Sixteen

 

The cold didn’t take long to come back. I shivered. I couldn’t help but notice the way Mason and Garrett both shifted to look at me. They were attuned to me now; I would be able to hide little from them. Or maybe there were ways to shield them. I needed someone to teach me. Where was Daniella?

“So, that’s it.” I sighed. “We have to go get her. She can help me, and I can’t leave her there.”

Bryant nodded. “Fair enough.”

“Oh good.” Frank appeared in the middle of the table. “I love those mines. Some of my best demons are there. We’ll see at least eight of them. You’ll know true pain, and then I’ll get out of you. Trust me when I say killing your men will be a pleasure.”

I turned to Bryant. “We need to consider two possibilities.” Ignoring Frank was hard, but so help me, I’d do it. “I may succumb to the demon between now and then—rocking in the corner, truly possessed.”

“A demon can only hope,” Frank sneered.

Garrett slammed his hand on the table, and Mason’s jaw ticked. Ignoring him was harder on them; they didn’t have a year of experience to draw on.

Milo patted my hand. “We won’t let that happen.”

He was so sweet. I’d misunderstood him right off the bat. He’d called me weird, and I had thought he disliked me. Milo always told the truth, however he saw it. If he said I wouldn’t lose myself, he believed I wouldn’t. I smiled at him. “Then I guess I shouldn’t tell you the second possibility is I can’t take on the demons. They’ll kill me. I have no idea if Frank will block those powers.”

Frank grinned. “And I’m not going to tell you if I can.”

I sighed. “If there’s no hope, if you can’t get to Sister Teagan, I want you to … to let me go.”

There was silence at my declaration. “I can’t live with this thing in me, eating me up. I held him off a long time. I don’t know how. Maybe not knowing he was there. But I can’t stand the idea of it taking control of me. Please don’t leave me like that.”

Milo jumped to his feet before he dropped to his knees in front of me. Both movements were so sudden I gasped, sitting back in my chair. “Anne, I will never let that happen to you. I’ll find a way to sacrifice myself first. You are our lives. Please trust in us.”

I don’t know what I would have said to his sincere declaration. I was thrust into his memories. But we weren’t in the circle, and it had nothing to do with the train we’d been on. Instead, I saw a younger Milo sitting by himself at a table. He was at a train station. His hair was longer, shaggy, and his clothes were old and worn. He sipped a glass of water, and the spirits darted around his head.

Time to go. Time to go. Hear us. Time to go.

He rubbed his eyes and spoke in a low voice. “Leave me alone.”

But your love is waiting.

 

Time shifted. He stared at me while my eyes glowed and spoke words he’d later regret. He lay in bed that night, not letting the others know that tears had slowly fallen from his eyes. Was it possible he could screw this up? I could hear his thoughts like they were my own. The others didn’t hear the spirits. They didn’t know they already loved her. But he did. So why did he keep doing everything wrong?

I was pushed back into my body in time to see Milo’s eyes turn white. His head fell forward onto my lap, and I stroked the back of his soft locks. “You’ve never done anything so wrong you need to feel so much sadness.”

He shuddered, not lifting his head. When he raised his now white eyes, he breathed out loudly. “Thank you, my love. It feels like it’s been lifetimes.”

“That fast?” Bryant shook his head. “One second he’s not co-joined; the next he is. Amazing.”

Milo spoke slowly. “I never ever want to not feel like this.”

“How touching,” Frank sneered, and Milo’s head popped up.

“I can see him.” He jumped to his feet, and Mason rose to grab his arm.

Garrett shook his head. “There’s nothing to do but know you are helping her by hearing it with her.”

 

We loaded the carriage in the darkness. It wasn’t my special carriage, but it looked sturdier, like it wouldn’t fall apart if we encountered a strong wind, something I’d worried about on occasion. I turned around to look at the house they’d brought me to. I hardly knew what it looked like, other than white, and the darkness did nothing to help.

Still, I’d been safe within its walls for a few days. Or at least I’d been able to rest my possessed soul.

Milo entered the carriage with me, leaving the others to take their places on alert. My carriage at the Sisterhood wasn’t as steady, but it took the bumps better.

Milo yawned. “They put me in here because they think I’m going to fall asleep.”

“If it happens like the others, then you’ll be out for a good long while.” He really was beautiful, and I reached out to touch his cheek.

He closed his eyes and leaned into it. “I need to protect you. Can’t sleep on the job.”

“I think I’ll be okay.” I extended my arms. “Come here, sweetheart.”

He lay down in my lap. “Bryant will have my head.”

“They’re fully aware of what’s going to happen. Better in here than up there.”

