to know for certain before I get into all of that with him. Things are complicated enough as it is.

I know I didn’t mean to steal it, but I’m glad I did. I may have never taken a pregnancy test before, but I know that you’re supposed to use your first pee of the morning. Now is as good a time as any while Connor is sleeping.

I pad across the loft and make my way down the ladder, quickly grabbing my purse and rushing into the bathroom. As the door clicks shut behind me, my heart pounds in my chest. I can hear the rhythm of my fear drumming in my ears.

I lean against the door and open my worn, leather purse, clutching the cardboard box in my hand. It takes an enormous amount of concentration to read the instructions as my thoughts ping-pong back and forth in my brain.

You’re pregnant. What are you going to do?

No, you’re not. Don’t be so dramatic.

Dramatic? Two months without a period isn’t dramatic, but the birth will be.

Stress can make you miss a period too.

So does sperm.

“Fuck!” I hiss at myself giving my head a shake as I fumble with the box and manage to pull one of the tests free.

It quakes in my hand as I look over at the toilet. “Okay, it takes five minutes to get results. Not too long.” I whisper to myself.

But it’s long enough that I should probably run the water so Connor thinks I’m getting cleaned up. The less questions I raise for him the better.

Quickly I run the water and turn on the shower, not caring about whether it’s hot or cold since I won’t be stepping in it. Instead I rush over the toilet and hold the stick between my legs as I pee over the tab.

There. It’s done. Now I just have to wait.

I finish peeing and place the plastic cap back over the end, holding my breath as I stare at the small digital screen.

Five minutes is an eternity when you’re waiting for a little digital readout to tell you what your future holds. One where you carry on as usual and the only thing to figure out is how to make Connor and I work when Marcus is still so angry with him. Or the future with diapers, night feedings and a baby daddy my brother despises.

I groan as the screen still hasn’t told me my fate. Picking up the test, I give it a little shake, knowing full well it won’t hurry it along, but wishing something would make this all go faster.

Suddenly the screen begins to morph and the bathroom handle jiggles loudly, making me yelp.

“Hey Charlotte, you never told me you were taking a shower. That would’ve got me up, I can’t wait to slide the soap all over your…”

Connor opens the door wide and I freeze in place as his eyes slide over me in confusion, and then lock on to the test on the counter.

“Is that? Oh no,” he rubs his hand over his dark hair. “Are you?” He steps inside as I step forward to the vanity and we peer down at the screen together, neither one of us breathing.

I blink but the words I’m reading don’t change. They stay as permanent and real as the baby I’m carrying inside me.

Pregnant: 6-8 weeks.

“Oh shit,” the words slip out of my mouth before I have a chance to clamp it shut. Behind us the water is running in my shower. I don’t know how to process this. I thought I was coming in here to get her all soaped up and clean so I could get her dirty again.

She’s pregnant.

“Is it mine?” I immediately regret asking as I see the pain flicker in her eyes.

She doesn’t speak, just nods as her eyes fill with tears.

This isn’t how I pictured any of this going. But that doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. I mean, I don’t know the first thing about raising a baby, but people have been doing it for centuries, right? I can learn.

If that’s what she wants. I don’t even know if she plans to keep it.

“What are you going to do?” I look back down at the test, part of me waiting to wake up from a vivid, crazy dream.

“What do you mean? What am I going to do?” Her tone is like a razor’s edge and I glance over at her with surprise.

“I mean, do you want to keep it?” I try to reach for her hand, but she swats me away. I just want to support her in her decision. I’m all about a woman having the right to do with her body what she wants. I don’t want to go buy a big book of baby names and let myself get excited about being a father if she’s ready to run off to a clinic.

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots,” she murmurs down at the test as fat tears spill over her cheeks.

“What? Hey, come here?” I try to pull her into me, but she steps back.

“I can’t do this right now. I need some time to think,” she rakes her fingers through her hair and looks down at the floor.

“Of course, that makes sense. Sure, I’ll give you some space,” I step back toward the door.

“I am going to keep it, Connor,” she searches my face for an argument, but I’m not going to give her one. I get the feeling she’s looking for a fight, but I’m the wrong guy.

“Then we’ll figure this out. Don’t worry, Charlotte, it’s all going to be fine,” I try to grab her hands but she pulls away again.

“Fine, yeah, sure,” she chokes on the words. “My brother hates your guts and now I’m pregnant with your child. He’s the only family I have left in this whole world. The only one who was there when our parents were taken from us, and now he’s going to hate me.” Her voice cracks as the tears pour over her face, dripping from her quivering chin.

“Charlotte, hey, don’t worry about any of that right now. Please? Let’s just get you to a doctor and get a blood test and we’ll figure this thing out bit by bit.”

“You don’t get it, Connor. I can’t figure this out with you. Not if it means losing the only blood I have left. Marcus is far from perfect, but he’s all I’ve had ever since the accident. If I lose him,” she sobs, “then it’s like losing my parents all over again. It’s like the night the cops showed up at our house and told us that they were gone. That one thread I’ve been hanging on to all these years will be cut,” she rushes past me through the doorframe and begins gathering her clothes.

“That’s not going to happen. You’re feeling emotional right now, I get that. But I know Marcus, he’s not going to shut you out when you need him. If anything, this will bring us all together,” I hold out my hands as she pulls on her bra and dress.

“You knew him,” she corrects me. “I’m sorry, Connor, but I need to figure this out. Can you take me back to town? I’ve gotta grab my car and head home.”

“Yeah, sure,” I begin to search my place for my keys but realize I’m still not wearing a stitch. “Just give me a sec to get dressed,” I race up to the loft and quickly slip into some clothes.

When I get back downstairs, Charlotte is already waiting in the truck for me, gazing out the window with a thousand mile stare I thought was only reserved for guys who’ve been in battle.

I put my shoes on and join her in the old beater, hoping to make her smile. “We’re gonna be a great team, Lottie. Don’t worry, this is all going to work out fine.”

“It’s not fine, Connor. And, I’m not sure if we’re going to make a great team, cause I’m not sure if I can see you anymore,” she doesn’t move her eyes from the passenger side window and I don’t know what to say to that. Only minutes ago I learned that I’m going to be a dad and just like that, poof, it sounds like she might not want me involved at all. It’s all too much to process.

I turn the key in the ignition and set my jaw as I concentrate on getting the mother of my child back to her car safely. Because once I drop her off there, I’m going to have a little chat with her brother.

The drive back into town is excruciatingly silent. It doesn’t help that my radio is busted in this old dust bucket. It makes every sigh, every fidget against the seat, hell, practically every blink of Charlotte’s long lashes, like a blood curling scream into a cave. The noise is amplified by the emptiness.

I hit my turn signal and pull into the Lawton’s drug store where I stumbled across Charlotte yesterday. Damn, was that only a day ago? I feel like too much has happened in the last twenty-four hours to reasonably fit into a day. First running into her and finally getting her to give me a chance again, then the epic, all-night sex, only to end up where we started except this time it’s not just about us. Now there’s a baby to think about too.

That’s why she was out here, the realization hits me as I stare up at the familiar Lawton’s sign. She wasn’t looking for shampoo, she got that pregnancy test.

I can’t imagine how long she’s been agonizing over this. How long she’s been carrying this secret. “Hey,” I bring the truck to a halt and look over at her, but she won’t meet my eyes. “Listen, are you sure you want to go home and deal with Marcus right now? I can go with you and we can tell him together if you think that will soften the blow. Maybe he and I can bury the hatchet.” I slide my hand over her shoulder and she shakes her head silently.

“No, he’s not even home right now. He’s got a men’s group at St. Peter’s tonight so I know he’s at the church getting ready. I’m good, Connor,” she finally meets my eyes. Her bottom lids are rimmed red from her worry and tears. I want to pull her into me, to run my hand over her hair and whisper promises about how I’m going to make this all okay, but I know she needs some space.

“I just want some time alone to think, that’s all,” her voice is flat as she twists her hands together. “Please, just let me figure out how to talk to Marcus. I’m not shutting you out or shutting us down, but I just need to get my head on straight first.” Charlotte searches my face.

“Of course.” What else can I say? What else can I do? I can’t believe I’m the same man who led a SEAL team into dangerous firefights. It’s painful to sit back and feebly watch my life take shape without having any say in the outcome. Frustration roils in my gut as I watch Charlotte slip out of my truck and slam the door shut behind her without saying goodbye.

She settles behind the wheel of her car and my eyes narrow and I grit my teeth together as I make my way back out onto the road home.

I can’t believe I’ve found someone so perfect for me and now it all hangs in the balance because of an old, stupid grudge. I don’t even know if I’m going to be a part of my baby’s life, all because of something that happened on our fucking prom night fourteen years ago?

No. I’m done letting Marcus and his ridiculous temper control Charlotte and I. This stops now.

My tires squeal in protest as I pull a fast, hard U-turn and speed toward town, leaving a trail of dust behind me.

It’s time Marcus and I hash this thing out. Once and for all. He might have control over Charlotte, but he isn’t pulling the strings in my life.

My brakes creak loudly as I throw the truck in park and jump out, marching toward the large wooden door of the church. My fists are balled up and my jaw is clamped down as I barge through the entrance and watch Marcus look up from the front lectern, startled.

“What on earth are you doing here?” His shoulders tense up and his lips disappear into a slit across his face.

“You and I need to have a chat, Marcus,” I don’t break my stride, closing the floor between us quickly.

“I have nothing to say to you. Get out of my church, Connor,” he holds up his hand like a crossing guard and I can see the thin, pink scar from when we made our blood brother pact across his palm.

A pact that he destroyed the very first time we had a problem. Just like he’s going to destroy my life now, if I let him.

I won’t.

“I’m pretty sure this is God’s church, not yours,” I answer. “And don’t worry, this won’t take long,” I stand my ground, squaring off my shoulders and stare him in the eyes.

“I have things to do, I don’t have time for this,” he shuffles his papers on the podium and acts like a drill sergeant that just declared I was dismissed. Except I’m not about to turn on my heel and rush out of here just because Marcus decided I’m not worthy of his time. If you ask me, he’s been given too much power over the years. Taking on the role of a parent for his sister and then becoming a pastor of the church seems to have gone to his head.

“I don’t care if you have time, you’re gonna make some because I’m not walking out of here until you listen to what I have to say,” I snarl.

Marcus blows out his ebony cheeks as he hisses air through his front teeth like a leaky balloon. I know that noise. I’ve heard it before, I’ll probably hear it again. It’s the sound of him trying to stay calm, probably counting to ten in his head. It never works, it didn’t make him calmer when he was a five-year-old and I doubt it will work now. I’m surprised he still even tries.

“What do you want?” He stresses each word like a sentence.

“Listen, I know you and I don’t see eye-to-eye anymore,” I start.

“Pfft, that’s an understatement,” he laughs dryly.

