CHAPTER NINE
Candace
When Ty dropped me off that night after we made love— because it felt like so much more than sex— I went inside feeling... soft. I was glowing and giddy from having such amazing sex, but that giddiness was tempered by a kind of muted grief over my and Ty's mutual pain. I could only imagine the magnitude of the pain and guilt that he had to endure every single day that he didn't even deserve because he really was such a lovely person. Sure, he was rough around the edges and maybe a bit of a hooligan, but his heart was pure gold and I loved him for it.
Yes, I loved him. The moment we kissed on my porch and he whispered goodbye, I knew I was in love. I couldn't wait to see him again. And part of me, I think, hoped to rescue him. I wanted to be there for him, to love him so deeply that all that pain inside of him would finally heal and he'd get to be a whole, contented human being. I didn't even know if it was possible, but the affection in my heart for him was so intense it felt like my heart would burst out of my chest at any moment. I knew I had to try.
What I didn't count on, however, was Ty not wanting to be loved.
I sent him a little text the next day, just to check in. I sent it not long after I got up, then I had a leisurely breakfast with my folks before meeting up with Nina. I hadn't seen her in a while and we had so much catching up to do. We went to the mall and walked around, but I was so preoccupied telling her about Ty that I couldn't even look at the shops. She told me about her new girlfriend, we got milkshakes and then walked around some more. It felt so good to hang out with her again, and as nice as it was to get away from Philly during the semester, I missed my friend.
It wasn't until I was explaining how I met Ty that I remembered about Brad.
"It's a funny story," I was saying, "he works at this bar where Brad and me— oh, fuck."
"Huh? You fuck at a bar?"
"No! The night I met Ty, Brad got— oh, goddammit, it's a long story. I was supposed to go see Brad yesterday, but I forgot..."
"Because you were with Ty," Nina commented with a grin.
"Yeah." I rubbed my face and sighed, exhausted. "Nina, honestly, I don't care if I never see Brad again."
"I've been waiting for this," she admitted, but I barely even heard her.
"He makes me feel bad about myself. He never listens to me. He doesn't even care about me, doesn't give a fuck that I'm sober, he makes awful comments about my weight all the time even though he knows I have issues. He constantly embarrasses me in public, he twists everything I say and turns everything around on me. No matter what he says or does, it always ends up being my fault. You know he got beat up at Ty's bar because he was being a jackass? He abandoned me there and then somehow found a way to blame me for it! And you know what's worse?"
"You apologized?" Nina intoned sardonically.
"I apolo—... wha... yes! How did you—?"
"You've taken the blame for much worse before," she said with a shrug. "That boy is a malignant narcissist, honey. He's textbook."
"I guess that's what I get for having a psychologist as a friend," I sighed, resting my chin in my hand. "Ty makes me feel so good in every way possible. He's such a gentleman in his own way, and he just... makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. I actually ate a meal with him that first day!"
"What!?" Nina sat up and looked at me incredulously. "Usually it takes you weeks to feel comfortable eating around a guy!"
"Two months before I could eat around Brad," I agreed. "I just feel such a deep connection with Ty. His family is wonderful too, his brother is... well..." I bit my lip. "He's disability is really bad, like he's in a wheelchair and everything, but once I got to know him, I found out how funny and sweet he really is."
"It's almost like people with disabilities have personalities," Nina said sarcastically.
"Well, he made me nervous at first," I said, shrugging, "I couldn't even understand him that first day and he just looked so fragile, you know? But they're really sweet together, and I got used to the way he talks. He and Ty are like, so cute, and Ty's mom is really nice and sweet too..."
"Wow, you really do have it bad," Nina laughed. "Good for you, babe, I hope you get over that preppy creep fast."
"Who's a preppy creep?" said a voice behind me that made the hair on my neck stand on edge. A shudder ran through me and I held my breath as I looked over my shoulder.
Sure enough, there was Brad, for some reason with his arm in a sling, even though it hadn't even been bandaged when I saw him in the hospital. On top of that, there was a patch over his bruised eye, even though it worked just fine. What a fucking attention whore. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Nina, giving her a Get a load of this guy look.
"This guy Candace knows called Chad," Nina said with a grin. "Totally not you. Obviously."
"Fucking dike bitch," Brad grumbled.
"Don't talk to my friend like that!" I cried, leaping to my feet. "I've had about enough of your bullshit, Bradley Thomas Meyer!" I jammed my hands into my hips, scowling at him with all the fury I could muster.
"Whoa, Candace, calm down," he said, raising his hands in a placating manner. "Be quiet, or you'll give me a migraine. I'm very fragile right now."
"No, you're not! You're fine!"