Milo yawned again. I smoothed the hair off his face, massaging his scalp. I hoped it felt nice. I’d always wanted someone to do it to me. He sighed. “Talk to me.”

“About what?” Frank was noticeably absent, which was nice.

“Anything. I used to dream about you. I didn’t know it was you, just a sense of you. This person I knew who was mine. I used to stare out the windows of the trains and wonder if you were out there.” His voice was more like a sigh.

I opened my mouth, deciding to tell him about the time I’d accidently set Sister Francesca’s hair on fire, but he gently snored, and I knew he wouldn’t hear me. Not even that, but he’d be out for hours and hours.

It was a good thing I’d gotten so adept at not speaking during the carriage rides. I pulled out a book. Time to learn more things about myself I didn’t know. I smiled at Milo. What I hadn’t said to him—because, of course, he had a choice, and if he didn’t want to that was fine too—was how Mason and Garrett had both woken up. If we were both lucky, we’d be doing more than sleeping in this carriage.

By the Divinity, I was so bad. Had I become addicted to sex?

Don’t deny the love magic. It makes you strong.

I heard the spirits. Part of me would always think of them as birds. I turned on the small lamp we kept in the carriage and started to read.

 

Hours later, I decided I was supposed to be tougher than I actually was. The Sisters in these books, the ones described in the pages, were so much stronger than I was. They could open and close doors with their minds. Save people’s lives. I couldn’t even get the demon out of my head.

Why was Frank being so quiet?

My eyes drooped to where Milo had not moved. I stroked his cheek and his hair again. Wherever he was, he was clearly beyond feeling my ministrations. I leaned back against the seat and closed my eyes. Sleep came quickly and was blissfully dreamless.

I woke up when Milo did. He shifted in my lap, and it roused me. I didn’t know how long I’d been out, but my neck was stiff.

“Hello.” I smiled at him.

He reached out, touching my mouth with his index finger. His eyes were white, but he wasn’t alert. This was different, more like the night on the train when they had all been out of it. Oh, no. I’d made myself clear. I wasn’t going to do anything with anyone who wasn’t awake and wanted it.

But Milo didn’t move like he wanted sex. He looked left and right and then up and down. He blinked rapidly. Something was wrong.

I took his cheeks in my hands. “Are you okay?” He shook his head. Once and then again. “I don’t think you’re quite done with whatever changes you’re making.” I patted my lap. “Rest.”

He scrunched up his face before he managed to speak. “Safe?”

“Yes, I’m safe.” My heart clenched. Sweet man was trying to rouse from a magically-induced whatever-was-happening-to-him in order to check on me. “I’m safe.”

He lay back down; his eyes closed. This time when he slept, he didn’t even snore. I stared out at the darkness.

The carriage rolled to a slow stop. We were still in the middle of nowhere, but the guys probably needed to stretch their legs. The door swung open, and Bryant peeked his head in.

“He’s still out?” He nodded toward Milo. “Taking longer than the other two.”

I slid out from under Milo, who didn’t budge. As gently as I could, I rearranged his head so it lay softly on the seat. “I think he fought it. Tried to come to. He didn’t go under completely.”

“Sounds like him.” He shook his head. “Milo doesn’t like to be out of control.”

“Who here does?”

He laughed and took my hand, leading me out of the carriage. “Walk in the moonlight?”

Sounded good. We strolled quietly together. Down the road a bit, I could see Mason checking out the terrain while Kieran stayed up on top of the carriage, continuing to look around. Garrett stepped into the carriage behind us. I liked that they weren’t leaving Milo alone and unprotected. I smiled at the thought. I guessed I was actually his protection until he roused.

“How are you?” Bryant didn’t talk all that often, but he was considerably quiet considering we were alone.

“Thinking about a million things.”

I cleared my throat. “Like …?”

“The terrain up ahead. What will happen at the mine. How long Milo will be out cold so that we go back to a five person team instead of a four person team. How beautiful you are in the moonlight. How beautiful you are in the sunlight. The way your curls bounce. Why they’ve all co-joined with you and I haven’t.”

I took his hand. “I don’t control it. Maybe there are specific times set aside. I don’t know, Bry. I love you. Deeply.”

He sucked in his breath. “Do you, my lady?”

“I’m not a lady.”

He pushed me up against a nearly dead tree. This area wasn’t called the Deadlands because everything was alive. The country was dying around us.

His mouth came down on mine, and I cared not about the countryside. My powers flared to life, and I gasped. Bryant backed up, and we both looked around. This wasn’t a co-joining power flare nor was it what happened to me when I was alone with them and love magic filled the air. No, there was a demon.

Frank was nowhere to be seen. Had he set this up?