“Yeah, well, I think it’s about time you got over it bud. It’s been fourteen years since your girlfriend jumped me, while I was passed out, I might add.” I can see the crimson of anger splash over the back of his neck, mixed with his dark skin it makes an almost purple hue. I remember that shade all too well, the color of pure rage.

“Oh, you think so, huh?” Now it’s Marcus who clenches his fist, crinkling up his papers in his hand without realizing it.

“Yes, I do. Look, what happened, happened. It was a long time ago, and it wasn’t really my fault. It has nothing to do with Charlotte and me now. I’m not going to let you keep me from our baby just because you can’t show a little bit of the forgiveness you preach about to someone you once called a brother.”

“Connor, I will never forgive you. You know why? You don’t even have one shred of remorse in your soul, do you? You don’t even admit the part you played in any of that night…” Marcus frowns and his lips corkscrew downward as he opens his palm and drops the crumpled papers back down. “Wait, did you say baby?” His eyes grow wide as he looks at me.

“I, uh, did I?” I know I shouldn’t say dammit in church. Is it bad to think it?

“You got my little sister pregnant?” The full realization floods over him and he races down the steps and checks my shoulder as he races past me to the exit.

I drag my fingers through my hair and restrain myself from swearing as I hear the door behind me slam shut. Quickly, I follow Marcus outside, “Where are you going? Get back here and talk to me about this like a man!” I call out but he’s already in his car. I’m not going to let him blow me off that easily. I jump back in my truck and follow his car out of the parking lot, cursing under my breath as we drive the familiar streets back to his house.

“Shit, shit, shit!” I yell as Marcus sails through a yellow light and I have no choice but to stop on the red that follows.

He’s going to confront Charlotte. I fucked this up pretty good. I need to stop him before he destroys any chance I have of ever seeing her again.

Ding!

The microwave announces that my TV dinner is ready. The only thing that surpasses my complete and utter exhaustion right now is my hunger. I manage to push myself up from the couch and walk over to the smell of cheap spaghetti. Flinging open the door, I look down at the mush being passed off as an Italian specialty and shrug. It might not look like much, but my growling stomach doesn’t care.

I lift the cardboard plate from the microwave and steam vents from the peeled back film, curling up around my fingers like a snake. The sting of the heat sinks into my flesh like fangs and I drop the pasta on the counter, grabbing my hand tight.

“Fuck!”

Why is it when you have a bad day, everything that can go wrong just jumps on the bandwagon? It’s never like one thing is shitty but the rest of the day is sunshine and rainbows. Instead, you get a flat tire and then it starts to rain and you just had your hair blown out and someone races past you and splashes you with mud.

It’s like karma or whatever likes to kick a girl when she’s down.

Vroom!

I spin around as some lunatic is burning rubber down our sleepy subdivision street like a drag racer. I rush over to the living room window and my jaw drops as I watch my brother jump the curb in front of our house and bring his car to a screeching halt, parked sideways across the driveway like someone on a bender.

I rush out the front door and stare in disbelief as Marcus leaps from the car and starts yelling.

“I told you to stay away from him, didn’t I?” He roars.

“What?” I look around the yard, what is he doing right now?

“Don’t you ‘what’ me! I told you to stay away from Connor and you didn’t listen. You let him use you up just like every other girl he’s ever been with. And now what are you going to do? You got pregnant and ruined your life. You think he’s gonna take care of that baby? This is what happens when you go out and act like a harlot! There are consequences!” He booms.

Connor told him? I try to ignore the twitching blinds in my neighbor’s windows as Marcus makes another scene for them to soak in. That’s right folks, grab your popcorn!

“Marcus, shut up,” I plead. “Let’s talk about this inside,” I point to the house, but he’s too blind with rage to see.

“Don’t you tell me to shut up. Maybe if you would’ve shut your legs you wouldn’t be in this situation. I told you a leopard doesn’t change his spots, Lottie! Now what are you gonna do? Raise a kid on your own with your secretary pay? Cause I’m not helping you out of this one. You’re on your own,” he rants while Connor pulls his banged-up Dodge in behind my brother’s car and rushes out after him.

“Don’t you talk to her like that,” Connor races up to Marcus and pushes his scruffy jaw out as he goes chin-to-chin with him.

“Stay out of it, you’ve hurt this family enough Connor!” My brother shoves him with both hands.

Connor barely moves, he takes half a step back and comes forward swinging. “Who the fuck do you think you’re pushing around, bud?” He lands a haymaker on Marcus’ cheek and my brother throws his arms around Connor, wrestling him to the grass.

They roll around like a couple of boys, getting grass stains on their clothes and spewing hate at each other.

“You should have never come back! You just aren’t happy until you’ve ruined everyone’s lives, are you?” Marcus manages to get the upper hand, and punches Connor square on the chin.

Connor pushes his hips up high and flips my brother to the ground, spitting a mouthful of blood beside him. “You’re still the same boy, aren’t ya? Can’t use your words, only your fists. Well you didn’t win back then and you won’t now,” Connor cocks his arm back and I can see every muscle tense up tight.

“No! Please stop! Don’t do this,” I scream, tears welling up in my eyes. “Connor, get off him. Both of you, stop this!” I plead.

Connor looks up at me and the flame flickering behind his eyes dampens. He looks down at Marcus. “You’re not worth it,” he snarls, standing up and brushing himself off.

Marcus gets his feet under him and looks at me with the most profound disappointment I’ve ever seen etched in his face. “Forget this. I’m done trying to look after you,” he points his finger at me.

“I told you already, don’t talk to her like that,” Connor growls, his shoulders tense and hunch over like he’s about to pounce again.

“Fuck you, Connor,” Marcus throws a dirty punch and cuts open Connor’s cheek before racing back to his car and maneuvering around the truck blocking the driveway and taking off.

Connor glides his fingers over the cut, “Son of a bitch!” he murmurs, but then stops short and looks up at me. “Lottie, I’m so sorry about this. Let’s go inside and talk, please,” his green eyes implore me.

“Talk? You wanna talk? Don’t you think you’ve done enough talking for one day? I told you I wanted to tell Marcus on my own time and you gave me, what? Like thirty minutes before you had to go let him know you got me pregnant?” Anger boils up inside me.

“Charlotte, I didn’t mean to…”

“Enough!” I hold up my palm. “I don’t want to hear anymore. I’ve heard enough for one day. Go home, Connor.” My voice is as cold as my heart feels right now.

“Listen, just hear me out,” Connor walks toward me, but I step back inside the house.

“No. Go home. I don’t want to see you, and I don’t want to listen to you. Leave me alone,” I slam the door in his face and tears spill down my cheeks as I listen to him walk away.

As his truck roars to life and he pulls out of the driveway, I crumple against the cool door and my body shakes as the sobs overtake me.

Why does everything that can go wrong explode on bad days?

One Week Later

 

I step out of the shower and pat myself dry before cinching the towel around my waist. Picking up my phone from the edge of the vanity, I swipe my thumb over it, knowing full well that I haven’t missed a damned thing. Charlotte isn’t the only one who seems to have disappeared into the ether. It feels like everyone in my life has abandoned me in my darkest hour. I’ve been trying to get a hold of Ryan, my SEAL buddy who helped me with the renovations, but he’s still off on some kind of crazy road trip. I’ve even reached out to the other guys on my SEAL team, Gabe, Jackson, but everyone has moved on. It’s crazy how we all spent so much time together, we were a family. I thought that would never change, but only a year after most of us walked away from that explosion, it’s starting to feel like they were never a part of my life at all. Hell, even my own parents aren’t around to talk to. Of all the weeks they could decide to take off on a romantic Alaskan cruise, they chose this one.

The mother of my child won’t return my calls, my blood brother hates me, my brothers-in-arms are off living their new lives and my own parents are out of town.

Loneliness is too cheerful a word for this void of misery engulfing me. I feel like the darkness I’ve tried so hard to keep at bay, the emptiness that first came after our Humvee got hit, is back. And it’s going to swallow me whole.

I streak my hand across the mirror, wiping away the steam from the shower and stare at my reflection. I dab my fingertips over the bruised cut that Marcus left on my cheek and anger expands in my chest like hot air in a balloon.

“Who the fuck does he think he is? I can’t believe he’s thirty-two and still acts like a toddler who didn’t get his way.” I sigh.

I can’t believe the guy looking back at me in the mirror is only thirty-two. The isolation and worry I’ve dealt with over the last week have aged me by ten years.

I hate this feeling. This helplessness. This isn’t me. You don’t lead a SEAL team by being passive. You don’t win the battle by giving up.

Plucking my phone off the edge of the sink, I push Charlotte’s contact again and listen to it ring as the air deflates from my lungs.

Voicemail.

Again.

I slam the phone down so hard I may have cracked it and storm out into the living room. Walking over to the coffee table I pick up the old album that, only a week ago, Charlotte and I laughed and reminisced over. I start to take it over to my bookshelf when something falls free from the pages. It’s her letter. The one she handed me when she was only thirteen and I was heading off for a new life in the military.

I put the book down on the shelf and pick up the envelope, carefully opening it and tugging out the note inside. I chuckle dryly at the little hearts she made over the I’s and the doodle of an owl she drew in the margin of the loose-leaf. It’s hard to remember her being so young. Always there in the background. Always at my side. The girl who would eventually grow into the woman who my heart longs for. It’s funny how some things, such profound and life defining things, can be right under your nose and we just take them for granted, or worse yet, we ignore them.

I read the words that have already been tattooed into a memory and try to swallow the lump growing in my throat.

 

Connor,

I can’t believe you’re leaving. I can’t imagine waking up tomorrow or the day after that, for months or even years, knowing that you’re gone. Somehow, I always thought that my greatest enemy, time, would eventually lose. But it looks like it will win again.

Time has already cursed me, making me five years younger than you. The time between our ages is something I try to wish away every single day. If I wasn’t so much younger than you, maybe you could love me like I love you. Maybe your heart could fill with joy when you saw me, the way I do when I catch even a glimpse of you. But now, even that small joy is being stolen from me.

This doesn’t feel real. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you leaving my life. I’ve known since I was little that you were the only one for me. I refuse to believe that I will go the rest of my life without knowing your love.

So, I wish you the best of luck with the SEALs. I really do. But, please know that while you are gone, I will wish on every single shooting star I see, and every single dandelion puff I blow into the wind, and every set of birthday candles, for you to come back and see me as the real me.

Not the little girl you grew up with, but the woman who loves you with all of her heart. Because eventually that birthday cake will have eighteen candles on it, and when it does, I’ll still be here, loving you.

Lottie

 

I hold the letter against my heart and fight back my emotions. Tears prick the corners of my eyes as I breathe in deeply, pushing them back down. Now isn’t the time to cry. It’s the time to get Charlotte back.

And this time, I’m not taking no for an answer.

I kick off my cute flats in the front hall and slump down on the couch, still wearing my office clothes. Normally when I get home, the first thing I like to do is get changed into something more comfortable than this pencil skirt and button up blouse, but I just don’t have the energy. I stretch out on the sofa and feel thankful that Marcus isn’t around much these days as I drift off to sleep.

