Chapter 31
CLOSE MY EYES
Lay and I were pretty good at denying the ticking clock, avoiding the fact that our childhood would be coming to an end within a matter of weeks.
She was gearing up for NYU, and she was stressing about it, but at least she knew what she’d be doing with her life. At least for the next four years.
I hadn’t even thought about what I’d be doing tomorrow. But I knew I couldn’t run from my future forever. Trying to figure it out weighed on me on a daily basis. Do what you love and the rest comes, right? Problem was, I didn’t know what I loved. I mean, I knew who I loved, but I couldn’t really make a career out of having an awesome girlfriend.
Maybe I could find a way to figure out what I wanted by zeroing in on the things I liked instead: I liked hockey. I liked being in that play.
Mostly, though, I was focused on what I didn’t want: I didn’t want a desk job. I didn’t want the same thing every day. I didn’t want to think about Layla leaving.
Especially since I’d just gotten her back.
When I thought about the rest of my life, I couldn’t envision what I was supposed to do. The only thing I was really good at was being with Layla.
Maybe it was crazy to base my future on a girlfriend, but what if I stayed in Jersey? After all, Norman was only about thirty minutes from Manhattan. The only reason not to hang around was because I wanted to get as far away from my father as possible. I turned eighteen back in March but was stuck here until I finished school. Then I was stuck here by choice, wanting to spend every minute with Lay until she left.
I could move to New York, but I didn’t think she wanted me to tie her down. Besides, if she wanted me to go with her, she would’ve asked. Not like I expected her to. She had her own life to lead and there was no way I was going to be that guy to stand in her way.
We spent almost every minute of those first summer days together. Sometimes, we’d hang out at her pool. We’d get together with our friends. We’d go to the movies.
On the Fourth of July, we spent an interesting afternoon in her bedroom.
Don’t get excited. I was there to help her pack.
Because she was such a planner, she wanted to get a jump on her organizing. So there I was, sprawled out on her bed, waiting for her to finish up so we could head down to Norman Valley High School for the town fireworks show.
Even still, I couldn’t help the proud smile that decorated my face as I watched her buzzing around in an absolute frenzy, her mind working faster than her hands could carry out.
She had a huge stack of boxes in the corner, all the stuff she was bringing to New York. If I knew her as well as I liked to think I did, I could pretty much guarantee most of those boxes were filled with books.
I chuckled to myself before declaring, “Okay. Enough already!” I grabbed her around the waist and threw her down onto the bed, caged her body with my own, and buried my lips against her ear. “Your head is going to fly off if you don’t calm down.”
“I need to get this sorted, Trip.”
“You’ve got six weeks to pack, Lay. Take a break.” At that, I tightened my arms around her middle and brushed a line of kisses along her neck. Mmm.
“What are you going to do?”
“What?” I asked. “Like, to your body? I’ve got a few ideas...”
“No,” she reprimanded, shaking her head at me. “With your life. You didn’t apply to any schools, you haven’t made any plans... What do you want?”
“You.”
She sighed in exasperation—even though I clearly saw a smile eke out—before she shoved her hands against my chest. I took the hint and flopped down onto my back as she sat up and launched into a rant. “Aside from that. I’m talking about your future, here.”
You’re my future.
“What are you good at?”
Being your boyfriend.
“What do you like?”
You.
She stared me down expectantly, waiting on an answer. “Fine,” I finally said, sitting up to face her. “Hockey. Acting. Travel. History.”
“Well, that’s a start,” she snickered. “Maybe you could star in a mashup of Slap Shot and Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Cover all your bases.”
“Ha! Real nice, Lay. You sound like my mother right now.”
“Gee, Trip. That’s just what every girl dreams of hearing.”
“Wiseass.”
Fact was, Layla and Mom had formed a weird sort of friendship over the past weeks, so it wasn’t a surprise during those moments when they were in sync. I knew she was close with Mrs. DeSanto, but she’d found an unexpected connection with my mom, too. I knew she was simply taking advantage of all the “Mom time” whenever she could get it.
Considering Lay would only come over when my father was away on business, her time was limited as it was. I couldn’t blame her for never wanting to be in the same room with him ever again.
I knew the feeling.
I’d avoided him even more than usual after that bullshit on grad night. It was bad enough that I had to put up with his drunkenness in order to live under his roof, but it was quite a-fucking-nother to expect my friends to put up with it.
If my mother heard what he said to Layla that night, she never let on. She was good at ignoring his faults. It was probably the only way she could stay married to the guy. Why she would want to is anyone’s guess.
If someone wasn’t going to be totally crazy about the person they were with, I couldn’t imagine why they’d even bother. A good relationship should be two people constantly making a concerted effort to be awesome to each other. You do what you need to do in order to make every moment count.
Like the day Layla and I went to the lake.
We were sprawled out on a blanket on the west bank of Lenape Lake, catching some rays. Lay was in the middle of slathering herself down with baby oil (would she never learn?) when I noticed a scar on her knee. I sat up and asked, “Where’d you get that?”
“Oh that?” she asked, raising her leg to check out the divot in her kneecap. “I bit it on the double-jump of Private Eyes.”
I lowered an eyebrow. “English, please?”
She huffed out a laugh. “Roller rink when I was ten. United Skates of America. It was the thing to jump during that song. You know... Pri-i-vate Eyes... Jump! They’re watching you... Jumpjump! I caught my toe-brake on the landing and was hurled face forward onto the wood floor. My knee slammed down on Lisa’s wheel and got gouged down to the bone. Blood everywhere. It was awesome.”
“Awesome?”
“Yeah,” she sighed, a dreamy look on her face. “The cute guy from the pro shop had to come over to help me off the rink.”