"If I'm fine then why do I have a sling and an eyepatch?" he whined. "Don't be a bitch. You obviously don't even care about me, though, since you never came to see me yesterday. I waited for you all day... I was so alone and in so much pain..."
I felt like the extreme opposites of my emotions were going to tear me apart; on the one hand, I was angry and frustrated and ready to give Brad a reason to whine if he didn't back off; on the other hand, I felt bad for forgetting about him. He was doing that puppy dog face that never failed to tear down my defenses. I hated being empathetic, sometimes. Life would've been so much easier if I could be like Brad and just not give a flying fuck about anyone else's feelings.
"I was busy, and it's not like your life was in danger," I said. The words just kind of came out. They weren't what I would have planned to say, exactly, but I felt good about myself for not playing into his guilt-trip.
"Busy doing what?" he demanded.
"None of your damn business," I shot back and looked away, my face flushing at the thought of being in Ty's arms, safe, loved and sexually fulfilled.
"I think it is my business," Brad countered, reaching for my wrist. I stepped back, and Nina leaped to her feet behind me. "You're my girlfriend, remember?"
"No, I'm not," I said without thinking.
All three of us went quiet, stunned into silence for a moment.
"What... what do you mean?" Brad said, at last, his lower lip trembling.
"I... I mean I want to break up," I said, my heart pounding, my whole body shaking with fear because I had no idea what Brad might do if he got upset. Suddenly, I was glad we were in the food court at the mall, and I was really glad that Nina was there with me. I felt her hand on my arm, giving me a gentle squeeze, encouraging me. I stood up a little taller and planted my feet. "Dating you makes me miserable, Brad, and nothing I do is good enough for you. I think you'd be happier with someone else."
"Shouldn't I be the judge of that?" he said grandly.
"It doesn't matter," Nina piped up. "Candace is not happy and she's breaking up with you."
"Yeah," I said.
"Fuck you," Brad snapped, jabbing his finger in the air at Nina. He turned on me, his eyes gleaming with rage. His cheeks were bright red and I could see his shoulders heaving. I had seen him like this before, once or twice, usually, after he'd been drinking, and frankly, I was terrified. My resolve started crumbling because that look on his face usually meant he was about to hit me, and he was smart enough to only beat me in ways that wouldn't show when I was clothed. "You can't break up with me." He stepped toward me.
"Y-yeah I can," I said, my voice shaking. I took a step back, but Nina put her other hand on my arm, bolstering my resolve.
"Oh, I see how it is— you're a fucking dike now too, aren't you?" He sneered at Nina. "The hell did you do, you fucking cunt? Did you brainwash my girlfriend or something? I knew you were all recruiters—"
"No!" I burst out. "Nina has a girlfriend and besides— I'm not fucking Nina. I'm fucking Ty."
"Who?"
"Ty. Ty Franklin. The biker guy who runs that bar? The one who rescued me when your cowardly ass ran away, abandoning me? Yeah. Ty is ten times the man you'll ever be and he cares about me. He makes me feel like a real woman. After getting fucked by him, no way could I ever be with you again. Besides that, his dick is huge."
I watched with wave after wave of sick satisfaction as Brad absorbed this information, his face morphing through expressions of realization, horror, shame, and eventually, embarrassment. Finally, he settled his face into its usual, chillingly neutral expression and gave a single nod.
"Okay," he said. "Fine."
I was surprised by the sudden acquiescence. My eyebrows arched and I didn't mean for it to sound like a question but I said, "Fine?"
"Yep. Bye."
He turned on his heels and walked off without another word.
I was shaking all over. When Brad left the food court, my knees went completely soft and I would've probably collapsed to the ground if it weren’t for Nina. She caught me and helped me sit down.
"That was fucking heroic," she said. "Candace, that was amazing."
"I— I—... I feel sick," I whispered, tears of fear and confusion welling up in my eyes as I tried to comprehend what had just happened. I had dumped Brad, and I had been fully prepared to have a long, drawn-out fight about it, but he had just... caved. It felt too easy, honestly. I was relieved that he was gone, but in the pit of my stomach, I felt only dread for what might happen later. Would he ignore me forever and pretend like we never even dated?
Or would he want revenge?
***
The next few days were weird, to say the least. I tried getting in touch with Ty a few more times, but he never responded. I was worried about him at first, but then I just got depressed as I realized that he probably didn't care that much about me. He probably thought I was just some shallow goody-two-shoes and didn't want anything to do with me. I thought that I proved him wrong. I thought we made a real, deep, strong connection... evidently, I was wrong. I cried about it plenty, then settled into a kind of hollow feeling of vindication; my lifelong suspicions that all men are pigs now thoroughly confirmed. I started to wonder if maybe Nina had the right idea. I'd been attracted to girls before, maybe I should just... swear off men.