One second we were alone, and the next a level two demon dropped from the sky. He had wings like a fallen angel and a fully black body. From head to toes he was the same color as the night. Bryant whirled around, looking. It was futile. He wouldn’t be able to see it.

Behind him, a horde of possessed also seemed to appear out of nowhere.

Yes, Frank had done this. Bryant grabbed his sword, and I touched his arm. “You can’t fight them alone, my love. There are too many. They won’t stop until they come to me. They don’t even know why, but they need me. That demon you can’t see is another matter. Go get help.”

The set of his jaw hardened. “I’m not leaving you alone.”

“You can’t help me with the demon. Go get help.” Why had we strolled such a distance from the carriage? “I’m not asking you to abandon me. I know you’re coming back. Go. Now.”

He looked back and forth before he ran. I knew it killed something in him to do so. Bryant hadn’t gotten to be One by being stupid.

I stepped forward and the demon growled. “You hold my master prisoner.”

“Or it could be argued he holds me that way.” I didn’t want to play a semantics word game with a number two. I’d handled much harder demons—his master as an example—but more Sisters died fighting mid-level demons than the big ones. They could be tricky little bastards.

I raised my arm and let my power flow out of me. I hadn’t used it like this since before I’d been taken. He surged back at me. I was rusty, sick, tired, and possessed—certainly not at my strongest for this fight. It was much harder than it should have been.

I stood my ground. When power fled me, I had no choice but to dig deep and find good old fashioned guts and grit from somewhere inside of me. He would not win because I could not allow it.

Frank appeared before me. “Oh no, I can’t have this. You don’t get to win.”

The possessed surged forward, and my arm lowered. I stared in horror. Why was my arm lowering? I hadn’t done that. No, Frank had taken control of my body. In the middle of a demon fight. The demon raised his arm, and I hit the ground. Frank didn’t have total control of my body yet. I could still get away. When I couldn’t fight, I could run.

Except then I couldn’t. Frank had taken control as I’d feared. But he wasn’t going to let me get to the mines to be killed, and he hadn’t cracked me to where I had to be put down. I was going to die in the woods because I’d been stupid.

Why hadn’t I told the guys it was so odd Frank had vanished?

The demon raised his arm and shot at me. But I was pushed out of the way. With an oomph, I hit a pile of rocks. What had happened? I shot up to see, and for a second I couldn’t believe it. Bryant lay flat on the ground. He couldn’t see the demon, yet he’d had enough sense to know I was down, and he’d taken the hit for me.

No. I couldn’t breathe. I ran toward him, my heart racing, my mind whirling. No. No. No. No.

I rolled him over as Mason reached my side. He said something; I didn’t know what it was.

His eyes were open, and he blinked at me. “So cold.”

Yes, I bet he was. Non-Sisters had no business getting hit by demon fire. I raised my hand, and with power that came from deep inside of me where Frank couldn’t touch it, I destroyed the level two demon until it was nothing but dust.

“Get the possessed. Get them away,” I yelled at Kieran and Garrett, who had arrived. They were both on it in seconds.

I grabbed Bryant’s shoulders. “Hold on. Do you hear me?” I’d never heard of anyone living through this, but damn it he would.

“This has been my pleasure, my love.” He choked on his words. “All I ever wanted was to serve you, to love you, to keep you safe. Mason will now. He’s a better man than me.”

“Stop that.” Mason’s voice was thick. “You’re not dying, brother.”

“This is what I wanted. I love you. My life for yours.”

“No.” The same gut power that had taken out the demon, even with Frank inside of me, revolted at this idea. He was not going to die. He was mine. We had been chosen for one another. He was one of my loves. My own. Part of my soul. And the world did not spin if he was not alive.

I pressed his mouth to my own, and with an ability I didn’t know I had, except for some stupid book telling me I could do it, I pushed life into Bryant. He was not going to die. For blissful moments that might have been an eternity, I gave him my life force. I healed faster than I should; I carried magic gifted by Divinity. I didn’t want it anymore.

Not without Bryant. Not without any of my guys. He gasped beneath me, pushing at my shoulders, crying for me to stop. I would not. Life was mine to give, and so I would do so. It wasn’t a choice. He was my love. I’d do this for any of them.

Strong arms pulled me off Bryant. Mason said something to me, but the world was gray. I couldn’t hear it. Bryant jumped to his feet, his eyes were white. That was good. We’d co-joined. He wanted that. I did too, even though I wasn’t really getting anything from the co-joining thanks to Frank.

It was all … good.

Bryant was not going to die. I hadn’t gotten any of his memories. I would have liked them.

The world tilted, and I collapsed in Mason’s arms.

 

I walked through the snow, alone and barefoot. I wasn’t cold, which seemed odd but not enough to concern me. She waited for me, and she had answers. I pulled the pot roast I’d made her closer to me. Purple wind whipped through my hair. I smiled. She was going to tell me to cut it off again, that it always got in my way.