The world around me begins to slide away. The long day at the office, answering calls at the dental office I work for becomes a part of another world, far away. Soon the only thing I see is a haze of shapes and colors that dance behind my eyelids and swirl around. Until they form up and I see…him.

Thump! Thump! Thump!

I spring up from the couch and look at the front door. For a second I think about ignoring it. It’s probably just some Girl Guides selling cookies or something like that. Although, on second thought, I could go for some mint chocolate right now. I make my way over to the door and turn the knob in my hand, my watering mouth drops open as the dreamy figure that was just visiting me in my sleep stands before me.

“Connor,” I whisper.

“Charlotte, I have something to say and I’m not leaving your yard until you hear me out. If you still want nothing to do with me when I’m finished then I’ll leave, but I at least deserve five minutes.”

Honestly, he’s a sight for sore eyes. My heart flutters as I soak him in. I know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but does it also make heat bloom in your lower belly, spreading out through your entire body, slickening your clenching pussy and burning up in your cheeks?

No? That’s not a thing?

I know that look of determination flickering behind his eyes all too well. It’s the same one he would get whenever the rest of us failed at something. If we couldn’t climb to the top of the tree, Connor would grit his teeth and that glint would appear in his eyes as he showed us all how it was done. If he says he’s not leaving until I hear him out, I wouldn’t be surprised if he camps out in my front yard until I give in.

Luckily it doesn’t have to come to that. The truth is, I’ve missed him.

“Fine, come in,” I step back from the open door and let him pass by me. “Let’s go downstairs, I’m not sure if Marcus is coming back or not.” I lead him down to my basement suite.

I never know when my brother will be home anymore. Ever since he found out I’m carrying Connor’s child, he’s been scarce. Not that I’d even know when he is home. He’s giving me the cold shoulder, barely uttering a word. Sometimes I wonder if he’d break his icy silence even if the house was burning down. Or would he just let the flames consume me?

Marcus and I have had our fights before, there’s no brother and sister in the world who haven’t, but this is different. I can see the disgust in his eyes when he looks at me. It’s hard not to feel completely alone when the only family you have left seems to hate you.

Connor silently follows me to my room and I plop down on the bed and look up at him expectantly. “I’m listening,” I tilt my head and try not to think about Marcus. Instead, focusing on what Connor has to say.

“I’ve been trying to call you all week,” I can see the hurt in his pinched expression.

“I know, I just needed to think things through,” guilt cyclones in my gut and the pain reaches his eyes.

Connor rubs his hand over his neatly trimmed scruff and then down over his black hair. His eyes are locked on the paper in his hand. Did he make notes?

“Charlotte, I’m sorry that I told Marcus. I really am. I never meant for it to slip out. We started arguing and before I knew it, I told him you were pregnant. It was an accident,” he looks down at me, searching my face for forgiveness.

“I know,” I nod curtly.

“I read your letter again today, the one you gave me when I left,” he looks down at his hand and unfolds the paper in it, holding it up like evidence at a trial. “Do you remember what you said?”

“I do,” my voice creaks as the memory of writing those tear-stained words come back.

“Listen, I know things have been fucked up. I know this isn’t perfect between us, but you’re perfect for me,” he closes the gap between us and kneels on the floor beside my bed, looking up at me.

I can’t move or blink, I’m not even sure if I’m breathing. When he looks at me like that, with the sunset glimmering over his rugged face and his eyes pleading with me, it’s impossible to look away.

“You wrote that you wished away the time between us. Between our ages and between our bodies. Well, it’s gone now, Lottie. I’m back and all I want to do is be with you. I want you to be in my life. I want to raise this child with you,” he grazes his fingertips over my belly. “Those five years between us don’t mean a single thing now. The only thing that matters to me anymore, the only thing I wish for, is for you to give me another chance. Because I love you, Lottie and every day without you is like a day when the sun doesn’t rise. I need you.” He lays his head down in my lap and I run my hand over his hair. Never in my wildest teen fantasies did I ever think Connor McLean would pour his heart out to me like this. For a second, I wonder if I’m still on the sofa upstairs deep inside a dream.

As I feel the heat of Connor’s skin against mine, I know this is real. Just like our love. It’s all real and I’ve been a fool to push it away.

“I love you too,” I confess, looking down at him. Connor lifts his head and I can see streaks of tears down his cheeks, disappearing into his beard. My own vision blurs as fat tears fill my eyes and spill down my face.

“Don’t cry, Lottie,” he climbs up onto my bed and scoops me up in his strong arms. He rocks me against him as I let all my confusion and sadness burst forth.

“I’ve been so alone without you,” I admit through my choking sobs. “Marcus hates me, he won’t even talk to me anymore. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve missed you so much,” I throw my arms around him and feel like the world is a place with problems in it that can’t touch me anymore. Like I’m protected and safe as long as I’m next to Connor. Instantly, the tension that’s been dragging me down like cement shoes is eased. I feel like I can finally breathe again. Like the crushing weight I’ve been carrying around all week has been lifted.

“Come live with me, Charlotte,” he holds me against his chest and I can hear his voice rumble against my ear as he speaks. I love how soothing his deep baritone is, washing away the last fluttering ripples of anxiety inside me.

“What?” I know what he said, but need him to say it again. I need to know that he means it. That he really wants us to take this step and isn’t just caught up in this moment.

“Come live with me. I don’t want you to stay where you feel lonely and isolated. Besides, I hate every morning that I wake up and don’t roll over to see your face beside me. I can’t stand any distance between us. Move into my place. Our place. Let me take care of you. Let me love you.” His voice is thick with a symphony of emotions. The same ones that are playing in my heart.

“Yes.” I whisper, snuggling in against his broad, hard chest. “I’ll move in with you.”

I roll her over onto the bed and she giggles as her head hits the pillow. “Are you serious? Don’t mess with me, you’re gonna move in? Let’s pack your stuff, I can take you now,” I kiss her quickly on the lips and start to move from the bed.

For someone so small, she’s got a powerful grip. She clings to my shoulders and pulls me back down onto her. “Don’t leave, we have plenty of time for that,” she looks up at me from under her eyelashes and my body immediately responds. My cock grows rigid as she lifts her hips under me and rubs up against me.

Fuck. How did I ever get so lucky? She’s sweeter than sugar ninety-nine percent of the time, but oh, that one percent is so sinfully dirty, and it’s all mine.

I kiss a trail down her neck as I quickly unbutton her shirt. It falls open around her, exposing her perky tits, barely contained by her bra. Her tits are already getting noticeably bigger from the pregnancy.

Charlotte squirms out of her blouse while I free her from her long skirt. As much as I love how it hugs her thick thighs, I’d rather see it on the floor. She lifts her hips as I tug it down over her full ass and yank it free from her legs.

“Fuck you’re sexy,” I run my thumb over her baby blue, silky panties. I can feel the heat between her legs inviting me to take a taste. A taste of heaven.

I kiss a quick trail down her body, hastily making my way to her sweet pussy. I hover over her heat and hook my finger under the edge of her feminine underwear, exposing her glistening mound.

“You’re already wet for me, aren’t you babe?” I look up the length of her body up into her eager eyes.

“You always make me wet,” she whispers and opens her legs for me. I don’t even bother pulling off the cool fabric of her panties. Instead, I tug them aside and hold open her shimmering lips, smirking at the pearls of her desire forming inside. My mouth is literally watering, it’s been too long since I’ve felt her honey splash over my tongue. I feel like it’s been an eternity since I last heard her cry out my name.

Burying my face between her legs, I take a long, tantalizing lick of the entire length of her slick slit and groan as my cock throbs. She has no idea what she does to me or how much restraint I use when she drives me crazy like this.

I twist my finger inside my mouth, letting my saliva coat it and slowly press it inside her. Pushing it up against her front wall, I wiggle it around until I find her spot. Not that it’s a big mystery, the way she mewls and thrashes against the mattress are a dead giveaway that I’ve pinpointed her g-spot.

Sliding my tongue along her lips, I open them until I can see her sensitive nub, taut and ready to be licked into ecstasy. I flicker the tip of my tongue over her clit as I hook my fingertip against her g-spot, curling it up and toward me with every swirl of my tongue.

Charlotte throws both her hands over her face and cries out as she chases her pleasure with her hips, lifting them from the bed to meet my mouth.

I lick another finger, making it drip with spit and slide it between her ass cheeks, pressing up against her tight asshole as she trembles beneath me.

I love how I can make her quake at my touch. I love how her juices taste on my tongue. I love how her body squeezes down against my fingers as I push one into her asshole and continue to stroke her g-spot. Charlotte is powerless to her bliss, she can’t form any words, and instead, all she makes are guttural, primal sounds as she gives in to the sensations.

I batter my tongue over her clit relentlessly, circling her nub with the edges before flicking against her with just the tip. Around my finger, Charlotte’s asshole clenches down tight and I can feel her thighs squeeze against my ears as she shudders against me. Her legs squeezing my head aren’t enough to block out the sounds of her intense screams though.

“Oh! Fuck! Connor!” She yelps as her entire body twists up like a corkscrew and then slumps back against the mattress.

I sit back up and lick her nectar from my lips as I smirk. There’s nothing I love more than watching her grapple with the overwhelming pleasure I bring her. That’s not true. There’s only one thing I love more.

Her.

“That. Was. Incredible.” she sputters out each word like a full sentence, panting for breath.

“You’re incredible,” I marvel at her radiant, brown skin. They always say that once you cum there’s an afterglow, but I never realized it was true. Charlotte’s supple, shimmering curves prove that it’s an expression for a reason.

She leans up on her elbows and smiles down at me, finally opening her eyes. “Get up here,” she demands. Who am I to argue? I crawl up her body so I’m hovering above her and she grabs my shoulders. “Not like that, lie down,” she pushes me and I pretend to bend to her will.

I love the confident glint in her eyes as she beelines for the zipper on my jeans, she quickly opens them and starts tugging my pants off. I help her out, freeing my cock as I kick off the jeans and underwear. I yank my top off and toss it to the floor as she throws her panties off the side of the bed and mounts me.

That smile. So naughty.

She slides her pussy over my cock and teases me. She’s testing me, driving me to the edge of my sanity. I’m tempted to grab her and put her over my knee but just as I think she’s going to drag it out forever, she turns around so she’s facing away from me and grabs the base of my member. I let out a low, deep growl as she slowly slides down onto my cock, her full ass bouncing down on me as she takes every inch of my girth.

“Fuck, that’s a good girl. Ride me, Charlotte,” I hold open her cheeks, watching as she slides up and down my cock to the hilt. I can’t look away as I thrust inside her deeper, making her cry out again, claiming her.

“That’s right, take it all,” I slam my hips up and bottom out inside her as she pushes down at the same time.

Charlotte leans forward and grabs my thighs just above my knees for balance. I can see my cock pumping inside her tight mound even better at this angle and love watching her ass cheeks clap together each time she grinds down against me.

