CAMDEN LEADS US TO A BUS SHELTER, CONFIDENT that if we hop on the next one it’ll take us where we want to go, but I hang back.
“Do they know about what happened?” I ask Jamie.
“I told them, yeah.”
“Would I seem like a total freak if I refused to get on a bus?”
Jamie looks squarely at me. “No, of course not. But I think you should tackle this particular issue right now. If I can get on, so can you.”
He’s right and I know it. I look to Ari and she just nods, and then here comes a bus, so there’s that added pressure.
“Okay,” I say, and take a deep breath.
The bus squeals to a stop and I focus on keeping my eyes straight ahead of me, because if I do that I can’t see the street and picture Luna there. Still, I hesitate before taking that first step on. Then another, and another, and suddenly I’m on the bus and it’s moving.
It’s crowded, so we stand. Jamie gets stuck a few people away from me, but Camden and Ari hang on to the same pole. They lean into each other, he circles her waist with his arm, and they both shoot me an identical concerned look. Ari offers a questioning thumbs-up.
I answer with my own thumbs-up, which will stay up as long as I don’t imagine all the things in front of the bus that can be hit by the bus.
An older woman gets on, laden down with shopping bags. A guy wearing headphones gets up for her, offers her his seat. She nods once in a really businesslike manner, then sits. I know this gesture is part of an unwritten code of easy-peasy kindness, but still. There’s something simple and beautiful about it, like a reliable miracle.
At the next stop, a seat opens up and Jamie motions for me to take it. I do, then he drops his messenger bag onto my lap.
“Just for a second,” he says, smiling mischievously. He reaches into the bag and this feels intimate, awkward, until he pulls out a camera. It’s not his big one with the expensive lens. This one is small and funky looking and could totally be a toy.
“My Holga.” Jamie adds, “Lightweight and perfect for the city, in more ways than one.”
He starts taking pictures through the bus window and I can’t tell what’s catching his eye. Maybe nothing, maybe just the city itself. I think back to all the photos we exchanged over the last few months, and it suddenly occurs to me: almost all of my photos were of people, while almost all of his were of buildings, signs, or landscapes. At the time, it felt like a conversation . . . but what if we were simply talking at each other without listening?
To pass the ride, I look around the bus at the faces of the passengers and begin assigning names in my head, starting with the guy across from me, who is positively, definitely Norman.
Eventually, Camden shouts, “We should get off at the next stop!”
We do, and when the bus pulls away, there’s the arch of Washington Square Park. Jamie aims the Holga at the arch and starts snapping. Camden waits for him, but Ari tucks her arm into mine and we start crossing the street.
“Between his photos and your characters, you guys make quite the team,” says Ari.
“At least we don’t run around the county fair wearing costumes,” I reply, and Ari smiles knowingly. She and Camden were into cosplaying an old sci-fi series last summer, and I wonder if that’s still a thing for them. I’ve been so out of the loop, I don’t know anything about their relationship now. How often do they see each other? Where do they spend time? Have they had sex?
“Have you and Camden had sex?” I blurt out.
Ari laughs, nervous. “Uh, sort of.”
“What does that mean?”
“Not really.”
“Okay. Well, I did.”
“Did what?”
“Had sex.”
Ari grabs my elbow and we freeze. “First of all, why are you bringing this up right now? And second of all, WHAT?”
“I guess I was eager to tell you,” I say.
“Where did this happen? With who?”
“Ireland. His name was Declan.”
“Okay.” She pauses. “Go, Ireland.”
“I wasn’t ready to tell anyone. It seemed weird to email you to announce the evaporation of my virginity.”
“Evaporation of my virginity. Nice. That would make a good album title,” says Ari.
“Or a book,” I add. “God, I missed you.”
I pull her aside and we sit on a park bench. Jamie and Camden have walked through the arch now and we watch them. Jamie stops, positions his camera to get a shot of a tree. I tilt my head sideways to figure out what might be special about it but it’s just a tree, spindly and naked and bored.
Ari’s staring at me, studying my face, and I wonder what she sees. I wonder what looks different (hopefully something looks different).
“It was great, right?” she asks. “Your trip?”
“I can’t really use single adjectives to describe it.” I also feel like the more I talk about it, the more sparkle it loses. “But basically, being able to learn stuff without being stressed out about papers and tests, well, that was everything.”
“I got that from your blog.”
“You read the blog?”
“Duh. Why wouldn’t I?” Ari smiles. “Although I was worried when you stopped posting. I had to check with your mom to make sure you were still alive.”
“I got busy,” I say. But Ari knows me, which means she knows I stopped posting because I simply stopped. Because I stop everything, after a while. If my best friend, who gets mostly As and works in her family’s art supply store and babysits her little half sister, judges me for this, she never lets on. I have always fit in with her, even though on paper we shouldn’t click together so easily. God, I’m so happy to see her right now, today, tonight, and at the beginning of next year.
Camden and Jamie crack up about something, and Ari and I watch them some more, because we can’t not watch two boys laughing, especially if they’re two boys we’ve kissed.
Then I ask Ari, “What happens to you guys after graduation?”
She winces and takes a deep breath. “Don’t know. Camden’s not interested in any of the colleges I am, except for one. Some are near each other, some aren’t. We’ve decided to apply to whatever we’re going to apply to and see how it shakes out.”
They’re on the edge of everything changing, and this may be a selfish thought but I don’t care—I’m relieved that I’m not the only one who doesn’t know what happens next.
Here comes Jamie.
“Wanna walk with me?” he asks.
I nod and stand up, and he flashes me this delicious grin before I follow him deeper into the park.
He’s one thing that will happen next. That’s way more than enough.