The door opened, and I walked through it. The cabin knew me and once again welcomed me through the doors.

“Hello dear.” Sister Superior called to me, and I rushed to her warm embrace. Of all the spirits who guided us, she was always the most loving. The role always went to those who had the biggest hearts.

“Hello, love.” I kissed her cheek. “How goes the battle for good and evil?”

She smiled and pointed to the table. “Sit. It’s funny you should ask me that.”

I handed her the pot roast and took a seat as I was instructed. She cleared her throat. “I’ve kept you too long. I always do with the good ones. I hate to let you go.”

I patted the chair next to me. “Come sit. Tell me what has you down. The world has been ending a long time. Do you feel it acutely tonight?”

“I feel it whenever I do what I’m about to do. You see, I’ve found your five.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Then it’s time.”

I would leave. I would play my role. I would help one person at a time until they could help themselves, until they helped each other. Until the world remembered there was more love than hate. I would be a Sister.

Eventually. First I had to be born.

Sister Superior clicked her tongue. “First you have to say yes. You don’t have to. I think they’re your five. But it’s always up to you. Others say no. They wait and find the right ones. It is forever, after all. You can’t be unsure.”

Well, that was true. “Either our souls will speak or they won’t.”

She gestured toward the backyard, and I followed. Five sparks of light floated around. I laughed and covered my mouth. It had been such a long time since I’d seen the non-corporeal. I’d forgotten how beautiful we all were when it came down to it, bright lights of energy, balls of heat, bouncing around and seeking the other parts of our own light.

I looked down. “They may not like me, you know. I know you love me. But they could also say no.”

“Oh, I highly doubt that.”

One of the balls of light rushed to my side immediately. I gasped. He was so bright I could hardly look at him. Seconds later, a man appeared where his light had been. He was tall and blond with part of his hair pulled back into a bun.

He dropped to his knees. “My lady.”

“Now none of that,” I shook my head. “I’m not a lady. You’re all so bright. You have to be superior beings. You outrank me.”

His blue eyes met my own. “But you are my lady?” He seemed genuinely confused. “I could see it when you walked here in the snow. You are the one I’ve waited for. The one we’ve all waited for.”

And then they came, the other four of them appearing from balls of light. They were so beautiful. It would take a little time to know for sure, and we had that. Sister Superior was almost never wrong. If she said they were my matched, then that was what they were.

The second one took my hand in his. He was equally as handsome, dark with piercing eyes and a quick smile. “You honor us. You glow like the sun. Did you know? Can you see your own soul?”

“I think you’re the ones who honor me. We’re not going to happy times. Things could go wrong.” As humans, we always had the best intentions, but it didn’t mean we would do as we were meant to. We could destroy our own destinies and not even know it.

A redheaded one smiled. “Not possible. We’ve all known each other a long time. For all of us to feel it, it is fated. Assuming you do.”

“Oh, she’s feeling it.” A tall, brown-haired man approached. “She’s just shy. But maybe if we can make her laugh?”

“Her heart is true.” The last one answered. “Give us a chance.”

I grinned, heat infusing my cheeks. “Let’s give it a go.”

 

I wished I could stay in that dream, but it wasn’t to be. The balls of light disappeared, one by one, and I was pushed back into pain. Frank stared down at me. “Wake up.”

I jolted upright. I was in a carriage. Milo grabbed me, pulling me to him while across from him Bryant was out cold on the seat. “Oh divinities, is he dead?”

I thought I’d saved him, but maybe I hadn’t. Milo kissed my cheeks. “No, he’s in that co-joined deep sleep. Might take him even longer. Lots of healing.”

“Are you okay?” I touched him everywhere I could reach, needing to see to it he was whole.

“Am I all right? Are you? You were barely breathing when they brought you here. I’d just woken up. You were going to die for him. You saved him, and you almost ended yourself.”

Milo’s light surrounded him, bright and strong for a second before I couldn’t see it anymore.

He wanted an answer? “I won’t let you die if I can help it. You are mine. Destined. Chosen by Sister Superior. The real one. We’re all just—”

I cut off my mouth. Speaking the words felt wrong, like they were forbidden, as though to say them would be too much.

He raised an eyebrow. “We’re all just balls of light—souls bouncing around, waiting for other parts.”

“Oh Milo. I didn’t remember.”

He shook his head. “Me neither until the sleep I had. You’re mine. You’re also his. He’s going to be furious with you, as I would be. It is our honor to die for you. It is our role to protect you. Not the other way around.”

I kissed him hard. “I’ve always been weird, Milo. You know that.”

He grinned at me.