I grab her hips and hold her tight in the air, fucking her wildly, bucking against her as I make her mine. I can feel my orgasm start to take over, “I’m gonna cum,” I warn her, but realize I don’t need to worry about that anymore.

“Fill me with your cum. I want to feel every last drop,” she bounces her ass down against me as I thrust into her and my warm seed splashes against her pulsing walls.

“Fuck yeah,” she whispers and squeezes against my cock tightly as she throws her head back and moans at the ceiling. My cock spurts inside her, filling her with my aching need for her and only her. “God, I love you,” I murmur hoarsely, my throat ragged from the intensity of the orgasm that raged through me.

“Oh, Connor,” she slides off me and curls up on my arm, “I love you too.”

“Let’s have a little rest and we’ll get you packed up,” I pull her into me, loving the smell as our natural scents collide.

“Okay,” she tangles her fingertips in my chest hair and kisses my cheek.

“Are you concerned about Marcus?” I look down at her worried face.

“No, I think it’s better this way. He doesn’t want me here any more than I want to be here. It’s just sad that it had to end this way,” her voice cracks.

“I promise, I’ll fix it all somehow,” I kiss her forehead and she closes her eyes. “If there’s one thing you can believe, it’s my word.” I hold her tight and feel her relax in my arms.

As Charlotte drifts off to sleep, I turn over the words I just said in my mind. I hope that I can stay true to my promise. I’m just not sure how I can make things right with a man who doesn’t want to listen to reason or truth. But I know, somehow, I need to figure it out.

Two Months Later

 

“Are you ready for this?” I can tell he’s so excited to show me the big reveal. Truthfully, he should be. The hours Connor has been putting into even more renovations on this place to get it ready for the baby has been a real testament to what a great dad he’ll be.

“I’m ready,” I try to sound excited. It’s not that I don’t care or am ungrateful for all the time and effort he’s given to transform the loft, I’ve just been feeling down lately.

“Okay,” he tugs my hand and I follow him up the stairs. “Let’s just walk up these expertly crafted stairs with this beautiful handmade banister,” he sweeps his hand toward the project that’s definitely made the biggest difference in my life so far. Now that I’m halfway through this pregnancy and my tummy popped, I can’t even imagine climbing up and down the ladder that once led to the sprawling loft. With a baby in our future, there was just no way we could keep things the same. Some people baby proof their houses by getting plastic covers for all the light sockets, we got stairs.

I trudge up behind him, feeling heavier than I used to. I know I still have a long way to go before I’m due, but this all feels so real now. My body feels fuller and, from time to time, I can feel little flutters inside as the baby moves around. For the first few months the only proof I seemed to have of being pregnant was my sudden sensitivity to the smell of pork being cooked and being exhausted all the time. I’m glad the pork thing passed, because I missed my bacon. Now, with my belly growing rounder, this all feels concrete. I can’t wait to meet my little bub.

“I hope you’re prepared to be amazed,” Connor leads me down the hall he constructed in front of the rooms he segmented off from the once massive, open loft.

We discussed a ton of ways to put a child’s nursery in this place, but always kept coming back to this solution. I didn’t want to be sleeping on different floors from the baby, and having the little one in our room would only be a temporary solution. Even though we both loved the wide expanse that the loft provided, it just made the most sense to section it off into proper bedrooms.

“Here we go,” Connor practically tugs me into the room, “ta-da!” He looks around admiringly as I try to look cheerful at the colorful nursery he constructed.

“It looks great,” I tell him honestly, but my heart is not in it. My words ring flat.

“You don’t like it?” He looks over nervously, glancing at me from the corner of his eyes.

What’s not to like? From the mobile of hot air balloons hanging over the crib to the pale yellow walls and beautiful rocker in the corner, no detail has gone overlooked. My son or daughter will be happy to grow up in such a lovely room, with a father who’s so attentive.

“I do, I really do. I’m just tired,” I lie.

Connor studies my face, his neatly trimmed beard twitches as he looks me over.

“It’s something more than that. Tell me what’s going on, do you hate the room? I still have time to fix it if something is bothering you,” he looks around exasperated.

“No, it’s not the room,” I hold up my hands in protest.

“Then there is something bothering you,” he points at me. “Alright, spill it. Did you have another crazy dream that I was cheating on you? I told you before that it’s not fair to be angry at me for something you dream about. Those hormones are making you all coo-coo,” he puts his arms on my shoulders and pulls me into him, smiling.

“No, nothing like that,” I laugh.

“Well, what then?” His eyes narrow and his eyebrows furrow.

“It’s just…” I take a deep breath, “it’s been over two months and I still haven’t heard from Marcus.” I confess. “I know I should just let it go, but I can’t. It hurts that he doesn’t even care enough about the baby to put all this nonsense behind us. He’s the only family I have, but I’m also the only family he has left too. And it doesn’t seem to make any difference to him. I’m just, well, sad I guess,” I look up into Connor’s face and watch him mull over my words. I know there’s nothing he can do to fix this. It’s on Marcus now, and I’m starting to realize that my brother has no intention of trying to make amends.

“How about this,” Connor’s broad hands slide down my arms and he cups my hands in his, “this Sunday, what do you say you and I stop in for his service. Maybe we can try to talk to him after. I bet he’s missing you too, but he’s just stubborn. Marcus never did know how to say he was wrong. If we show up at the church, maybe it’ll give him the chance he needs,” he looks into my eyes and just like that, he manages to sweep away my burden. My pain.

“I think that’s a great idea,” I smile up at him. “And I do love this nursery. I can’t believe you did all this with your two hands.”

“You should see what else I can do with these hands,” he murmurs and cups my face toward his, covering my mouth with a soft, lingering kiss.

Electricity buzzes from his fingertips over my skin. It’s amazing that we’ve been living together for a couple of months now and I still get a little thrill every time he touches me. Especially when he’s got that look on his face.

“I think I’d like to see what else they can do,” I purr in his ear and let out a little squeal as Connor scoops me off my feet and marches me out of the nursery and down the hall to our room.

I kick my feet in the air playfully, giggling as he tosses me gently down on the bed. I bounce on the mattress and watch shamelessly as he peels off his tight, white t-shirt. He begins to undo his tool belt when I sit up straight.

“No!”

“No?” He raises an eyebrow at me.

“You can take off the pants, but leave the tool belt on,” I murmur, feeling flushed all over.

“There’s my naughty girl,” he smirks down at me as he kicks his jeans off.

Connor leans over the edge of the bed and tugs my shirt up over my head. I lift my arms up as he frees me from the fabric. He quickly digs his fingers in under the waistband of my yoga pants and panties and rips them both down my legs in one, long pull.

“Shit, you’re hurt! What’s going on?” He holds the Lululemon yoga pants in his hand, with my thong still inside, and looks down at my legs in horror.

“What are you talking about?” I follow his gaze and see the streak of bright red blood on the cream-colored quilt between my legs.

Instinctively, I grab my belly and pat my fingers over my pussy, holding them up in front of my eyes. I want to scream at the crimson coating running down the sides of my hand but when I open my mouth no noise comes out.

“Fuck, are you having a miscarriage?” I can hear the panic in Connor’s voice. He never panics. “We need to get you to the hospital, right now,” he plucks me from the bed but I’m in a daze. I feel like this can’t be happening. It’s not real. I’m going to wake up from another vivid, crazy pregnancy dream and ask Connor to get me some water. It’ll all be alright.

“Lottie, come on, get dressed,” Connor snaps me back to the present. “I’ve got to get you to a doctor now!”

Shit. This isn’t a dream. If I’m losing this baby, I don’t think I’ll ever dream again. Because this is a nightmare.

I race down the worn, dirt road trying to toe the line between fast and reckless. My tire sinks down into a huge pothole and Charlotte and I both bounce around the cab.

“Shit! Sorry, I didn’t see that one,” I glance at her face. “How are you doing over there? Are you in any pain?” I want to grab her hand, or throw my arm around her, but right now I’ve got my paws at ten and two. I might not pass any driver safety course for this commute, but I’m doing the best I can to get her to the hospital quick and safe.

“I’m not sure,” she rubs her hands over her belly. “I can’t tell if I’m cramping up or if my stomach is just doing backflips because I’m worried.”

“Don’t worry. Everything will be fine,” I’m not sure if I’m trying to reassure her or convince myself. The blood that first trickled out onto the blanket picked up. When she stood up, it flowed down the insides of her legs down to her knees. I want to believe that Charlotte and the baby are going to be fine, but I need to hear it from a doctor to believe it.

“Hang on, I’m speeding up,” I warn her as I finally finish with the dusty back road and pull out onto the freeway. It takes all of my self-control not to flatten the pedal to the floor. The city slides past us in a blur of fluorescent lights as I make my way to the Jubilee hospital.

“We’ll be there in no time, just let me know if anything changes, alright? Are you still good?” I quickly look over at her and can see the worry etched into her beautiful face.

“I’m good,” she answers unconvincingly.

“Okay,” in a stroke of luck I sail through a green light and swoop around a corner, following the hospital signs.

I know it only takes a few minutes, but it literally feels like hours before I pull up in front of the emergency entrance and throw the truck into park. Racing around to the passenger side, I help Charlotte out onto the ground and guide her inside through the automatic double doors.

The tired looking triage nurse doesn’t even look up at us as Charlotte eases into her seat. “Do you have insurance?” She waits for her answer with her fingers hovering over the keyboard of her computer.

“Yes, through work,” Charlotte answers.

Clackety-clack.

“What’s the problem?” The silver haired, white woman still doesn’t actually meet either of our eyes.

“She’s almost five months pregnant and she’s bleeding,” I cut in, trying to move this along.

“What color is the blood,” the nurse answers flatly.

“What color? It’s red, what color do you think it is?” My temper flares and I grit my teeth together.

“Sir, I need you to calm down. I’m talking to the patient. The blood, is it bright, dark, brownish?” She finally glances up at Charlotte. “The more information I have the better.”

“Bright red,” Charlotte clasps my hand and gives it a squeeze. Even in this state she finds time to try to calm me down. She’s an angel.

After the interrogation is over, the nurse asks us to take a seat in the waiting room. We sit down beside one another, our fingers threaded together, and wait. Luckily it doesn’t take too long before a man who looks like he’s dressed up as a nurse for Halloween comes to the end of the hall and calls out, “Charlotte King.” He shakes his head when we both rise to our feet. “I’m sorry sir, but we’re just taking Ms. King in for examination right now. I’ll come and get you once it’s over.”

“What?” I practically choke on the word.

“It’s going to be fine, Connor. Take my phone, please, call my brother and tell him what’s going on. I want him to know, please,” she drops her cell in my hands and follows the nurse down the hall and out of sight.

Could this night get any worse? I immediately regret the thought, I don’t want to tempt fate into showing me just how much worse this whole thing can get. I don’t want us to lose our baby, or for anything to happen to Lottie.