My lip twitched as I tried to contain my smile. “Should I be jealous?”
“Yes. Very.”
I nudged into her before we settled back down to soak up the sun. Only, just as we got ourselves situated, the clouds rolled in, and before we knew what was happening, our idyllic sunny day suddenly turned into a flash thunderstorm. The lifeguards blew their whistles to call everyone out of the water, and all the people on the sand scurried about in a mad frenzy to gather up their things and run for dry ground.
We threw on some clothes and packed our stuff into her beach bag before running up the street toward her house as the rain poured over us in buckets. Elm Street was a fairly steep incline as it was, but even more treacherous when wet.
“Don’t bite it!” I busted, launching into a rousing rendition of “Private Eyes.”
Layla laughed so hard at my singing that she slumped down onto the curb to collect herself. It wasn’t until then that I wondered why we were even running in the first place. We were already in our bathing suits so it didn’t really matter that it was pouring on us. I sat down next to her on the curb and pulled her smiling mouth to mine.
The warm rain washed over us as Lay knotted her fingers into my hair and slid her tongue into my mouth. She pulled off my sticky shirt and trailed her mouth down my neck, and I tried to ignore the fact that we were making out right there on the side of the road. I tightened my arms around her and pressed our lips together again, panting and groaning as her wet tits smashed against my bare chest.
Everything about the moment was just so fucking sexy. It didn’t matter that we were caught in the rain; it didn’t matter that a car could come by at any second. The only thing that mattered was that we were together. And happy. And more than a little ravenous for each other.
We took advantage of that spontaneous moment. We made it count.
Just like the day Layla picked me up from the rink. I’d gone over to play a friendly game of hockey, but the pickup match had gotten a little intense. On one particularly heated play, I took a helmet to the face, and my lip split wide open. That was nothing new. Hockey players were always getting banged up. It was par for the course.
By the time I made my way out to the parking lot, my bloody lip had scabbed over. I was jabbing my tongue at the spot as I looked up and saw Lay leaning against her car, waiting for me. She was wearing this fabulous lime green sundress and her mouth was quirked in a perfect Layla smile. She looked so gorgeous it took my breath away.
I walked right over toward her and she fell into my waiting arms. I didn’t hesitate to plant an overly possessive kiss on her, only flinching a little when she slipped her tongue between my lips.
She scrunched up her nose to say, “Oh, poor baby. Does it hurt when I kiss you?”
I was so crazy about this girl that it broke my heart on a daily basis. “Lay, it hurts when I look at you.”
That was a pretty good moment, too.
* * *
Layla and I didn’t talk about the fact that we were going to have to separate at the end of the summer. It was just too damned painful.
But we were both thinking about it. As in, every-minute-of-every-day thinking about it.
Like the night we were curled up on her sofa watching a movie. Her father was home upstairs, ensuring that the night would be kept strictly PG. If we had had the house to ourselves, we would’ve been making out. Since we didn’t, our minds were left to wander.
We kind of had an unspoken rule about discussing our impending breakup. Or maybe it was just me.
Because out of nowhere, Layla snuggled into me and dropped her head against my shoulder. “Everything’s changing.”
I knew damn well what she was talking about, and only briefly considered playing dumb. Instead, I wrapped my arm tighter around her middle. “I know.”
She twisted her body toward me as she laid a palm against my chest. “Everyone’s going away soon. It’s like we’re not going to be us after that, you know? We’ll run into each other at homecoming games or reunions or randomly in town, but we’ll never be us ever again, will we?”
I sighed, buying time to come up with the proper response. “It’s called growing up, Lay.”
“I know, but God. It really sucks.”
“Yeah. It does.” My teeth clamped together as I added, “It’s hard for me to think about. I imagine it’s even harder for you.”
“What do you mean?”
I let out with a huge exhale before answering. “I’ve moved around my entire life, but this time, it seems so much harder to have to say goodbye. It’s like, this is the first place that’s ever felt like home to me, you know? And I didn’t even grow up here the way you have. I’ve only known these people for a year. You’ve known them your whole life.”
A muscle twitched in my jaw as my teeth clenched, trying to hold myself together, and she offered me a sympathetic smile as she raised her hand to my face. “I’ve only known you for a year. I’m just as close to you as I am to them. Do you really think it’s going to be easier for me to say goodbye because I haven’t known you as long?”
The girl had a point. It sucked that it was true, but it was valid nonetheless. “Okay. Point taken. C’mere.”
I laid us both down on the couch with her spooned against my side. Her head rested against my chest, listening to my heart as I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head. I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I couldn’t believe we were going to have to say goodbye. “You’re right,” I said on a shaky voice. “This sucks.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry for even bringing it up. I didn’t mean to make you sad. I know this is why we never talk about it.” There was a lump in my throat so I didn’t say anything. “We still have a few weeks left to spend together. I want them to be happy ones, okay?”
I pursed my lips and nodded in answer. If I tried to speak, I’d fucking lose it.
She slid up my body, put a hand behind my neck, and planted her lips on mine. The kiss was way more forceful than usual. As if she were trying to hold me tighter. Or hold me together. I wasn’t quite sure.
She maneuvered herself fully on top of me and straddled my lap, licking my lips until I opened my mouth against hers.
I rolled her over, pulled some pillows off the couch, and rocked against her, loving how her back arched toward me as I grasped at her tits. I gripped her ass in my hands and rolled my hips against hers, my body threatening to explode. Fuck, she was always so hot for me, so ready and willing to give herself over at every turn.
I was trying to enjoy the moment, but I kept one eye on the stairwell just in case.