I was one of those people who was always dating someone, but with Brad gone and Ty basically ignoring me, I was practically... well, single. It was a strange feeling. At first, I didn't know what to do with myself, but then, once I'd shed my tears and wallowed in my self-pity, I realized how much more time I had as a single person. Instead of constantly worrying about some jerk and his feelings, I was free to do... whatever. I slept late. I read trashy romance novels. I baked. I went to the mall. I saw friends— Nina and other people that I hadn't seen in a long time. I felt like a weight had been lifted. I felt so free. I went for long walks through the city by myself, enjoying my own company just fine. I had never really given singlehood a chance, but hell... it was pretty nice.
By the time my spring break was over, I was thoroughly relaxed and ready to go back to school. It had only been a week and a half, but it felt like it had been months. I felt anxious as I packed my stuff, getting ready for the long drive back. I was a little anxious about Brad, I guess since we went to the same school, but honestly— I felt like I could handle him on my own.
However, as much as I was enjoying the single life, the thought of going back to school without seeing Ty one last time made my gut clench almost painfully. I couldn't do it. I didn't know why I had to see him or even what I'd say. Part of me hoped that I'd get one last goodbye fuck, but even if I didn't, I had to see his sweet, serious face one more time. Maybe for the last time.
The day before I was supposed to go back, I tried to call him, but of course, his phone was off. I thought about sending him a bitchy text, but I didn't have that much vindictiveness in me. Instead, I slapped on some makeup, bundled up in my coat, and walked over to his house. Even if he wasn’t there I figured I could spend some time with Justin and Judy, but when I finally got there and knocked on the door, no one answered.
Dismayed, I waited a minute, then knocked again. I tried a third time too, but again, to no avail.
Dejected, I hung my head and turned to walk away, but something stopped me. As soon as I stepped off the front stoop, my body started screaming at me not to leave. It was the weirdest feeling, one that had no logic or reason behind it. Pure intuition. I hated to be "that girl" and wait for a man in the cold. It was kinda pathetic. But this wasn't just any man, and I wasn't just any woman. Ty deserved to know I still cared. And more than that, for my own sanity, I had to tell him that, face-to-face.
I resolved to wait on the front porch until someone came home or I froze to death. I sat down and tried calling Ty again, but his phone was still off. So I wrapped my arms around my knees and waited, going over the whirlwind of events of the last week and a half in my mind. To think that it had been such a short span of time and yet, I felt like my life would never be the same.
If I only knew!
I'd been there about an hour, my hands and feet were numb with cold when a weird black van pulled up in the driveway. It went way too fast and I wondered if it was Justin and one of his teenage school chums or something. I expected the van to stop and to see Justin and some random teens come piling out. Instead, the van's tires never fully stopped as the rear doors flew open, and threw out a bloody, battered man onto the lawn. The van sped off and before my rational mind could catch up, my feet were already moving, my lips screaming Ty's name.
The sight of him was horrifying. Every inch of exposed skin was either smeared with blood or swelling with bruises. As I bent over him, his eyes couldn't focus on me, he couldn't speak. He was barely even breathing. Frantic, I called 9-1-1, my numb fingers barely able to dial. I gasped out Ty's address and begged the operator to tell me what to do. Something, anything to help him.
"Don't move him, ma'am," the operator said.
"And!?" I demanded. "Should I do CPR or something?"
"Honey, if he's breathing, you don't need to do that."
"What can I do!?" I practically shrieked, because if I had to sit here and listen to Ty wheeze until the ambulance got here, I thought I'd go insane. "There has to be something I can do to help him!"
A few seconds of silence crackled by, then the operator said simply, "Pray, honey."
***
I spent the night in the hospital, riveted to the chair beside Ty's bed. He was critically injured, and by the time he came out of the emergency room, they had cleaned him up and changed him into a hospital gown. I'd never seen him look so peaceful. I'd never seen him not wearing a leather jacket before.
I'd never seen him with an oxygen tube in his nose.
A desperate squeak escaped me and I fought the urge to cry. I didn't want to break down in front of everyone. I wanted to be strong for Ty because I knew he'd be strong for me. I followed a nurse to his room and listened stoically as the doctor explained his condition. I could barely comprehend anything the doctor said.
"If he makes it through the night—"
"If!?"
"— then he'll be fine. It'll take time for him to heal, but, barring any more incidents with that punctured lung, there shouldn't be any long-term complications. Unless he's got a lurking head injury we don't know about yet..." The doctor trailed off pensively, staring at the ginger man in the bed. "Anyway, Mrs. Franklin—"
"I'm not—"
"— I wouldn't worry too much. He's a strong young man, I'm reasonably certain he'll pull through."