Sighing, I open her phone and bring up Marcus’ contact. I don’t want to overthink it, I just push the ‘call’ button and listen to the rings in my ear.

“Hullo,” my old friend’s familiar voice cuts through my swirling thoughts.

“Marcus?”

“Connor? Why are you calling me?” He sounds like he’s biting off his words.

“Listen, I don’t have time for your shit, Lottie is in trouble, she’s bleeding. We’re at the Jubilee and we don’t know but she might be having a miscarriage,” I wait for an answer but don’t hear anything. I twist the phone away from my ear and look down at the screen. The call timer stopped. That son of a bitch hung up on me!

Rage boils up from my chest and splashes up my throat, “Fucker!” I throw the phone on the floor and the screen shatters.

“Sir!” The tired nurse at the triage desk stands up and levels me with her narrow slits for eyes.

“Sorry,” I pick up the broken phone that I’m going to need to replace and push it into my jeans pocket.

“If you have any more violent outbursts, I’m going to have you escorted out by security,” she points her finger at me and I feel like a kid in elementary school being sent to the principal’s office.

“I understand,” I run my hand over the back of my burning neck and ignore the stares of the other people in the room waiting.

I understand all right, I slump down in a seat and feel my anger coil up inside me. I understand that Marcus is damned lucky he’s not here right now, because if he was I’d be getting dragged away by more than a rent-a-cop. If that asshole was here right now he’d be the one getting seen by a doctor because I’d crush his windpipe with my fist.

My balled-up fists unfurl as the anger inside me slips away and my fears and sadness shroud me in a fog. I don’t want to feel like this. I try to focus my emotions into something that feels more constructive somehow, my anger at Marcus. However, each time I think about beating him or yelling at him the other thoughts slide in and overwhelm me.

Is Charlotte alright?

Is she losing the baby?

How can I ever make this okay?

It never will be.

A child I never knew I wanted turned our entire world upside down and now it seems like it might leave our lives before we ever get a chance to meet. It doesn’t seem fair to love someone that you’ll never know. The ache in my heart is too much, I slump over in my seat and bury my face in my hands as the tears I can’t control fall from my eyes.

I don’t care if people are staring or what they think. After everything Charlotte and I have been through, this can’t be happening.

It just can’t be.

“Connor?” A warm hand squeezes my shoulder and I twist my tear-stained face up to the familiar voice.

“Marcus?”

I can see from his bloodshot eyes that he’s been crying too. He nods slowly and walks around the chairs to sit next to me.

“I didn’t think you were coming, you hung up,” I start to dig into him, but I don’t have the energy to fight. The truth is, I’m happy to see him.

“I’m sorry about that, I raced over here as soon as you told me,” he points down at his gray slippers as if his plaid pajamas with a summer coat thrown over top, isn’t proof enough.

“Where is she?” He eases back in his chair and looks around the room.

“The doctor is seeing her now,” I wipe away my tears and clear my throat.

“It’s going to be okay,” he looks back at me calmly. For a second, I catch a glimpse of the best friend I once had. The boy who always had my back. My blood brother.

“I don’t know about that,” I breathe out shakily. “I don’t know how much more heartbreak Charlotte can take,” it’s not an accusation, but I can see it lands on Marcus’ face like a slap.

“I’m sorry I was so hard on her. I’ve been praying a lot on this and, I’d like us to leave the past in the past, Connor. I’d like us to start over,” he slides his hands down his pant legs and looks at me from the corner of his eyes.

Marcus was never good at apologies. Usually, when we were growing up, he'd have an epic meltdown and then, when it was over, everyone just moved on like it never happened. At least he’s trying to make things right this time. That’s more than I can say about myself.

The realization twists like a knife in my gut as it occurs to me that I’ve never properly apologized myself. Ever since his old girlfriend jumped me in the tent back on prom night, things always blew up when I tried to talk to Marcus. After all these years, I still haven’t said I’m sorry for my part in his pain.

“Hey man, I’d like if we could bury the hatchet. I miss having you as my friend,” I admit.

“Me too,” he looks down at his feet.

“Listen, Marcus, about Sandra…”

“We don’t have to get into this now,” Marcus cuts me off abruptly.

“I don’t want to get into it either,” I ignore him. “I want to say I’m sorry. I know I never went out of my way to sleep with her, I didn’t even realize what was going on or who it was with until it was too late, to be honest,” I watch as Marcus begins to puff up his chest, sitting up straighter in his seat. “Let me finish,” I hold up my hands to stop the anger I can see rising inside him like the mercury on a barometer.

“Fine,” he clamps his dark lips together.

“But it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you. I betrayed you and for that, I owe you a huge apology. I just hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me so we can move on. You’re still my family. At least, that’s how I think of you. That’s never changed.” I hold out my hand and hope that Marcus can let go of his pride enough to hear the sincerity in my words. I hope he can give me another chance.

His thick, black hand engulfs mine and we shake to letting past mistakes go and giving a future where a friendship is possible again, a chance.

“I’d like that,” he answers, his dark eyes shining with tears that he blinks back.

“Great, so would I,” we drop our hands and the heartwarming moment is short lived as we both sit in silence thinking about Charlotte.

“How long has she been in there?” Marcus interrupts the rabbit hole of worry that my mind begins to fall down.

“They took her in right away, like when I called you,” I gaze over at him.

“It wasn’t all your fault. It was mine,” Marcus clears his throat and studies his palms.

“What do you mean?” I watch his eyebrows knit together as he twists his mouth to the side like he’s wrestling with a secret he’s not sure if he should spill.

“That night with Sandra, it was my fault, not yours. All this time, every time I’ve heard your name or seen your face, it just,” his voice cracks, “it brought it all back. It made me face my demons and I wasn’t prepared to admit what I did. She slept with you to put the final nail in a coffin I built. She wanted to make sure that her and I could never repair our relationship, but I pushed her to that edge. I pushed her there and then I pushed her off.”

I try to make sense of what Marcus is confessing. I know him and Sandra had problems, but they never seemed more intense than any other high school couple. Just normal drama.

“What do you mean?” I search his face for clues.

“You know I’ve always been cursed with this temper,” he twists his hands together like he’s trying to wash away the memory.

“I’ve known since we met, it’s not like it was a secret,” I nudge him with a dry laugh, trying to lighten the burden pushing down his shoulders.

“Yeah, well, Sandra knew it too. We used to get into some blistering fights and I’d fly off the handle. I’d call her names that no man should call a woman, especially not a woman he loved. That night, we were drinking and she just kept pushing me. She kept pressing my buttons, like on purpose, making fun of me at the campfire in front of the whole graduating class. People were laughing and…I lost it.” He can’t meet my eyes.

“What did you do?” I sit up straight and look him square in the face, is he telling me he hurt her?

“I shoved her. Hard. She fell backward and everyone gasped. Even I gasped. I couldn’t believe I let myself lose it to that extent. I’d never, ever laid a hand on her in malice before that. Never. But I snapped. She ran off and I was shunned by the group. As I should’ve been.”

“Man, what were you thinking?” I chide him. “Why didn’t you ever just get help for your temper. That’s not okay, Marcus,” I can’t believe my ears.

“I did. I turned to the church, first to get help and then I found a calm there, a peace, I’d never felt before. Suddenly my anger stopped controlling me. So, I devoted my life to God. I deserved to lose Sandra, but when I saw you again, after all these years, I lost it all over again. You know I have had control over my anger now for almost fifteen years. I thought I had it beat. Then I saw you with Lottie and it all came back.”

“I don’t know what to say, man,” I rub the back of my neck.

“That’s because you don’t need to say anything. I’m the one in the wrong here. After Charlotte left, I started looking for a counselor outside the church.” He looks at me.

“Like a therapist?”

“Yeah, I found someone. I’m supposed to meet her this week. I know it won’t be an easy fix, but I want to change. I want to be in Lottie’s life. In your life. I want to be a good uncle, if you guys will have me.”

“Of course we will,” I smile. But the word uncle makes my heartstrings tug down. Will he be an uncle at all? Will I be a father? What is going on with Charlotte?

“Connor McLean?” The ridiculously young man in scrubs that led Charlotte down the hall calls out to me from across the room.

I stand up abruptly, “Is she alright? Is the baby okay?” I start sputtering.

“Sir, please come with me.” He waits as I cross the floor to his side. I look over my shoulder to Marcus, still slumped over in his chair.

“Marcus,” he looks up at me with surprise. “Come with me. Charlotte’s gonna want to see you too,” I jerk my head to the nurse waiting and he jumps up from the uncomfortable waiting room chair and we all walk down the hallway together.

I lean back into the hospital bed, watching the fetal heart rate monitor they have set up beside me. Watching that little printout of my baby’s reassuringly steady heartbeat is mesmerizing.

“Hi, Ms. King,” a woman in mint green scrubs and skin the color of midnight walks in with a clipboard.

“Hello” I smile nervously, even though watching the heartbeat has calmed me down and the bleeding has almost stopped, I still have a twinge of worry that everything isn’t going to be alright.

“I’m Dr. Pike,” she adjusts her thick, vibrant green glasses on her nose and looks at me with genuine concern.

“Is everything okay doctor?” My breath is tight in my chest as I wait for her to finish reading the results of all the tests they ran.

“I’m happy to say it is.” She finally looks up and flashes me a toothy smile. “So, I won’t say it’s common for women as far along into their pregnancy to have bouts of fresh, heavy bleeding like you did,” she walks to the side of my bed and watches the fetal heart rate blip over the screen, “as you can see, the little one is relaxed and happy in there. We checked your cervix and there are no signs that it’s weakened or in danger of not being able to hold this pregnancy.”

I let out a long sigh of relief, “So, you’re saying my baby is fine? Everything is good?”

“It appears that way, yes. I’ve consulted with your gynecologist and he agrees that there doesn’t seem to be any need for concern at this point.”

“Great,” I run my hand over my tummy and smile.

“I’m sure you already answered a million questions, but were you doing any heavy lifting, like fifty pounds or more today?” She clicks the end of her pen and hovers it over the sheet, ready to scrawl my answer down.

“No, nothing like that,” I watch as she records my words.

“Good, good. So, nothing out of the ordinary before the bleeding. No lifting, no falls, no vigorous sex?”

Heat blossoms over my cheeks, we didn’t get the chance to get to the vigorous sex part. “No, none of those,” I answer.

The doctor scribbles some notes.

I clear my throat, “Um, Dr. Pike?”

“Yes?” She looks up, and tucks a strand of hair that escaped her sleek bun back behind her ear.

“I don’t plan on lifting any weights or falling, obviously,” I giggle nervously.

“Good, good,” she answers.

“But do I need to avoid having sex too?” My voice is tight and I feel like an awkward kid back in sex education class, embarrassed to let the grown up in the room know that I’m interested in, you know, doing it.

