Chapter Four
I shot up in bed, sweating and gasping for air. I could feel him all over me; Lance. He had his hands around my throat and was holding me down with that evil grin while he had his way with me.
I was screaming and begging for help but this time Asher didn’t come.
No one came.
I threw the covers off my body and swung my legs over the side of the bed. Asher had given me one of his t-shirts and a pair of boxers to sleep in but I was sweating so heavily that I felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each. I pulled the hair off the back of my neck for a second, desperate for a little relief.
I looked at myself in the mirror and was surprised to find tears running down the side of my pale cheeks. In the light of the hallway, I could see every single one of my flaws perfectly.
My narrow cheeks and plain brown hair that seemed to always fall limb no matter how much product I put in it. Boring brown eyes and a nose that I had always thought was way too big for my face. I let my eyes travel down to my breasts, which were usually the first thing guys noticed about me. They weren’t huge or anything, I was a C cup, but I guess they came out of nowhere in comparison to the rest of my body.
The word surfboard came to mind.
Although when I was younger and easily influenced I always imagined Asher was looking at my ass, back then I was stupid enough to think that actually meant something.
I lay back down in bed and inhaled deeply, closing my eyes.
But it was no use.
Every time I would start to drift off to sleep I would jolt awake again, covered in sweat and tears, reliving what had happened earlier over and over in my mind. I was thinking about making a run for it, calling a taxi and sneaking away into the darkness so I wouldn’t have to explain anything to Asher or his mother when I felt a presence in the doorway.
I swung around, startled.
“It’s just me.” Asher leaned against the doorframe. His dark hair was tasseled like he, too, had been tossing and turning. A pair of black sweatpants hung low on his hips and his bare chest glistened in the darkness.
Of course, he had to be shirtless.
I sighed in relief. “Jeez, give a girl some warning next time, would you?”
“I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He walked into the room, sitting his body down on the bed next to me without asking. “So, are you?”
“Am I what?” I knew he was talking but I was having trouble concentrating on anything but the way his abs ran down every part of his stomach. The thought of how he would look even better with those sweatpants gone made the deepest parts of me go moist between my legs.
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Are you okay?”
I bit down on my lip, locking my eyes on the sheets. “Of course I’m okay.”
“You were always a terrible liar,” he whispered.
I hated how well he knew me, even after all this time.
He moved even closer to me when I didn’t answer. “To tell you the truth I’m kind of surprised to find you here at all, I thought you would have tried to bolt by now.”
I looked up at him, desperate not to give myself away. “Why would I do that?”
He laughed. “Oh, come on, the look on your face when my mom insisted that you stay over. You were just being polite, Bella, but I’m glad you stayed. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”
I lay down again, turning my back to him. “I told you I was fine.”
“Right.” He hesitated for a second. “Well do you care if I stay with you tonight? I know you’re fine… but it would give me some peace of mind,” he said it casually; like it was no big deal.
A part of me knew that his staying would be wrong but a bigger part of me didn’t care. I was tired and alone and scared and maybe having him there would actually let me sleep.
Unlikely when he had no shirt on.
But still.
“It’s a free country.” I shrugged.
I felt him lay down next to me, pulling his body under the covers and inching closer to me. “It’s going to be okay, Bella, I wouldn’t… I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
My heart lit up with instant pleasure and I hated myself for it. Just one statement from him was still enough to make my entire body shiver. I swung around, ready to snap at him the way I had earlier, but the look in his eyes made me stop.
It was the same look he used to get when something was bothering him when we were young. He was in here because he really cared, he was concerned about me and making sure I was okay.
I wanted to put on this brave face but it was no use.
Asher Dawson still knew me better than I wanted to admit.
“I can’t sleep. I want to sleep… I just can’t. I keep seeing his face and his hands wrapped around my neck, choking the life out of me.” I could feel my heart starting to beat faster and faster inside of my chest. “If you hadn’t been there, Asher, if you hadn’t of shown up… he would have… I mean…”
“But he didn’t,” Asher said sternly. “He didn’t and I was there.”
“Yeah, I got lucky.”
Asher shook his head. “No, he got lucky. Lucky that you had the heart to stop me after what he had done to you… if you hadn’t, he wouldn’t still be breathing.” Anger crowded his face. “I don’t… I couldn’t stop myself from how bad I wanted to kill that guy.”
I loved how protective he was of me. I knew Asher would have pulled that guy off of any girl, not just me, that was the kind of person he was. He had never scared easy and never been selfless unless you were counting the girls who wanted to tie him down when he had no interest.
Still, I felt bad for the things I had said earlier.
He had pretty much saved my life and instead of saying thank you I had treated him like shit because of how he had made me feel all those years ago. He couldn’t help how he felt or didn’t feel about me.
I had decided to hate him long ago to shut out the pain.
“Listen… about what I said earlier…”
Asher shook his head. “Forget about it, I don’t want to talk about that…”
I closed my eyes.
I didn’t want to talk about it either.
The truth was I didn’t want to talk at all.
My body was throbbing, desperate for his touch, desperate to feel safe again.
I was so sick of feeling sad and like a part of me was missing. So sick and tired of going through the motions of acting like everything was okay because it was the right or polite thing to do. I was sick of being polite. It had been nothing but politeness for the last five years.
I had just been through something horrible, something horrific. And I was sick of feeling the pain. The pain of the night, of my father, of trying to prove everyone wrong.
I wanted to forget all those feelings, at least for one night.
For one night I wanted to feel nothing at all.
Nothing except for intense pleasure.
So, even though my brain was screaming at me not to, I did anyway.
For the second time in my life, I leaned into Asher and kissed him.
This time, he kissed me back.