The doctor gave me a condescending pat on the shoulder, and as he left the room I wanted to scream at him, REASONABLY CERTAIN IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH! Lucky for me and for him, the words stuck in my throat, and died away, as the sound of Ty's heart monitor pierced my thoughts. I sank into the chair beside the bed.
It was nighttime by then, so most of the room was dark, except for the ridiculously bright fluorescent lamp right beside the bed. It threw Ty's placid face into sharp contour, harshly illuminating every bump, bruise, and cut; as well as every curve, line, and muscle. I rested my elbow on the bed with my chin in my hand, admiring his beautiful face. Now that I looked at him, his features were more boyish than I had ever realized. He projected such a strong aura that he seemed almost ageless, like some kind of mythical, immortal creature. But now, with all pretense gone, unable to put up any kind of facade, I realized that Ty was just a lonely boy. I carefully cupped his face, willing him to be okay, willing him to wake up and accept me so that I could love him as fiercely as he deserved to be loved.
He did not wake up.
I fell asleep with my forehead pillowed on his arm. I hadn't meant to fall asleep, but I guess I was exhausted. I woke up with the slight chill of drool on my cheek and slime across my lips.
"Ugh," I said, sitting up groggily.
"Ugh is right," Ty croaked, "you've been drooling on me for an hour."
"Ty!" I cried, throwing my arms around him and showering his face with kisses until he grunted and moaned softly with pain. I let go of him, shrinking, feeling stupid, because he had countless injuries I had probably just aggravated. I stood there, chin trembling, and meekly reached for his hand. My heart leaped with joy and tears welled up my in eyes when his fingers closed around mine.
"I was so worried all night and— and— why... why didn’t you answer my calls?" I tried to prevent myself from blubbering.
Ty looked away in shame, his features clouded with guilt. I almost felt bad for asking, but then I remembered that new, liberated Candace— no, Candy— was gonna hold men accountable for their actions. I steeled myself against feeling bad and waited for Ty’s answer.
"I dunno," he said feebly. His voice was so ragged and weak. I caressed his hand, and he looked at me. His brow furrowed and his mouth looked sort of soft. "I'm just... running from ya, I guess."
"But... why?" I whispered, exasperated. "Wasn't it good that day? I felt so... so close to you..."
"Me too," he admitted, his voice little more than a mumble. "You don't wanna be close to me, Candy, I'm no good."
"Yes, you are," I insisted, giving my foot a little stomp. "Why can't you just accept it that you're a good person, Ty?"
He looked away from me again. I think he would've shrugged off the question, but his left arm was just readjusted for being dislocated and the other had a torn ligament.
"Can you at least accept that I believe so?" I asked, bringing his hand to my lips. I pressed a kiss to his knuckles and kept it there, gazing at his battered face. He looked back at me, our eyes locking. I held my breath. If I wasn't mistaken, his eyes were bright with tears, but that might've been his morphine drip. Unable to help myself, I leaned over Ty. I rested my arms very carefully on either side of his head and kissed his hair, the only part of his body where I could be sure I wouldn't hurt him. Nuzzling into him, I felt his hand weakly on my shoulder. I gasped out a sob, then sat up, sniffling.
"Sorry," I mumbled. "It was a long night."
"You stayed with me all night?" he murmured in surprise.
I nodded.
His chin quavered suspiciously, but he did not cry.
"You were at the house yesterday when they dropped me off."
"Yeah," I said, my voice small and thick.
"... why?"
I sighed, feeling exhausted, confused, foolish and sad, all at the same time. I shook my head, not knowing where to begin. Words formed in my mouth but died on my lips. The seconds of silence that followed seemed to drag on for hours. I was worried he had fallen asleep by the time I had something to say, but no— he was laying there, looking up at me, attentive and almost... fearful.
"Because I'm in love with you," I finally blurted, turning my face away in shame. "Ty Franklin, you're the most wonderful, sweet, handsome weirdo I've ever met. I have to go back to college tomorrow and the mere thought of leaving without seeing you again made me sick—" I shook my head, pressing his hand to my lips. "I was waiting at your house for you to come home because I had to see you, I—I had to look into your eyes and tell you I loved you before I could be sure you don't love me back. But now, I know you do. I can see it in your eyes. And we... we don't have to be together if you don't want to, but for my own sanity, I had to tell you, that I care so fucking much about you, I—..." I stopped talking because something caught my eye. I couldn't be sure because his face was so beat up, it was hard to tell. But it looked like... the corners of his lips were... trying to sort of... turn... up. And very subtly, I could see tears slipping down either side of his face, dampening the pillow. He gasped and tried to stifle his emotions, but there was no doubt in my mind.
Ty was smiling.