“No, no, don’t worry about that. You can have all the crazy sex you want. It’s actually really great for you,” she laughs. “I was just trying to pinpoint the reason for the bleeding, but sometimes there is no reason,” she smiles at me and I feel the knot in my stomach untie.

“Great,” I can’t hide my relief and the doctor chuckles again.

“Nurse Chavez will be letting your husband come in to visit you now that all the tests are done. We would like to keep you under observation for a couple more hours, just to be safe, and then you’ll be free to go home,” her brown eyes twinkle as she drops the chart at the foot of my bed. “Any other questions for me?”

“No, thanks that’s everything.” Dr. Pike nods and then leaves the room.

It’s just me and the baby again. My eyes glide back over to the monitor and the tension slips from my shoulders and floats away as I get hypnotized by the rhythmic beat of my baby’s heart once again.

“Knock knock. Hey Mama, I’ve got some visitors for you,” the handsome, young nurse calls from the doorway.

“Visitors?” I stress the “s” and lift my eyebrows as I look behind him. Nurse Chavez smiles at me and steps out of the way.

“You guys can go in now,” he instructs them and my jaw drops open wide.

Connor and Marcus walk into the room, both smiling at me warmly. I’m a little confused, but more than that, I’m grateful to see them both so relaxed and happy as they stand side-by-side next to the bed.

“How are you doing?” Connor sweeps his palm over my forehead.

“Good, they said everything is going to be fine,” I answer.

“And the baby too?” Marcus looks over at the monitor.

“That’s right. They want to keep me here for a couple more hours, just under observation, but then she said we can go.” Tears brim my eyes as I look at my brother and my man, finally putting the past behind them and getting along. I honestly never thought this day would come. I hold my little belly and silently thank my little bub for bringing us all together. Maybe that’s why I had this bleeding tonight. To show us all what’s really important.

“It’s going to be late by the time you get finished up here. You don’t have to head all the way back out of town tonight. Why don’t you guys come to the house to crash after instead?” Marcus offers, looking down at me.

I meet Connor’s green eyes, lifting a single eyebrow.

“Thanks man, that would be great,” Connor answers.

“Thanks Marcus,” I smile up at my big brother.

“It’s the least I can do,” he nods at me. “I’m going to head back and make sure the place is tidied up and that we have food for breakfast in the morning,” my brother wipes the back of his hand over his eyes and steps back toward the door.

“You don’t need to go through all the trouble,” Connor faces him.

Marcus turns to face him and tears brim his eyes. “It’s no trouble, brother. I’m happy to have you,” his voice wavers and tears prick in the corners of my eyes too.

In my heart, I never knew if this day would come. I’d hoped and prayed it would, but to see Marcus and Connor finally let the past go, it’s nothing short of a miracle.

“Thanks,” Connor answers and gives my brother a clap on the shoulder. “For everything.” Marcus nods solemnly and walks out the door.

For the first time since Connor walked back into my life, my heart is truly full. With my baby doing well, my man by my side and my brother back in my life, it’s hard to imagine it getting any better than this.

“You don’t have to stick around with me, there’s not much that’s going to happen now until they let me leave,” Charlotte smiles up at me sweetly.

I don’t answer her, I just stride across the floor and drag one of the old chairs over in the corner to the side of her bed and plop down in it. My fingers trail over the blanket and wrap around her hand as I look deep into her chocolate eyes, “You’re not getting rid of me that easy,” I laugh. “I will be by your side the entire time until we can both walk out of here together,” I lightly drag my thumb over her bottom lip.

“You mean all three of us,” she whispers, pulling my hand down to her stomach.

“That’s right. The three of us,” I lean over the edge of her hospital bed and give her a soft kiss.

“I don’t know how I could ever get through any of this without you,” she murmurs as I sit back down in my seat.

“Well, if you want to get technical, you wouldn’t be in this position without me,” I smirk.

“That’s true,” she giggles. “All of this craziness is basically all your fault,” she playfully taps my hand.

“It might be crazy, but it’s beautiful. I can’t believe that you’ve got our child growing inside you. Just getting bigger and stronger each day. I hope she’s like you, she’s going to have an amazing Mom to look up to,” I look down at her tiny belly, just barely beginning to show and I can’t help the stupid grin sliding over my face.

“Well, it might be a baby boy, we don’t know yet,” she tilts her head. “And if it is, I know he’ll be brave and handsome just like his Dad,” her eyes grow hazy as she imagines our future baby.

“Basically, no matter what we have, this little one is covered. I know we don’t have any children yet, but I’m pretty sure we’re gonna be the best parents of all time,” I joke.

“Oh, of course. Parenting experts in the making,” she laughs.

I rub my thumb over the back of her hand and look into her eyes. In them I can see her devotion, her kindness and her beautiful heart. “I was kidding, but I’m not joking about this,” I squeeze her hand gently. “Our kid is lucky that it will have a mother as amazing inside and out as you. I don’t know a lot for sure, but I know that,” my voice grows thick with love.

“Thank you,” Charlotte looks down at the hospital bed shyly.

“Thank you, babe. Thank you for waiting for me, for finding me, for giving me a life I didn’t even know was possible. I love you,” I try to swallow the lump in my throat, but it’s been an emotional day, and I’m not sure how much more I can hold back.

“I love you too Connor. I always have,” she breathes the words like a summer breeze that I hope will keep me warm well into my winter years.

I love the feeling of the plump pillow cradling my head as Connor’s hard body cushions the curve of my ass. I open my eyes and smile as I run my hand down his tattooed arm, protectively thrown over me, keeping me close.

It was a long night at the hospital, and having him by my side the entire time made the whole thing bearable. I graze my fingertips over the colorful mosaic of ink and snuggle back into him with a sigh.

“Good morning beautiful,” he softly kisses the back of my neck, sending tingles spreading out through me.

“Good morning,” my voice is still heavy with sleep, and I roll over to face him, giving him a tender kiss.

“How are you feeling now? Is everything still okay?” His hand travels down my waist and rests on my little belly. I watch concern roll over his emerald eyes like gray clouds over a stormy sea.

“It is. I got up to pee last night and the bleeding had completely stopped. Everything is going to be just fine,” I reassure him, repeating what the doctor told me.

“Good, I was worried,” I expect him to pull me into him, maybe try to get a little morning snack here in bed with me before we go get breakfast, but instead, he runs his hand down over my arm and threads his fingers between mine.

Connor rests his head on his other hand and smirks as he studies my face, “I can’t believe how beautiful you are, even when you just wake up. You’re stunning, you know that?”

I look down at his lips, smiling. Fourteen years ago I could only dream of waking up next to him like this. I could only fantasize about him telling me I’m beautiful. It’s amazing to see the look in his eyes when he soaks me in. Like he’s in awe. I’ve never spent a lot of time trying to be beautiful. I was too awkward as a teen and just never got the hang of all the makeup tips or fashion. But when he looks at me like that, I feel like none of that matters. Like he can see the real me, and I can feel his love radiating out, enveloping me in his heart like I’m wrapped in his arms right now.

“You’re not too bad yourself,” I tease him and give him a kiss. “Although, I’ve gotta say, you’re wearing entirely too many clothes if you ask me,” I walk my fingers over his chest and let them trail down to the edge of his underwear, but am surprised when he pulls back like I just poured a cup of ice water over his head.

“What’s wrong?” I pout, watching him jump out of bed and tug on his pants.

“Wrong? Nothing, I just want to get some breakfast,” his voice is tight and I can’t help but feel like I’ve done something wrong. Two seconds ago, he was holding me close and murmuring about my beauty and now he looks like he’s trying to run out the door.

“Ok, well there’s no fire. Come back to bed and we’ll get breakfast after,” I pat the warm space he just leapt from on the mattress.

“No, let’s get up. I’m starving,” he looks at me from the corner of his eye as his words fall unconvincingly on my ears.

“Um, ok,” I slide out of bed, confused, but I don’t want to push it. I’m not sure what’s going on with Connor, but I know better than to make a big deal out of it. Besides, if I’m honest, it stings a bit to get rejected by him like this and I don’t really want to keep getting shut down.

I tug on my clothes and follow Connor upstairs to the kitchen on the main floor. The aroma that only a month ago would’ve sent me running to the bathroom to throw up, wafts around me and my stomach growls.

Bacon.

I lick my lips and practically float on the aromatic trail, like the old commercials of Toucan Sam, I just follow my nose into the kitchen.

“Good morning you two,” Marcus beams as he tugs an oven mitt down over his hand and lifts a hot plate piled high with pancakes from the warming burner. “I was starting to think you were going to sleep the whole day away,” he laughs like he just said something funny and takes the plate over to the table, putting it down on a pot holder.

“What’s all this?” I look at the dining room table in shock. With three place settings all ready for us and plates of scrambled eggs, bacon, pancakes and sliced strawberries down the center of the table, it looks like an IHOP advertisement.

“I thought it would be nice for us all to eat together, come sit down,” he corrals us to the table and I sit down across from Connor and dig in.

“Wow, this looks amazing, thank you,” Connor begins scooping eggs and pilfering crispy strips of bacon onto his plate.

“Of course, enjoy,” Marcus starts stacking his own plate with the food and I grab a couple of pancakes and slide them onto my plate.

“Thank you Marcus,” I slather butter over the fluffy pancakes and grab some syrup. “Hey, save some bacon for the rest of us,” I grab the plate from Connor laughing.

For a second we all dig in to the breakfast buffet and all you can hear are the sounds of our forks scraping over the china and us munching on the delicious food.

I look up at Connor and over to my brother before peering down at my belly. I’d always hoped that we would all come together as a family like this, but it looked so bleak that I didn’t think it would happen. I can’t help the sweet smile that pulls at the corners of my mouth right now. It just feels like everything in this moment is perfect.

“Hey, so I was up late last night thinking,” Marcus interrupts my thoughts and Connor and I look over to him.

“Yeah?” Connor’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Yeah, I was thinking about the house here, you know, Mom and Dad left it to me, but I don’t have a family to fill it. It’s too big and empty for me to live in alone,” Marcus finishes chewing his pancake and swallows it down with some orange juice.

“Ok,” I tilt my head wondering where this is going.

“This place isn’t meant to be one man’s empty castle,” my brother continues. “It’s meant to be lived in by a family. The halls are supposed to be filled with the pitter-patter of little feet. This dining room is meant to have big family dinners in.”

“What are you saying?” Connor’s fork stops in midair with yellow scrambled eggs piled on top.

“I want to give you two the house.” Marcus puffs out his chest proudly. “It’s what our parents would have wanted,” he nods at me. “I’ve decided that I will move into a condo closer to the church and that you two will take this place. It’s perfect for the little one and however many other little ones you have after this,” Marcus smiles at me but I don’t return it.

“But, Connor already has a house. And he’s already renovated it for the baby,” I shake my head slowly.

“Yeah, right,” Marcus almost spits out his juice with surprise. “You can’t raise a family in old man Lou’s rundown shack. That’s not a place for children. I’m actually shocked that it’s not condemned,” he steamrolls over me, ignoring the part where I said “renovated.”

“Listen, it’s a nice offer, Marcus,” Connor interjects, “but I’ve done a lot of work on my place. It’s a good home for the baby. I’m proud of my place and Charlotte is happy there,” he looks over at me and I nod in agreement.

“Yeah, we’re going to pass. But, it’s an incredibly thoughtful offer.” I agree with Connor.

The smug smile slips from my brother’s lips and he looks at us in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right? You can’t honestly tell me you’re going to pass on me giving you this house to live like some hillbilly in the woods. You’re going to live here, don’t be ridiculous, let’s just enjoy breakfast and we’ll work out all the details later.” Marcus lifts his fork and stabs a strawberry, munching on it as Connor and I stare at him.

Who does he think he is? He might have raised me when our parents passed, but he’s not my father. Besides, I’m a grown woman and it’s about time he learns that.

“No, I’m not joking. There’s nothing funny about this actually,” the sweet taste of maple syrup turns to ashes on my tongue as anger splashes up inside me. “You’re not my boss, Marcus. You don’t get to tell me how to run my life, you don’t get to tell me who I can love,” I nod at Connor, “and you definitely don’t tell me where I’m going to raise my baby. I don’t know where you got this idea that you’re some kind of supreme emperor and we’re all here to bend to your will, but you better get over it. You preach about Jesus, you aren’t actually Christ, okay? And just because you sit there with that stupid smirk on your face and tell us that our house should be condemned doesn’t mean it’s true. You don’t even know the first thing about what you’re talking about. When have you even stopped by and seen the place, huh? When have you set your stupid temper and pride aside and welcomed Connor back to Bend? As usual you think you know everything and you don’t know shit.” The flames burn up inside me. Years of my brother’s meddling and rules have restrained me and I’m breaking free.

“Lottie, stop being ridiculous, just eat your breakfast and relax.” Marcus tries to brush me off, yet again, but this time I won’t listen to him. I’ve had enough.

“No thanks Marcus. We’re leaving, right Connor,” I stand up from the table and he does too.

“Yup, sounds like it’s time to go,” he sighs heavily.

“I stomp out to the front hall and tug my shoes on my feet but Marcus doesn’t move from the table. He’s like a statue.

“Maybe before you insult Connor’s house you should actually stop by and see it sometime. I’m not moving in here, Marcus, I wish I could thank you for the offer, but it never really was an offer, was it? Just another command, but guess what? I’m your sister, not your dog, and I’m going to live my life how I want,” I open the front door and wrap my fingers around Connor’s hand as I walk through.

As my feet hit the step, I feel lighter than I have in years. I feel like a refugee who finally left an oppressive country behind for a new start in a new land. I finally feel like I’m free to live my life how I choose, and if Marcus wants to throw another fit about this and ice me out again, so be it. I choose my life and my future with Connor and my baby, and if my brother can’t fit into that life, then I guess I’ll have to cut the only thread left to my old family and sew new ones with my new family.

One Week Later

 

“Mmm,” Charlotte appears at the top of the stairs with her hair adorably messy from her nap, “something smells good.” She walks down and over to me.

“I’m making a roast for dinner. Everything is almost ready, so I hope you’re hungry,” I smile down at her as she runs her dainty hands over my chest.

“That sounds so good, but what I really want is some dessert,” I can see the spark in her eyes being fanned by her desires. “How about we sneak in a little quickie before the food is ready, I promise I’ll make it worth your while,” her voice is sultry and almost irresistible as she tugs on my hand.

My mind goes back to the blood-streaked blanket as I lay her down on my bed. I want her, the way my cock is already pressing tight against my zipper is proof that I could spend my life in bed with her, kissing her and fucking her until our bodies were sore and we had to close our eyes from pure exhaustion. But I don’t want to hurt her. I don’t want to have to rush her to the hospital again. I feel like we dodged a bullet last week and even though the agony of keeping my hands off her is killing me, I’d rather die than do anything that will cause another trip to the emergency room. I’m not about to tempt fate.

“I can’t,” I look down and turn back to the stove, pretending to look inside. “Everything is almost ready and I don’t want to burn the meal.”

“Oh, come on,” she lightly tickles her fingertips up over my ribs playfully. “I’ll make you so hot there’s no way you’ll last long enough for anything to burn,” she murmurs.

“No,” I turn and look at her. The word is a full sentence and I can see from the look of confusion and hurt swirling in her eyes that she realizes I’m not going to budge.

“What’s going on with you?” She pouts, crossing her arms over her full tits.

“What do you mean?” I pretend not to understand the question.

“Ugh, it’s like you don’t even…”

Tap, tap, tap.

Charlotte’s unfinished thought evaporates into the air as we both look over to the front door.

“Who’s that?” I narrow my eyes and walk over. It’s not like I live completely removed from civilization, but I’m far enough from town that people don’t try the door-to-door thing out here.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs.

I open the door and Marcus looks up at me sheepishly as he runs his hand down over his arm. “I’m sorry to drop in like this, I, uh, can I come in?” He looks around the open space behind me and his eyes grow wide.

“Yeah, sure,” I step back and let him walk through the door.

“Now what?” Charlotte puts her hands on her hips and gives her brother a frosty glare.

“I didn’t come here to fight with you,” he answers rubbing his hands together nervously. “I’m here to apologize.”

I look at the face of a man I once called my brother and over to the woman I love, these two need to work this out. I don’t want anymore family drama hanging over our heads.

“Come in, supper is almost ready,” I nod toward the kitchen. “We’d love if you’d join us,” I offer.

“Is that okay with you?” Marcus looks over my shoulder to Charlotte.

“Sure,” she answers, but I can hear the skepticism in her voice.

“That meal was incredible!” Marcus pushes away his plate and rubs his hands over his belly like he’s the one who’s pregnant. “I had no idea you were such a great chef,” he smiles at Connor.

“I picked up a thing or two over the years,” Connor shrugs and begins to clear the plates from the large farm style table.

“You certainly have,” Marcus looks around the vast space. “You were right, Charlotte,” he twists in his chair to look at me, “this is the perfect place to raise your family. I can’t believe how you’ve breathed life into this place,” he smiles.

“Well, that’s all Connor,” I stand up and help him bring the dirty dishes to the sink. “He’s worked so hard on fixing this place up and getting it ready for the little one,” my heart feels like it’s so full it might burst. I must be the luckiest woman alive. To find the man of my dreams and then to have it turn out that he’s even better than I ever imagined. Cooking my meals, fixing the house, keeping me safe and happy. Love feels like a cheap and inadequate word for what I’m feeling.

“I’m sorry that I tried to push the house on you two,” my brother continues, but I’m in a haze as I let my eyes travel over Connor’s rugged chin and slide over his full lips.

“I get it, I know you’re trying to look out for us,” Connor answers, but I’m not letting Marcus off that easy.

“If you would’ve come by before this, you would already have known that the house is ready. That we are ready,” I grab Connor’s hand and place it on my belly.

“You’re right, I’ve got no excuse. I’m sorry that I made everything so difficult,” he looks down at his hands and I can see guilt spread over his face.

“Well, good then,” I know it’s not much of a rebuttal, but I don’t know what to say. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Marcus apologize for anything his entire life. It’s weird to have him admit when he’s wrong.

“I’ve still decided to give up the house, for all the reasons I already said, but,” he holds up his hand to my open mouth, silently asking me to let him finish. “I’m just going to put it on the market. Once it sells, I want to give you half the profit, you deserve it, that house was as much yours as mine,” he finally meets my eyes and I can see he’s tearing up.

“You don’t have to do that, we’re fine for money. Connor has his military pension and I’ve got my job,” I begin to argue.

“Let him do this, Charlotte,” Connor interrupts and blankets his hand over my shoulder. “It’s important to him,” he murmurs.

I shake my head, he’s right, now I’m the one being stubborn for no reason. “Thank you,” I turn to my brother and let go of the grudge I’ve been carrying inside. “That’s really kind of you,” I smile.

Marcus stands up and I give him a quick hug. “Thank you, both of you, I know I’m going to be a better uncle, a better brother, and a better friend because of you two,” his voice cracks.

“Hey, enough of that,” Connor clears his throat loudly. “No more crying allowed,” he jokes. “How about I make us all some tea and we chill out for a bit?”

“I can’t stay,” Marcus lifts his hands, “thank you though. I just want to say that I’m proud of both of you and I know you’ll make amazing parents.” Marcus sniffs and wipes his eyes on his sleeve. “But enough of that, like you said, no more tears. This is a happy time,” he smiles broadly.

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay for a bit?” I offer but my brother shakes his head no.

“I’ve got to start preparing my sermon for next week,” he answers, “but thank you for the meal, and, well, just thank you. For everything.” He holds out his hand to Connor and they shake, their scarred palms being extended in friendship for the first time in years.

Without any fuss and, for once, without any drama, my brother walks out the door and heads to his car. As he pulls back out of the driveway I look at Connor.

“Ok, now you’ve got some explaining to do,” I tilt my head and purse my lips.

“What? Now what?” He looks up at me, shooting his thick eyebrows upward.

“Do you not think I’m pretty anymore, now that I’m starting to look pregnant?” I put him on the spot.

“What are you talking about? That’s crazy!” Connor tries to laugh off my words, but I don’t smile.

“I’m being serious, I want to know why you suddenly won’t touch me with a ten-foot-pole, or any pole for that matter,” I jerk my head toward his cock.

“Charlotte, are you kidding? I’ve never met a woman that drives me crazy like you do. I love that your tummy is starting to show, I love your curves, I love you. There isn’t a haircut you could get,a pound that you could gain or a wrinkle that could form that will change that. You have my whole heart. And trust me, I want you more than you could ever even understand,” exasperation twists his face as he runs his hand over the side of his soft beard.

“Then what’s going on between us? It’s like you’re shutting me out? If you still find me sexy, then why won’t you touch me?” I step into him and he throws his arms around me, pulling me in tight.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m just worried about the baby. I mean, one second I was tossing you down on the bed ready to fuck you and the next we were at the hospital hoping you weren’t losing the baby. I just keep thinking there’s something I did that made that happen. I don’t want to risk hurting either of you, that’s all,” he runs the palm of his hand over my belly and my anxieties ease off my shoulders.

“That’s really the reason?” I look up at him from under my eyelashes.

“I swear,” he holds up his hand. “How could you think I don’t find you attractive anymore. You were all I could think about before you got pregnant, and now that you’ve got my child growing in here,” his fingers trail over my stomach, “you have no idea how beautiful that makes you. If I had it my way, you’d never wear clothes and the only times we’d get out of bed would be to forage for food and use the washroom,” he laughs.

“Sounds like a nice weekend to me,” I raise an eyebrow mischievously.

“It sounds like pure heaven, but I just don’t want to hurt you,” worry flashes over his face like lightning.

I grab his hand and give it a squeeze. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about that. I’m serious, I talked to the doctor, I specifically asked her about sex and she said it had nothing to do with the bleeding. It was just a fluke. It could’ve been anything. You don’t have to treat me like I’m made of glass now. We can still have our cake and eat it too,” I smirk.

“Well, I don’t know about that,” Connor sighs heavily, but I can see a sparkle in his eyes.

“Why?”

“Because,” he swoops his arms under the back of my legs and picks me up bridal style against his chest as he crosses the floor and begins to walk up the stairs, “I’ve always been more of a pie lover,” he grins down at me and carries me up to our bedroom.

“I can’t believe you could ever think that I’m less attracted to you,” Connor lays me softly on the bed and leans over me, “you’re fucking beautiful. Everyday you’re even more stunning than the day before,” his lips graze my earlobe as his whisper kisses my skin. “Even when we’re old and gray, I won’t be able to keep my hands off of you. I’ll still be chasing you around the house and grabbing your ass whenever I can,” he smiles.

“I love you,” I can’t help but smile back. Connor’s lips softly caress mine and I melt back against the mattress as our tongues dance together sensually.

“I want to see all of you,” he pulls back and begins sliding his fingertips up under my shirt, easily peeling it from my body. “I want to take my time with you until every inch of your body is trembling for me,” his voice grows thick and he unclasps my bra. My breasts fall slightly, I’m still not used to how much bigger they’ve gotten with the pregnancy. All of my shirts make me look like a Hooter’s waitress, clinging to my curves like body paint.

“That won’t take long,” I look up at him with a sly smile, “just looking at you makes me quiver,” I admit.

“Then you’re going to really enjoy this,” he gently guides me back down to the mattress and climbs up on the bed, quickly ripping his shirt off and tossing it aside. I let my fingers explore his tight muscles, travelling the mountains of his cut abs and the valleys of rigid definition between them. Connor straddles me, cupping my chin up, I close my eyes as he kisses me like it’s our wedding day and I just said “I do.”

He kisses a trail across my jawbone and over to my earlobe, suckling it softly before lightly dragging his teeth over my sensitive flesh. Connor has a way of making every part of me raw, exposed and sensitive to his touch. Every glance, every whisper, every graze of his skin against mine, makes me feel fluttery inside.

I roll my head to the side and moan as he nibbles and kisses a slow path down the side of my neck and over my collarbone, then down to my breasts. “Fuck you’re sexy, Charlotte,” he presses my breasts together and runs his thumbs over my nipples sending a surging bolt of electricity down through my stomach and burning like an ember of white hot desire between my legs.

“Thank you,” heat rushes over my skin as a sudden shyness overcomes me. I feel like I’m seeing myself for the first time through his eyes. I’ve never thought of myself as some kind of model or raving beauty, but from the look of wonder battling with longing on his face, I feel like this must be what it feels like to be one of those girls.

“No, thank you,” he corrects me warmly, “for your sweet smile in the morning and for these sweet tits right now,” he buries his head into my chest and drags his tongue over my full breast, teasing the nipple with just the tip as he reaches the top. Opening his mouth, he sucks my dusky nipple in past his lips, his soft beard slightly tickling me. I don’t have time to think about it though because as he circles my nipple with his lips and thrashes his tongue over the tip, electricity builds up inside me again like static in the air before a crazy summer storm.

“Oh Connor,” I push my shoulders back, thrusting my breasts forward and lift my hips toward him, grinding against him.

“Mmmm,” he hums as he kisses my other breast, driving me crazy. Slowly he kisses and licks a trail down my ribs and over my little belly, giving my hip a little nip with his teeth that makes me yelp with the overwhelming ticklish feeling that zaps through me. Connor smiles mischievously, looking up at me with a twinkle in his emerald eyes as he drags his tongue across my belly button and down to the edge of my pants.

“I need to taste your honey, Charlotte. I need to feel your sweet cum splash on my tongue,” he holds the fabric around my button with his teeth and pops my pants open with his hands, wasting no time pulling them down the full length of my legs and ripping them free from my ankles.

“Oh fuck,” I breathe as he slides between my legs and opens my aching pussy with one long, slow lick. I let my legs fall to the sides, spreading them for him as he immediately dives his tongue into my slick slit and swirls it in my quivering hole before sliding it up to my clit. I thread my fingers through his dark hair and watch as he delves his tongue inside me in a frenzy of passion and need. I open my legs further, exposing all of myself to him and mewl loudly as he thrusts a finger inside me.

He wanted to make me quiver, well, I’m a bundle of nerves, barely able to contain my body’s erratic tremors as his tongue splashes pleasure over me, waking up parts of my body I didn’t even know could feel good. This sensation isn’t just contained by my clit or pussy or breasts. I can feel the primal need for the release only he can give me in my outstretched toes and my clenched ass. It’s in the coiled muscles of my legs and the tight grip I have on his hair as he licks me to the edge of my sanity.

Suddenly it’s like every cell inside me explodes with bliss as a tsunami of ecstasy rolls over my entire body, leaving me limp and drowning in the amazing sensation. “Oh, my God, Connor! Fuck! Yes!” I don’t even recognize my growling voice escaping my throat as I let go of his hair and thrust my hands over my face.

Connor sits back on his haunches, admiring the trembling jelly he’s reduced me to. That smirk on his face tells me exactly how proud his is to drive me this wild. “Fuck me, baby, please, I need to feel more of you,” I beg, trying to pull him on top of me, pants and all.

“You sure that’s what you want?” His eyes glint as he toys with me.

“Please,” my voice is hoarse with need.

He doesn’t say another word, instead he slides off the edge of the bed and strips free from his pants and underwear. I can’t help but lick my lips as his thick cock springs, swaying slightly between his legs.

“Yes,” I whisper.

Connor climbs back between my legs and I wrap them around his waist, hooking my ankles behind him and pulling him into me. He holds the base of his cock and guides it into my wet pussy in one deep, unrelenting thrust.

“I love you,” he murmurs as I look up into his eyes. His cock stretches me out in a way that makes me feel so tight inside, like I was made for him and him alone.

“Ohh!” He buries himself until his balls slap against me and I feel full inside, “I’ve always loved you Connor,” I grip my muscles down against him tight and he thrusts inside me quicker and quicker.

I don’t mean to dig my nails into him, slowly dragging them across his back as he fills me over and over with his hard cock. Connor grabs my wrists, thrusting them over my head and pins them to the bed as he fucks me faster, urgently. “I will always love you, Charlotte. Forever.” He breathes the words as he claims my pussy, making me his.

Connor roots inside me, his orgasm tearing through him as he fills me with his seed. The warm spurts splashing inside me bring on an unexpected wave of pleasure. I can’t even make a sound as another orgasm tears through me.

Connor rolls off to the side and I snuggle into his chest as he wraps his arms around me tight. Our hearts are beating erratically and our breathing is jagged, but our bodies are just a tangle of relaxed limbs. We both lie on the bed, satisfied and happy.

“I’ll love you forever too, Connor,” I nuzzle into his chest and smile as he runs his hand over my hair.

“Like I said, I’ll be chasing you around even when we’re wrinkled and old,” he chuckles and pulls me closer. I close my eyes and let the thought stir up beautiful images in my brain. Of the life we’re going to have together. As parents, lovers and friends. A smile crests my lips as I let my dreams of our future swirl in my head.

“Wahhhh!” My eyelids spring open and my breasts feel tender as the sound of little Christopher wakes me from my nap. I don’t mean to keep passing out when I put him down, but I guess they say “sleep when the baby sleeps” for a reason.

I walk down the hall and lift my fussy boy from his crib, giving him a little kiss on the nose. “There’s my cutie pie,” I coo at him. Is there anything that can brighten your day quicker than a toothless, drooly baby smile? I brush his soft, curly hair across his forehead and bounce him as I walk down the stairs to the living room.

“Mama! Lookamee! I’m a princess and Daddy is a prince,” my daughter Maisy jumps up from the checkered blanket spread out on the hardwood floor in her fluffy, pink dress.

I can’t help but laugh at the blanket tied around Connor’s neck and the homemade crown on his head.

“Well, it looks like you two are having a nice afternoon, Princess Maisy,” I smile down at my beautiful daughter and can’t believe she’s soon going to be heading off to preschool. Where did the time go? It feels like only yesterday we were up doing night feedings and diaper duty with her. Now her brother has taken over in those areas and she’s my rambunctious, curious little beauty.

“We are!” She hops around enthusiastically, “Daddy and I are having a tea party, and I even poured the tea myself and guess what?” She claps excitedly.

“What?” I grin.

“I didn’t spill any on the floor this time! I did it like a big girl,” she puffs out her chest proudly.

“That’s great honey, good job,” I lean over and give her a hug while Christopher drools down the front of her dress.

“Ewww, yucky!” She scrunches her nose and scoots back over to her father.

I can’t help but take a second to soak the scene in, Connor is sitting cross-legged on the blanket holding up an empty, plastic tea cup and Maisy carefully grasps the teapot and shakily pours some water into his cup.

“Well, thank you Princess!” He holds his cup up to her and she lifts her tiny mug up, clinking it slightly against his.

“Cheers!” She cries out.

I carry Christopher into the kitchen and grab a bottle from the fridge and he sticks out his hands trying to take it from me. I place it on the counter out of his reach as I grab a pot and fill it with water so I can warm the milk, but he fusses a little not understanding that if I just handed it to him it would cramp his little tummy.

Balancing him on my hip, I sway back and forth gently and he is quickly distracted and back to the cooing, loving baby I’m getting to know. At three months, I feel like I’m just starting to get the very first glimpses into his personality. He’s quieter and more observant than his sister was at this age. Since she came into the world, she’s made sure everyone in her wake is aware of her presence. Quiet is a word no one would use to describe Maisy.

The only exception is when she goes to my brother’s church services. There she sits still with her hands folded in her lap on her favorite yellow dress and waits patiently until all the kids are called out for Sunday school. She loves watching Marcus get up from the pew and say his opening speech for the day. Almost as much as she loves going to the children’s classes run by Marcus’ wife. For a girl who can’t sit still for more than five minutes, it’s amazing to see her so attentive.

I pluck the warmed bottle from the pot and test it on the inside of my wrist to make sure I didn’t overheat it. Christopher is waving his arms wildly and opening his mouth like a fish out of water impatiently. It’s the perfect temperature. “There ya go buddy, you’re hungry aren’t ya?” I tap my finger lightly on Christopher’s nose and watch his eyes light up as he devours his bottle.

Walking back into the living room, I sit down and enjoy the baby snuggles as Christopher drinks his milk and smile hazily at the dream come true my life has become. With our first born on the floor playing with the sexiest Dad alive and our little boy cradled in my arms, it’s hard to imagine a time before now. It’s hard to remember the struggles we ever had or the insignificant dramas we faced.

I know our entire lives won’t always be this easy or wonderful. We’ll face problems just like every other family, but as I sit here, in this moment, this is as close to perfection as I can imagine anyone ever living.

I am truly blessed.